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Attacks Jokes

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

What's with the sudden influx of Killer Whale attacks on boats?

Seems Orcastrated

My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

I made this awesome new material that is immune to chicken attacks.

It’s impeckable.

I have panic attacks every time I use a two letter word.

I get scared just..thinking about it.

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.

Edit: Nevermind, he just went to the bathroom.

After fighting off waves of attacks by the Spartans, Paris went to visit with Helen

But alas, she was not very happy.

“What is wrong, my love?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, my love, I sacrificed so much for you, so you must divulge why you’re not happy.” He pleaded.

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m pleading with you! I will defeat the whole spartan army and Ach...

Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree...

Bear attacks are definitely worse.

Putin has started to launch missile attacks from submarines off the coast of an East African archipelago

He shells Seychelles by the seashore

What kind of computer virus attacks kids

A PDF file

What do you call a semi-conductor that roams the sea and attacks other vessels?

A pirate chip.

Cat Attack

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "Bark!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

"Dj Khaled, what are your thoughts on Palestinian rocket attacks?"

"ANOTHER ONE!!'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pakistan president calls to Obama in the morning

And says "I'm sorry to hear about the terrorist attacks in New York, I wanted to be the first one to call and show my support to America"

After a pause Obama replies "What attack? I have no news of such attacks yet"

A dramatic silence prevails

After a while Obama hears a voice ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

What do you call it when a rapper attacks a loved one?

beats by Dr. Dre

What do you call a knight who only attacks after 8pm?

A Knight of Nights

Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?

Because jokes are all about execution.

What plant attacks people?

An Ambush ;)

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

Why does the Mexican guy take xanax?

For hispanic attacks

What causes black-belt heart attacks?

Karated arteries

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