UPJOKE
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Putin has started to launch missile attacks from submarines off the coast of an East African archipelago

He shells Seychelles by the seashore

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree...

Bear attacks are definitely worse.

My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

What do you call a semi-conductor that roams the sea and attacks other vessels?

A pirate chip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Perspective

Three children are playing football in a park. Out of nowhere a large dog runs over to the group and attacks one of them unprovoked.

One of the other children tries to help his friend and kicks the dog in the head, killing it instantly.

A reporter who happened to be passing comes racin...

Pill commercials nowadays be like

“After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!”

“Consult a doctor if you’re experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine”

Why did the Mexican man need Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

In mother Russia

Ukraine attacks you

My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.

Edit: Nevermind, he just went to the bathroom.

Why did the mexican start taking anti anxiety meds?

He was taking them for hispanic attacks

What do you call it when a rapper attacks a loved one?

beats by Dr. Dre

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

"Dj Khaled, what are your thoughts on Palestinian rocket attacks?"

"ANOTHER ONE!!'

Cat Attack

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "Bark!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

The Captain's red shirt

Bored of living in poverty in the late 1700's, Finn decides he wants a slice of the pie in the high stakes world of pirates. He knows pirates dock down in the bay by his village, so once he spots them, he manages to sneak aboard one of the ships. He eventually gets discovered, and rather than throw ...

Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?

Because jokes are all about execution.

What kind of computer virus attacks kids

A PDF file

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

What do you call a knight who only attacks after 8pm?

A Knight of Nights

Long ago, when Reddit was not yet a website but merely a small Kingdom,

There was a tournament for knights. From all over the kingdoms, knights came to show their prowess. In front of enormous crowds the knights would do their most daring feats of swordplay, showing astounding skill and exemplary control of their weaponry. All except one knight, who consistently did ...

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