Forces Jokes

Because the other half of the swastika fell off due to poor Russian maintenance.

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the b... read more

His first task… Crimea River

Roe vs Wade

Mario: why are you making me pay so much?
Judge: it’s a fine
Mario: no itsa not

also austria is not part of nato

Bad Spellers Untied!

An hour after the special forces were sent out, the mission control hears.

"The president has been killed. Mission complete!"

Mission control congratulates them and asks how they did it.

"We dropped a nuke on him."

Mission control became frightened, regretting the "any me... read more

Reasonably, Apple would be one of the companies to start such a force, so my question is this:

If you’re arrested by the Apple Police, would you FaceTime?

(Disclaimer: I believe this is OC because I heard it in Cantonese and I've translated it, so also, apologies for bad English)

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing the opposite way, back to each other,... read more

centrifrugal forces.

Would it be a chicken coup?

He accomplished this by creating the Space Force.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F - 15 fighter jet, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff struck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and said... read more

The population of this country is 327 million.


76 million are retired.


That leaves 251 million to do the work. 


There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.


Which leaves 203 million to do the work


There are 74 million chil... read more

A Special Forces A-team and a group of Infantry Officers take a train to a conference. Each Infantry Officer holds a ticket. But the entire A-team has only one ticket for a single passenger. The Infantry Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant SF guys will fi... read more

“Buy local.”

And are now fed-up

Like in highschool i never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

I just want to say,”Thank you for your cervix.”

“Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
... read more

Napoleon says "Behold, Gentlemen! Our destiny lies within our grasp!"

One advisor asks "What is your plan, General?"

Napoleon slams his fist on the table. "All of Europe will fall to our forces. We shall take it piece by piece until our empire is established. My first step will be to u... read more

The tusk force.

Now he's a changed man

A mandate

Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.