I see two Mexicans fighting

Call that a Juan on Juan

How do you stop 2 blind men from fighting?

Scream, “look out he’s got a gun!”

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

I'm thinking of starting a marsupial fighting championship

I'll call it mortal wombat

What did George Bush say when he was fighting in war?

I ambush

People joke, but Trump could be the answer to fighting corona

All you need to do is squeeze him a little and you'll get orange juice with antibodies.

Two olives were fighting on a table

One of them falls off. The second asks, “are you okay?” To which the other replies, “its okay. Olive.”

I was fighting overseas

She wanted B's but I said it wouldn't hurt to upgrade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another toilet paper run. Hoarders fighting in the store. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve been buying dryer sheets...

My butt smells like lavender, there’s no more static electricity,...

And my old ass, for the first time in many years is wrinkle free!



(Credit Gail Thomas, Grandma’s Funnies)

What’s the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities?

Riposte

Did you hear about the crime-fighting vigilante who retired to write crime novels?

She's now a writer of wrongs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today , I learnt that cock fights were chickens fighting!

Months of training wasted!

What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?

Resisting A rest.


(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!)

TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war– who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.

It was the first known casual tea of
War.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apperantley some guy just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

He said he lost 2 years worth of training

WHERE DID HE TRAIN?

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3 people are fighting

An American,British, And Chinese are fighting over who is the best swordsman. They say whoever can slice that fly on half wins.

The American slices in half with ease.

The British does 2 slices, and it's in 4 pieces.

The Chinese does one swipe. The American and the British are l...

Are you two fighting over the running car engine?

"He started it!"

Why is society fighting to eliminate the word 'black'?

It's cheaper than equal opportunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a Parsi wedding at Allbless Baug, everyone got drunk. The bride's & groom's families wrecked the new reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting.

The next week, both families were in Mumbai High court.

The judge Soli Dorabji asked, "All right now, what happened?"

Firdaus Rohinton Pavri said, "Sahebji, I was the best man. I should explain what happened."

”Go ahead, Firdaus. Take the stand."

He explained, "Per tradit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Great War was a bar fight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

I would post a joke about sword fighting

But it's a riposte

I just saw two blind people fighting

I yelled “he got a knife” and they both started running

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little bastards didn’t stand a chance…

I don’t like fighting girls.

You can’t kick them in the nuts.

4 people fighting to sit on the Throne.

There's blood, there's guts, there's nudity.

Gonna have to face the facts.

I'm a terrible cook.

I was watching a fighting scene and I told my dad “I couldn’t jump that high if my life depended on it!”

And my dad replied “but what if a bowl of ice cream depended on it?”

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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The genie said, "I can only grant you one wish. So ... what will it be?"

The young woman pulled out a map of the middle east from her back pack. "See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc. Well I want them all to live in peace" she said. The Genie studied the map. "WTF lady, they've been fighting each other for hundreds of years, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

screwing for virginity.

Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.

"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.

A friend of mine has been fighting with Corona for 3 months now

Today his doctor told him: “look at you, after all this struggling you are still positive”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and the N.Y.P.D. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the for...

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting

We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

Fighting Big Guys for Dummies

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.”
I said, “You’ll be sorry.”
He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?”
I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

Bazinga!!

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

Chinese and Indian troops have been fighting each other with sticks and rocks...

looks like they decided to go directly to world war 4.

My wife and I decided decided to not have kids anymore.

We've been fighting for days about who has to tell them.

Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?

You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flying Baby!

Due to the pandemic, Pete had to hang out in the waiting room while his wife delivered their first baby. The doc walks in, looks and Pete and says, “I’ve got good news, Pete. Your baby can fly!” Pete was suddenly taken over by concern and wondering WTF this quack doctor could be talking about. They ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long time ago, a bear and a hare were fighting in the forest...

Suddenly a magic frog appeared and begged them to stop fighting. In return, the magic frog would grant the bear and the hare three wishes each. The bear and the hare agreed to the terms.

The bear started immediately: "I wish, I wish that all the bears in this forest, except me, will become fe...

It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.

The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German sniper would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!

One day, the Ital...

What do you call when two soldiers with both upper limbs lost and are still fighting one another?

An unarmed conflict

A husband and wife were fighting.

Wife:why is it that you don't like anyone from my side of family?
Husband: No way, I love your Mother-in-law more than my Mother-in-law.

My uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he kept fighting them off and drowned. We had him cremated...

he burned for three days.

Guys meet my Siamese fighting fish

He’s betta known as Trevor

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