It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.

Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."

Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"

Poodle: "That's not gonna work"

Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"

Poodle: "...No"

Chihuahua: "...

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A marine comes back from vietnam after fighting for a year.

He is sent to the pentagon. The pentagon asks him: Do you want to get anything for your sacrifices?

The marine says: I want a dollar for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls.

The pentagos says: You sure you don't want something else?

The marine says: No sir.

On...

I saw two blind people fighting...

and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.

I had a dream last night that I was fighting an erection.

I was able to beat it off single handedly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As principal of the Catholic school, Mother Superior had seen her share of kids gone astray. From smoking cigarettes or pot to fighting and much more. However, it was uncanny how she always caught the guilty ones and set them straight.

I guess you could say she was Nun The Wiser

My brother and I were fighting over a Mobius strip.

I said there's no reason to argue about this, we're both on the same side.

Why are chromosomes like fighting prisoners?

They both get pulled apart to opposite sides of the cell.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....

February 30, 2021

How do you stop 2 blind men from fighting?

Scream, “look out he’s got a gun!”

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

I see two Mexicans fighting

Call that a Juan on Juan

I saw two ladies fighting over the PS5. One knocked the other out.

She must have been an ex-boxxer.

Fight with wife

Neighbour: Hey, your wife was shouting & fighting with you this morning and then suddenly she stopped, what did you tell her?


Husband: I told her that she should not shout too much taking advantage of her beauty, that would cause dark circles around her eyes.

I'm thinking of starting a marsupial fighting championship

I'll call it mortal wombat

What did George Bush say when he was fighting in war?

I ambush

What do you call a retirement community for crime-fighting arboreal rodentia?

Squirrelock Homes

(wait for it)

People joke, but Trump could be the answer to fighting corona

All you need to do is squeeze him a little and you'll get orange juice with antibodies.

What’s the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities?

Riposte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today , I learnt that cock fights were chickens fighting!

Months of training wasted!

What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?

Resisting A rest.


(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another toilet paper run. Hoarders fighting in the store. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve been buying dryer sheets...

My butt smells like lavender, there’s no more static electricity,...

And my old ass, for the first time in many years is wrinkle free!



(Credit Gail Thomas, Grandma’s Funnies)

I was fighting overseas

She wanted B's but I said it wouldn't hurt to upgrade

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Apperantley some guy just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

He said he lost 2 years worth of training

WHERE DID HE TRAIN?

TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war– who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.

It was the first known casual tea of
War.

A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

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I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little bastards didn’t stand a chance…

Rorschach

Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Please come quick my dad is in a fight

A boy runs to a policeman and says "Please come quick my dad is in a fight"

The policeman follows him to the fight and before attempting to separate the men asks the boy "Which one is your dad?"

The boy says "I don't know. That's what they're fighting about!"

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

Twins fighting over whom their mother loves more ....

Twins fighting over whom their mother loves more ....

Mom: It’s hard to tell, because one is a mistake and the other is an accident.

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3 people are fighting

An American,British, And Chinese are fighting over who is the best swordsman. They say whoever can slice that fly on half wins.

The American slices in half with ease.

The British does 2 slices, and it's in 4 pieces.

The Chinese does one swipe. The American and the British are l...

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

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A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew.

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew. He goes to the Captain's quarters and meets the Pirate Captain. He's a grizzled man with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch.

Swabbie: Ahoy Captain, it's looks like you've had quite the history.

Cpt: Aye, I've been sailing these seven seas sinc...

I would post a joke about sword fighting

But it's a riposte

I visited my Great-Grampa yesterday and found him in tears with emotion

When I asked what was going on, He answered:

So many years ago, I fought in World War I. At some point, I saw a German, he saw me, we both aimed at each other but he was quicker and shot first. He missed me. In shock, I just ran away, never to see him again… or so I thought.

You see, s...

4 people fighting to sit on the Throne.

There's blood, there's guts, there's nudity.

Gonna have to face the facts.

I'm a terrible cook.

Why is society fighting to eliminate the word 'black'?

It's cheaper than equal opportunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a Parsi wedding at Allbless Baug, everyone got drunk. The bride's & groom's families wrecked the new reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting.

The next week, both families were in Mumbai High court.

The judge Soli Dorabji asked, "All right now, what happened?"

Firdaus Rohinton Pavri said, "Sahebji, I was the best man. I should explain what happened."

”Go ahead, Firdaus. Take the stand."

He explained, "Per tradit...

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A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting

We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

I don’t like fighting girls.

You can’t kick them in the nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

screwing for virginity.

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If the Great War was a bar fight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

I was watching a fighting scene and I told my dad “I couldn’t jump that high if my life depended on it!”

And my dad replied “but what if a bowl of ice cream depended on it?”

Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.

"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Valentine’s Day story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

A friend of mine has been fighting with Corona for 3 months now

Today his doctor told him: “look at you, after all this struggling you are still positive”

Teacher : Why are you so late?

Student : My Mom and Dad were fighting.

Teacher : So what makes you late if they were fighting?

Student : One shoe was in Mom's hand and another one was in Dad's........

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and the N.Y.P.D. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the for...

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