UPJOKE
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The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?

Because the others are Not-Cs

Why do pirates take such a long time learning the alphabet ?

Because they spent years at C!

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

I don't know why

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Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny’s teacher announces to the class, “For today’s exercise, I will go through the alphabet and for each letter, select a student to share a word that begins with that letter.”

She scans the class and begins, “The first letter is A.”

Several students raise their hands, includ...

why cant pirates sing the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at "C"....

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

What’s letter can pirates never get past in the alphabet

You think it’d be the Arrrr. But they’re always stuck at sea

I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it'd be R, but it's the C they truly love!

For blind people the alphabet actually goes, “A,B,D”

It’s because they can’t see.

Why can’t water say the whole alphabet?

It only knows H to O

I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch

I'm about to have a vowel movement

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

I’m no racist, except when it comes to people who like the 21st letter of the alphabet

U-people make me sick

Why didn’t Anna and Elsa’s parents teach them the whole alphabet?

Because they got lost at C.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People don’t believe me that I’m always eating rope which looks like the 21st letter of the alphabet

I shit U knot

This one time a cop pulled me over and asked me to say the alphabet backwards...

...so I said "tebahpla eht" and I spent the whole night in jail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was sitting in class when his teacher starts asking the class words for each letter of the alphabet.

asking the class words for each letter of the alphabet. She starts with A and little Johnny hand shoots up. The teacher thinks he is going to say ass I can't call on him. She calls on another student and she says.

"Apple. I gave my teacher an apple."

Teacher responds good job and moves...

I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

I ate four cans of alphabet soup

I later took the biggest vowel movement ever

I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out “Help, does anyone know CPR?!” “Yes!” I cried. “They’re three letters in the alphabet!” Everyone laughed

Well, except for one guy, I guess he didn’t get the joke.

If you are looking for alphabet jokes,

the joke is on U.

Whats a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet

None. Historians believe pirates were illiterate.

My friend asked me to tell her the 14th and 15th letters of the alphabet.

I told her no.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeon Talk

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...



The first surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."



The second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is...

I was at the bar last night and the waitress screamed... "Anyone know CPR?"

I said hell I know the entire alphabet.
Everyone laughed... Well everyone except this one guy.

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.

Teacher: “Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?”

Class: “NO”

Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."

So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"

Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."

If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U

Cause you’re blocking the TV

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

Why do East Africans never finish their alphabet soup?

Because they only eat e o p a

Its bad enough I'm bulimic, but today, after vomiting up my alphabet soup...

I discovered I'm also dyslexic!

Obsessive Compulsive...

The representative body that supports people who suffer from OCD have petitioned the Government to change the acronym to CDO in alphabetical order the way it should be...

The Boy who Speaks in Coffee

There was once an Italian boy who was born to a pair of baristas. Unfortunately, he was born with a mental defect which meant that his vocabulary would be formed very early, and would be highly associative. As his parents worked around the clock to support their new son, his vocabulary quickly becam...

Police thought that I was too drunk to be driving...

When they stopped me, they asked me to say the alphabet starting with"M"

They put me in the back of the patrol when I replied:

"Malphabet"

I spelled "I take back what I said" in a bowl of alphabet soup

I ate those words

A collection of humorous anecdotes from the world of education

>TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map.
>
>MARIA: Here it is.
>
>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
>
>CLASS: Maria.



>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? ...

What do you call a hospital who lists all their donor patients in alphabetical order

Organ-Ized

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

My son only knows the first 10 letters of the Alphabet

Turns out we sent him to a pre-k school.

You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they teach the alphabet in New Jersey?

Fuckin-A, Fuckin-B, Fuckin-C...

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records…

nothing was alphabetized!

I hate waiting in line so much!

When I say the alphabet I stop immediately after P. That's how much I hate queues!

I'm making a plan to write all of my friends' names in alphabetical order...

I have a social list agenda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup ...

And shit out a statement smarter than the one you just made.

Which letter in the alphabet has a shoe brand?

Adidas

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

Teacher: sing the alphabet

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

When deciding what to name Canada, the founders put all the letters of the alphabet into a hat and picked.

C! Eh.
N! Eh.
D! Eh.

My teacher just asked our class if we could name the 5th and 26th letters of the alphabet.

I said “Yeah that’s E Z”

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

The alphabet in 2021: ABDFGHJKLMNOQSVWXYZ.

There will be no more ER, ICU, or TP.

History's biggest irony is that the Russian alphabet has no lowercase letters

It's all Capitalization.

I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, “Where would you find the time?”

I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

The pirated version isn't the full edition.

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has noel.

The autobahn is like the alphabet...

...always a VW behind U.

A toddler asks his nursery teacher

"Teacher teacher, how much did you study to be my teacher?"

The teacher replies: "I studied B.A."

Toddler: "What!! Only 2 alphabets and they are not even in the right order!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist that I’m afraid of the 15th, 9th, and 3rd letter of the alphabet.

“Oh, I see”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[alphabet naming committee] okay what comes after O and P?

let's just do O and P again but give them dicks.

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January — ABCD...


February — EFG...


March — HIJK...


April to December — ELEMENOP.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet?

...

Because I want to know!?

(you have to say this one out loud to get it)

A man leaves a bar and is pulled over by a cop...

he's had a few too many to drink and the cop tells him he's going to administer a sobriety test. The cop asks the driver to say the alphabet starting with the letter M. The man smugly looks at the cop and says "Malphabet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are judges for different religions and they are categorized alphabetically.

There's Judge Atheist A, Judge Buddhist B, Judge Christian C and...

Judge Jew D.

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

What's my favourite xmas song? The one about the 25 letter alphabet.

Nooo L, nooo L, nooooo L, no L

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He’s in love with the shape of u

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny does the alphabet

Little johnny is in class and the teacher is going through the alphabet a letter at a time. She starts with the letter “A” and all the students eagerly put their hands up to say a word that begins with the letter A. Including Johnny. The teacher knows better, she knows if she picks johnnyhe is gon...

Why can’t pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

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