My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

Why don’t pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.

Teacher: “Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?”

Class: “NO”

Why can’t water say the whole alphabet?

It only knows H to O

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

I'm quite a normal person, I'm very good friends with twenty five letters of the alphabet..

I don't know why...

My son only knows the first 10 letters of the Alphabet

Turns out we sent him to a pre-k school.

What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it would be 'r' but it be the 'c'

I keep my herbs in alphabetical order

People ask me how I find the thyme. It's easy. It's right next to the Sage

I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

What is the most Evil letter of the Alphabet?

Not Z!

What are Dhar Mann's favorite letters of the alphabet?

U C?

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."

So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"

Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."

I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

Teacher: sing the alphabet

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

I ate a huge can of alphabet soup for dinner last night

This morning I had the biggest vowel movement of my life

What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”

What is the coolest letter in the alphabet?

B, because it is in between the AC.

I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out “Help, does anyone know CPR?!” “Yes!” I cried. “They’re three letters in the alphabet!” Everyone laughed

Well, except for one guy, I guess he didn’t get the joke.

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

My teacher just asked our class if we could name the 5th and 26th letters of the alphabet.

I said “Yeah that’s E Z”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything in...

If I could rearrange the alphabet...

I'd replace U with a more interesting character.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

The alphabet in 2021: ABDFGHJKLMNOQSVWXYZ.

There will be no more ER, ICU, or TP.

If you are looking for alphabet jokes,

the joke is on U.

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January — ABCD...


February — EFG...


March — HIJK...


April to December — ELEMENOP.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

The pirated version isn't the full edition.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U

Cause you’re blocking the TV

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup ...

And shit out a statement smarter than the one you just made.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[alphabet naming committee] okay what comes after O and P?

let's just do O and P again but give them dicks.

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has noel.

What's my favourite xmas song? The one about the 25 letter alphabet.

Nooo L, nooo L, nooooo L, no L

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are judges for different religions and they are categorized alphabetically.

There's Judge Atheist A, Judge Buddhist B, Judge Christian C and...

Judge Jew D.

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

The autobahn is like the alphabet...

...always a VW behind U.

Why did 25 letters of the alphabet get coal for Christmas?

Because they were not E

Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet?

They got stuck at C.

History's biggest irony is that the Russian alphabet has no lowercase letters

It's all Capitalization.

I’ve combined alphabet soup with a laxative...

I call it LETTER RIP

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet?

...

Because I want to know!?

(you have to say this one out loud to get it)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

Nurse: Doctor, I have organized the list of donor's hearts, livers, kidneys in alphabetical order

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

The obituaries are really concerning me as of late...

People seem to be dying in alphabetical order.

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A patient is talking to his therapist.

Patient: (whispering) *I'm afraid of the 25th letter of the alphabet*

Therapist: Why?

Patient: *terrified screaming*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was told to get the first five letter of the alphabet for school by asking his family

A six-year-old goes to school and his homework was to go ask his family for the first 5 letters of the alphabet. he goes home. he asks his mom who was taking a nap what is the first letter of the alphabet

the mom says "shut up I'm tired" .he makes a not in his mind about it

he then goe...

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student: I is the ...

Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

I'm trying to learn the alphabet but I can't get past X

I dont know why

A Titan captures 26 Spies of his enemies. Each Spy is given 2 names: They are numbered from 1-26 and are given the alphabet with respect to their numbers. He then proceeds to eat all but one to prevent information from leaking out (He executed that spy). Which spy and why?

Spy#3. He was Spy-C.

What a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?

"Arrrrr"
"Ah you'd think so, but it's the C"

A blind man walks to an Alphabet bar

Three letters decided to have some fun and said to him that if he would do what they said to do, they’d pay for his drinks. He agreed, and they started. The First letter asked him to stand, so he did so. The second asked him to sit back down, so he did, and the last one said to look around. The blin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny does the alphabet

Little johnny is in class and the teacher is going through the alphabet a letter at a time. She starts with the letter “A” and all the students eagerly put their hands up to say a word that begins with the letter A. Including Johnny. The teacher knows better, she knows if she picks johnnyhe is gon...

Student: For the life of my I cannot remember what the 21st letter of the alphabet is.

Teacher: That sounds like a you problem

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

I HATE THE SECOND LETTER OF THE ALPHABET SO MUCH THAT I AM PROTESTING!!

Say it with me!

BOOOOOOO Bs!
BOOOOOOO Bs!
BOOOOOOO Bs!

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

A few months ago, a time traveller ran up to someone and shouts "I need you to say the 9th letter of the alphabet and the German founder of the philosophical doctrine of transcendental idealism, or the world will fall into chaos!"

...I Kant

Why do English kids repeat the alphabet only to the letter S?

After S is tea time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty Johnny

A teacher is teaching class one day and tells her students 'today I'm going to say a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that starts with that letter'

"The first letter is 'A'"

Dirty Johnny's hand flies up.

'No' the teacher thinks 'he's gonna say"ass". A mom...

If we ever start betting on alphabet cars I will always be betting on the "S" car

Because escargot

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

I decided to bake every letter of the alphabet, when my first pastry gained sentience. It was very excited to be able to think and reason.

I guess it's a happy caked A for me!

I have dedicated my entire life to knowing 96% of the alphabet

I really don't know why though

I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI. They ask me to get out of my car.

Officer: We Are Going To Give You A Sobriety Test.
Me: OK

Officer: Say The Alphabet Starting At L, Backward.

Me: L At Starting Alphabet The.

They Let Me Go.

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"

After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" aga...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is learning the alphabet...

And you guys all know little Johnny, right? The kid is *no good.* He uses any excuse to disrupt class and say something rude. And his teacher is going through the alphabet and asking for examples of the letters.


"Who can tell me a word that starts with 'a'?"

Johnny's hand shoots up...

Why can’t pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He’s in love with the shape of u

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy is given the homework: find the first four letters of the alphabet

Timmy didn't have internet access, so he asked his mother for the first letter. She was cooking an burned herself and screamed "oh fuck off." So Timmy wrote that down. Then he went to his father, who was watching darts, to ask for the second letter. He shouted "180!" So Timmy wrote that down. Then h...

My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 25/26.

He still doesn't know y.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.