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Alphabet Jokes

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

Why can’t water say the whole alphabet?

It only knows H to O

When I was young, there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew why.

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

why cant the bad sailor learn the alphabet

because he always got lost at C.

Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?

Because the others are Not-Cs

Donald Trump was asked "what comes after the letter b in alphabet"

Folks, let me tell you, this is a great question. It's a huge question, it's tremendous. Just last day a decorated veteran with tears in his eyes came to me and asked" sir, please sir, can you answer what comes after the letter b in alphabet?". And let me tell you, the answer is a big deal. It's a b...

How many letters are in the alphabet?

22, because E.T. went home and somebody shot J.R.

I complained to my waiter that my alphabet soup had no letters between 'T' and 'V'

They said "That sounds like a 'U' problem"

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has noel.

I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat..."

the vowels."

Friend: "Why?"

Me: "Sometimes."

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’ ‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s becaus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny’s teacher announces to the class, “For today’s exercise, I will go through the alphabet and for each letter, select a student to share a word that begins with that letter.”

She scans the class and begins, “The first letter is A.”

Several students raise their hands, includ...

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

I have C.D.O

It's like O.C.D, but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be !

I ate four cans of alphabet soup

I later took the biggest vowel movement ever

If you are looking for alphabet jokes,

the joke is on U.

I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch

I'm about to have a vowel movement

Whats a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet

None. Historians believe pirates were illiterate.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it'd be R, but it's the C they truly love!

I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

This one time a cop pulled me over and asked me to say the alphabet backwards...

...so I said "tebahpla eht" and I spent the whole night in jail.

Why didn’t Anna and Elsa’s parents teach them the whole alphabet?

Because they got lost at C.

I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

What’s letter can pirates never get past in the alphabet

You think it’d be the Arrrr. But they’re always stuck at sea

For blind people the alphabet actually goes, “A,B,D”

It’s because they can’t see.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U

Cause you’re blocking the TV

Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."

So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"

Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."

I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out “Help, does anyone know CPR?!” “Yes!” I cried. “They’re three letters in the alphabet!” Everyone laughed

Well, except for one guy, I guess he didn’t get the joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was sitting in class when his teacher starts asking the class words for each letter of the alphabet.

asking the class words for each letter of the alphabet. She starts with A and little Johnny hand shoots up. The teacher thinks he is going to say ass I can't call on him. She calls on another student and she says.

"Apple. I gave my teacher an apple."

Teacher responds good job and moves...

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Three surgeons are talking about their favorite kinds of patients.

"My favorite patients are librarians." says the first surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because their organs are all in alphabetical order."

"My favorite patients are mathematicians." says the second surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because all their organs are numbered."

"My fa...

A boy has to use the restroom in class

When he asks his teacher if he can go to the bathroom she tells him, “you can go if you can tell me the alphabet.”

Annoyed, but really needing to go, he starts. “A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z”

The teacher then says, “that was close, but where is the P?”

...

A cop is waiting outside the bar at closing time

He knows its easy pickings for DUI's as the bar closes. Sure enough, right at 2am, a man stumbles out to his car. The cop watches as he fumbles to get his keys out, struggles to unlock and open the door, and drops the keys repeatedly before finally getting them in the ignition and starting the car...

Someone asked me...

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was, it was a complete guess but I was right

My friend asked me to tell her the 14th and 15th letters of the alphabet.

I told her no.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.

Teacher: “Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?”

Class: “NO”

I’m no racist, except when it comes to people who like the 21st letter of the alphabet

U-people make me sick

You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

The alphabet in 2021: ABDFGHJKLMNOQSVWXYZ.

There will be no more ER, ICU, or TP.

My son only knows the first 10 letters of the Alphabet

Turns out we sent him to a pre-k school.

History's biggest irony is that the Russian alphabet has no lowercase letters

It's all Capitalization.

Its bad enough I'm bulimic, but today, after vomiting up my alphabet soup...

I discovered I'm also dyslexic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they teach the alphabet in New Jersey?

Fuckin-A, Fuckin-B, Fuckin-C...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I was pulled over by a cop and arrested…

Him: Do you have any idea why I pulled you over, sir?

Me: No, officer

Him: I’ve pulled you over because you were all over the road, have you been drinking tonight, sir?

Me: No, officer

Him: Okay, I’m going to get you to say the alphabet backwards for me, okay?

Me...

I spelled "I take back what I said" in a bowl of alphabet soup

I ate those words

What do you call a hospital who lists all their donor patients in alphabetical order

Organ-Ized

I'm making a plan to write all of my friends' names in alphabetical order...

I have a social list agenda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup ...

And shit out a statement smarter than the one you just made.

Why do East Africans never finish their alphabet soup?

Because they only eat e o p a

Which letter in the alphabet has a shoe brand?

Adidas

I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, “Where would you find the time?”

I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

How a Chemist reads the alphabets

A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

My teacher just asked our class if we could name the 5th and 26th letters of the alphabet.

I said “Yeah that’s E Z”

I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”

"Can you tell me what the second to last letter in the alphabet is?"

"Y"

"So I can make a stupid joke"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

The pirated version isn't the full edition.

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He’s in love with the shape of u

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January — ABCD...


February — EFG...


March — HIJK...


April to December — ELEMENOP.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet?

...

Because I want to know!?

(you have to say this one out loud to get it)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Chinese speaking people so good at cunnilingus?

Well, you remember that trick where you trace the alphabet with your tongue.

Why can’t pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny does the alphabet

Little johnny is in class and the teacher is going through the alphabet a letter at a time. She starts with the letter “A” and all the students eagerly put their hands up to say a word that begins with the letter A. Including Johnny. The teacher knows better, she knows if she picks johnnyhe is gon...

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