Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

They get lost at C

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

I only know 25 letters of the Alphabet

I don't know Y

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

I'm quite a normal person, I'm very good friends with twenty five letters of the alphabet..

I don't know why...

I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

My son only knows the first 10 letters of the Alphabet

Turns out we sent him to a pre-k school.

What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it would be 'r' but it be the 'c'

Teacher: sing the alphabet

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”

I ate a huge can of alphabet soup for dinner last night

This morning I had the biggest vowel movement of my life

Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."

So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"

Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."

I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out “Help, does anyone know CPR?!” “Yes!” I cried. “They’re three letters in the alphabet!” Everyone laughed

Well, except for one guy, I guess he didn’t get the joke.

My teacher just asked our class if we could name the 5th and 26th letters of the alphabet.

I said “Yeah that’s E Z”

What is the coolest letter in the alphabet?

B, because it is in between the AC.

If I could rearrange the alphabet...

I'd replace U with a more interesting character.

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

I’ve combined alphabet soup with a laxative...

I call it LETTER RIP

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January — ABCD...


February — EFG...


March — HIJK...


April to December — ELEMENOP.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

The alphabet in 2021: ABDFGHJKLMNOQSVWXYZ.

There will be no more ER, ICU, or TP.

If you are looking for alphabet jokes,

the joke is on U.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[alphabet naming committee] okay what comes after O and P?

let's just do O and P again but give them dicks.

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has noel.

What's my favourite xmas song? The one about the 25 letter alphabet.

Nooo L, nooo L, nooooo L, no L

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are judges for different religions and they are categorized alphabetically.

There's Judge Atheist A, Judge Buddhist B, Judge Christian C and...

Judge Jew D.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student: I is the ...

Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

The hardest part about learning the alphabet is the first four letters;

The rest is just E-Z.

I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI. They ask me to get out of my car.

Officer: We Are Going To Give You A Sobriety Test.
Me: OK

Officer: Say The Alphabet Starting At L, Backward.

Me: L At Starting Alphabet The.

They Let Me Go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup ...

And shit out a statement smarter than the one you just made.

I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, “Where would you find the time?”

I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Nurse: Doctor, I have organized the list of donor's hearts, livers, kidneys in alphabetical order

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

The autobahn is like the alphabet...

...always a VW behind U.

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet?

They got stuck at C.

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was told to get the first five letter of the alphabet for school by asking his family

A six-year-old goes to school and his homework was to go ask his family for the first 5 letters of the alphabet. he goes home. he asks his mom who was taking a nap what is the first letter of the alphabet

the mom says "shut up I'm tired" .he makes a not in his mind about it

he then goe...

If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U

Cause you’re blocking the TV

History's biggest irony is that the Russian alphabet has no lowercase letters

It's all Capitalization.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet?

...

Because I want to know!?

(you have to say this one out loud to get it)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

Why did 25 letters of the alphabet get coal for Christmas?

Because they were not E

The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you

Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"

After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" aga...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on. From Todays GCFL

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on.


The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."


The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Eve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

I'm trying to learn the alphabet but I can't get past X

I dont know why

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny does the alphabet

Little johnny is in class and the teacher is going through the alphabet a letter at a time. She starts with the letter “A” and all the students eagerly put their hands up to say a word that begins with the letter A. Including Johnny. The teacher knows better, she knows if she picks johnnyhe is gon...

Student: For the life of my I cannot remember what the 21st letter of the alphabet is.

Teacher: That sounds like a you problem

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

What are water favorite letters of the alphabet?

H to O

A Titan captures 26 Spies of his enemies. Each Spy is given 2 names: They are numbered from 1-26 and are given the alphabet with respect to their numbers. He then proceeds to eat all but one to prevent information from leaking out (He executed that spy). Which spy and why?

Spy#3. He was Spy-C.

A blind man walks to an Alphabet bar

Three letters decided to have some fun and said to him that if he would do what they said to do, they’d pay for his drinks. He agreed, and they started. The First letter asked him to stand, so he did so. The second asked him to sit back down, so he did, and the last one said to look around. The blin...

What a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?

"Arrrrr"
"Ah you'd think so, but it's the C"

A few months ago, a time traveller ran up to someone and shouts "I need you to say the 9th letter of the alphabet and the German founder of the philosophical doctrine of transcendental idealism, or the world will fall into chaos!"

...I Kant

I was busy in my garden and the neighbour looked over the fence and said.. “What are you doing?”

I said “I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...”

She replied “Really? I don't know how you find the time..!”

Oh that's easy I said, “Its right next to the sage.”

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

Why do English kids repeat the alphabet only to the letter S?

After S is tea time.

If we ever start betting on alphabet cars I will always be betting on the "S" car

Because escargot

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

I decided to bake every letter of the alphabet, when my first pastry gained sentience. It was very excited to be able to think and reason.

I guess it's a happy caked A for me!

I HATE THE SECOND LETTER OF THE ALPHABET SO MUCH THAT I AM PROTESTING!!

Say it with me!

BOOOOOOO Bs!
BOOOOOOO Bs!
BOOOOOOO Bs!

I have dedicated my entire life to knowing 96% of the alphabet

I really don't know why though

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four surgeons are discussing their favorite patients to work on.

The first surgeon to speak says "librarians are my favorite; when you cut them open, everything inside is alphabetical filed."

The next surgeon replies "I prefer to work on accountants, because everything is in numerical order."

The third surgeon rebuttles "electricians are the best, w...

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

I have CDO.

It’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be.

How do you pay your waiter if it's a letter of the alphabet?

With a Q-tip.

(Joke courtesy of my 8-year-old son)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy is given the homework: find the first four letters of the alphabet

Timmy didn't have internet access, so he asked his mother for the first letter. She was cooking an burned herself and screamed "oh fuck off." So Timmy wrote that down. Then he went to his father, who was watching darts, to ask for the second letter. He shouted "180!" So Timmy wrote that down. Then h...

Why can’t pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is learning the alphabet...

And you guys all know little Johnny, right? The kid is *no good.* He uses any excuse to disrupt class and say something rude. And his teacher is going through the alphabet and asking for examples of the letters.


"Who can tell me a word that starts with 'a'?"

Johnny's hand shoots up...

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He’s in love with the shape of u

My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 25/26.

He still doesn't know y.

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