UPJOKE

### The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

### My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

### Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?

Because the others are Not-Cs

Nobody knew why.

### Why can’t water say the whole alphabet?

It only knows H to O

### When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

### If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U

Cause you’re blocking the TV

### Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Letter rip!

O B C D...

### A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

### What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has noel.

### I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

### If you are looking for alphabet jokes,

the joke is on U.

### I told my wife that I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

Her: How would you find the time?

Me: Easy. It’ll be right next to the sage.

### What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

### Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

### Why don’t pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

the vowels."

Friend: "Why?"

Me: "Sometimes."

Times new ramen!

### I bought an alphabet from a shop, but I only recieved 23 letters.

So I went up asking why and was told that I didn't pay for the dlc.

### Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

### I ate five cans of alphabet soup earlier.

Just had the biggest vowel movement ever.

### What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it'd be R, but it's the C they truly love!

### How many letters are in the alphabet?

22, because E.T. went home and somebody shot J.R.

Bkoos

### For blind people the alphabet actually goes, “A,B,D”

It’s because they can’t see.

### I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

### Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

### Donald Trump was asked "what comes after the letter b in alphabet"

Folks, let me tell you, this is a great question. It's a huge question, it's tremendous. Just last day a decorated veteran with tears in his eyes came to me and asked" sir, please sir, can you answer what comes after the letter b in alphabet?". And let me tell you, the answer is a big deal. It's a b...

### What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.

*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

### I complained to my waiter that my alphabet soup had no letters between 'T' and 'V'

They said "That sounds like a 'U' problem"

### Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

### Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

### What’s letter can pirates never get past in the alphabet

You think it’d be the Arrrr. But they’re always stuck at sea

### How a Chemist reads the alphabets

A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

### A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.

Teacher: “Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?”

Class: “NO”

### The alphabet in 2021: ABDFGHJKLMNOQSVWXYZ.

There will be no more ER, ICU, or TP.

### This one time a cop pulled me over and asked me to say the alphabet backwards...

...so I said "tebahpla eht" and I spent the whole night in jail.

### I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

### I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

### Screaming Waitress

I was drinking at a local bar last night when a waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?”

I shouted, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet.”

Everyone laughed… Well everyone except this one guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### How do they teach the alphabet in New Jersey?

Fuckin-A, Fuckin-B, Fuckin-C...

### What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

### I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

### I’m no racist, except when it comes to people who like the 21st letter of the alphabet

U-people make me sick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny’s teacher announces to the class, “For today’s exercise, I will go through the alphabet and for each letter, select a student to share a word that begins with that letter.”

She scans the class and begins, “The first letter is A.”

Several students raise their hands, includ...

### I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

### I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

### Why didn’t Anna and Elsa’s parents teach them the whole alphabet?

Because they got lost at C.

### Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?

(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

### Why do East Africans never finish their alphabet soup?

Because they only eat e o p a

### Its bad enough I'm bulimic, but today, after vomiting up my alphabet soup...

I discovered I'm also dyslexic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Choking on the Phonetic Alphabet

Last week, I was registering for a website when I ran into a little trouble and had to call their customer support. We were going through some basic form information and he was having trouble understanding my spelling so he told me to use the phonetic alphabet.

For those of you that don't kn...

### The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you

### "Can you tell me what the second to last letter in the alphabet is?"

"Y"

"So I can make a stupid joke"

### The autobahn is like the alphabet...

...always a VW behind U.

### Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

I told her no.

### The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

### Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

The pirated version isn't the full edition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Four Surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.

The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".

The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerica...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything ins...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Johnny does the alphabet

Little johnny is in class and the teacher is going through the alphabet a letter at a time. She starts with the letter “A” and all the students eagerly put their hands up to say a word that begins with the letter A. Including Johnny. The teacher knows better, she knows if she picks johnnyhe is gon...

### Why can’t pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Little Johnny is learning the alphabet...

And you guys all know little Johnny, right? The kid is *no good.* He uses any excuse to disrupt class and say something rude. And his teacher is going through the alphabet and asking for examples of the letters.

"Who can tell me a word that starts with 'a'?"

Johnny's hand shoots up...

### What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”