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21 Jokes

So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

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I'm no longer a 21 year old virgin

I turned 22.

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I was offered sex with a 21 yr old today

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

21, 21, 21

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A train comes, and the brunette hops ...

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day
2. I run for an hour before breakfast
3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up.
4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something.
5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it.
6. My dad owns a Fortune ...

When I was a lumberjack I cut down 21,453 trees.

I know this because I kept a log.

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A 21-year-old Texan was still a virgin, so he travelled to a brothel in Dallas to see what he’d been missing.

He got the address of a reputable place and in no time at all he was in bed with an attractive hooker. She sensed he was inexperienced, so she took his hand and placed it on her money maker. “Is that what you’re looking for?” He said “I don’t know ma’am. I’m a stranger in these parts.”

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

Can't milk a cow for 21 years.

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Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:

1. How to tell this to my wife

2. Where to find a 1 year old baby

19 and 20 had a fight.

21.

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21 ways to piss off the mods on this sub

[removed]

So a guy was making counterfeit money and accidently prints $21 bills.

He decides he could go to a small town gas station where the cashier isn't too bright and see about exchanging them for real cash. He gets there and asks the cashier for his change and the cashier responds "Not a problem. Do you want 7 - $3 bills or 3 - $7 bills?"

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England vs Scotland Euros 21

It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game.



Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.



"What's up?" he asks.



"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's impor...

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So there was this assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…"

"Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best frien...

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

When I was 21 I drove my new car to a boat party in Norway.

It was a Fjord Fiesta.

21 Pilots

In 2016 during their tour,
21 Pilots performed in Brighton, Australia.
.
For that particular show,
For the entire show they sang their yet to be released songs.


Audience were enjoying at the beginning, by 1 hour mark they were demanding their hits to be performed.


...

21 Today

A fella was sitting at a quiet bar enjoying a beer. He started singing the first two lines of the song "21 today, 21 today" over and over. The barman overheard and asked, "Hey mate are you really 21 today?" "Sure am!" He replied. The barman said "Your beers today are on the house! Enjoy!"

Aft...

An old lady is walking down the street singing "21 today, 21 today."

A young man beside her snaps "You're not 21 you old bat." With a snap she slams her cane into his head and walks away singing.

"22 today, 22 today." With a smile.

Abdul was going through bit of a rough patch in his marriage.

So after work, he decided to pay his Imam a visit.

He said "I have been going through some problems with my wife, she seems like she is always angry at me, what do I do?"

The Imam replied "You should spend more time with your wife, appreciate her role in your life, maybe praise her co...

The difference between a 21 year-old American and European

An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!

A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!

I've had 21 birthdays

Yet somehow you're trying to tell me this is my cakeday?

An 80-year-old farmer walks into a bar.

"Remember a few years back when my wife died?" he asks the bartender.

"Yes," the bartender says sadly.

"Well," the farmer continues, "now I am no longer a widower! Yesterday, I married a 21-year-old woman."

The bartender knows that a 21-year-old woman will not be very happy with...

I -a dad- just subjected my daughter, 21, to my clever wit

She wasn't sure whether or not to take a foam mattress with her to her summer camp job.

"Sleep on it," I said.

Update: It's the mattress -not the joke- that's dirty. We use it for camping a lot and it is actually quite disgusting. The joke? Clean as a whistle. Sorry for the confusion.

John F Kennedy was just "John Kennedy" From May 29, 1917 To November 21, 1963

They only added the F after he died

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor...

....if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.

She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40...

Just wait till 2020 turns 21 and starts drinking.

It’s gunna be lit.

Google: turns 21.. google can drink..

But don't let google drive

The month before Frank's 21st birthday, his father told him, "Did you know that something amazing happens to all the male members of your family when they turn 21?"

"When your grandfather turned 21, he went to the lake and discovered that he was able to walk on the water. When my oldest brother, your uncle George, turned 21, he discovered the same. Me, your other uncles, your older brothers...all of them could walk on water at age 21."

"Cool!" said Frank...

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A young man turns 21 and decides to change his name.

He goes to the village wise man and explains what he wants.

"You do realize that, in our village, it is a tradition for the father to name a child after the first thing he sees after the child is born, don't you?" The young man nods.

"That is why your older sister is named 'Flying Dove...

Retired General meets a younger woman at a party...

and after getting a little flirty, the woman asks him the last time he made love to a woman. The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, surprised, said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the ...

National Pride Day should be September 21

September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.

Did you hear Kevin Spacey is making a prequel to 21?

It's called "Always Hit on 14"

Jim had just turned 21, and wanted to buy a horse for himself

Jim strode into a stable, looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said the owner, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to say "heyhey", and the way to get him to go is ...

How do 69° and 21° maintain a strong relationship?

They complement each other.

I planned to gift my wife a Philips 21" for her bedroom use on her birthday and she got really really excited...





I don't know but she got really disappointed with the gift, I guess she dint like the TV design??

Anthony Joshua 21 KOs, David Haye 26 KOs, Floyd Mayweather 27 KOs...

Bill Cosby 30 KOs.

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

What would be a funny store to open next to forever 21?

Finally 22

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My first time having sex was like winning a Catch 21...

Because I didn’t Bust

Today is the final countdown...

4-3-21

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I have the perfect body of a 21 year old female...

It's in a freezer in my basement

Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv and they suddenly hit a pig...

Vladimir Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv in a car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back...

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematori...

I found some dressing in my fridge that expires on 12-21-2012....

It's called Mayanaisse....

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My wife suggested I get a penis enlarger

So I did, she's 21 and her name is Krystal

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Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.

First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.

More mov...

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I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend...

They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Girls are like blackjack…

I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

NASA confirmed that, in the end of the afternoon of day 21, the skies are going to be very dark.

It's a phenomenon called "Night".

What's the difference between the 2018 Fifa World Cup and 21 Savage?

Only one came home.

The janitor at the bank managed to rob 21 million dollars.

He made a clean getaway!

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Incorrect usage of the word 'Fuckin'

Bob had broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick - How you doing?

Bob - Fine. Hey will you do me a favor... go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are fuckin freezin.

Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 21 year old twin sisters lying on the bed.

He t...

A nun ruined her uniform and asked her tailor for a replacement.

Nearly 3 weeks later she angrily calls him asking what’s taking so long. “I don’t know why you’re upset.” - He coolly replies. “It takes at least 21 days to form a new habit.”

My Dog is really worried about the rising price of groceries, with a can of dog food now costing £2.99....

That's almost £21 in Dog money.

21 years ago a man was born without a body...

He was only a head. Miraculously he survived his birth and lived 21 years of his life as just a head without a body.

On his 21st birthday his father decided he would take his son out for his first alcoholic beverage. They went to a bar together and the father asked the bartender for 2 cold be...

A blonde is walking beside a railway track.

A brunette passes her on the tracks skipping and singing "21, 21, 21..."
The blonde eagerly asks "May I join you?"
The brunette nods, and says, "You may, but only if you can REALLY concentrate."
"I can do that!" exclaims the blonde happily. And so, they both proceed to skip along the middle...

I have now survived 21,364 days and 13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale.

Thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.

I don't know if you knew this. But if you store your urine in the fridge for 21 days...

There's a 100% chance you're single.

What do you call a fellow who is over 21 and makes bad puns?

A groan man.

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