Did you read the book about the man made of uranium?

In the end, they reveal it was U all along!

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And then the 96th little pig built his house out of depleted uranium

And the wolf was like "dude what the fuck"

What happens when someone steals uranium

It becomes theiranium

I really hate getting scammed on the internet. I ordered a shipment of uranium-237 the other day...

...and by the time it arrived a few days later, the box was half-empty!

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.

“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...

I only like my Uranium one way.

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What does sodium nobelium chroline and uranium have in common?

Na No Cl U

To break the ice before a lab, we were told to tell our assigned groups the chemical element that represents us...

Sally said Helium because she's carefree and doesn't react to much. John said Potassium cause he loves to bring his energy into things and he's not keen on baths. Mary said Iron because she's malleable and likes to support everyone.
I said Uranium because I'm dense, unstable, and toxic.

An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield".

The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.

Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position ...

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Did you know that Japan hates U ?

Because Uranium is the last thing they need to see.

How is Valve like Uranium-238?

By the time they get to the third Half Life 13.5 Billion years will have passed.

What do you get when you eat a bunch of uranium?

Atomic ache

What's the difference between Valve and uranium?

Uranium gets to its half-life on time.

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

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This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium

Yttrium Oxygen Uranium

Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium

:)

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There was a group of 1940s German mathematicians...

They told the world they had discovered the perfect ratio of plutonium to uranium in order to create fuel capable of space travel. They said it was simple, two parts plutonium, one part uranium. However, the rest of Europe didn't believe them because they were a bunch of fibbinazis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Why did the two nuclear physcisists die?

They had an odd number of uranium atoms and decided to split it even.

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

I tried to ask Google for some good chemistry jokes.

But it just kept returning "Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Oxygen Fluorine Fluorine."

So one day, Hillary Clinton was going to an elementary school to talk aboit her job.

She gives a speech and then asks for questions. Little Timmy raised his hand and Hillary called on him.
"I have three questions. 1) What was Ben Ghazi? 2) What was the Uranium One deal? 3) What happened back in Arkansas?"
Hillary was just about to answer his question when the recess bell rang ...

What’s the North Korean leader’s favorite periodic element?

Un un quadium. Then, uranium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two missiles

North Korean and American nuclear missiles meet in the air, going in opposite directions, obviously.

"How's things in your homeland?" Asks American missile.

"Ah, it's awful. The fuel is shitty, the Uranium is barely enriched, and the ground crews don't do any maintenance at all."
...

Nerdy pickup line.

Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

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