How are French tanks unique?

They go faster in reverse than forward.

2020 is a unique leap year...

It has 29 days in February.

300 days in March.

And 5 years in April.

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A man goes to a brothel and asks for a unique experience.

A man goes to a brothel and asks for a unique experience.

The madam introduces him to a working woman with a glass eye whom brings him to her room.

Once there, she pops the glass eye out of the socket and tells the man to insert his penis in the orifice and thrust in and out.

F...

Evryone is unique and specal, even down to our blod types.

Sorry for Type O's.

Unique sport tool

Gangsters come into sport shop and says:Hey Fred we need to beat some guys up! Fred:Hmmm this baseball bat should be good. Its have a signature of Babe Ruth! Hey Fred its real signature of Babe Ruth? Fred:No but if you beat that guys hard they will not ask about this.

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I have the unique ability to eat two pieces of string and poop them out tied together...

I shit you knot

How do you catch a unique animal?

U neek up on it.

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According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem...

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the ne...

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At the end of school term, a teacher gives her students candy of different flavours

And each flavour has it's own unique colour,
Blueberry-dark blue
Strawberry-red
Etc.

And the teacher decides to have a joke, she gets out a new flavour that no-one tried yet, honey flavoured, and no-one in the class knew what it was.

So the teacher gives a hint saying "The fl...

A former student of a Geology professor at a major University returned one day to give the professor a gift of a unique soil sample he had collected from a river while on a trip....

To which the professor replied, "I appreciate the sediment"

A new doctor with unique treatment methods gets appointed in a mental asylum

He decides to test 3 random patients to evaluate how unstable they are. If they pass the evaluation they can go home else face rigorous treatment.

For the test he calls their concerned relatives and takes them to a deep swimming pool without water. He then puts a drop of water into the pool....

Reproductive biology

A human reproductive biology professor is lecturing to his class on the physical act of intercourse.

“There are 74 known positions of penetrating intercourse that may lead to impregnation of the female.”

Student in front row interrupts. “Pardon Monsieur, but there are 75.”

“Now ...

You know what actually makes me laugh?

People trying to be unique as possible when it comes to making people saying happy cake day to them

My school recognized me as unique!

So unique in fact, that they put me in special education!

A man got mocked and bullied all of his life because he had a girl’s name.

He got married and was so happy that someone treated him normally.

His wife had a baby girl, who she named Love, in honor of their love and his unique name.

She was also mocked and bullied at school.

One day she couldn’t take it anymore. Love shot her dad in the chest and scre...

Since we are posting our kids’ jokes ...here’s my 5 year old’s ..

My dad texted a joke for me to show my son (how do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him . Ha.)

So I ask my son “How do you catch a unique rabbit?”

He says “you grabbit! ” he was super proud and honestly , I like his better

Why does Edam have such a unique taste?

Because it's made backwards

Math Time

On Monday the teacher decided to begin the day reviewing basic math with their kindergartners. Hoping that it would be an easy lesson they lined the students up randomly and asked them easy problems.

"Jacob, what is 1+1?"

After a minute Jacob replied "2." The teach rewarded them with a...

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A guy moves into a new apartment building...

He decides to host a party to get to know his neighbours. Being the sort of person who liked to do things a little differently he throws a costume party but with a unique theme. Every guest must turn up dressed up as an emotion.

The big night finally arrives and our host is feeling nervous. W...

What's so unique about 6.9?

It's a good thing ruined by a period.

I pretended to be a female sheep in order to satisfy a man’s unique fetish.

We actually ended up in a relationship but I didn’t like living a lie so I decided I had to break up with him.

I said “it’s not ewe, it’s me!”

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

My dyslexia is a little unique. I often end up reading words backwards, without realising, and it annoys the hell out of people. I sit by my bed and pray every single night for it to go away, "maybe he'll fix it", I thought...

After all, God is a man's best friend.

Humans are just like snowflakes. Each one is unique in its own way

And a large amount of them on my windshield makes it harder to drive.

In a small American town, a band of squirrels had become quite a problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had tak...

Just remember you’re unique,

just like everyone else!

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

*You 'neak up on him.*

**How do you catch a tame rabbit?**

*The tame way!*

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A chicken has a question for his mother

A young chicken goes to his mom and asks,"why are all of our names just chicken and nothing unique?"
She tells him not to worry and that he'll have a unique name soon, just like his siblings chili chicken, butter chicken and teriyaki chicken.

What makes LGBT game characters unique from other characters?

they don’t shoot in a straight line

The circus was in town and was taking applications from the local townspeople for wildly unique acts.

The interviewer was at the end of a long fruitless day of these local no-talents, when the last applicant, Jack, stepped up to the table.

“Ok”, said the interviewer, “what’s your special talent?”

“I do bird imitations!”, replied Jack.

The interviewer sighed and shook his head. ...

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Today my psychotherapist told me that every human being was a unique person.

"Except me," I replied.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

A woman had a 100 children.

She didn't have the creativity to give them unique names so she named each of them a number from 1-100. The first child was named 'One', second was named 'Two' and so on.

But in a tragic accident 99 children died. Only the one named Ninety survived. Ninety eventually grew up and lived a whole...

My friend has a unique ability; he can always tell if there are lions near by.

He's got a great sense of pride.

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Unique Dildo!

A blonde walks into a porno shop and asks, "How much for the white dildo?"

Salesman answers, "$35."

Blonde: "How much for the black one?"

Salesman: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."

Blonde: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one bef...

A pianist was trying to be unique by lying down on the floor and playing the piano simultaneously during a concert.

Needless to say, he was flat.

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Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

When asked to secure the building, the different branches of the military all took unique approachs.

The Army set up a defensive perimeter. Surrounding the building with 50cal implacements, tanks, sandbags, barbed wire and strategically placed snipers.

The SAS approached under the cover of night and stormed the building with a hard and fast two pronged ground and air assault.

The Na...

I have a rather unique talent. You can give me any girl's name and I know a song for that name.

Try me!

Once there was a girl named Darling...

... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...

"There is no such thing as 'people'. There are only individuals with their own unique opinions and sentiments"

That's what I've noticed people like to hear these days.

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A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly the girl, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"

The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the aerial off the van and proceeds to whip the girl until they bothcollapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl no...

I always wanted to be a lumber artisan

Everything about it seemed so appealing, the beauty of creating uniquely carved furniture, the wide variety and color to create from, even the manliness aspect from it. My parents were always against it and insisted I do something that was more reliable and practical. I started to realize they were ...

The Meaning Of Life

A young man goes to search for the meaning of life. He decides to ask around.


The first person he meets is a wealthy man. "That's easy," he says. "The meaning of life is to accumulate wealth. Then you can transform and inspire your community." The young man takes this advice to heart. He ...

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

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Want to know a fun fact about my social security number?

It's long and unique, unlike my penis. But like my penis, has never been used by anyone else.

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A man goes to the doctor with a very unique problem

: He has 3 testicles. Because it is quite embarrassing, he decides to break this news to the doctor in a slightly different way.
"Hey doc, between you and me in this room, we have a total of 5 testicles"
The doctor looks quite taken aback and replies "Wait, you only have 1 testicle?"

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So, a man walks into a bar,

his bar is, unique to say the least. Every day they have a challenge for you to complete, hes never tried one before so he gives it a shot.

Man: Bartender, what are the challenges for today?

Bartender: Well first, you must drink a bottle of tequila, secondly there is an alligator outsi...

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A woman walks into an ice cream shop

And orders a chocolate ice cream. The young man assisting her kindly informs her they are a unique ice cream shop and only sell two flavors, Vanilla and Strawberry.

She replies rudely, “Well this is news to me so I’ll obviously need more time to decide.”

She’s staring at the menu with...

I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women…

I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

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A man is told by his doctor that he'll never again have a erection.

"It's a very unique case of erectile dysfunction" the doctor says.

"There is only only way to possibly cure it, but the procedure is very risky and unorthodox. You see, I can graft tissue from an elephant's truck into your penis, which could allow you to achieve an erection."

The man,...

How do you shoot a unique deer?

You-neak up on it and shoot it.


Credit: Grandpa Clifford

The roulette dealer had a unique personality.

He had a different spin on everything.

how do you catch a unique cat?

unique up on it.

(im sorry)

My wife wanted one of those "unique" names for our son. So we named him Jason

The 'J' sounds like 'Th'. The "ason" is silent. You add "omas" on the end.

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

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Guy goes into an old Chinese Curiosity Shop in New York. Looking at all the strange, and unique items, he spots a large stuffed rat...

... It being very large and strange, the gentleman decides that it would be a great conversation starter for his office.

He approaches the old Chinese man behind the counter and pays for the large stuffed rat, but as he is leaving he swears he can hear the old Chinese man cackling behind...

Mahatma Ghandi walked bare foot most of his life...

...which left his feet very rough and calloused over. He also believed in living within ones means, so he ate only what was necessary to survive. This left him very skinny and frail. People also believed Ghandi to have magical abilities, considering him to have the abilities of a seer or even commun...

They say everyone is unique...

Isn't that a bit of a generalization?

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

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Fuckmonster....

This is probably a repost but I have not seen it and told this joke over twenty years ago...



One day a woman is out shopping for a gift to give her friend for her birthday. Her friend had tons of things and liked really weird items, the kind of things that most people would just look...

Women Are Like Snowflakes

... beautiful, unique, elegant, and deadly on the road.

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Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

So, have you guys heard of a chicken cannon?

Used by US Federal Aviation Administration, it's a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.



The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crac...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

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A girl with a nasal voice walks into a speech therapist's office to get herself "cured."

After going through the therapy, she starts getting hit on by guys who earlier bullied her. She starts having positive thoughts and dreams again. One day she dreams of having sex with her hot Biology teacher. The next day she stays in for office hours and ends up fucking him.

She starts getti...

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A unique take on fitness

There once was a man named James who was badly overweight. He tried everything he could: personal trainers, fad diets and the like but to no avail.

One day, he saw a tv commercial for a revolutionary way to lose weight, guaranteed to work after only 3 weeks or your money back! This was too ...

Always listen to the advice of a cross-eyed people...

Cause they have a unique point of view.

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