What do you call an anti-vaxer's child's terrible twos?
A midlife crisis
Why do dice always prefer to be in twos?
Because it's a pair a' dice.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
If four people having sex is called a foursome...
And if three people having sex is called a threesome, and two's a twosome - then no wonder everyone keeps calling you handsome.
What's the worst part about being an anti-Vaxxer parent?
Having to deal with the terrible twos and the mid life crisis at the same time.
My German friend and I like to rate women at Walmart on their looks...
I hate to say the guy has low standards, but I saw a lot of twos and threes. He just kept yelling NINE, NINE, NINE, NINE.
Two of my married (to each other) geeky friends enjoy couples-themed cosplay.
Every convention I see them in different outfits. One year it was Doctor McCoy and Nurse Chapel. The next they went as Luke and Leia. Then they went as the 4th Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith.
Well, the lady had a baby after that. The next time I saw them, He was dressed up as Number 6 Patr...
How many ballerinas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two twos.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot are working on the building site for the 2012 Olympic Games. They’ve been told that, as a perk, they’ll be given tickets, but come the day, they’re told that there are no free places left, and only athletes will be let into the ground.
Thinking quickly, the Englishman casts about amongst the debris of the build (what workman has ever ‘made good’, cleaning up after himself?) Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he announces ‘Johnny Smith, England, pole vault,’ He is admitted. The Scot follows his lead, scrabbles about and finds ...
2 Millennials get into a counting contest
The announcer says "okay Millennials, start counting from 1 to 2000!"
They both scoff and easily count that high within minutes. One says "I'm a Millennial, I could count to 2000 in my sleep!
The announcer, obviously worried that there will not be a winner, thinks up a plan.
He ...
Three dudes go hunting.
The first morning, hunter #1 heads out into the woods. He’s gone for like an hour, and comes back dragging a handsome 10-point buck.
“How’d you find it?” ask the other two.
“Well, I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and soon enough, BLAM, out of nowhere there’s this deer!...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
One of my Grandpa's favorites: The Nazi POW Camp
In the middle of WWII, some British soldiers were captured by the Germans and taken to a POW camp. They were to be put to work on either the day shift or the night shift, round the clock so the work would never cease.
"Ve vill count off by twos," said the camp warden, "but you British pig-do...
A couple of redneck men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
A couple of redneck men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later ...
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