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Deuce Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who take phone calls while dropping a deuce...

...Are real shit-talkers.

Blue ice from an airplane restroom lands on the man who was about to kill me…

It was a Deuce Ex Machina.

What do you call a vegetable that gives you diarrhea?

Pro-deuce

My dog ate a pair of D&D dice...

48 hours later, she rolled a natural deuce.

Never date a tennis player

She’ll drop a deuce when you least expect it.

Did you hear about the constipated logician?

He was able to de-deuce himself through reasoning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar ...

He sits down and over the course of a few hours, proceeds to get good and hammered. He eventually asks the bartender, "which way to the bathroom?"

"Second door on the right", comes the reply.

The man, too drunk to count to two, proceeds one door too far and finds himself in a room wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I eat a lot of veggies I tend to poop a lot...

Guess that’s why they call it pro-deuce.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What so you call a tennis player being a dick on the court?

A Deuce-bag.

What does Sherlock Holmes do in the toilet?

He de-deuces.

A man once ate a whole deck of playing cards.

A couple of hours later, he had to drop a deuce.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill, a small business owner is at work one day and hears God speak to him.

"Bill, this is God," says a booming voice, "You need to sell your business and go to Las Vegas with all of your proceeds."

Bill is understandably shocked and when he asks God why he should do that, the instructions are repeated, only louder. So Bill, having been raised a God- fearing person, ...

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