UPJOKE
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says...

"Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure...but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were...

According to a recent article, someone has been kicking dirt on Mark Twain's burial site.

*The plot thickens.*

If Mark Twain were alive today, what would be his favorite chain restaurant?

Langhorne Steakhouse

Mark Twain- “A plan for the improvement of the English language”

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform...

Shania Twain just had a baby boy

She named him Choo Choo

Growing up my grandma loved reading me Mark Twain. It combined her to favorite activities,

Spending time with her grandson and using the N word.

Mark Twain Quote

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was in class one friday.....

The teacher said we'll play a game, whoever answers my questions correctly can leave early for the weekend. The first question was, who started a speech with "four score and seven years ago "? Several kids raised their hand and little Johnny was waving his hand frantically in the back of the class....

What is the purpose of war?

"God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain

Vocabulary

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
Ec...

I think I can say, and say with pride,

that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world!

Mark Twain

A thirsty piece of string walks into a bar...

And he orders a drink. The bartender asks “Are you string? We don’t serve your kind here.”

Defeated the string walks outside only to be hit by a bus and dragged down the street and a rough trip around the block.

Beaten, frazzled, and nearly torn in twain the string walks back into the ...

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky.

They're always 20 years behind everything.

Mark Twain

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]

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