A village was devastated by a lion's multiple attacks on the villagers.

Many hunters attempted to kill the lion but all of them became prey of the lion.

One day a hunter named Killer John (KJ) came to the village claiming that he can kill the lion. The villagers asked what are your going to do that the earlier hunters couldn't do.

KJ asked the help of vill...

Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.

You have to do a lot of...cross referencing.

What do you call a man with multiple noses?

No one nose.

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A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

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Did you know people often call a group of multiple birds by certain names?

People call a group of chickens a Brood.

People call a group of Falcons a Cast.

People call a group of Seagulls “Fuck You!”

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

I've been doing my psychology PhD thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...

6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

One day someone decided that the best way to refer quantities of eggs and bananas would be in multiples of 12, rather than in multiples of 10

And the whole world was ok with it.

Dozen it seem weird?

Just found out I have multiple personality disorder

I gotta tell the other guys

There was a multiple choice history quiz about the states of America.

I went through questions like “Which state is known for fudge?” The answer was A: Michigan. I went through those questions and I got to question 10.

Which state’s capital is Nashville?
A: New York
B: Alabama
C: Tennessee
D: California

I knew this answer. Ten is C.

What‘s the penalty for polygamy?

Multiple mothers-in-law.

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I participated in a joke writing competition on this sub three years ago.

The mods laid out 4 simple rules quite clearly:

1. For the following two days, all posts on this sub would be considered as entries for the competition.

2. The post with the most upvotes would be declared as the winner, i.e., the best joke. The number of upvotes until the end o...

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Three tourists are hiking through a massive jungle when suddenly a group of tribesmen pounce on them.

The tourists are surrounded by the tribe who all wield spears or clubs.

The tribe leader comes forth to them and says:
"We have caught you trespassing on our land. You'll be killed but it is tradition in our tribe to give you one final wish which we will fulfill to our greatest extent."...

A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.

They got multiple goose bumps.

Why shouldn't you play pokemon in the middle of multiple virus pandemics?

You might catch 'em all

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A man goes to confession (NSFW)

The man sits down and hears a voice:

Priest: "Tell me my child why are you here?"

Man: "I've done some terrible things and I'd like to ask for forgiveness."

Priest: "Go on my child."

Man: "I have taken the Lord's name in vain on multiple occasions, I stole money from my s...

I do not like using abbreviations to refer to multiple people

Not et al.

My psychiatrist told me I have multiple personality disorder

We think that’s stupid

Okay, how bad is this one?

How does a person with multiple personality disorder live with oneself?

Well, they don't....

One of the guys I went to school with suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder

But he was good people.

An engineering student found a frog on his way to class

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" the frog said.

The student smiled, thought for a minute, and put the frog in his bag and kept walking.

After a few minutes, he heard the frog calling out again, so he took it out.

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful p...

A lot of women watch “Fixer Upper”...

...and think they can apply it to an industrial painter with multiple felonies.

Found an Funny Indian Joke and tried to translate it.

An Indian politician was visiting a foreigner politician. He saw foreigner politicians had a big house and 2 luxury cars. He askes him how is it possible as the salary of a politician is not that much. Foreigner politician took Indian politician on drive and said

"do you see this 10 lanes hig...

Did you know that there are multiple types of roads that can fart?

Though most people assume that it's asphalt.

What's worse than a baby in a sack?

A baby in >!multiple sacks!<

Yesterday I was diagnosed with multiple personalities disorder

No you weren't

What do you call a multiple choice quiz in Russia?

An election.

[META] r/Jokes keeps me going

I'm sorry if this is not allowed here but I had to share. I have a bunch of health issues, severe anxiety, and depression. I've on multiple occasions felt like giving up. Sometimes, no matter how much support you have it is difficult to keep going. That's where you guys come in. I read your jokes al...

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They are a bunch of royal bitches!

I ran into a man at a pub near Buckingham palace. I watched in amazement, as he pounded down pint after pint, so I decided I would find out more about him.

I sat down next to him, and I offered to buy him the next pint. He agreed, and I took the opportunity to ask him why he was drinking so h...

Once you've seen one establishment with multiple stores in it

You've seen the mall

A rabbi, a priest and a minister want to see who is best at their job...

So they decide to go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. A few days later, the the priest and the minister bump into each other at the hospital, where each person is being treated for their particular injuries. They then tell each other about their experience.

The prie...

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A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

After I got my school photo taken, I told them I only wanted the one poster sized print developed.

They asked, “Are you sure you wouldn’t be interested in exploring some of the packages with wallet and postcard sizes with multiple...”

I had to cut them off and let them know that, “I’m really just a big picture person.”

I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >...

How would a giant robot that's controlled by multiple people be rendered useless?

Make operating it a school group project!

Why is it you have to take multiple baptists on a fishing trip?

Because if you take one, he’ll drink all your beer.

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

Why shouldn't you argue with someone who has multiple personalities?

One of them might be a lawyer.

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After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off.

"You're self-employed you stupid bastard," I said.

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When my therapist told me that my multiple personalities will tell me lies,

I couldn't believe my I's.

I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

Can you go to jail for this?

A demon enters a woman's body. During this time it makes her do horrible things. She commits multiple crimes.
A priest is finally able to free her of this demon, but legally she is still held accountable for all of her crimes.

She goes to prison and one of inmate says "I'm in for theft; ...

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City Planner: this intersection design would result in multiple, severe collisions every day

**Hot Wheels Creator:** dope, right?

**City Planner:** *[nodding]* super fuckin dope

When something gets shot multiple times

People often will say it was a pepper

But when something gets shot hundreds of times

I say it was a-sault.

TIL wooden shoe failure is responsible for multiple deaths each year in the Netherlands. The incidents are archived on this government website.

The Broken Clog Croakin' Blog

I was attending a ceremony at a graphite convention, with multiple speakers. To my surprise, I was invited to give a speech of my own.

I took the microphone from one of the speakers. Oozing confidence, I shouted, “8B.”



The crowd erupted in applause. I handed the microphone back to the speaker and they told me,


“That was very bold of you to say.”

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"Welcome to the Psychiatric Care Hotline ...

"Welcome to the Psychiatric Care Hotline.

If you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent, have someone press 2 for you, now.

If you have Multiple-Personality-Disorder, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press ...

What’s it called when multiple bookshelves of books falls on you?

A title wave

What do you call when Stalin has multiple roommates?

Commune-ism

Someone once gave away multiple computers

Sadly I wasn’t able to windows

What do you get if you download Microsoft word multiple times

Microsoft Sentence

In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber.

Now, it won't crash. It'll just go, Boeing Boeing Boeing.

What's the punishment for gluing together the pages of a biography?

Multiple back-to-back life sentences.

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Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

WARNING: This post contains multiple instances of profanity.

profanity
profanity
profanity
profanity

Best Joke of a previous year according to multiple sources.

2 Hunters are out one day, they are about to shoot a buck. Suddenly, one of the Hunters clutches his hands to his chest, and falls to the ground. The other hunter, in shock calls 911. The operator begins:

"9-1-1, whats your emergency?"

The hunter nervously says, "My friend is on the g...

I’m running a seminar tomorrow on multiple personalities.

Please arrive early to fill out your name tags.

What do you call a detective with multiple wives?

A polygramist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor and a nun

had been asked to speak at a catholic seminar out of town. It was quite a long drive, so they had to stay in a hotel for the night. Unfortunately, during the christmas holidays, all hotels were packed. After visiting 3 hotels that were completely full, they finally found one that had a spare room. T...

The multiple times I talk to God it's called praying

But the one time God talks back to me I'm labeled as a schizophrenic

Apparently many cannibals agree that people that have been in multiple shipwrecks taste better.

You could say that they prefer seasoned survivors.

What's the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?

Practice.

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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him,

“What happened to you?”

“Well,” said the man,

“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both spliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the...

What do you get when you mix multiple metals and a reptile

An alloy-gator

Why is the answer to the 10th multiple questions always C?

Because Tennessee

An irishman named Sean cloned himself multiple times but just couldn't stand being around the 11th one...

There was ten Sean between them.

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Today, my therapist told me that I might have Multiple Personality Disorder.

I said, “Doctor, you must be talking to the wrong guy.”

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A man is touring a hospital to see how they operate

before potentially donating a large sum of money. The director giving him the tour is taking him around and showing him all of the different rooms. As they're walking, they run into a man who's masturbating. The director apologizes to both the masturbating man as well as the potential donor. Once th...

My roommate is spreading rumours that I have multiple personality disorder.

Well, three can play that game!

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Once upon a time in a kingdom

Once upon a time in a kingdom, there lived a queen who was a tramp(had multiple sexual partners all the time). The king was frustrated by this but couldn't do anything because she was extremely beautiful. One day the king had to leave for war but he knew that his wife would have sex with a lot of me...

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

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Ironic, isn't it ?

That the penalty for participating in an insurrection at the U.S. Capitol that resulted in multiple deaths just might be Capital Punishment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the mom say when she catches her son with multiple personality disorder in the middle of masturbating?

Stop playing with yourselves.

What do you call a bear that has multiple personalities

A bi-polar bear

At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism

Eventually I checked "none of the above."

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My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"

And now we wait.

(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)



Update:

For those wondering, my wife was not amused.

Note to self: avoid messing with wife before she's ...

My friend asked to tell him about my paranormal experiences...

I said, I’ve been ghosted by multiple women

Multiple reports claiming Sting has been kidnapped

The Police still have no lead.

Mexican names tend to have multiple syllables

Except Juan

Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy.

But, I've always been more of a people person.

An orthodox Rabbi walks into a restaurant...

It’s not a kosher place, but he thinks “what the hell, why not?” He asks for a seat outside.

He looks at the menu, and decides if he’s gonna eat non-Kosher food, he’s going to do it in the biggest way possible. He orders a whole, roasted suckling pig, complete with multiple sauces and an appl...

What do you call an area where multiple horses live?

A neiiiighborhood.

I used to have multiple personalities...

"And how are you doing after all this time in therapy?"

We are all doing just fine.

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Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

What do you call a French website hosting multiple chat rooms?

A *chat*eau.

Advantage of having childs from multiple husbands

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids. The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, "Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"...

The FBI agent asked the bank teller after multiple robberies by the same guy

“Did you notice anything special about the man?"
"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"

So I figured out why so many religions don't allow women to have multiple partners.

It's because they're holey

Why weren't there multiple seasons of crucifixions?

People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

I have been diagnosed with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder.

Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.

I would take them all over my ex-wife's one!

Edit: Don't believe this guy! He sucks at telling jokes.

Edit: Shut up Jeff!

Edit: No, you shut up Karen!

Edit: you guys are impossible to ...

Whenever my buddy gets high, he gains a strange ability to speak multiple languages.

He is Rosetta stoned.

My redneck cousin wants to be with a girl who is into multiple partners.

Cracker wants a poly.

Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.

It's hard for them to stay in sink.

Multiple choice question.

Where does a fish swim?

A.

B.

Or C.

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God has finished creating Adam and Eve

They stand before him and he says, “I have two things left but I don’t know who should get what.”
Adam asks “What’s the first one?”
God says “the ability to pee standing up.”
Adam immediately says “Oh! Yes please! I want that one!” Before Eve could utter a word.
God says “Done!” And Ada...

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

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