UPJOKE
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Multiple Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo mama so fat, when she has sex with multiple men its not called a gang bang,

Its called a team-effort

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities.

I scored 100%, 92%, and 88%

What do you call a new-zealander with multiple girlfriends?

A shepherd

Part of me says I must have multiple personalities

But another part of me is like "don't listen to Greg".

Some word can have multiple meanings

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes ...

Everybody said I must be an insecure, small man to try and marry multiple people.

I think they're wrong, I think it's big-o'-me!

Saruman's fortress has only one gate, but Sauron's realm has multiple gates

Sauron has more doors.

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

Told my friend to use multiple dating apps to find a partner because…

… she doesn’t believe in love at first site

When’s the only time you can get away with fingering a minor with multiple witnesses?

When you’re playing guitar

My psychiatrist told me I have multiple personality disorder

We think that’s stupid

Why does the rebel alliance need multiple intergalactic smugglers to change their lightbulbs?

Many Hans make light work.

Multiple reports claiming Sting has been kidnapped

The Police still have no lead.

A pizza got cheated on multiple times

Now it has crust issues.

My dog takes multiple medecines every day.

You could say he's a bit of a pill-pupper.

what do you call a lady who lost her vision multiple times but still isn't blind?

#Wanda Maximoff

What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands?

PolyJAMorous!

What do you call a man with multiple noses?

No one nose.

I'm having a hard time stopping my musician ex from entering my house despite changing the locks multiple times...

I guess they were always better at key changes than me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know people often call a group of multiple birds by certain names?

People call a group of chickens a Brood.

People call a group of Falcons a Cast.

People call a group of Seagulls “Fuck You!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off.

"You're self-employed you stupid bastard," I said.

I've been doing my psychology PhD thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...

6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

What do you call instructions on how to assemble multiple Ikea products into a single unit?

A Svenn Diagram

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

What do you call a monster with multiple personality disorder?

A we're wolf.

A Glasgow woman has reported terrifying multiple sightings of a puma in her local park

Similar events were reported in England, as when the nightclubs reopened, people saw a huge number of prowling cougars.

Some actors are famous for playing the same role in multiple movies, but none so much as Lee Navarre.

Lee Navarre had starred in a couple of low budget films like Greta's Gallery and Fisherman Flanagan, but no one really took note of him till he was seen in the first movie of the mystery series "When Midnight Chimes". As we all know, it was an instant hit and Navarre gained a lot of critical acclaim...

(Multiple Punchlines) One Should Never Make Fun of Someone Else's Bow.

1. They might not think it's friendly ribbon.
2. You should have the presents of mind to be polite
3. If they have an arrow, they might shoot you with it.
4. They might get angry and resort to violins.
5. In that situation, it's best to be curt, see?
6. Just say the bow wowed you.
...

Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.

You have to do a lot of...cross referencing.

One day someone decided that the best way to refer quantities of eggs and bananas would be in multiples of 12, rather than in multiples of 10

And the whole world was ok with it.

Dozen it seem weird?

The multiple times I talk to God it's called praying

But the one time God talks back to me I'm labeled as a schizophrenic

Seriously, she has Multiple Personality Disorder?

Yeah, crazy right. Sharon is Karen.

I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together.

It was a big waist of time.

There was a multiple choice history quiz about the states of America.

I went through questions like “Which state is known for fudge?” The answer was A: Michigan. I went through those questions and I got to question 10.

Which state’s capital is Nashville?
A: New York
B: Alabama
C: Tennessee
D: California

I knew this answer. Ten is C.

I do not like using abbreviations to refer to multiple people

Not et al.

WARNING: This post contains multiple instances of profanity.

profanity
profanity
profanity
profanity

Did you know that there are multiple types of roads that can fart?

Though most people assume that it's asphalt.

One of the guys I went to school with suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder

But he was good people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nazi walks into a bar...

How someone can hit their head multiple times on a metal bar lying on the ground is a mystery, but that's what the eyewitnesses all claim happened.

What do you call a multiple choice quiz in Russia?

An election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

Once you've seen one establishment with multiple stores in it

You've seen the mall

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is obsessed with trains.

A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.


Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which...

In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber.

Now, it won't crash. It'll just go, Boeing Boeing Boeing.

What’s it called when multiple bookshelves of books falls on you?

A title wave

An irishman named Sean cloned himself multiple times but just couldn't stand being around the 11th one...

There was ten Sean between them.

I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

I’m running a seminar tomorrow on multiple personalities.

Please arrive early to fill out your name tags.

How would a giant robot that's controlled by multiple people be rendered useless?

Make operating it a school group project!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"

And now we wait.

(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)



Update:

For those wondering, my wife was not amused.

Note to self: avoid messing with wife before she's ...

What do you get if you download Microsoft word multiple times

Microsoft Sentence

Why shouldn't you argue with someone who has multiple personalities?

One of them might be a lawyer.

What's the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?

Practice.

What do you call when Stalin has multiple roommates?

Commune-ism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear ...

What do you call a bear that has multiple personalities

A bi-polar bear

TIL wooden shoe failure is responsible for multiple deaths each year in the Netherlands. The incidents are archived on this government website.

The Broken Clog Croakin' Blog

When something gets shot multiple times

People often will say it was a pepper

But when something gets shot hundreds of times

I say it was a-sault.

Someone once gave away multiple computers

Sadly I wasn’t able to windows

Apparently many cannibals agree that people that have been in multiple shipwrecks taste better.

You could say that they prefer seasoned survivors.

What do you call a detective with multiple wives?

A polygramist.

Why is the answer to the 10th multiple questions always C?

Because Tennessee

My roommate is spreading rumours that I have multiple personality disorder.

Well, three can play that game!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, my therapist told me that I might have Multiple Personality Disorder.

I said, “Doctor, you must be talking to the wrong guy.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the mom say when she catches her son with multiple personality disorder in the middle of masturbating?

Stop playing with yourselves.

Mexican names tend to have multiple syllables

Except Juan

I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend has multiple personalities and keeps getting boob jobs.

She's had a lot of iden-titties

At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism

Eventually I checked "none of the above."

I used to have multiple personalities...

"And how are you doing after all this time in therapy?"

We are all doing just fine.

Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy.

But, I've always been more of a people person.

What do you call an area where multiple horses live?

A neiiiighborhood.

What do you call a French website hosting multiple chat rooms?

A *chat*eau.

My redneck cousin wants to be with a girl who is into multiple partners.

Cracker wants a poly.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder...

And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him

Multiple choice question.

Where does a fish swim?

A.

B.

Or C.

I have been diagnosed with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder.

Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.

I would take them all over my ex-wife's one!

Edit: Don't believe this guy! He sucks at telling jokes.

Edit: Shut up Jeff!

Edit: No, you shut up Karen!

Edit: you guys are impossible to ...

Advantage of having childs from multiple husbands

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids. The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, "Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"...

So I figured out why so many religions don't allow women to have multiple partners.

It's because they're holey

Whenever my buddy gets high, he gains a strange ability to speak multiple languages.

He is Rosetta stoned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

The FBI agent asked the bank teller after multiple robberies by the same guy

“Did you notice anything special about the man?"
"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"

Why weren't there multiple seasons of crucifixions?

People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.

It's hard for them to stay in sink.

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

I've just met this girl who is perfect but she doesn't know how to do multiple choice tests.

she ticks all the boxes.

Why is it that if we want to submit something to multiple Reddits, it has to be done angrily?! Can't it be done happily?!

Does everything have to be a crosspost?!

What do you call Salvador Dali after multiple homicide?

A surreal killer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the blonde say after multiple orgasms?

Way to go team!

What do you call someone who is in love with multiple hunks of pork?

Polyhamorous

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

I was recently diagnosed with multiple personality disorder

At least that's what my better half says

Why is having multiple partners simultaneously not love?

Because love is always <3

As Dyslexic VP frustrated by having multiple bosses,

I don't get why I was fired when I suggested to the Chief Executive to get the FOC out of my business.

Women are like multiple choice tests

They give you plenty of options but there's only one right answer

A person who speaks multiple languages is a polyglot. A person who speaks two languages is bilingual. A person who speaks only one language...

Is American.

There's always multiple sides to a story, unless you're at a library...

...then there's multiple stories to a side.

I was at the farm with my friend when we chanced upon a cow with multiple gunshot wound

My friend looked up and said "holy cow"

Why should you date a guy who speaks multiple languages?

Because he's a cunning linguist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What movie has multiple climaxes?

Sex in the city

What kind of dinosaur has multiple ways of saying the same thing?

A Thesaurus

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