What do you call an army of toddlers?

An Infantry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suddenly experiences severe pains, and makes it to the nearest hospital...

But unfortunately it's a children's hospital. Thankfully, the doctors are able to see him, but they determine he needs surgery.

Unfortunately, the hospital is ill-equipped for a man his size.

The first option was to send him to another hospital nearby, but he's feeling too ill for the...

My toddlers Favorite joke:

kid: One of us is secretly an owl!

me: Who?

kid: It’s you!!!

Toddlers are like Jesus

They turn water into whine.

What do toddlers and anglers have in common?

They both pay fisher’s price

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many toddlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, 10 isn’t enough. Because my basement is still dark.

Did you here about the old guy who gave toddlers dynamite?

He was a Baby Boomer

Toddlers can be pleasant.

But newborns could be placenta.

How many toddlers does it take to paint a garage?

One of you throw it hard enough.

LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...

You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

A man and a blonde woman are talking about their children while waiting for them at nursery.

Man: “How many kids do you have here mam?”

Blonde: “Oh I have two toddlers. What about you?”

Man: “I have one that’s just under two.”

Blonde: “Look I know I’m a blonde, but I know how much one is.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company

He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curving roads through the dark pine forests, illuminated by cold sunlight re...

Men see size, dogs see age.

Toddlers see what they can get away with.

Last year 52 Americans were shot by people who barely speak english, have no marketable skills, and are prone to angry outburst based on their views...

...toddlers are the worst.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A phone call home...

A Brazilian football (soccer) star is on international commitments, representing Brazil at the World Cup far from home. He takes a few moments to speak to his family.

"So, how's things at home?" he asks.

"Terrible!", his mother replies. "We have no money. Your father is unemployed a...

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