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A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze.

Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wo...

My wife and I were walking out of a restaurant with a doggie bag, when we saw a young teen in shabby clothes sitting on the sidewalk

He asked if he could have our leftovers, so I gladly gave them to him.

I asked him if he was an orphan.

He said "Yes I am - what gave me away?"

I replied "Obviously, your parents."

My teen daughter is acting really odd.

She can’t even. It’s causing a family divide. We’ve got to figure it out before our problems multiply.

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When I was a teen, i'd have sex with all types of food. Pies, watermelons, bananas.... come to think of it, fruit were the best for sex.

Except lemons. Never touched those. Didn't wanna get lemonaids.

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Teen Daughter

A mother took her teen daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.  It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Mam, Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor...

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig.

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the
porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded,
"How about $50?"

...

A teen walks into a pharmacy

He walks up to the register and asks the cashier, “How much are condoms?”

The cashier smirks at the boy and replies, “$5”

The boy is visibly relieved and says, “okay! I’ll take them!”

The cashier scans the box and hands them to the boys and says, “That will be $5.40”

“Wh...

A woman had chronic headaches.

She had them since she was in her early teens, and had gone to the doctor, had x-rays, scans, medication, and nothing seemed to help. Finally, she went to a headache specialist, and he told her that her left breast was the cause. The only treatment was to remove the breast. The good news was that he...

What is the difference between edgy teen emos and jeffrey epstein?

Only one of them hanged themselves.

What do you need for a job application for a teen drama?

A CW.

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A teen girl asks her step dad to borrow the car...

He says no, she begs, he keeps saying no, then he finally says he'll let her use the car if she gives him a blowjob. She declines and goes up to her room, but later decides she'll go ahead and do that if it means she can use the car.

So she goes back to step dad and starts the dirty deed... A...

A teen goes to a party one day.

He dances for a bit, then he decides to get some punch but sees the line is long so he goes back to dancing. He enters the line but sees the line is still long. So, he dances some more, grabs some food, and scrolls through social media. Eventually he enters the line again. Finally he says: "This pun...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

A ragged looking teen is begging for food on the street

A guy comes along and buys him a sandwich. He asks the kid, “are you an orphan?”

The kid replies, “yes I am. What gave me away?”

The guy says, “obviously, your parents”

A policeman pulls over a speeding Ferrari.

He looks through the window and to his annoyance sees a rebellious looking teenager.
The policeman decides he's going to teach this spoiled kid a lesson.
He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor.

"Get out of the car and stand in the circle. If I see you step out, I'll...

When I was a teen I had so many pimples...

in the library a blind man was trying to read my face.

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

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Two rich kids are caught doing drugs by a cop...

The cop recognizes them and tells them: "Since you have parents in high places, I'm gonna offer you a propisition. In 3 days from now, I want to find other teens like yourself and convince them to quit drugs."

3 days have past, and the two come to the officer with their results.

The fi...

I searched for "teen amateur takes on BBC"

It was pretty good, both reporters stuck to the facts.


*Ziiip*

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Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

The other day, I read that 40 percent of teens have tried drugs in school...

That was a hard pill to swallow.

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(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee.

I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly.

At the window, there was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated.

"I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

How many teens does it take to change a light bulb

1, they stand there and wait for the world to revolve around them

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A Dad is walking past his teen son's open bedroom door and hears the sounds of masturbation.

Looking inside his assumption is confirmed. "Son, relax, you're not in trouble, you've done nothing wrong." Junior is frozen in shock by his Dad. Dad continues, "You should just save that till after you're married." Dad then walks away and nothing else is said.

Years later, Dad is once ag...

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

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So there's this teen called John Dickens

He was bullied a lot at school, and was therefore called by his lastname more often. One day, John Dickens went to a waterpark, which was just across the street from another waterpark, a rival waterpark, so to speak.

John Dickens was having tons of fun in one of the waterparks, sliding down ...

Cop pulls up next to two teens in a dark parking spot.

He is surprised to find they are sitting there, literally just reading.

"Why are you reading? How old are you?"

"I'm 19 officer."

"And her?"

"Oh, she'll be 18 in 20 minutes."

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I was checking into a hotel with my family and given that my sons are in their teens...

I murmured to the receptionist: "Is the porn channel disabled?"

"No," she snarled, "it's the regular kind, you sick fuck!"

What did the depressed teen say in the Midwest?

Please end my Missouri

The "teen" years of the 21st century didn’t end in 2019 like they were supposed to

Twenty-Thir TEEN
Twenty-Four TEEN
Twenty-Fif TEEN
Twenty-Six TEEN
Twenty-Seven TEEN
Twenty-Eight TEEN
Twenty-Nine TEEN
Quar-an TEEN

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Quarrantine, Day 12: Excessive teen masturbation has caused zero hair growth on palms. Next update unknown...

...as I will be unable to use Father Calhoun's laptop while he is being treated for sudden onset blindness.

What’s something pregnant teens and their fetuses have in common?

They both think “mom is gonna kill me”

Look at those teens removing their pimples.

Well, they're part of pop culture now.

On a visit to see his grandmother, a teen boy listens as she goes on and on about the cost of living.

“When I was a young girl,” she moans, “you could go to the store with a dollar and come home with enough food to feed your family for weeks!”



“Well, Grandma,” the boy replies, “we learned about that in school recently, and that’s called inflation.”



“Inflation nothing!” ...

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

A teen is caught smoking pot behind a local convenience store.

He’s arrested and put in county jail.

The arresting officer advises the young pothead that he gets one phone call from jail. The teen makes his phone call and returns to his cell.

About a half hour later a man shows up at the police station. “I assume you’re the boy’s father,” the ar...

If you're a teen who doesn't drink

remember, don't succumb to beer pressure.

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

Two cowboys were in an old west bar getting drunk

There’s a spittoon that everyone has been using throughout the night to spit their chewing tobacco into. One cowboy challenges the other one to swallow a mouthful from the spittoon for $100.

The other cowboy agrees and tilts the spittoon to his lips. He takes a big gulp as everyone starts t...

What do you call a group of depressed teens?

A hangout

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A man suffering from severe headaches since his late teens decides to see a doctor

The doctor promptly begins examining him and says: "Well the good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration.

"What?" The man exclaims. "There must be some other way".

"Unfortunately not sir. You have a very rare condition which causes your testi...

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Halloween teens Party

A young boy walks into a Halloween teen party with no shirt on, only wearing a pair of loose jeans.

The host says, “Well, , this is a costume party.”

The young boy responds, “I’m in costume. I’m a premature ejaculation.”

The host asks, “how’s that?”

“I just came in my pan...

Parents of 12 year old gravel pits are always nervous...

The quarry teens are notoriously awful.

I just can't stop ogling at hot 18 year olds dressed in nothing but panties.

I could say I've a knicker teen addiction.

19 early teens went to a cinema to watch a dirty movie...

... they said "let us in, we're over 18".

There were once two people.

Eim and Ep.

One day, they came across a wizard. After a lot of bargaining, the wizard agreed to grant them each one wish. Ep requested a loving family. Ep was granted a rebellious teen daughter, a wife, and a young son. Eim requested ownership of a toy factory with elf workers that he will tr...

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What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has sex with under age teens?

In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be "Senator".

How many prepubescent teen boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

He said "screw" lolol

The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

Unlike their children.

I don't know why the teen that cracked egg on the Aussie senator's head is hailed as a hero.

He's clearly an eggstremist and we don't condone eggstremism

If Snapchat has taught me anything ...

... it's that a lot of today's teens look better as farm animals.

A 19-year-old teen had to be admitted after he became addicted to social media.

He’s currently being tweeted in hospital.

I don't know why Christians are so hard on unwed teen mothers.

I mean, Jesus turned out alright.

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Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

“My grandmother has Alzheimer’s,” a teen tells his friend as they walked past her sitting in the living room.

“That sucks,” the friend says.



“Yeah, but it’s got some upside,” the teen replies. “Like when I get twenty dollars for my birthday every week.”

What motivates teens to protest climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good.

Camping Trip

I was so excited, my teen son said he wanted us to go camping so we could spend time together.

I just didn't realize we would be camping at Best Buy so we can buy a PS5 tomorrow morning.

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

The government swore to shut down Fortnite due to claims of the video game aggravating children and teens worldwide.

Two weeks later, Fortnight was finished.

Give a teen a pizza, they'll be full for a day

Give a teen a tide pod, they'll be full for the rest of their life

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A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute

and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but littl...

A judge is hearing a murder trial.

Imp and her spirite-elf that was killed and the suspect, a 16 year old who's represented by his father, Ep.

After hearing the case, the judge decides.

Ep's teen didn't kill Imp's elf.

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Why are the top porn searches always for "Teen" and "MILF" age groups?

Because millennials are sick of watching each other get fucked.

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One summers day, a group of young girls decide to go swimming...

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming rather than class. Instead of the more popular spots, the friends choose a discreet little pond on the far side of the lake. Sure, its privately owned but they're unlikely to be discovered there.

When the young ladies get to the pond, t...

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Being a teen parent is like pooping...

That little shit always shows up when you least expect it

A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in

"I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

Kurt Cobain hated “Smells Like Teen Spirit” so much...

He killed the songwriter

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers.

God says "Today all teenagers use drugs"

"You're right" replies Peter "I will now go on earth to see if really all teenagers use them"

After a bit Peter returns and tells God that the teens are coming. Few seconds later so...

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Alright class. Today, we're going to educate all teens about safe sex.

Or E.A.T.A.S.S for short

When I was a teen, Michael Jackson completely ruined me

He told to "beat it" and that's why I never had a girlfriend

A worried father calls the family doctor because he thinks his teen son has caught a venereal disease.

“I think he got it from the maid,” says the concerned dad, “and I’ve also been sleeping with the maid.”



“Okay,” the doctor replies calmly. “Well, when you bring him into the office we’ll take a look at you as well.”



“And that’s not all,” the father continues. “I think I...

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What Does An Unborn Baby & Their Teen Mother **Both** Share In Common?

They're Both Thinking **FUCK**, My Mom Is Going To **KILL ME**

Little Johnny gets caught playing doctor with the neighbour girl.

Dad doesn’t approve thinking Johnny is on track to knock up a young teen in a few years.
“Johnny, you know that girls have teeth down there?
“What, are you lying?”
“Nope, you need to keep clear of that business son”

Years later in high school Johnny starts dating a girl but after s...

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What's the difference between a fitness blog and a porn site?

One's all about proteins, whilst the other is more about amateur teens

I'm 37 years old, a husband, and a father of two pre-teens AND I don't tell Dad jokes...

because he left when I was 2.

What is the deadliest kind of teen?

A hungry one.










PSYCHE!

A guillotine.

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The Doctors visit

A man gets called into his doctors office to go over his lab results.


Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first?


Patient: I’d like to good news first doc...


Doctor: Well, you were absolutely right, your penis did grow an inch...
...

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Grandma joke

3 teenagers are walking in their neighbourhood, when they come across a house with an red apple tree in the garden.

The 3 go over the fence and steal some apples to eat.

While they are eating the apples, the grandma sees them and shouts:“Hey don’t steal my apples you little shits”
<...

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in pub...

Why are Muslim youth the best at dealing with pandemics?

Because as a Quran-Teen, you always keep Allah by your self.

2 Black teens enroll in Harvard. 1 studies to be a Medical Doctor, the other studies to be a lawyer. If becoming a doctor takes 4 years of class and 3 years of residency and becoming lawyer takes 1 years less of school then which one....

.... will get shot in a routine traffic stop first?

Three teens are granted a wish each..

Nothing special happens, they all just wish you'd leave them alone.

We all know that seven ate nine... We were even more disgusted to hear that seven was a six offender... It turns out that the most infamous number didn’t stop there...

Seven cut four teens in half!

What do you call it when a school is made for Tumblr teens?

Edgy-cation....



I’m sorry

A blonde teen goes to the doctor complaining of chest pain

Doctor : I guess I need see an x Ray to determine any damage to ribs

Blonde : Promise to delete after seeing

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney?

'Cause you got FINE written all over you.

How is Theresa May Like a Catholic Teen?

She's got no Plan B after she gets screwed.

So I've heard there's a heroin epidemic among white teens...

I guess they're used to shooting up to solve their problems

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Always get a second opinion.

A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. He went to the doctor who told him he has a rare testicular disorder that was restricting blood flow to his brain, resulting in the blinding headaches. Unfortunately, “the only way to be rid of them is to remove your testicles.”

“Who...

I saw a news story about teens getting high while washing in the shower...

They said it was leading to harder drug use and a real slippery soap.

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2018 was the first year with teen porn stars born in a different millennium

2019 will be the first year with "milf" porn starts born in a different millennium

What do pre-teen ducks hate?

Voice quacks.

Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day

Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book

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Grandpa’s take on porn

While visiting his grandparents, a teen walks into the living room and sees that he’s grandpa is watching porn. Slightly shocked the grandson says “Grandpa, what are you doing?” Grandpa not in the least bit startled replies “watching history shows sonny” so the grandson realizing the old man’s mista...

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A Joke I've Translated From British Sign Language

Jake and Harry are a gay, teen couple. One day Jake's parents announce they will be going on holiday for the weekend and the house will be empty.

Jake and Harry jump at the chance to get plenty of alone time and spend the weekend having non-stop anal sex.

On the sunday morning Harry re...

Teen pregnancy is horrible...

It creates child labor.

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A grandpa tells his teen grandson: "I will put 100 dollars under your pillow if you can find me a viagra pill right now". Ten minutes later grandson gives grandpa a viagra pill.

Next morning grandson looks under his pillow and finds 1,100 dollars. He goes to grandpa and says: "Grandpa what happened? Why did you give me 1,000 dollars more?" and grandpa says: "I only gave you 100 dollars. The rest is from your granny"

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble

Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.

In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"

His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

Defiantly s...

Do you know what pregnant teen, burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?

In every case some basted pulled out too late.

Why are Teen aged boys so good at fishing?

Because they're Master Baiters.

Teen Joke

Teacher:" What comes after 69?"
Student:" Mouthwash."
Teacher:"Get out."

the miracle of being a teen mom

when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.

Why didn't the Muslim youth get the coronavirus?

Because he was a Quran Teen.

What’s the difference between catholic priests and pimples?

Pimples doesn’t come on young boys faces until they are in their teens.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

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