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Teen Jokes

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the
porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded,
"How about $50?"

...

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A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze.

Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wo...

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing...

"My mom is gonna kill me."

A teen boy goes into a pharmacy and, somewhat embarrassed, asks the pharmacist how much a pack of condoms cost.

The pharmacist said a three pack was four-ninety-nine.

So the teen takes a five dollar bill from his wallet and puts it on the counter.

The pharmacist said "that'll be five dollars and thirty-five cents."

"But you said it was four-ninety-nine!"

"There's also tax."

...

How many teens does it take to change a light bulb

1, they stand there and wait for the world to revolve around them

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A family with two teens checks into a hotel.

The father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."


  

The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick bastard."

How many prepubescent teen boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

He said "screw" lolol

Teen pregnancy?

More like *child labour*

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, like one, three, five? Whatever, I just can't even...

Did you know teen pregnancies…

Take a sharp decline at the age of 20.

You can say what you will about Cis Teens

But they can sure make a nice chapel

A teen walks into a pharmacy

He walks up to the register and asks the cashier, “How much are condoms?”

The cashier smirks at the boy and replies, “$5”

The boy is visibly relieved and says, “okay! I’ll take them!”

The cashier scans the box and hands them to the boys and says, “That will be $5.40”

“Wh...

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

a very enthusiastic teen

Went to the drug store to get the necessities of his first love making experience.
He said to the pharmacist "I need 12 rubbers. I have a hot date with the school tramp. We are going all the way tonight"

Later that night at his dates house. The girls family invites him in for some dinner...

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a...

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Halloween teens Party

A young boy walks into a Halloween teen party with no shirt on, only wearing a pair of loose jeans.

The host says, “Well, , this is a costume party.”

The young boy responds, “I’m in costume. I’m a premature ejaculation.”

The host asks, “how’s that?”

“I just came in my pan...

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Teen Daughter

A mother took her teen daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.  It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Mam, Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor...

The seven stages of a woman's life:

1) Baby.

2) Little girl.

3) Preteen.

4) Teen.

5) Young woman.

6) Young woman.

7) Young woman.

A teen drama movie is kinda like the jewish flag

It’s nothing without a huge star

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

Thirsty teen takes his hot blonde date to prom

Walks into the school gym and is pleasantly surprised to find no punch line.

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A man is in a long line at the grocery store

A man is in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to dro...

A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in

"I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

If you're a teen who doesn't drink

remember, don't succumb to beer pressure.

My teen daughter is acting really odd.

She can’t even. It’s causing a family divide. We’ve got to figure it out before our problems multiply.

Cop pulls up next to two teens in a dark parking spot.

He is surprised to find they are sitting there, literally just reading.

"Why are you reading? How old are you?"

"I'm 19 officer."

"And her?"

"Oh, she'll be 18 in 20 minutes."

What did the depressed teen say to the other depressed teen?

Can you knot?

Teen Tricks His Mom

An embellished Knee-Slapper from 1896

William tells his ma that there are two holes in his trousers

His mom gives him a sad look. You know we can't afford a new pair of trousers.

William laughs and then tells her the two holes are what he puts his feet through.

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A teen girl asks her step dad to borrow the car...

He says no, she begs, he keeps saying no, then he finally says he'll let her use the car if she gives him a blowjob. She declines and goes up to her room, but later decides she'll go ahead and do that if it means she can use the car.

So she goes back to step dad and starts the dirty deed... A...

A mother takes her teenage daughter to her gynecologist appointment

The doctor performs a routine test and discovers the teen is pregnant. Her mother's face turns beet red. If smoke could escape her ears, it would fill the room.

The daughter pleads, "Mother, the doctor must be wrong, I've never even kissed a boy!!"

Upon hearing this, the doctor get up ...

A ragged looking teen is begging for food on the street

A guy comes along and buys him a sandwich. He asks the kid, “are you an orphan?”

The kid replies, “yes I am. What gave me away?”

The guy says, “obviously, your parents”

I searched for "teen amateur takes on BBC"

It was pretty good, both reporters stuck to the facts.


*Ziiip*

Teen Joke

Teacher:" What comes after 69?"
Student:" Mouthwash."
Teacher:"Get out."

When I was a teen I had so many pimples...

in the library a blind man was trying to read my face.

A teen is caught smoking pot behind a local convenience store.

He’s arrested and put in county jail.

The arresting officer advises the young pothead that he gets one phone call from jail. The teen makes his phone call and returns to his cell.

About a half hour later a man shows up at the police station. “I assume you’re the boy’s father,” the ar...

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What is the difference between American teen girls and Muslim teen girls?

American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.

Did you know that when you shoot different guns the smoke smells different?

For example a pistol won’t have a strong smell since it’s tiny.
An Assault rifle would smell like a lot of gun powder for how fast the bullets come out.
And apparently shotguns smell like teen spirit

What do you need for a job application for a teen drama?

A CW.

What did the depressed teen say in the Midwest?

Please end my Missouri

Look at those teens removing their pimples.

Well, they're part of pop culture now.

An immigrant teen is walking home from the supermarket when he sees an older gentleman with a broken down car on the side of the road...

He stops to help and immediately makes a good impression on the older fellow. Eventually they get the car going and the gentleman offers the boy a ride home. The teenager accepts, thinking it would be a great way to get home quickly, considering it's getting late and his mother was probably worried ...

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Being a teen parent is like pooping...

That little shit always shows up when you least expect it

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Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

Give a teen a pizza, they'll be full for a day

Give a teen a tide pod, they'll be full for the rest of their life

What do you call a group of depressed teens?

A hangout

I don't know why Christians are so hard on unwed teen mothers.

I mean, Jesus turned out alright.

What is the deadliest kind of teen?

A hungry one.










PSYCHE!

A guillotine.

A Jewish father was very upset with how his son was turning out

He went to the Rabbi to ask him for some advice. He said, "Rabbi, I'm very worried about my son, I gave him the best possible Jewish education and despite this, he's now in his teens and is becoming a Christian!"

The Rabbi said, "it's funny you should say that, I too had a son who I raised t...

What do pre-teen ducks hate?

Voice quacks.

Kurt Cobain hated “Smells Like Teen Spirit” so much...

He killed the songwriter

So I've heard there's a heroin epidemic among white teens...

I guess they're used to shooting up to solve their problems

Omar Epps moved next to Chris Hemsworth.

Initially they didn't talk much, but after a little time they started having family get-togethers. They became good friends for a while, even going so far as to have little decoration challenges every holiday.

Omar always pulled out all the stops come Christmas, and he seemed to enjoy it so m...

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A man suffering from severe headaches since his late teens decides to see a doctor

The doctor promptly begins examining him and says: "Well the good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration.

"What?" The man exclaims. "There must be some other way".

"Unfortunately not sir. You have a very rare condition which causes your testi...

What motivates teens to protest climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good.

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What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has sex with under age teens?

In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be "Senator".

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What do a pregnant teen and an fetus have in common?

They both think, “Shit, my mom is going to kill me.”

Three teens are granted a wish each..

Nothing special happens, they all just wish you'd leave them alone.

I was thinking of making a Groundhog Day style movie with Keanu Reeves as a teenager

Working title is john constant teen

How is Theresa May Like a Catholic Teen?

She's got no Plan B after she gets screwed.

the miracle of being a teen mom

when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.

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Teen drug bust

Two teens are busted by the cops for possession of narcotics. Their day in court rolls around and the judge says to them:
"I'd hate to throw two young men in prison for a half-dozen years for something like this. I'll give you a week to convince as many people as you can to never do drugs and I'...

My wife and I were walking out of a restaurant with a doggie bag, when we saw a young teen in shabby clothes sitting on the sidewalk

He asked if he could have our leftovers, so I gladly gave them to him.

I asked him if he was an orphan.

He said "Yes I am - what gave me away?"

I replied "Obviously, your parents."

Why is Leo DiCaprio soo good at Black Jack?

He always hits on teens and never goes over 21.

19 early teens went to a cinema to watch a dirty movie...

... they said "let us in, we're over 18".

Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig

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A Dad is walking past his teen son's open bedroom door and hears the sounds of masturbation.

Looking inside his assumption is confirmed. "Son, relax, you're not in trouble, you've done nothing wrong." Junior is frozen in shock by his Dad. Dad continues, "You should just save that till after you're married." Dad then walks away and nothing else is said.

Years later, Dad is once ag...

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble

Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.

In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"

His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

Defiantly s...

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What Does An Unborn Baby & Their Teen Mother **Both** Share In Common?

They're Both Thinking **FUCK**, My Mom Is Going To **KILL ME**

The other day, I read that 40 percent of teens have tried drugs in school...

That was a hard pill to swallow.

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(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club.

Teen: Dad, no!!!





Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

A blonde teen goes to the doctor complaining of chest pain

Doctor : I guess I need see an x Ray to determine any damage to ribs

Blonde : Promise to delete after seeing

Why are Teen aged boys so good at fishing?

Because they're Master Baiters.

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Why are the top porn searches always for "Teen" and "MILF" age groups?

Because millennials are sick of watching each other get fucked.

We all know that seven ate nine... We were even more disgusted to hear that seven was a six offender... It turns out that the most infamous number didn’t stop there...

Seven cut four teens in half!

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

I heard this pitiful joke when I was a teen.

Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up.

There was a massive $20m gold heist at Toronto Pearson Airport this morning.

They’ll be doing a movie about it called oceans Eh-teen.

Zack Snyder's DCEU movies resemble emo teens a little bit too much.

Dark, devoid of fun, sometimes cringy and cuts everywhere.

Sometimes they even cut something very important.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

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Tough Guy picking on a teen

Tough guy: I bet your still a Virgin! HAHAHAHA
Other Guy: I was a Virgin until last night
Tough guy: As if!
Other guy: Yeah man just ask your sister
Tough Guy: I don't have a sister???
Other Guy: You will in about 9 months

I still have a lot of teen angst

You wouldn't understand

On a visit to see his grandmother, a teen boy listens as she goes on and on about the cost of living.

“When I was a young girl,” she moans, “you could go to the store with a dollar and come home with enough food to feed your family for weeks!”



“Well, Grandma,” the boy replies, “we learned about that in school recently, and that’s called inflation.”



“Inflation nothing!” ...

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Quarrantine, Day 12: Excessive teen masturbation has caused zero hair growth on palms. Next update unknown...

...as I will be unable to use Father Calhoun's laptop while he is being treated for sudden onset blindness.

The "teen" years of the 21st century didn’t end in 2019 like they were supposed to

Twenty-Thir TEEN
Twenty-Four TEEN
Twenty-Fif TEEN
Twenty-Six TEEN
Twenty-Seven TEEN
Twenty-Eight TEEN
Twenty-Nine TEEN
Quar-an TEEN

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Alright class. Today, we're going to educate all teens about safe sex.

Or E.A.T.A.S.S for short

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When I was a teen, i'd have sex with all types of food. Pies, watermelons, bananas.... come to think of it, fruit were the best for sex.

Except lemons. Never touched those. Didn't wanna get lemonaids.

Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a young high school lad came up to his table.

“Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, “my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?”
“What kind of favor?” Sinatra asked.
Well, I’m here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say ‘Hi, Be...

A 19-year-old teen had to be admitted after he became addicted to social media.

He’s currently being tweeted in hospital.

I look back at my emo teen phase in fear

I think I have PTxD

Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day

Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book

The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

Unlike their children.

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I was checking into a hotel with my family and given that my sons are in their teens...

I murmured to the receptionist: "Is the porn channel disabled?"

"No," she snarled, "it's the regular kind, you sick fuck!"

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2018 was the first year with teen porn stars born in a different millennium

2019 will be the first year with "milf" porn starts born in a different millennium

What do you call it when a school is made for Tumblr teens?

Edgy-cation....



I’m sorry

I don't know why the teen that cracked egg on the Aussie senator's head is hailed as a hero.

He's clearly an eggstremist and we don't condone eggstremism

Do you know what pregnant teen, burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?

In every case some basted pulled out too late.

It's going to be in the teens all next week

just like Kevin Spacey

I'm 37 years old, a husband, and a father of two pre-teens AND I don't tell Dad jokes...

because he left when I was 2.

A worried father calls the family doctor because he thinks his teen son has caught a venereal disease.

“I think he got it from the maid,” says the concerned dad, “and I’ve also been sleeping with the maid.”



“Okay,” the doctor replies calmly. “Well, when you bring him into the office we’ll take a look at you as well.”



“And that’s not all,” the father continues. “I think I...

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