What do you call a dinosaur that teaches preschool?

A Montessaurus!

What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Iraqi preschool?

I have no idea, I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.

When he got home he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence. But she yelled "Shut up, I'm on the phone!" So he wrote that down.

He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for just scored the winning goal, so he shouted "...

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A cattle rancher walks into a bar...

He walks up and orders a strong drink, "herding cattle is tough work!"

The bartender nods.

In walks a middle-aged woman, who orders two strong drinks, "Cattle? Try herding cats! I've got eight of them!"

The bartender raises an eyebrow, but nods.

Then comes a preschool t...

Preschools and bars have the same rule.

You pee your pants, you go home.

On the first day of preschool, kids are taught how to play Simon Says

After you graduate high school and get a job, you find out your boss is Simon and you got duped into going to school for 10 years when you learned all you had to know on your first day of preschool.

Frustrated, you go back to your high school teacher to learn something useful for once, "Teach...

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According to the journal Nature ...

researchers at Kyoto University
in Japan have a chimpanzee that can remember the correct
sequence of five random numbers and performed about as well as
an average preschool child. [Unfortunately, now they have to
keep her separated from the rest of the chimps. She took all of
the...

A preschool teacher is teaching a student basic geography

Teacher: "what state do you live in?"

Student: "denial."

(Courtesy of a two year old preschooler) why did the banana go to the doctor?...

Because he didn’t peel right!

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today.

Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."...

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

Did you hear about the preschool kidnapping?

He woke up

Jesus is in the bathroom

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his ...

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A man walks into a bar.

There are a dozen people around a table. One of them screams "23" and everyone laughs their ass off. Another says "19". Again lot of laughing. A third one says "11". Nobody says a word, all waiting this awkward moment to pass.

The man asks to one of the guys what's going on. "You know, we are...

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There was once a boy who was born into a very rich family.

There was once a boy who was born into a very rich family. His parents could afford to give him anything he wanted. Well, the boy finally graduated from preschool. So far, he had already mastered his ABC’s and could count to one hundred perfectly. He could even spell fairly well, and his reading was...

A prisoner spends years digging a tunnel out of jail ...

He comes up inside a preschool yard. He starts jumping up and down and screaming "I'm free!! I'm free!!"

A little kid tugs on his pants. The prisoner looks down and the kid says nonchalantly: "So what? I'm four."

caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.

Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and pro...

Timmy Learns to Count

A preschool teacher asked her students in class, "who can count from one to ten?"

Little 3-year old Timmy swiftly raised his hand, "I can!" and started counting "one, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"

The teacher is impressed, "Well done Timmy! Who taught you that?"...

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull on a preschool playground.

A Rabbi, a Lutheran Priest and a Catholic Priest are preparing for a party

First the Rabbi goes into a liquor store and grabs Hennessy,
Then the Lutheran Priest goes into the liquor store and grabs Makers Mark
Finally the Catholic Priest goes into the preschool and grabs Johnnie Walker

A man in prison

A man, who is sentenced to life imprisonment, decides to dig a tunnel to escape. He works for many months on this tunnel, and finally finishes it. He decides to break out during the day, figuring the guards will not suspect this. As he breaks through the ground to the surface, he finds himself in a ...

What's accounting?

Something Italians learn in preschool.

Ugly Faces

One fine day in a preschool....
Child: -makes ugly faces-
Teacher: Stop it
Child: Why?
Teacher: When I was your age, my teacher told me if I make ugly faces, it'll stay that way
Child: Oh, you didn't listen did you?

What's got four legs and one arm?

An attack dog in a preschool.

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