My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother

until my mom took the urn from me.

M. C. Escher had a very tough childhood

Not only did he have to walk to and from school, but it was uphill both ways.

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A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

worst part of childhood is monsters in the closet/under the bed

worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them

An american comes back to the old country and is trying to explain his childhood friend what america is all about. "I jump in my truck in the morning and drive all day, and by night I still have not reached the other side of my farm"

"I know, I got a car just like that"

I Had A Fun Childhood

My dad used to push me down a hill in some old tires..


They were GoodYears

My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad.

Until mom found out and hid the urn.

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:

Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.

Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.

Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings

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A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

“My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the g...

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

What was Dwayne Johnson called in his childhood?

The Pebble.

Just remembered a classic from my childhood

When I say childhood, I mean from the playground at primary school.

3 men are out for a walk when a man approaches them.

"Come with me, I have a magic slide. Whatever you shout as you slide down it, you will land in"

The first man climbed into the slide "Gold!" He shouted and la...

It was my childhood dream to become a painter...

ever since my doctor first told me I was artistic.

Childhood is like being drunk,

everyone remembers what you did, except you

Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year

Hers is in February and mine in July

What's the difference between childhood and adulthood?

"Wow, you're fast," goes from being a compliment to being an insult.

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an...

Two students were talking about their childhood.

I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk."


"You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"

What was Trump’s favorite childhood story?

Winnie the Coup.

An old man lay dying… (long)

He’d led a good life but now it was close to the end. He mentally replayed the years - all the good experiences and some of the hardships.

Suddenly he smelled a smell from his childhood. Yes! It was the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking. What great memories he had of hid mother bak...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

The star football player was missing his academic requirements

He was the best player they'd seen in years, but unfortunately, shared an IQ with his helmet. Regulations required that the player be benched until he brought his grades back up.

The coach, wanting to win their first season in decades, pled to allow the player to finish the season. It was fin...

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A true story

Saw my Doctor this morning about my undescended testicle, he seemed surprised that this hadn’t been caught in early childhood during any of my checkups.

He asked, “did your parents never check you as a baby?”

I replied, “no, they really dropped the ball on this one”

He smiled. ...

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy

it is a touchy subject

This one is from my mom's childhood

One night, a young lad had a little too much to drink. He starts heading home. He is passing through his neighborhood to get to his house. As he walks, he yells, "People!" There is no reaction from the neighborhood, so he yells "people!" louder. No reaction again. Finally, he hollers, "Hey you peopl...

The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.

It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

A joke from my childhood

Patient: Doctor my eye always hurts when I drink tea.
Doctor: Get the spoon out from your cup dummy.
Patient: Oh thank you.
Doctor: Now pay $50.

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All these reviews people are leaving in the comment section of pornhub

I just hope there’s a pretentious ratatouille style porn critic who sees that one video that sends him back to his childhood when he developed his very first kink

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. "What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "N...

Did you hear the story about the rabbit's childhood?

It's a hare-raising tale!

Bro#1 : Hey, how come you never talk about your childhood?

Bro#2 : oh... I come from a broken home.

Bro#1 : What happened?

Bro#2 : The plumbing never worked.

Bro#1 : Not really a broken home.

Bro#2 : You could not flush the toilet....

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A terrible joke from my childhood

Three friends all were in the same class at school. They all had nicknames for eachother that were Dick, Pee and Zip. These names caught on and soon everyone, even teachers, refered to them by their nicknames.

One day they were all in class and their teacher left the room and the three boys t...

How do you know your childhood is over?

The priest stops touching you.

I played with my childhood console this morning.

It was a good Wiiunion.

From childhood, I believed air was free

But then I bought a pack of wafers...

Why did the avatar have a troubled childhood?

He had a lot of teenage aang-st

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

So after hours of looking I finally found this old clock joke from my childhood.

It’s about time.

Jack Schitt, Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock a...

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If you think you had an embarrassing childhood, my Father's name was Richard.

Half of my family photos contained Dick picks.

My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!

Me in August, and her in November.

A joke from my childhood

Three vampires entered a "special" club. The first vampire is wealthy. The second is middle class, while the third is poor.

The first vampire said to the waiter, "I would like the freshest human blood you have."

The second one said, "A cup of animal blood for me, please."

The th...

My childhood was effectively over at 11.

That's when the bars closed and my uncle came home.

I wanted to revisit my childhood, so I got out Super Mario Bros. and started playing

But soon I realized, no matter how much you try, you can't go back.

Ten years ago today, I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman on earth to marry me.

All three said no.

What was 16's favorite childhood game?

4 square

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I stopped by the house I spent my childhood in, and I politely asked the owners if I could look around. They said no and slammed the door in my face

My parents can be so fucking rude sometimes.

My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses...

Before that, life was a blur...

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One of the only jokes I remember from childhood...

Superman was flying around Metropolis on a sunny day, and it was a boring one. No crime to fight.
So he keeps flying around the city, cruising around - and finally he sees Wonder Woman on top of a building, sunbathing in the nude.
Superman circles around the city a few times, getting hornier...

Two childhood friends, Thomas and Jeremy, won the first division lottery.

A week after having won millions of dollars, Thomas asked "Hey Jeremy, what do we do about the begging letters now we're millionaires?"

"Ah, we keep sending them out and seeing who responds."

I gave my kids the childhood I never had.

I had a great childhood.

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An old Jewish man is on his deathbed and he calls his wife over to him. "Esther, when we were childhood sweethearts during the war and were captured by the Nazis and put in the concentration camp, you were by my side."

"After the war, when we moved to England, got married and had to work 12 hours a day to pay for a single room, you were by my side."

"Later when my business collapsed and we were again left penniless, you were by my side."

"And now finally, as I prepare to die, you are again by my sid...

Childhood was hard

I was a ugly kid growing up

When I played in the sandbox, cat kept covering me up

My childhood was like a game of chess.

My dad always beat me.

If you ask Vanilla Ice's mother about his childhood...

she'll tell you that he was a nice, nice baby.

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Sex with me is just like my childhood birthday parties

No one ever comes and I cry when it's all over

Playing a childhood video game to relive old memories is like hooking up with your EX...

Seems fun at first, but then you remember why you stopped in the first place.

One of my dearest childhood friends is now a world champion wrestler

He’s so popular. Got sponsorship deals with Nike and Adidas. He’s even in talks with UFC! He’s touring the world and hanging out with celebrities. I’m so damned proud of him!!
Only thing is, I’ve been trying for months to get him to meet up for a drink, but he’s a hard man to pin down.

John and Bill were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.

When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bill but could not find him anywhere.

Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bill was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!” St. Peter said, “My son, I am sorry to tell you Bill didn’t make it to ...

I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision

A joke from Taiwan slightly adapted to suit the world better

At a high school reunion, a group of people were having a chat, looking back on their childhood.

One of the guys said: "I used to look really pretty and my mom always took care of my looks, so everyone thought I was a girl."

Another replied: "That definitely caused a lot of troubles!"<...

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

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Bill suffered an excruciating pain in his balls since childhood. No doctor could ever diagnose what was wrong with them. So finally, they suggested him to get them operated.

After the operation, now being a free man, with slightly lesser pain than earlier, he was happy and wanted to start his life afresh. So he went to the garments shop closest to the hospital.

'Excuse me, I'd like to buy a suit, could you please take my measures?' said Bill to the owner of the s...

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A childhood story my teacher shared

My intercultural communication teacher told us this today. Thought I'd share.

When he was about 16, he and his friends got the bright idea of egging some military vehicle. Once the eggs flew and hit their mark, a few marines in training around their early 20s rushed from the vehicle and appre...

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Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

Being the son of an alcoholic genie was pretty tough

He spent most of my childhood in the bottle

Joke from my childhood: “I hope the rain keeps up...”

“...That way it won’t keep coming down!”

I had an unhappy childhood. Many's the night I've spent tied up in a burlap sack in the cellar after a thorough beating.

But it doesn't make up for my childhood.

Childhood Diseases

As the couple gets into bed for the first time the man tells the woman, “I've had some illnesses when I was young that has left me with some slight physical deformities, so please don't laugh.” He pulls down his trousers and his knees are severely deformed. He looks at the woman and says, “I had kne...

Did you hear about Michael Jackson's memoir of his childhood?

It's called *Fondle Memories*

Preventing childhood obesity...

It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.

Another of my favorite childhood jokes: taking the dog to the vet

A woman became concerned about her dog after he started showing little interest in things he used to love. She also noticed him spending most of the day sleeping and lagging behind on walks, so she decided to take him to the vet.

The vet picked up the dog and checked him all over, intensely s...

Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"

"Wow! That must have been scary!"

"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

Young Boy : Grandpa, tell me a story of your childhood

Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.

YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?

OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do...

Three childhood friends sign up for the army

And it's their first day, time for assignments.

The drill Sergeant asks the first one. "WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?"

"I like to go sailing!" he replied.

"OK, YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE OF BOATS!"

The second friend stood up for his turn, and was asked the same question. "I like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's 5Q + 5Q?

10Q

You're welcome.


Just a corny ass joke from my childhood. It gets a laugh 60% of the time, every time

Dear Lord, you have given me a great childhood

It was beautiful

Then you’ve taken it away

Dear Lord, then you’ve given me a great youth

It was beautiful

Then you’ve taken it away

Then, Dear Lord you’ve given me a wife

Oh, I’m just reminding

End childhood obesity...

Eat your kids’ Easter eggs

This is more of a sight gag that works really well in front of easily embarrassed or nonplussed mixed company. Hopefully I've told it well enough for it to be useful for others to use if they so desire.

Two childhood male friends recognized each other at their 40th high school reunion. While they were reminiscing one asked the other..
"Hey, have you seen Alice Fortney yet?

"No, what's up with her?"

Holding his cupped hands chest high, about a foot in front of him he tells his frien...

I used to be good at operating a boomerang.

It was difficult to re-learn a childhood hobby...

*but then it came back*

Do you know what I miss about my childhood?

Not caring about spelling and chocolate milf

I have a childhood friend who has suffered from schizophrenia his whole life. In fact, he never moved out…

He still lives in my head.

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

...then I came to my census

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a troubled childhood, my parents never put a hand over my eyes when people were kissing on the television.

They tried to push down my boner instead.

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I always wanted to become the world's youngest Elvis impersonator. My childhood was nonstop guitar practice voice training and dance class. I went to countless auditions before ever hitting puberty My performance was flawless but every time but every audition ended the same way...

... they looked me right in my face & said sorry kid you don't have the Chops.

They say that curiosity kills the cat.

My childhood memories are ruined, now that i realized that Curious George is a cat killer

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic abuse or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

My friend showed me some of his childhood photos.

"These look nothing like you!" My friend responded "Why would they?"

A kid with a speech impediment spends his entire childhood in speech therapy.

Youthless

How many steps? - Add questions if you have something similar.

* How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge?
* Three: open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
* How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the fridge?
* Four: open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge.
* All the an...

Joke from my childhood: What do you call a pig that losses its voice?

Disgruntled

Jim Abbott had an aid his entire childhood

He was his right hand man

I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most?

A kaleidoscope!

Stalin was visiting a town (actual joke from Soviet era)

Stalin was visiting a small town in Russia. Huge crowd was there to receive him, holding signs with words of praise for Stalin, Party, Union etc.

Among them, secret police officers spotted a particularly old man holding a sign saying "Thank you comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood!".
...

Those childhood days(real incident)

I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously


Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.

Old corny joke from my childhood.

Once upon a time there were three brothers.

There names were Shadhap, Traboule and Mannars.

One day Traboule was lost so the two other brothers went to the police.

Then Mannars had to go to the washroom and told his brother to talk to the policeman.

The policeman asked, "...

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