Childhood Jokes

...until my mom took the urn back.

Not only did he have to walk to and from school, but it was uphill both ways.

... everyone remembers what you did except you.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl... read more

He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her. She named the baby girl "Love," inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately,... read more

Every generation introduces a new batch of cute monsters that just want to battle each other.

Hers is in February and mine in July

Yes I’m recycling myself. But I’m in therapy now :)

you are just living in the past tents.

I’ve been trying to fill those holes ever since.

worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them

Until my mother hid his urn away from me.

Credit. Sandi Toksvig

When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally took a misstep and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried.I’d always heard adults talk about i... read more

taking candy away from a baby.

My parents are the worst.

Me in August, and her in November.

she'll tell you that he was a nice, nice baby.

But after learning how to build Robots, I made lots of friends.

Those were the Good Years.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy's gotten!

Patient: Doctor my eye always hurts when I drink tea.
Doctor: Get the spoon out from your cup dummy.
Patient: Oh thank you.
Doctor: Now pay $50.

I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk."


"You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"

"Wow, you're fast," goes from being a compliment to being an insult.

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an... read more

My dad used to push me down a hill in some old tires..


They were GoodYears

That's when the bars closed and my uncle came home.

it is a touchy subject

Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.

Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.

Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings

But soon I realized, no matter how much you try, you can't go back.

When I say childhood, I mean from the playground at primary school.

3 men are out for a walk when a man approaches them.

"Come with me, I have a magic slide. Whatever you shout as you slide down it, you will land in"

The first man climbed into the slide "Gold!" He shouted and la... read more

I was a ugly kid growing up

When I played in the sandbox, cat kept covering me up

I had a great childhood.

but instead it burns when I pee

The priest stops touching you.

Winnie the Coup.

ever since my doctor first told me I was artistic.

But then I bought a pack of wafers...

It was a good Wiiunion.

As the couple gets into bed for the first time the man tells the woman, “I've had some illnesses when I was young that has left me with some slight physical deformities, so please don't laugh.” He pulls down his trousers and his knees are severely deformed. He looks at the woman and says, “I had kne... read more

Three vampires entered a "special" club. The first vampire is wealthy. The second is middle class, while the third is poor.

The first vampire said to the waiter, "I would like the freshest human blood you have."

The second one said, "A cup of animal blood for me, please."

The th... read more

4 square

It's a hare-raising tale!

I only had regular vision

Eat your kids’ Easter eggs

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes.
"What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said.
"Don't you mean Polio?"
"No, Tolio, it only affects the toes."
Not wanting to ruin the moo... read more

There was once this old lady who lived in a little pink house. One night she decided to get ready for bed, so she put on her little pink slippers, her little pink nightie and her little pink dressing gown, and climbed up her little pink stairs to go to her little pink bedroom. Once there, she took o... read more

A week after having won millions of dollars, Thomas asked "Hey Jeremy, what do we do about the begging letters now we're millionaires?"

"Ah, we keep sending them out and seeing who responds."

And it's their first day, time for assignments.

The drill Sergeant asks the first one. "WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?"

"I like to go sailing!" he replied.

"OK, YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE OF BOATS!"

The second friend stood up for his turn, and was asked the same question. "I like t... read more

I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously


Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.

It's called *Fondle Memories*

Before that, life was a blur...

“...That way it won’t keep coming down!”

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared... read more

My dad always took a good swing at me.

Not caring about spelling and chocolate milf

Kid Nostradamus asks his mom:

"Mom, what's for dinner?"

"Like you don't know, you little prick!"

As simple as taking candy from a baby.

^thank ^you ^[u/HelpdeskHistorian](http://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2gru5q/childhood_obesity_can_literally_be_cured_by/)

It was beautiful

Then you’ve taken it away

Dear Lord, then you’ve given me a great youth

It was beautiful

Then you’ve taken it away

Then, Dear Lord you’ve given me a wife

Oh, I’m just reminding

He was his right hand man

Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.

YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?

OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do... read more

Once upon a time there were three brothers.

There names were Shadhap, Traboule and Mannars.

One day Traboule was lost so the two other brothers went to the police.

Then Mannars had to go to the washroom and told his brother to talk to the policeman.

The policeman asked, "... read more

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.

So she cut 'em up, put 'em into pies,
Took 'em to the fair and won first prize!

Stalin was visiting a small town in Russia. Huge crowd was there to receive him, holding signs with words of praise for Stalin, Party, Union etc.

Among them, secret police officers spotted a particularly old man holding a sign saying "Thank you comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood!".
... read more

...then I came to my census

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"

"Wow! That must have been scary!"

"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

Seems fun at first, but then you remember why you stopped in the first place.

All three said no.

A woman became concerned about her dog after he started showing little interest in things he used to love. She also noticed him spending most of the day sleeping and lagging behind on walks, so she decided to take him to the vet.

The vet picked up the dog and checked him all over, intensely s... read more

He was always afraid of the dark.

When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bill but could not find him anywhere.

Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bill was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!” St. Peter said, “My son, I am sorry to tell you Bill didn’t make it to ... read more

Youthless

House.