My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother

until my mom took the urn from me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

“My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the g...

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an...

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year

Hers is in February and mine in July

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

This one is from my mom's childhood

One night, a young lad had a little too much to drink. He starts heading home. He is passing through his neighborhood to get to his house. As he walks, he yells, "People!" There is no reaction from the neighborhood, so he yells "people!" louder. No reaction again. Finally, he hollers, "Hey you peopl...

What's the difference between childhood and adulthood?

"Wow, you're fast," goes from being a compliment to being an insult.

I had a really happy childhood.

My Dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down the hill.

Those were the Goodyears..............

I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy

it is a touchy subject

A joke from my childhood

Patient: Doctor my eye always hurts when I drink tea.
Doctor: Get the spoon out from your cup dummy.
Patient: Oh thank you.
Doctor: Now pay $50.

Did you hear the story about the rabbit's childhood?

It's a hare-raising tale!

Bro#1 : Hey, how come you never talk about your childhood?

Bro#2 : oh... I come from a broken home.

Bro#1 : What happened?

Bro#2 : The plumbing never worked.

Bro#1 : Not really a broken home.

Bro#2 : You could not flush the toilet....

I played with my childhood console this morning.

It was a good Wiiunion.

From childhood, I believed air was free

But then I bought a pack of wafers...

Everyone has imaginary friends during their childhood.

My grandmother, although very old, still has one.
She calls him Jesus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A terrible joke from my childhood

Three friends all were in the same class at school. They all had nicknames for eachother that were Dick, Pee and Zip. These names caught on and soon everyone, even teachers, refered to them by their nicknames.

One day they were all in class and their teacher left the room and the three boys t...

A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes.

"What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked.

"I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said.

"Don't you mean Polio?"

"No, Tolio, it only affects the toes."

Not w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

Why did the avatar have a troubled childhood?

He had a lot of teenage aang-st

I had a wonderful childhood. I remember the summer of 1992, my dad put me in a tire and rolled me down a big hill.

It was a Goodyear.

Now you know

Jack Schitt, Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's 5Q + 5Q?

10Q

You're welcome.


Just a corny ass joke from my childhood. It gets a laugh 60% of the time, every time

I used to be good at operating a boomerang.

It was difficult to re-learn a childhood hobby...

*but then it came back*

Y’know what show always reminds me of my childhood?

Naked and Afraid

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

How do you know your childhood is over?

The priest stops touching you.

So after hours of looking I finally found this old clock joke from my childhood.

It’s about time.

They say that curiosity kills the cat.

My childhood memories are ruined, now that i realized that Curious George is a cat killer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you think you had an embarrassing childhood, my Father's name was Richard.

Half of my family photos contained Dick picks.

How many steps? - Add questions if you have something similar.

* How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge?
* Three: open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
* How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the fridge?
* Four: open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge.
* All the an...

Ten years ago today, I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman on earth to marry me.

All three said no.

The fact that I had a wonderful childhood really sucks,

because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

What was 16's favorite childhood game?

4 square

My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!

Me in August, and her in November.

A joke from my childhood

Three vampires entered a "special" club. The first vampire is wealthy. The second is middle class, while the third is poor.

The first vampire said to the waiter, "I would like the freshest human blood you have."

The second one said, "A cup of animal blood for me, please."

The th...

Two childhood friends, Thomas and Jeremy, won the first division lottery.

A week after having won millions of dollars, Thomas asked "Hey Jeremy, what do we do about the begging letters now we're millionaires?"

"Ah, we keep sending them out and seeing who responds."

I wanted to revisit my childhood, so I got out Super Mario Bros. and started playing

But soon I realized, no matter how much you try, you can't go back.

Childhood was hard

I was a ugly kid growing up

When I played in the sandbox, cat kept covering me up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance,

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could dea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

A college freshman in the year 2034 opens a bottle of cheapo vodka and immediately exclaims:

Smells just like my childhood!

My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses...

Before that, life was a blur...

My childhood was effectively over at 11.

That's when the bars closed and my uncle came home.

I stopped by my childhood home and asked the owners politely whether I can have a look around. They immediately said no and slammed the door on my face.

My parents can be so rude sometimes.

Childhood is like getting drunk..

... everyone remembers what you did except you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish man is on his deathbed and he calls his wife over to him. "Esther, when we were childhood sweethearts during the war and were captured by the Nazis and put in the concentration camp, you were by my side."

"After the war, when we moved to England, got married and had to work 12 hours a day to pay for a single room, you were by my side."

"Later when my business collapsed and we were again left penniless, you were by my side."

"And now finally, as I prepare to die, you are again by my sid...

My childhood was like a game of chess.

My dad always beat me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill suffered an excruciating pain in his balls since childhood. No doctor could ever diagnose what was wrong with them. So finally, they suggested him to get them operated.

After the operation, now being a free man, with slightly lesser pain than earlier, he was happy and wanted to start his life afresh. So he went to the garments shop closest to the hospital.

'Excuse me, I'd like to buy a suit, could you please take my measures?' said Bill to the owner of the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the only jokes I remember from childhood...

Superman was flying around Metropolis on a sunny day, and it was a boring one. No crime to fight.
So he keeps flying around the city, cruising around - and finally he sees Wonder Woman on top of a building, sunbathing in the nude.
Superman circles around the city a few times, getting hornier...

One of my dearest childhood friends is now a world champion wrestler

He’s so popular. Got sponsorship deals with Nike and Adidas. He’s even in talks with UFC! He’s touring the world and hanging out with celebrities. I’m so damned proud of him!!
Only thing is, I’ve been trying for months to get him to meet up for a drink, but he’s a hard man to pin down.

The elf in the Fellowship of the Ring must not have had that great of a childhood.

Since there's no plastic in Middle Earth, he was lego-less

John and Bill were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.

When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bill but could not find him anywhere.

Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bill was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!” St. Peter said, “My son, I am sorry to tell you Bill didn’t make it to ...

Playing a childhood video game to relive old memories is like hooking up with your EX...

Seems fun at first, but then you remember why you stopped in the first place.

I gave my kids the childhood I never had.

I had a great childhood.

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A childhood story my teacher shared

My intercultural communication teacher told us this today. Thought I'd share.

When he was about 16, he and his friends got the bright idea of egging some military vehicle. Once the eggs flew and hit their mark, a few marines in training around their early 20s rushed from the vehicle and appre...

If you ask Vanilla Ice's mother about his childhood...

she'll tell you that he was a nice, nice baby.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is just like my childhood birthday parties

No one ever comes and I cry when it's all over

I had an unhappy childhood. Many's the night I've spent tied up in a burlap sack in the cellar after a thorough beating.

But it doesn't make up for my childhood.

morning wood is like my childhood...

wasted potential

Joke from my childhood: “I hope the rain keeps up...”

“...That way it won’t keep coming down!”

Childhood Diseases

As the couple gets into bed for the first time the man tells the woman, “I've had some illnesses when I was young that has left me with some slight physical deformities, so please don't laugh.” He pulls down his trousers and his knees are severely deformed. He looks at the woman and says, “I had kne...

You know?If I learned anything...

I can say, 'maturity is a lot like my childhood memories of my school time bullies. They were right'.

Young Boy : Grandpa, tell me a story of your childhood

Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.

YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?

OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 40 years old man goes to a circus show

He went there to remind himself of his most precious childhood memories, but mostly because the flyers advertised a pretty peculiar act.

The clowns, the animals, the magicians, all did their part but by the end of the show enters a little old man in his seventies, wearing a bathrobe. The old ...

Another of my favorite childhood jokes: taking the dog to the vet

A woman became concerned about her dog after he started showing little interest in things he used to love. She also noticed him spending most of the day sleeping and lagging behind on walks, so she decided to take him to the vet.

The vet picked up the dog and checked him all over, intensely s...

Did you hear about Michael Jackson's memoir of his childhood?

It's called *Fondle Memories*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cousin is a super hairy dude,

We used to nickname him Cousin "It" affectionately.

I remember chatting to him in our freshmen year trying to figure out what our dreams and aspirations were. Cousin It was a weird dude, he didn't really fit in most circles! He was always super quiet and didn't stand out much.
He was hell...

Dear Lord, you have given me a great childhood

It was beautiful

Then you’ve taken it away

Dear Lord, then you’ve given me a great youth

It was beautiful

Then you’ve taken it away

Then, Dear Lord you’ve given me a wife

Oh, I’m just reminding

Preventing childhood obesity...

It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.

End childhood obesity...

Eat your kids’ Easter eggs

Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"

"Wow! That must have been scary!"

"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

Do you know what I miss about my childhood?

Not caring about spelling and chocolate milf

Stalin was visiting a town (actual joke from Soviet era)

Stalin was visiting a small town in Russia. Huge crowd was there to receive him, holding signs with words of praise for Stalin, Party, Union etc.

Among them, secret police officers spotted a particularly old man holding a sign saying "Thank you comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood!".
...

Three childhood friends sign up for the army

And it's their first day, time for assignments.

The drill Sergeant asks the first one. "WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?"

"I like to go sailing!" he replied.

"OK, YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE OF BOATS!"

The second friend stood up for his turn, and was asked the same question. "I like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a troubled childhood, my parents never put a hand over my eyes when people were kissing on the television.

They tried to push down my boner instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Blind Monk [OC]

In a monastery in Tibet I met a blind old monk.
I was looking for spiritual enlightenment, and he was willing to help me on my search.

He introduced himself as Yu and spoke only in third person.
We would sit together for long stretches saying nothing, before he would tell me stories fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always wanted to become the world's youngest Elvis impersonator. My childhood was nonstop guitar practice voice training and dance class. I went to countless auditions before ever hitting puberty My performance was flawless but every time but every audition ended the same way...

... they looked me right in my face & said sorry kid you don't have the Chops.

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

...then I came to my census

A botched surgery

Recently I had an old childhood friend over for some drinks. Catching up with him over the course of the evening I learned that he had gone on to become a surgeon. So, I asked him if he could check out a lump that had grown on my wrist. He set down his beer and and looked it over and declared, "W...

A man walked into a bar

And stayed there my entire childhood

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

What's Trump's childhood fear that still remains true to this day?

He was always afraid of the dark.

An old Latvian anecdote

Part 1:

So a Latvian, Russian and Englishman are on a plane and as the plane is circling around the airport they are beginning to get a little nervous when the pilots voice suddenly sounds "the plane is too heavy to land we need to drop some weight or else we won't make it to the airport" and...

NO ONE BELIEVES SENIORS ANYMORE!!

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Childhood innocence

A father sat in the yard one morning, watching as his 5 year old daughter explored the garden. His hears swelled with pride as he imagined what new discoveries her young mind was making; how nature must look to such innocent eyes. Suddenly the little girl stopped and began to stare at something. ...

Jim Abbott had an aid his entire childhood

He was his right hand man

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic abuse or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

Once there was a girl named Darling...

... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...

A kid with a speech impediment spends his entire childhood in speech therapy.

Youthless

A couple was preparing to take a beach vacation in California...

The wife had something come up at work the day of their departure. The couple pondered what to do before deciding that the husband should go ahead and take the flight to their destination and the wife would follow the next day.

The husband had a nice flight, consuming four bags of peanuts wh...

I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most?

A kaleidoscope!

Three men meet a weird car salesman.

Three men, childhood friends, are looking to get new cars. They travel to an odd-looking dealership. They approach the salesman.

Salesman: Greetings, gentlemen. How may I help you today?

The respond that they want new cars.

Salesman: Very well. Answer me one question, and I shal...

Joke from my childhood: What do you call a pig that losses its voice?

Disgruntled

Old corny joke from my childhood.

Once upon a time there were three brothers.

There names were Shadhap, Traboule and Mannars.

One day Traboule was lost so the two other brothers went to the police.

Then Mannars had to go to the washroom and told his brother to talk to the policeman.

The policeman asked, "...

Those childhood days(real incident)

I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously


Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.

A beloved nursery rhyme from my childhood!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.

So she cut 'em up, put 'em into pies,
Took 'em to the fair and won first prize!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.