I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done

None of the other surgeons seem to do it !

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

I suffered a broken collar bone, concussion and some minor bruising when I fell asleep at the wheel.

Got kicked out of pottery class too.

What is the worst kind of 'minor' injury?

Throwing a kid into a woodchipper.

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Hitler absolutely hated when people would argue minor details or quibble with him.

He was very anti-semantic

8 year old johnny wanted a tattoo of his girlfriend, but the tattoo artist told him he doesn't tattoo minors.

So johnny got one of a 21 year old girl instead.

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby

A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?"
The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.

When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

A mixed race man auditioned for the main part in a play, but he ended up only getting a minor role

He was half cast

There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months

In 2033, we shall witness the rise of the quaranteens.

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What happens when a pianist fingers the wrong minor

The police cums

If China had $1 for every time they oppressed a racial minority...

They’d become an economic global power.




Wait...

Two cars get into a minor crash, the cars a bit dented, the drivers completely fine...

The Pope gets out of one car and a rabbi gets out of the other. They are tolerant, cultured people and so there is no fight, no cussing.

"God giveth, God taketh away", the Pope says.

"Things come and things go", the ~~rabbit~~ rabbi replies and asks, "Shall we have a drink over our mis...

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

If I sell an E-Cigarette to a minor.

Is that considered statutory vape?

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Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgaria...

Once upon a time in a far away land...

There's a triangular lake, with three kingdoms on each side of the triangle.

The first kingdom is very rich, and the people are content. It has a very competent army, with a squire for every knight, and a total of twenty thousand knights. There is no hunger in the land.

The second kin...

A man, who has done only minor sins dies..

A man, who has done only minor sins dies, therefore god decides that he is worthy of heaven but he must do several tasks to repent.

On the first day he had to wash such plates, he had never seen before.

On the second day he had to put the beds in which all the saints have laid before....

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Dirtiest joke on The Tonight Show (SFW)

Alan King was on The Tonight Show and told Johnny Carson that he was going to tell the dirtiest joke ever told on network TV and the censors wouldn’t bleep a single word. This was many years ago, so I’ve likely changed a few minor details.

Jim was a successful stockbroker, but finally grew w...

E Minor is Spooky.

It always gives me the E B G Bs.

A dad and his son walk into a bar.

"Sorry, we don't serve minors." Said the bartender, who was often misunderstood.

The son said "But I turned 21 a year ago!".

The bartender clarified, "I know. I'm talking about your father."

The Father, having heard this, throws his pickaxe and headlamp to the ground in anger.

So when someone turns 18...

Do all of their minor inconveniences turn into adult inconveniences?

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

A buddy of mine went to college, majored in veterinary medicine and minored in taxidermy.

"Either way you're getting your dog back" He says

A monk dies and arrives at the pearly gates...

Allowed to enter, he notices a book prominently displayed behind Saint Peter. The monk asked what the book was. Saint Peter replied, "That's the bible as it was *supposed* to be written. The bible on Earth is close, but there are a few minor differences between the two."

"I was a biblical scr...

What do you get when you throw a piano down a cave?

A Flat Minor

Doctor: Calm down David ! It’s just a minor surgery !

Patient: Doctor, I’m not David.

Doctor: I know that, I was talking to myself.

"You just need to relax Steve, it's just a minor surgery, it happens everyday with no issues" the surgeon said

The patient replies "But my name isn't Steve"

Nervously, the surgeon replies "But my name is"

What did the band director do to the kid who played in A minor?

He had him arrested.

In school the teacher asks Joshua what he did during the break.

Joshua answers "I was playing with Thomas in the sand box". The teacher replies "Then come to the front, write sand on the blackboard and if you write it correctly you can go home."
After that the teacher asks Thomas what he did during the break and Thomas replies "I was in the sand box playing ...

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

How do you attract a US politician with just a guitar?

B minor

If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor

...that's the bear minimum.

An Anarcho-capitalist, a Maoist, and an Anarcho-communist all walk into a bar.

The bartender stops them and says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

A man calls 911 one day and frantically asks them to bring an ambulance

Man: "My 14 year old son was entering the mine to find coal but he stubbed his toe on the entrance! Please bring an ambulance quickly!"

911: "Sir I'm sorry but this is nothing we can do. We don't deal with such minor issues"

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Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night ...

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

I just joined a gym for religious minorities.

Jehova's Fitness

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A student is looking for a university minor...

He finds a professor of assumption...

He asks what it is all about.

The professor asks, "Do you have a dog?"

"Yes, I do"

"So I assume you have a yard for a dog?"

"Yes, in fact"

"I assume you have a house then?"

"Why yes I do!"

"Therefore I assu...

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

What is racist Karen's favorite movie?

Minority Report

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the most important rule when making porno music?

Never use A-minor.

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

They tried to warn us, it's finally happening, minorities herding white people into camps.

Here in Oregon we call them "music festivals"

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

I learned a new guitar fingering technique and used it on A minor

Today I got sent to prison

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read the report on the sexual abuse of minors in the Catholic church

It seems that much of the abuse took place in the rectory.

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The idea that it's ok to have sex with minors

is complete nonce sense.

How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs?

None, "He fell"

I broke a G string fingering A minor...

Does anybody know a good guitar repair shop?

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I just can't stop pissing on minors.

It's my R. Kelly's Heel.

A couple kids got in a fight

There were minor injuries

A dyslexic minority

giNgers.

Why do minorities hate math?

Because of inequalities

People in Colorado keep saying minorities don't belong, but if they learned a little Spanish

They would see their state means colored.

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LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender.

Spread the word.

Guitarist Arrested for Fingering Minor...

Considered to be a fret to himself and others

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

I had a minor accident at work...

I won't go into details, but it affected my eyes.

The left one is okay, but the other one actually suffered enough trauma to where it popped out. It was "unsalvageable", doctors said.

When they broke the news, I couldn't help but get emotional.

I knew I'd never see right again.

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

Wedding

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire ...

When are minorities not minorities?

When you look at crime statistics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I cannot believe all the people being charged with sexually abusing minors. Can’t the minors defend themselves?

After all, They have shovels and pickaxes. Can’t they use those in self defense?

What do you call a band where all the members are minorities?

Hispanic at the disco

My young child is feeling sick

Fortunately he's only showing minor symptoms

What chord must you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B-minor.


I will see myself out.

My musician neighbour is scaring me

I heard him fingering a minor

My masochist friend always gets himself intentionally arrested for minor crimes.

So that he could get off with a slap on the wrist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do porn and music have in common?

Both make you sad when they involve A minor.

What do musicians and priests have in common?

They both like to fiddle A minor

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

My math professor this term misses a lot of classes by faking minor injuries.

I’ll never take another class with Professor Fibbin Ouchie.

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Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo

The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice... "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Ama...

The recommendation to self-isolate by governments feels like we were all given a group project and so far the progress seems similar to a typical group project.

The minority is doing most of the work while everyone else does whatever they want.

Why did police arrest the guitarist in the park who was surrounded by kids?

He fingered the wrong minor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spotted Snakes

I read this a long time ago.

A Captain takes over a command during WW2 in the middle of the Pacific.

As he is looking through the reports, he finds morale in the basement, a few desertions, and the base is rampant with STD's.

He calls his top Sergeant in for an explanation. The...

That's the 10th cavity search I've preformed on a minor just today!

Busy day for a dentist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A generic slightly racist one! (use it with any minority).

A guy goes to a club in Germany with a t-shirt that says:

Turks have three problems

Immediately a Turk comes up and says:

-- What's that supposed to mean, on your t-shirt? You looking for trouble?

-- See, this is your first problem. You are too aggressive. You start qua...

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My friend got two minors on his driving test and still passed

But when I ran over a child this morning everyone lost their shit

What’s the difference between a collier and a kid with hypothermia?

Ones a coal miner and the others a cold minor

What was Michael Jackson’s favourite guitar chord?

A minor ;)

What do Jared Fogel, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

Their favorite piece of classical music is Chopin’s Waltz in A minor.

NSFW My music teacher was perverted...

He taught us how to Scale A Minor.

What is a priest's favourite musical note?

A minor

I wonder why Kevin Spacey is such a good guitarist.

Probably because he’s had a lot of practise fingering minors

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