Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens.

Doctor- Calm down alex, it's just a minor operation.

Patient- thank you, but I am not Alex.



Doctor- I am.

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Adulthood gives you 4 rights that you don't enjoy as a minor.

The powers are:

1. The right to drink
2. The right to drive
3. The right to vote
4. The right to fuck

But the catch is that you can only legally exercise one right at a time.

Drinking while driving, illegal.
Voting while fucking, DEFINITELY illegal.

Let's try ...

Why does the tooth hate minorities?

Because it is bracist

What do you call a dentist who’s just had a minor car accident?

Dent-ist

I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done

None of the other surgeons seem to do it !

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car

Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor

I suffered a broken collar bone, concussion and some minor bruising when I fell asleep at the wheel.

Got kicked out of pottery class too.

What is the worst kind of 'minor' injury?

Throwing a kid into a woodchipper.

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby

A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?"
The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

Two cars get into a minor crash, the cars a bit dented, the drivers completely fine...

The Pope gets out of one car and a rabbi gets out of the other. They are tolerant, cultured people and so there is no fight, no cussing.

"God giveth, God taketh away", the Pope says.

"Things come and things go", the ~~rabbit~~ rabbi replies and asks, "Shall we have a drink over our mis...

How do you hit A minor on the piano?

You punch them

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Hitler absolutely hated when people would argue minor details or quibble with him.

He was very anti-semantic

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

A mixed race man auditioned for the main part in a play, but he ended up only getting a minor role

He was half cast

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were ...

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What happens when a pianist fingers the wrong minor

The police cums

Sad day!

A good friend of mine, after 6 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for ONE minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money! Dudes still paying on school loans. Just goes to show you that on...

If China had $1 for every time they oppressed a racial minority...

They’d become an economic global power.




Wait...

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.

When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

Did you hear the one about the kidnapper who went to college to become a tailor?

He had a minor in cuffs.

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

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Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgaria...

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish these time zones.

"Why?", Putin asks him.

"Ah, I can't find myself with these times."

"I fly to another city, call home and everybody's asleep."

"I last woke up 4 in the morning, but thought it was only evening."

"I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday, and she tells me s...

E Minor is Spooky.

It always gives me the E B G Bs.

A man, who has done only minor sins dies..

A man, who has done only minor sins dies, therefore god decides that he is worthy of heaven but he must do several tasks to repent.

On the first day he had to wash such plates, he had never seen before.

On the second day he had to put the beds in which all the saints have laid before....

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Minor

What do you call two mad scientists with minor skin conditions?

Dr. Freckles and Mr. Hive

What was Michael Jackson's favorite chord?

A minor

Why did Trump's supporters go looking for a dwarf Mexican?

Because most American power is held by a tiny minority.

What’s the difference between Boris Johnson and Maggie Thatcher?

One starved miners and one starved minors

If I sell an E-Cigarette to a minor.

Is that considered statutory vape?

A buddy of mine went to college, majored in veterinary medicine and minored in taxidermy.

"Either way you're getting your dog back" He says

Doctor: Calm down David ! It’s just a minor surgery !

Patient: Doctor, I’m not David.

Doctor: I know that, I was talking to myself.

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The Bricklayer's Accident Report

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
Dear Sir:


I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as...

"You just need to relax Steve, it's just a minor surgery, it happens everyday with no issues" the surgeon said

The patient replies "But my name isn't Steve"

Nervously, the surgeon replies "But my name is"

Homeless man strikes up a conversation with a lady

A homeless man starts speaking to a young lady in a bar one night. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree. Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?" The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology an...

This is unoriginal, but bears repeating....

Q: What's better than roses on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.

(Yeah, don't tell that to minors or people born 80 years ago.)

My Mom's favorite joke

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac...

If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor

...that's the bear minimum.

What did the band director do to the kid who played in A minor?

He had him arrested.

Once upon a time in a far away land...

There's a triangular lake, with three kingdoms on each side of the triangle.

The first kingdom is very rich, and the people are content. It has a very competent army, with a squire for every knight, and a total of twenty thousand knights. There is no hunger in the land.

The second kin...

I just joined a gym for religious minorities.

Jehova's Fitness

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A student is looking for a university minor...

He finds a professor of assumption...

He asks what it is all about.

The professor asks, "Do you have a dog?"

"Yes, I do"

"So I assume you have a yard for a dog?"

"Yes, in fact"

"I assume you have a house then?"

"Why yes I do!"

"Therefore I assu...

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

Got prescribed a new medicine for a minor condition a few weeks ago and the last few days every time I walk by an area with dirt or grass I zoom in a worm. Like (almost) every time--I don't know if it's some kind of weird worm bloom in my area or if I'm developing some kind of super vision

Should have read the side effects of the new medicine... it can cause bird vision.

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

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Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night ...

A dad and his son walk into a bar.

"Sorry, we don't serve minors." Said the bartender, who was often misunderstood.

The son said "But I turned 21 a year ago!".

The bartender clarified, "I know. I'm talking about your father."

The Father, having heard this, throws his pickaxe and headlamp to the ground in anger.

So when someone turns 18...

Do all of their minor inconveniences turn into adult inconveniences?

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

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Dirtiest joke on The Tonight Show (SFW)

Alan King was on The Tonight Show and told Johnny Carson that he was going to tell the dirtiest joke ever told on network TV and the censors wouldn’t bleep a single word. This was many years ago, so I’ve likely changed a few minor details.

Jim was a successful stockbroker, but finally grew w...

A monk dies and arrives at the pearly gates...

Allowed to enter, he notices a book prominently displayed behind Saint Peter. The monk asked what the book was. Saint Peter replied, "That's the bible as it was *supposed* to be written. The bible on Earth is close, but there are a few minor differences between the two."

"I was a biblical scr...

How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs?

None, "He fell"

A man calls 911 one day and frantically asks them to bring an ambulance

Man: "My 14 year old son was entering the mine to find coal but he stubbed his toe on the entrance! Please bring an ambulance quickly!"

911: "Sir I'm sorry but this is nothing we can do. We don't deal with such minor issues"

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

They tried to warn us, it's finally happening, minorities herding white people into camps.

Here in Oregon we call them "music festivals"

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I read the report on the sexual abuse of minors in the Catholic church

It seems that much of the abuse took place in the rectory.

I broke a G string fingering A minor...

Does anybody know a good guitar repair shop?

How do you attract a US politician with just a guitar?

B minor

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

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LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender.

Spread the word.

A dyslexic minority

giNgers.

In school the teacher asks Joshua what he did during the break.

Joshua answers "I was playing with Thomas in the sand box". The teacher replies "Then come to the front, write sand on the blackboard and if you write it correctly you can go home."
After that the teacher asks Thomas what he did during the break and Thomas replies "I was in the sand box playing ...

Guitarist Arrested for Fingering Minor...

Considered to be a fret to himself and others

I learned a new guitar fingering technique and used it on A minor

Today I got sent to prison

An Anarcho-capitalist, a Maoist, and an Anarcho-communist all walk into a bar.

The bartender stops them and says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

People in Colorado keep saying minorities don't belong, but if they learned a little Spanish

They would see their state means colored.

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What’s the most important rule when making porno music?

Never use A-minor.

When are minorities not minorities?

When you look at crime statistics.

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

I had a minor accident at work...

I won't go into details, but it affected my eyes.

The left one is okay, but the other one actually suffered enough trauma to where it popped out. It was "unsalvageable", doctors said.

When they broke the news, I couldn't help but get emotional.

I knew I'd never see right again.

How many minority, female Republican congresswomen does it take to change a light bulb?

First of all, they'd have to elect one.

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

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I cannot believe all the people being charged with sexually abusing minors. Can’t the minors defend themselves?

After all, They have shovels and pickaxes. Can’t they use those in self defense?

What do you call a band where all the members are minorities?

Hispanic at the disco

What is racist Karen's favorite movie?

Minority Report

My masochist friend always gets himself intentionally arrested for minor crimes.

So that he could get off with a slap on the wrist.

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A generic slightly racist one! (use it with any minority).

A guy goes to a club in Germany with a t-shirt that says:

Turks have three problems

Immediately a Turk comes up and says:

-- What's that supposed to mean, on your t-shirt? You looking for trouble?

-- See, this is your first problem. You are too aggressive. You start qua...

That's the 10th cavity search I've preformed on a minor just today!

Busy day for a dentist!

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My friend got two minors on his driving test and still passed

But when I ran over a child this morning everyone lost their shit

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

My math professor this term misses a lot of classes by faking minor injuries.

I’ll never take another class with Professor Fibbin Ouchie.

NSFW I broke the G-String while fingering a minor

I'm a guitarist

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

A couple kids got in a fight

There were minor injuries

This may seem random, but C Minor...

On a related note, E flat.

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