I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library.

They have an excellent non-friction section.

What do you call a fast food company that also manufactures airliners?

McDonald's Douglas

In Madré Rossiya, it's illegal to manufacture storage drives with exact capacity of 1000 GigaBytes

Cause the KGB takes identity theft seriously

Hand sanitizer manufacturers

must be rubbing their hands together

With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!

It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.

Where are those little 8oz Coke cans manufactured?

*Minisoda*

The Kit Kat manufacturer was so tired from working all day.

He just needed a break

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

A company in my town manufactures tile discs...

but their machine can only make them so fast before it starts wrecking them. I found a function that solves the problem simply by improving the machine’s code, but they laughed when I told them I had a wrecked tile disc function.

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits?

A little bit at a time.

Cinco de Mayo and the Titanic

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England .

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York ..
...

My wife bought me a 'Good Luck' bracelet with my initials on it before I went into hospital for some surgery.

I think there must have been a misprint at the manufacturers,
because my initials are 'RND' and this one said 'DNR'.

I invested in a soup manufacturer. I asked them what the stock options were.

They said chicken or vegetable

A man working at a plane manufacturer goes to his supervisor with a problem

“Sir, I think someone here isn’t attaching the wings. I’ve seen several planes with only one wing,” the man tells his supervisor. “I think it might be Joe.”

His supervisor looks alarmed and replies, “Well that won’t fly!”

While working in a glass manufacturer's showroom, I noticed a fella walking around aimlessly.

I approached him and asked, "Can I help you?"

He said, "Nah, I'm just window shopping."

As a toy manufacturer, I've always believed that only kids know what kids want

Which is why I only open factories in China.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

I heard an Italian supercar manufacturer is going to be making its next model be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts

They're calling it the Ferrari Rocher

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

When I was young, my dream was to manufacture cookware.....

... but it just didn't pan out.

Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.

But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.

A start-up company was deciding over something to manufacture

Something local that wouldn’t cost much.
They figured filtered water would fit this category.

After running it through all the bodies of the company, they decided on making bread. The water market was oversaturated.

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's hard having to manufacture double-sided dildos for minimum wage.

Just gotta do what you can to make ends meet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarantine is risking a condom shortage. Diaper manufacturers are already gearing up.

They know shit already.

During the Cold War, the Russian government came up with a plan to demoralize the Americans.

They placed an order with America's largest rubber manufacturer for 50,000 cases of condoms, 5 inches wide and 17 inches long.

Being a shrewd businessman, the owner of the company filled the order while simultaneously fulfilling his patriotic duty and making the Russians' ploy backfire.
...

What do you call a dart manufacturer?

An arrowsmith

A Polish man moves to Korea and tries to find work

He looks for work everywhere but can’t find any, until after thorough searching he lands an interview at a car dealership. The man is interviewed by the boss, who not only has a poor grasp on English, but he also seems to have a very hard time getting his name right. The man tries to explain his nam...

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

Did ye hear? The local cheese manufacturer exploded.

Debris was everywhere.

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

Whatever you do, don't ever get a job at the tiddlywinks manufacturer.

It's counter productive.

Faucet manufacturer Pfister is expanding their business with a line of high tech toilets

The p is silent.

80% of all Fords manufactured are still on the road today.

The other 20% made it home.

The Furniture Dealer

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

To celebrate the ...

Did you know that Samsung also manufacture hangar ships?

Must be because of all their ports left Open.

(l8 to the party i know)

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

What is the leading manufacturer of vibrators?

Genital Electric

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

Where do werewolves store their manufactured goods?

in a *were*house.

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

There's a cheese manufacturer in Israel

It's called 'cheeses of Nazareth'

What is a dnd clerics favorite car manufacturer?

Ford, because I’ve never seen a cleric without their focus.

How can you tell the difference between an American manufacturer and a Russian manufacturer?

One order arrives on time and the other keeps Stalin...

What Car Manufacturer does Gohan Hate the Most?

Dodge

The worlds two largest manufacturers of broth seasoning cubes are merging.

It was a multi-bouillon dollar deal.

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

The cell phone manufacturer Motorola has developed a new phone and is going to donate all sales proceeds to help fund the rebuilding of Notre Dame.

They’re calling it the QuasiMotorola.

My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.

It was all just smoke and mirrors.

Manufacturer closes before Christmas

The town manufacturer moved their operations to another country, to pay lower wages. The people who worked in the town, lost their jobs and were suddenly thrust into poverty.

An entrepreneur heard about this situation. Joseph P Klanta was operating several manufacturing operations. His s...

An owner of a box manufacturer company goes to his son's school one day...

"Hey kids, I make boxes! Have any questions?"

One kid raised his hand...

"Yea, why does my dad keep talking about filling my mom's box, shouldn't he get his own?"

"Shut up son."

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large discussion is held about a car manufacturer coaxing young Mr. Bating while he pleasures himself.

Mass debating Mazda bating masturbating Master Bating

I told my dad that I wanted to be a perfume manufacturer.

He replied "That makes scents."

Sunglasses manufacturers and Hitmen have something in common.

They are both into shady business

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I see Russia has become the largest manufacturer of Viagra

Just another way to meddle with our erections.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

What do unsatisfied customers of prosthetic feet give the manufacturer?

Their feedback.

These days whey manufacturers are against selling to adults.

Their products are pro teen.

When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset..

..they will be paying per fume.

What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters?

Poly and Esther

- Hello. I want to return the robot vacuum cleaner I bought from you a week ago. The agreement allows it?

\- Yes, just tell me what you didn't like, we will inform the manufacturer.

\- Everything is in order, I just no longer need a vacuum cleaner. After he sucked the cat three times, My cat learned to use a brush, rag, scoop, and report a full bin.

The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers

The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...

What's a fish's favourite TV manufacturer?

Algae.

What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion

An eye for an eye.

In 1988 Enzo Anselmo Ferrari, after living a full life, died.

When he got to heaven God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a small Ferrari flag in the window. "This house is yurs for eternity, Enzo," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Enzo felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his...

I’m doing market research for a telescope manufacturer,

I run the focus group.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All his life, Timmy wanted to be a train conductor.

He graduated top of his class in train school, and was hired by the most prestigious train company to conduct their new Super Train. This train could carry 1,000 passengers and was very expensive to manufacture.

Yet little Timmy had one fatal flaw. He has a very short attention span.

...

Why are test tube manufacturers always single?

People just seem to find them vial!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of sex toy manufacturers are discussing the success of their products...

and they decided that only dildos had really achieved market penetration.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 Former Classmates, who were great friends and who haven't seen each other in years meet at a restaurant

After a while of talking one asks: “So guys, how are your eldest sons doing?“ Another one excuses himself to the restroom.

So the first one starts to talk about his eldest son: “I couldn't complain. He is the Ceo of a big car manifacturer and makes good money. He even gifted his lover a Lambo...

Neck Hands Foot Arms Body Head

This is how the newspaper headlines ran on the day John Neck stepped down to give the job of CEO of the gun manufacturer to Michael Foot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, Putin called up Trump asking for a favor...

"We have a problem. All of Russia's condom manufacturers have gone bankrupt, and soon we will have a shortage," said Putin.

"That sounds pretty bad. How can we help?" Trump asked.

"We need you to send us American condoms."

"Of course, we can cut you a deal."

"Another thin...

Homecoming

There is terrible accident in ISS, leaving only one American astronaut alive. All the communications are dead, but he has lots of food, water and oxygen to survive. Finally after two years he is able manufacture escape pod and lands in rural Texas.


He makes his way to closest town and ent...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.