UPJOKE
industryfabricationproductionraw materialmakeproduceinventfabricatemanufacturerconstructmake upproductfactorymachinemanufacturing

Why did it take up until last year for Volkswagen to finally manufacture electric cars in the United States?

Because it took them awhile to get the bugs worked out

I rode an elevator today manufactured by a company named “Schindler”

I was on Schindler’s Lift.

Violin Manufacturers

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.
After years of peaceful co-existence, the Amati family decided to put a sign in their shop window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri family soon put a sign i...

At one time, Lucas Electrics manufactured a vacuum cleaner.

It was the only product in their entire history that didn't suck.

Holland’s kitchen appliance manufacturers are the real heroes

Imagine how hard it must be to sell someone a Dutch oven.

I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library.

They have an excellent non-friction section.

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania.

At noon, when the lunch whistle blows,


Two thousand men and women immediately
stop work and leave the building.


"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor.
"You've got to stop them."


"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. <...

In Madré Rossiya, it's illegal to manufacture storage drives with exact capacity of 1000 GigaBytes

Cause the KGB takes identity theft seriously

I explained to a friend that I had a condom break, so I called the manufacturer and gave them the serial number from the condom ...

at this point he said to me, "Wait a minute!!! You're telling me that every condom has an individual serial number?"


I said, "Yes, you've never seen that? I GUESS YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO UNROLL ONE THAT FAR"


:)

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

Comparing Texas lawmakers with the Taliban seems a little extreme.

One is authoritarian theocracy armed by US weapons manufacturers that violently persecutes women and children in the name of religion and the other is the Taliban.

With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!

It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.

Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits?

A little bit at a time.

Where are those little 8oz Coke cans manufactured?

*Minisoda*

An employee at an American weapons manufacturer spots a bear in a conference room...

"Is this a set-up for a Second Amendment joke?"

Another employee : "What? No. That's our new yoga instructor."

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.

But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.

The Kit Kat manufacturer was so tired from working all day.

He just needed a break

Hand sanitizer manufacturers

must be rubbing their hands together

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's hard having to manufacture double-sided dildos for minimum wage.

Just gotta do what you can to make ends meet.

A start-up company was deciding over something to manufacture

Something local that wouldn’t cost much.
They figured filtered water would fit this category.

After running it through all the bodies of the company, they decided on making bread. The water market was oversaturated.

Spaces between ladder rings have gradually been increasing over the years.

Manufacturers claim its due to climb it change.

What do you call a fast food company that also manufactures airliners?

McDonald's Douglas

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York...

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiti...

As a toy manufacturer, I've always believed that only kids know what kids want

Which is why I only open factories in China.

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

Did you know that Samsung also manufacture hangar ships?

Must be because of all their ports left Open.

(l8 to the party i know)

I invested in a soup manufacturer. I asked them what the stock options were.

They said chicken or vegetable

A man working at a plane manufacturer goes to his supervisor with a problem

“Sir, I think someone here isn’t attaching the wings. I’ve seen several planes with only one wing,” the man tells his supervisor. “I think it might be Joe.”

His supervisor looks alarmed and replies, “Well that won’t fly!”

Murphy’s Nails

Two brothers start up a company that manufactures nails, one is in charge of sales and the other marketing. They needed a commercial, so the one in charge of marketing got to work.

A few weeks later he excitedly shows the footage to his brother. It starts with a wide shot of a mob of people ...

So a man goes to his doctor and asks....

Patient... doctor does this provide immunity? Doctor.... only for the manufacturer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service.

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day in...

I heard an Italian supercar manufacturer is going to be making its next model be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts

They're calling it the Ferrari Rocher

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

Did ye hear? The local cheese manufacturer exploded.

Debris was everywhere.

What do you call a dart manufacturer?

An arrowsmith

80% of all Fords manufactured are still on the road today.

The other 20% made it home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarantine is risking a condom shortage. Diaper manufacturers are already gearing up.

They know shit already.

A company in my town manufactures tile discs...

but their machine can only make them so fast before it starts wrecking them. I found a function that solves the problem simply by improving the machine’s code, but they laughed when I told them I had a wrecked tile disc function.

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

What is the leading manufacturer of vibrators?

Genital Electric

There's a cheese manufacturer in Israel

It's called 'cheeses of Nazareth'

Where do werewolves store their manufactured goods?

in a *were*house.

My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.

It was all just smoke and mirrors.

Whatever you do, don't ever get a job at the tiddlywinks manufacturer.

It's counter productive.

Faucet manufacturer Pfister is expanding their business with a line of high tech toilets

The p is silent.

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

How can you tell the difference between an American manufacturer and a Russian manufacturer?

One order arrives on time and the other keeps Stalin...

What is a dnd clerics favorite car manufacturer?

Ford, because I’ve never seen a cleric without their focus.

Who is Borat's favourite mobile phone manufacturer?

Huawei wee wah

The worlds two largest manufacturers of broth seasoning cubes are merging.

It was a multi-bouillon dollar deal.

What Car Manufacturer does Gohan Hate the Most?

Dodge

What do you call a chip manufacturer who isn’t doing their job?

Lays-y

An owner of a box manufacturer company goes to his son's school one day...

"Hey kids, I make boxes! Have any questions?"

One kid raised his hand...

"Yea, why does my dad keep talking about filling my mom's box, shouldn't he get his own?"

"Shut up son."

I told my dad that I wanted to be a perfume manufacturer.

He replied "That makes scents."

Banta the Furniture dealer



Banta, a furniture dealer from Ludhiana, decided to Expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Chennai to see what he could find.


After arriving in Chennai he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well Back home in Lud...

The cell phone manufacturer Motorola has developed a new phone and is going to donate all sales proceeds to help fund the rebuilding of Notre Dame.

They’re calling it the QuasiMotorola.

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large discussion is held about a car manufacturer coaxing young Mr. Bating while he pleasures himself.

Mass debating Mazda bating masturbating Master Bating

Manufacturer closes before Christmas

The town manufacturer moved their operations to another country, to pay lower wages. The people who worked in the town, lost their jobs and were suddenly thrust into poverty.

An entrepreneur heard about this situation. Joseph P Klanta was operating several manufacturing operations. His s...

When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset..

..they will be paying per fume.

These days whey manufacturers are against selling to adults.

Their products are pro teen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I see Russia has become the largest manufacturer of Viagra

Just another way to meddle with our erections.

What do unsatisfied customers of prosthetic feet give the manufacturer?

Their feedback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters?

Poly and Esther

My wife bought me a 'Good Luck' bracelet with my initials on it before I went into hospital for some surgery.

I think there must have been a misprint at the manufacturers,
because my initials are 'RND' and this one said 'DNR'.

The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers

The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...

What's a fish's favourite TV manufacturer?

Algae.

What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

Did you hear about the chaos at a Networking manufacturer?

It was Panic at the Cisco.

I’m doing market research for a telescope manufacturer,

I run the focus group.

The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion

An eye for an eye.

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

Why are test tube manufacturers always single?

People just seem to find them vial!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of sex toy manufacturers are discussing the success of their products...

and they decided that only dildos had really achieved market penetration.

A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego

The manufacturer says it's perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All his life, Timmy wanted to be a train conductor.

He graduated top of his class in train school, and was hired by the most prestigious train company to conduct their new Super Train. This train could carry 1,000 passengers and was very expensive to manufacture.

Yet little Timmy had one fatal flaw. He has a very short attention span.

...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.