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Manufacture Jokes

Where are average things manufactured?

At the satisfactory.

I just watched a two-hour documentary on how modern jetliners are manufactured.

It was riveting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Barbie and Oppenheimer?

Barbie product first manufactured in Japan and released in America.
Oppenheimer product first manufactured in America and release in Japan.

Why did it take up until last year for Volkswagen to finally manufacture electric cars in the United States?

Because it took them awhile to get the bugs worked out

I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.

I was behind a van that said Dodge on the back of it then a truck that was marked Ram. What do they want us to do? Avoid them or hit them?

What do OnlyFans content creators and car tyre manufacturers have in common?

They both give you load ratings

My friend called me in tears because his favorite Swedish car manufacturer is no longer in business.

But I just wasn't interested in listening to his Saab story.

Violin Manufacturers

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.
After years of peaceful co-existence, the Amati family decided to put a sign in their shop window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri family soon put a sign i...

Comparing Texas lawmakers with the Taliban seems a little extreme.

One is authoritarian theocracy armed by US weapons manufacturers that violently persecutes women and children in the name of religion and the other is the Taliban.

I rode an elevator today manufactured by a company named “Schindler”

I was on Schindler’s Lift.

Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits?

A little bit at a time.

In MadrĂŠ Rossiya, it's illegal to manufacture storage drives with exact capacity of 1000 GigaBytes

Cause the KGB takes identity theft seriously

When I was young, my dream was to manufacture cookware.....

... but it just didn't pan out.

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

At one time, Lucas Electrics manufactured a vacuum cleaner.

It was the only product in their entire history that didn't suck.

Holland’s kitchen appliance manufacturers are the real heroes

Imagine how hard it must be to sell someone a Dutch oven.

A start-up company was deciding over something to manufacture

Something local that wouldn’t cost much.
They figured filtered water would fit this category.

After running it through all the bodies of the company, they decided on making bread. The water market was oversaturated.

Where are those little 8oz Coke cans manufactured?

*Minisoda*

Apple is teaming up with a South Korean car manufacturer to produce a flat packed automobile.

They're going to call it the iKia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's hard having to manufacture double-sided dildos for minimum wage.

Just gotta do what you can to make ends meet.

Did you know that Samsung also manufacture hangar ships?

Must be because of all their ports left Open.

(l8 to the party i know)

How can you tell the difference between an American manufacturer and a Russian manufacturer?

One order arrives on time and the other keeps Stalin...

At a girls' boarding school, a WW2 flying ace has been invited to give the Prize Day address

"I was flying along in my Spitfire, and visibility was poor, but all of a sudden the fog lifted, and I saw these fokkers coming up behind me. I dived on them and shot two of the fokkers down, then did a quick roll, but there was a little fokker right on my tail, and I had to ..."

At this poi...

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania.

At noon, when the lunch whistle blows,


Two thousand men and women immediately
stop work and leave the building.


"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor.
"You've got to stop them."


"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. <...

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library.

They have an excellent non-friction section.

The Kit Kat manufacturer was so tired from working all day.

He just needed a break

There's a cheese manufacturer in Israel

It's called 'cheeses of Nazareth'

What do you call a dart manufacturer?

An arrowsmith

Manufacturer closes before Christmas

The town manufacturer moved their operations to another country, to pay lower wages. The people who worked in the town, lost their jobs and were suddenly thrust into poverty.

An entrepreneur heard about this situation. Joseph P Klanta was operating several manufacturing operations. His s...

Did ye hear? The local cheese manufacturer exploded.

Debris was everywhere.

What is the leading manufacturer of vibrators?

Genital Electric

A company in my town manufactures tile discs...

but their machine can only make them so fast before it starts wrecking them. I found a function that solves the problem simply by improving the machine’s code, but they laughed when I told them I had a wrecked tile disc function.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

Who is Borat's favourite mobile phone manufacturer?

Huawei wee wah

What is a dnd clerics favorite car manufacturer?

Ford, because I’ve never seen a cleric without their focus.

What Car Manufacturer does Gohan Hate the Most?

Dodge

I invested in a soup manufacturer. I asked them what the stock options were.

They said chicken or vegetable

As a toy manufacturer, I've always believed that only kids know what kids want

Which is why I only open factories in China.

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

A man working at a plane manufacturer goes to his supervisor with a problem

“Sir, I think someone here isn’t attaching the wings. I’ve seen several planes with only one wing,” the man tells his supervisor. “I think it might be Joe.”

His supervisor looks alarmed and replies, “Well that won’t fly!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarantine is risking a condom shortage. Diaper manufacturers are already gearing up.

They know shit already.

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

Whatever you do, don't ever get a job at the tiddlywinks manufacturer.

It's counter productive.

Sunglasses manufacturers and Hitmen have something in common.

They are both into shady business

What's a fish's favourite TV manufacturer?

Algae.

The worlds two largest manufacturers of broth seasoning cubes are merging.

It was a multi-bouillon dollar deal.

Faucet manufacturer Pfister is expanding their business with a line of high tech toilets

The p is silent.

I explained to a friend that I had a condom break, so I called the manufacturer and gave them the serial number from the condom ...

at this point he said to me, "Wait a minute!!! You're telling me that every condom has an individual serial number?"


I said, "Yes, you've never seen that? I GUESS YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO UNROLL ONE THAT FAR"


:)

These days whey manufacturers are against selling to adults.

Their products are pro teen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I see Russia has become the largest manufacturer of Viagra

Just another way to meddle with our erections.

My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.

It was all just smoke and mirrors.

What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters?

Poly and Esther

What do unsatisfied customers of prosthetic feet give the manufacturer?

Their feedback.

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

What do you call a chip manufacturer who isn’t doing their job?

Lays-y

I told my dad that I wanted to be a perfume manufacturer.

He replied "That makes scents."

The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers

The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...

The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion

An eye for an eye.

Why are test tube manufacturers always single?

People just seem to find them vial!

An owner of a box manufacturer company goes to his son's school one day...

"Hey kids, I make boxes! Have any questions?"

One kid raised his hand...

"Yea, why does my dad keep talking about filling my mom's box, shouldn't he get his own?"

"Shut up son."

The Martians have landed on Earth, and in meeting the world leaders, they have an audience with the Pope.

The Pope looks at them and asks, "Do you know Jesus?"

The Martian replies, "Oh, Jesus? Great guy! He comes and visits our planet twice every year!"

The Pope is astonished! It's been close to 2000 years since he was here and we're still waiting on his second coming."

The Martian ...

When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset..

..they will be paying per fume.

Did you hear about the chaos at a Networking manufacturer?

It was Panic at the Cisco.

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

I heard an Italian supercar manufacturer is going to be making its next model be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts

They're calling it the Ferrari Rocher

With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!

It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.

I’m doing market research for a telescope manufacturer,

I run the focus group.

What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large discussion is held about a car manufacturer coaxing young Mr. Bating while he pleasures himself.

Mass debating Mazda bating masturbating Master Bating

Spaces between ladder rungs have increased because people are getting taller

Manufacturers claim it's due to climb it change.

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of sex toy manufacturers are discussing the success of their products...

and they decided that only dildos had really achieved market penetration.

Tax time at the Synagogue...

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question...

The cell phone manufacturer Motorola has developed a new phone and is going to donate all sales proceeds to help fund the rebuilding of Notre Dame.

They’re calling it the QuasiMotorola.

Homecoming

There is terrible accident in ISS, leaving only one American astronaut alive. All the communications are dead, but he has lots of food, water and oxygen to survive. Finally after two years he is able manufacture escape pod and lands in rural Texas.


He makes his way to closest town and ent...

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.

Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.

Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.

Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.

Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...

Hi-Tech Tire Flat Joke, revisited

I got a flat in a high-tech tire on my bicycle.

I contacted the manufacturer, and they downloaded a patch.

Unfortunately, it was a cheap, 2-bit patch

Only covered a quarter of the byte the dog took out of my tire.

The taxman . . .

At the end of the tax year, The Taxation Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little...

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