This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man couldn't conceive so he prayed to God

He asked God:
God please give me a child, it's all in the world I would ever want and the one thing I ask of you.
If it's is a boy let him be a thief,
If it's a girl let her be a cunt,

Just please Dear Lord grant me a child I may raise and love.

And so God granted him his wish...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children...

and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good m...

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were all talking about how they were trying to conceive children with their husbands.

The brunette says, "I know that from the position we use in the bedroom that we are having a girl." The redhead says, "I know that from the position that we use in the bedroom we are having a boy." The blonde sat there for a second with a puzzled look on her face and then chimed in, "well then from...

The angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and said, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High."

Mary : I have a boyfriend

An old man marries a younger woman and they decide to have a child.

After months of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, the man goes to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor hands him a sample cup and tells him, “Take this home, fill it up, and bring it back in tomorrow.”

The next day, the man walks in with the sample cup still empty and hands it ...

Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
Americans' liberty, so they gave you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Not a dad joke

A couple have sex every day for months, trying in vain to conceive. Eventually they go to the fertility doctor to get tested. The wife goes in first and comes back out a short while later with perfectly normal test results. The man goes in second, but when he comes out, his head is hanging low. He t...

I showed my sterile friend a photo of my son.

He just couldn’t conceive of such a thing.

A young couple couldn't get pregnant.

A young couple couldn't get pregnant. They tried everything so the wife could conceive including going to the fertility doctor, but nothing worked. Finally, at church one Sunday they asked their priest for advice. The priest told them to go to the Vatican and light a candle. Several years later, the...

Nihilist Horse Walks in to a Bar

A Horse walks into a bar.
The Bartender sees such a vivid depth
of despair and dissatisfaction in the Horse's eyes,
like the Horse has stared into the abyss
and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep
that the Horse could no longer believe
that he himself nor anyone nor anyt...

The girls in the tower

It was a rainy night when the man walked into the tower. He saw a single flight of stairs and a door, and when he went past it, it locked itself.

In front of him was the most repulsive being you could conceive. The very idea of disgusting. She winked at the man, and said "Stay with me, or yo...

A couple has a baby boy born without a body... (A Two-Parter)

***
Part 1
***
After years of trying to conceive, a couple finally manages to have a baby. However, the baby is born with only a head, with no body, arms, or legs. Despite the setback, the couple set out to raise their child as they would any other.

After ten years of challenging ch...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Silent Debate

Note: This is a joke best told in person by somebody who's not afraid to go all out with gesticulations and accents.

The silent debate was a yearly event that was the Super Bowl of the intellectual world. It was watched live by tens of thousands, and broadcast on countless major networks. Fo...

Want to hear a funny abortion joke?

Sorry, couldn't conceive one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are at a fertility clinic...

They had been trying to conceive unsuccessfully for several months. As the results were coming in the husband was consoling his crying wife and told her, "If this turns out to be a problem with you I promise me you wont be mad at yourself, because I wont."
The wife says " I promise, and if this t...

Just thought of one: Why is an abortionist good to have on your team?

If you conceive something, they can execute it.