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IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON TWITTER THAT SAYS "LEBRON JAMES NUDES" DON'T CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.

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A guy and a gal link up in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they go back to her place.

Things get heavy pretty quickly on the sofa, and they go into the bedroom.

After some foreplay, as the guy is about to attempt entry, the gal screams: "Your toe! Your toe!"

The fellow doesn't quite understand and asks what she...

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

Mr Brown was an avid golfer, who was terrible, yet every chance he'd get, he's hitting the links.

One day, as he was heading out, his wife asked him to take their son with him, since she was going to be too busy.

Reluctantly, he agreed, and loaded up the car to go to the course.

Knowing that his son wasn't athletically gifted, he decided he was going to use him to keep score for hi...

Why doen't Ganon use the Internet?

Too many Links

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

Scientist recently linked a disease to women acting like a Karen.

It's mad cow disease.

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

Today I learned about the links between high intelligence and depression

I just wish it made me feel better....

If you're going to take offense...

would it be chain link or picket ?

My debit card was declined at the local Marijuana dispencery today

Turns out the card was not linked to a joint account

Almost immediately after making my first joke here, I got a brand new follower!

I was very excited, so I went to their profile. I think they're a new account, they only have one post, and when I clicked on the link in the post, it took me to a site that immediately asked if I was over 18

I guess my joke was a little immature, sure, but there's gotta be nicer ways of sayi...

Came up with this one 6 years ago. Zelda Lame Joke #18:

What hotel does Link stay at?

..


..




..


.
.


The Hyatt!

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How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many group members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the...

What game character takes you to a website?

Link.

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If you get a link called "free p0rn" don't opin it.

It's a virus wich deactivates your spelchek and fcuks up you riting.

I receibed it but lukily I don't wach p0rn so I dint opin it.

Plees warm you frends

Wanks

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

I accidentally clicked on a pop-up link that said, “Free Justin Bieber tickets inside!”

Thankfully it was just a virus.

Why won't republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying babies to full term.

OP is here, I heard this from a friend at work:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=Because%20they%20insist%20on%20carrying%20babies%20to%20full%20term.&restrict\_sr=1&type=link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=B...

I was making a legend of Zelda joke...

I was making a legend of Zelda joke but it turned into a bigfoot joke.

It was missing a link.

I was searching up Alzheimer’s syndromes

But the links were all purple

Link: when I get hurt I lose hearts

**Sonic:** when I get hurt I drop rings

**Mario: *[self conscious about his height]*:** can-a we talk about-a something else-a?

What did Zelda say to Link when he couldn’t open the door?

Triforce.

What are the chances people stop mistaking Link for Zelda?

Hylian likely

New Zelda game, starring just the princess, that ties all the story lines together...

"The Missing Link"

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

The prime Minister of Israel invited the Pope to a game of golf,

And since the Pope had no idea how to play, he convened the College of Cardinals to ask their advice. "Call Jack Nicklaus," they suggested, "and let him play in your place. Tell the Prime Minister that you're sick or something."

Honored by His Holiness's request, Nicklaus agreed to represent ...

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony,...

What did Zelda suggest to Link when diplomacy didn't work?

Try-force

WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

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Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker...

So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus

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There once was a man with an extremely high-pitched voice

(For retelling, ^(superscript) is high-pitched/falsetto voice)

He had since long passed puberty, but while his friends got deep, manly voices, his remained so high that he ^(spoke like this). Ever since then, it had been a tremendous source of insecurity. Now, he was in his thirties, and he r...

I Googled the symptoms of dementia

But all the links were purple.

Went to my local sandwich shop and asked for “a sub filled to the brim with cheese and baloney”

They just linked me to r/jokes

I asked my Magic 8 Ball if linking my Gmail messages to my Microsoft email client would be a good idea.

"Outlook not so good"

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

I tried to rickroll everyone on r/Jokes with a link but

You know the rules and so do I

Excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle

I’ve just been reading an excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle linked to a medieval siege. One of the burials was, from the skeletal analysis, a high status individual, but with the strange feature of having a skull embedded in the torso, this being of a lower status person. A careful rea...

Rick Astley Walks Into a Bar

I'd tell you what happened but I can't post YouTube links.

A bunch of evolutionary scientists got together for a cookout one day.

The got a bunch of stuff to grill up, but everyone was most excited about the sausages.

The scientists counted the sausages to make sure there were enough for everyone, and even though they initially thought they had enough they were one short. They checked the cooler, the fridge, and everyw...

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I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

Why do people keep linking me to r/wooosh ?

I don’t get it

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Link walks into a guy's house and smashes the only pot in his house.

He takes the 20 rupees that he finds inside. Of course, the guy's not happy about this.

"Hey, you little buttwipe, are you robbing me or something?"

Link feels bad, so he gives the guy his 20 rupees back.

"Take this. You urned it."

I was just reading a great book saying that if a company does anything unethical, people will stop supporting it and it'll go out of business.

Here's the Amazon link to it!

What would Rhett do if Link died?

Good Mythical Mourning.

What happens if the hero of time gets kidnapped?

He becomes the missing link

What do Link and Tony Stark have in common?

They're both smashing pots

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I clicked on a link for a naked Trump leak.

Turned out it was just fake nudes.

A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable drinks has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide...

Their "Melon-Cauli" smoothie has now been withdrawn...

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

A newly released Harvard study links NFL head trauma to erectile dysfunction...

The players could sue but I dont think it would stand up in court.

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

A butcher is at work, chopping up some meat when he hears the door open.

He walks to the door and sees a golden retriever with a note in its mouth. The butcher, amused, grabs the note and reads it. The note says, "I'll take a dozen sausage links. Keep the change." The butcher scoffs and is about to throw the note away until he takes another look at the dog, who is now ho...

One day TV is broadcasting about a gun shot in campus and the experts analyze that it is linked to the murder's massive time in playing violence video game.

Mum: No sense, my son is always playing dating sims and he still unable to find a girlfriend.

What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlock the door?

Triforce.

*Not my joke, discovered it in my old 90's Nintendo Power magazine*

*EDIT* just realized someone found the same gems that i did

https://www.reddit.com/r/zelda/comments/3t1qt4/some_classic_zelda_jokes_from_an_old_issue_of/

I tried to find a legend of Zelda driving game soundtrack...

But all I could find was a Link in Park.

What is Link's favorite dance at the club?

Macarena of Time

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THERE IS A VIRUS GOING AROUND REDDIT W THE LINK "CO-EDS.AVI" THAT MAKES YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS

I DIDNT CLICK ON IT BC I DONT WATCH PORN BUT BE ON THE LOOK OUT..

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

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If you get an email saying "click this link to hear Nickelback's new album for free" DO NOT CLICK IT

It will take you directly to a site where you can hear Nickelback's new album for free.

Friend of mine sends me a link to a reposted joke on r/Jokes

I say : "No thanks, I've already Reddit."

I went into Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask. I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, its a coughy filter"...

(Not mine, saw it on LinkedIn)

Linkedin influencers

No body:

LinkedIn Influencers:

Yesterday I was walking to an interview. There was a starving dog on the road. I stopped to feed him & missed the interview. The next day I got a call asking to come in to do the interview. I was surprised, but I went. Then the interviewer came in. H...

How did Link win the basketball game?

With his hookshot... (Sorry)

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