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Theoretical Physicist Jokes

I thought Oppenheimer was a theoretical physicist.

Turns out he actually existed.

Why was the theoretical physicist afraid to go skydiving?

Air resistance was negligible

TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

What do you call a group of well-dressed theoretical physicists?

A bunch of Feynman

Zombie got bitten by a theoretical physicist

Now he goes around saying: "Branes, branes, branes..."

What did the subatomic quantum pirate say to the theoretical physicist?

Walk the Planck

A German theoretical physicist walks into a bar.

He orders himself ein Stein.

Theoretical physicists are some of the smartest people on earth...

..."in theory"

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

One of the smarter jokes I've picked up...

An engineer, a theoretical physicist, an experimental physicist and a philosopher are walking the hills of Scotland when they spot a black sheep. The engineer exclaims "well whaddaya know! the sheep in Scotland are black!" The theoretical physicist replies, "..well, SOME of the sheep in Scotland a...

The theoretical physicist had trouble getting a job...

... They couldn't apply their knowledge.

40 Theoretical physicists walk into a bar

Or did they?

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Two physicists go hiking

A theoretical physicist and an applied physicist go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Suddenly they spot a black bear running towards them. The applied physicist starts taking off his boots.

The theoretical physicist says, "It's not possible to outrun a bear."

The applied physicist say...

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are." 
"Where are we then?" 
"Do you see that mountain over ther...

Physics

Theoretical Physicist: You have a great potential, why don't you use it?

Me standing on a rooftop: @@

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu...

Arrogance

Back in the days when Los Alamos was a small company town, a noted theoretical physicist was called as a witness for the prosecution. Rising to take the stand, the great man smiled and nodded affably in the direction of the jury box.

This infuriated the defence counsel. “Your Honor, I don’t ...

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