Theoretical Physicist Jokes - 20 Hilarious Theoretical Physicist Jokes

I thought Oppenheimer was a theoretical physicist.

Turns out he actually existed.

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Why was the theoretical physicist afraid to go skydiving?

Air resistance was negligible

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TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

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What do you call a group of well-dressed theoretical physicists?

A bunch of Feynman

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Zombie got bitten by a theoretical physicist

Now he goes around saying: "Branes, branes, branes..."

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What did the subatomic quantum pirate say to the theoretical physicist?

Walk the Planck

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A German theoretical physicist walks into a bar.

He orders himself ein Stein.

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Theoretical physicists are some of the smartest people on earth...

..."in theory"

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Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

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One of the smarter jokes I've picked up...

An engineer, a theoretical physicist, an experimental physicist and a philosopher are walking the hills of Scotland when they spot a black sheep. The engineer exclaims "well whaddaya know! the sheep in Scotland are black!" The theoretical physicist replies, "..well, SOME of the sheep in Scotland a...

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The theoretical physicist had trouble getting a job...

... They couldn't apply their knowledge.

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40 Theoretical physicists walk into a bar

Or did they?

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How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

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Two physicists go hiking

A theoretical physicist and an applied physicist go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Suddenly they spot a black bear running towards them. The applied physicist starts taking off his boots.

The theoretical physicist says, "It's not possible to outrun a bear."

The applied physicist say...

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Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are."
"Where are we then?"
"Do you see that mountain over ther...

Physics

Theoretical Physicist: You have a great potential, why don't you use it?

Me standing on a rooftop: @@

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Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

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So there's this bar in New York called Walter's...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu...

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Arrogance

Back in the days when Los Alamos was a small company town, a noted theoretical physicist was called as a witness for the prosecution. Rising to take the stand, the great man smiled and nodded affably in the direction of the jury box.

This infuriated the defence counsel. “Your Honor, I don’t ...

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