The 81+ Best Theory Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maybe replacement theory is correct.

Even neo-nazi's are being replaced by black people.

The theory goes, that surnames often come from the job of your ancestors.

What on earth did "Dickinson" do?!

(Credit to Jason Manford)

Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.

A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.

While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"

When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.

Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, de...

I have no problem with capital punishment in theory.

Just in execution.

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory

(English is my second language here but I will try to do my best, it is probably funnier in my language- A rephrase is welcomed!)

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory. The religious man was trying to convince the scientist that facts are more clearer than the sci...

Flat-earthers have heard their theory is spreading around the globe

They don't believe it.

Why are soldiers bad at music theory?

A sharp major doesn’t exist.

I have a theory that confirmation bias doesn't really exist

and I've found an obscure study that proves it.

Einstein: Dad, my paper on the Theory of Relativity finally got published!!

Einstein’s Dad: Damn son, it’s about time!

Einstein was pleasuring himself when he came up with the theory of relativity.

Stroke of genius.

Einstein: I finally finished my theory about space.

Mrs. Einstein: It’s about time.

Einstein: Wow! How did you know that?

Control system theory joke

As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, “for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.“

Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the o...

What's the difference between a conspiracy theory and the truth?

Currently, about 6 months...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A congressman's son asks his sister "what's the difference between theory and practice?"

She goes to their father and asks "hey dad, would you take a 10 million dollars donation to vote against a gun control law?"

"Yes, I think I can do a lot of good with this kind of money" the father replies.

"Now see?" she says to her brother, "In theory, we are multi millionaires. In p...

I Like Jung's Theory of the Collective Unconscious

I think we're all asleep at the wheel!

What do you call a theory about the ocean?

A conspira-sea.

Say what you will about flat earth theory

But last time I checked all the water on the surface of the earth isn't carbonated

Hanging a Beggar is good in theory, but...

Is actually just Poor Execution

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Explain the difference between theory and relativity

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks...

Socialism sounds great in theory...

But in practice, you just gonna get couped by the CIA.

I've heard a theory that the dinosaurs died out because their eggs became rotten.

It was a mass egg-stink-tion!

In theory if rich countries sent poor countries enough boostraps, they could pull themselves out of poverty

By selling them

As a Final Fantasy fan, I always wondered why Big Bang Theory only ever referenced the Third Level Spell.

They never even mention Bazin and Bazinra.

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called

How I banged your mother with two and a half men

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

The difference between theory & reality.

A boy was given a essay to write about the difference between theory and reality.

Struggling to come up with a explanation he asked his dad who said to him that he could lend a hand with this one.

The father told him "go find your mother and ask her if she would sleep with the window c...

Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from o...

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professor develops a theory to determine how truthful patients are when asked about their sex life.

According to the theory, the wider the smile is, the more frequent the intercourse.

To put his theory into practice, he invites some of his patients into the practice.

He goes up to the first one, asks him a few questions and, seeing the smile, asks:

\- You're together once a w...

According to the Big Bang Theory the universe began in Arizona

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

Why didn't Newton discover group theory?

The reasom is because he wasn't Abel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couples therapist believes the amount of sex you have is directly related to happiness, so he decides to test his theory at his next seminar.

He addresses the crowd in attendance and asks "How many couples here tonight have sex once a day?"

To the therapists delight, about half of the crowd raise their hands with wide, toothy grins across their faces.

The therapist then asks "How many have sex once a week?"

Roughly a ...

My theory in why gordon Ramsey's kids aremt his

Because he doesnt like it raw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

My brother is a big believer in Flat Earth Theory

but he is starting to come around.

Flat Earth theory debunked

We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You’ve heard of the theory of the famous Cocktail dress? Two vodkas and it’s off. But have you heard of the American dress?

One yank and it’s down

The only conspiracy theory I believe in is the one about Barbie's boyfriend disappearing in the woods

Kentrails

Anyone want to help start a new conspiracy theory themed cafeteria style restaurant?

We’ll call it “Queue A Nom Nom”

Probability theory

Probability theory is probably the least understood area by the general population (except for certain gamblers). As a simple example, consider the History Professor friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sitting on a cloud in Heaven, Einstein tries to explain Hitler relativity theory. When finished, Einstein asks Hitler "Did you get me?"

"No," replies Hitler, "you died of old age."

There's a theory that people don't see the exact same colors

Does that mean
*color is a pigment of you imagination*

huehuehuehue

I'm very good at math I can do number theory, combinatorics, but I cant bring myself to do graphs

That's where I draw the line

My flat earther friend decided to prove his theory by walking to the end of the world

In the end, he came around.

Conspiracy Theory

Mom: "Junior, you're going to have to eat your peas or no dessert."

Junior: "That's a conspiracy theory."

Mom: "Where on earth did you hear that?"

Junior: "Dad says that a conspiracy theory is when someone says something that you don't like!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The theory of evolution states that all species are related to a common ancestor

So no officer I dont think its "disgusting" that I'm dating a raccoon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professor was teaching the theory of relativity...

when a late student came into class.

The student asked, "what did I miss?"

"it's about damn time." The professor replied.

I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein proposed The Theory of Relativity.

Feels like only yesterday.

I have a conspiracy theory...

The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his dad about the difference between theory and practice.

So the dad tells him to go and ask his sister, mother, and grandmother whether or not they would be willing to sleep with a man for 1 million dollars.

The boy asks his grandmother who says "for much less"

Then his mother who says "beats sleeping with that broke son of a bitch you call ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little apreh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A product manager was asked by his son about his work. The father says, "My job is all about the difference between theory and practice." The child didn't understand, so the father said, "Let me give you an example:"

"Go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the neighbor for £1M". Kid goes, returns & says "she's not too happy to but she will for times are tough."

Then the father said: "Now go ask your mom that question" so the child goes, returns and says: "Mom's is not too happy to sleep with the neigh...

There's a quantum observation theory where only police have consciousness

cop didn't see it I didn't do it

Scientists have a new theory on how the first laxative was discovered.

It was an accident.

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

Birthing theories

3 guys were in a waiting room, their wives in labour.

The first man gets called in. He comes out later and tells the others that it was a boy. He laughs and says "geez I think I got a boy because I was on top at that magic moment".

The second man gets called in, and sometime later, he...

My dad finally woke up from his conspiracy theory and realized that cyanide couldn’t kill the coronavirus.

It was a hard pill to swallow

The guillotine was decent in theory

But amazing in execution.

I have a theory that if something works optimally, it HAS to be inside a fish.

Everything that's outside a fish wouldn't work the way it should, because it's inafishn't.

According to Einstein's Theory of General Relativity...

Everyone is attracted to you. At least a little bit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid asks his father the difference between theory and fact,

The father thinks for a bit and tells his son that he can't explain it very well but he can give a very simple example. The father instructs his son to ask his mother and sister if they were willing to sleep with a man for 1 million dollars.

The son does as told and return to his father with ...

My wife tells me my conspiracy theory obsession is getting out of control..

I wonder how much the government paid her to say that.

Someone asked me if I would bet on Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personalityl

I replied I'm all Id

String theory might be the answer to everything...

...but then again, it might knot.

Would you remarry?

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul...

Why did the political theory class think their teacher was being unfair?

He gave the whole class the same Marx

What's the difference between Blizzard's dignity and Flat Earth Theory?

Some people still manage to believe in Flat Earth Theory.

Word has it Matt Damon will reprise his role as a CIA assassin, but this time he'll pretend to be a physicist specializing in scattering theory.

Title: "The Bourne Approximation"

During a conversation a friend brings up his theory about how the moon landings were faked. I give him a concerned look.

I say “you believe in the moon?”

Not many people can tell you about both rock theory and astrophysics ...

But if you ask him nicely, Bryan May

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^^I ^^^^made ^^^^myself ^^^^sad

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

“Dad” says son, “what’s the difference between theory and reality”?

“I’ll explain” says Dad. “MOTHER! Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” says mother, giggling.

“DAUGHTER! Would you sleep with Harry Styles for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” she says, blushing.

“There you go son” says Dad. “Theoretically we ...

Interviewer: what inspired your theory on gravity?

Newton: well, I fell off the toil—...............
Agent [leans into the mic]: an apple fell on his head...

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin’s theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space,

and it was about time, too.

Gravity is a conspiracy theory.

It's just another way for The Man to keep you down.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.