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Theory Jokes

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Maybe replacement theory is correct.

Even neo-nazi's are being replaced by black people.

Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.

A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.

While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"

When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.

Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, de...

The theory goes, that surnames often come from the job of your ancestors.

What on earth did "Dickinson" do?!

(Credit to Jason Manford)

Einstein developed a theory about space...

And, boy, it was about time, too!

I have no problem with capital punishment in theory.

Just in execution.

You know what they say about string theory?

"It's a theory about strings, but there's not enough evidence to tie the theory down."

I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein proposed The Theory of Relativity.

Feels like only yesterday.

If Two and half men, the Big Bang theory and How I met your mother had ever done a crossover episode

It would have been called How I banged your mother with two and a half men

The guillotine was decent in theory

But amazing in execution.

During a conversation a friend brings up his theory about how the moon landings were faked. I give him a concerned look.

I say “you believe in the moon?”

I have a theory that confirmation bias doesn't really exist

and I've found an obscure study that proves it.

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory

(English is my second language here but I will try to do my best, it is probably funnier in my language- A rephrase is welcomed!)

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory. The religious man was trying to convince the scientist that facts are more clearer than the sci...

Flat-earthers have heard their theory is spreading around the globe

They don't believe it.

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

What's the difference between theory and practice?

In theory, there *is* no difference.

Control system theory joke

As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, “for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.“

Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the o...

Einstein: I finally finished my theory about space.

Mrs. Einstein: It’s about time.

Einstein: Wow! How did you know that?

Was Einstein's theory good?

Relatively

Why are soldiers bad at music theory?

A sharp major doesn’t exist.

I Like Jung's Theory of the Collective Unconscious

I think we're all asleep at the wheel!

Say what you will about flat earth theory

But last time I checked all the water on the surface of the earth isn't carbonated

What's the difference between a conspiracy theory and the truth?

Currently, about 6 months...

Conspiracy Theory

Mom: "Junior, you're going to have to eat your peas or no dessert."

Junior: "That's a conspiracy theory."

Mom: "Where on earth did you hear that?"

Junior: "Dad says that a conspiracy theory is when someone says something that you don't like!"

The difference between theory & reality.

A boy was given a essay to write about the difference between theory and reality.

Struggling to come up with a explanation he asked his dad who said to him that he could lend a hand with this one.

The father told him "go find your mother and ask her if she would sleep with the window c...

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Explain the difference between theory and relativity

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks...

Socialism sounds great in theory...

But in practice, you just gonna get couped by the CIA.

Einstein: Dad, my paper on the Theory of Relativity finally got published!!

Einstein’s Dad: Damn son, it’s about time!

Probability theory

Probability theory is probably the least understood area by the general population (except for certain gamblers). As a simple example, consider the History Professor friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I re...

What do you call a theory about the ocean?

A conspira-sea.

Hanging a Beggar is good in theory, but...

Is actually just Poor Execution

Einstein was pleasuring himself when he came up with the theory of relativity.

Stroke of genius.

Why didn't Newton discover group theory?

The reasom is because he wasn't Abel

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A congressman's son asks his sister "what's the difference between theory and practice?"

She goes to their father and asks "hey dad, would you take a 10 million dollars donation to vote against a gun control law?"

"Yes, I think I can do a lot of good with this kind of money" the father replies.

"Now see?" she says to her brother, "In theory, we are multi millionaires. In p...

Flat Earth theory debunked

We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

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Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

Birthing theories

3 guys were in a waiting room, their wives in labour.

The first man gets called in. He comes out later and tells the others that it was a boy. He laughs and says "geez I think I got a boy because I was on top at that magic moment".

The second man gets called in, and sometime later, he...

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

My theory in why gordon Ramsey's kids aremt his

Because he doesnt like it raw

I have a conspiracy theory...

The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.

According to the Big Bang Theory the universe began in Arizona

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

Chaos Theory

Two friends are chatting in a pub.

- Have you heard that Mike died yesterday?

-- Oh no! What happened to him?

- He was about to pass our house driving his car when he crashed into a parking car on the side of the road, broke through the wind shield, flown through straight in our...

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Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little apreh...

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A professor was teaching the theory of relativity...

when a late student came into class.

The student asked, "what did I miss?"

"it's about damn time." The professor replied.

My brother is a big believer in Flat Earth Theory

but he is starting to come around.

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from o...

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

According to Einstein's Theory of General Relativity...

Everyone is attracted to you. At least a little bit.

Gravity is a conspiracy theory.

It's just another way for The Man to keep you down.

Buffalo Theory

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the re...

There's a theory that people don't see the exact same colors

Does that mean
*color is a pigment of you imagination*

huehuehuehue

In theory if rich countries sent poor countries enough boostraps, they could pull themselves out of poverty

By selling them

Theory of Jumping Fleas

A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.

This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut...

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

Anyone want to help start a new conspiracy theory themed cafeteria style restaurant?

We’ll call it “Queue A Nom Nom”

String theory might be the answer to everything...

...but then again, it might knot.

I've heard a theory that the dinosaurs died out because their eggs became rotten.

It was a mass egg-stink-tion!

There's a quantum observation theory where only police have consciousness

cop didn't see it I didn't do it

Interviewer: what inspired your theory on gravity?

Newton: well, I fell off the toil—...............
Agent [leans into the mic]: an apple fell on his head...

As a Final Fantasy fan, I always wondered why Big Bang Theory only ever referenced the Third Level Spell.

They never even mention Bazin and Bazinra.

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A professor develops a theory to determine how truthful patients are when asked about their sex life.

According to the theory, the wider the smile is, the more frequent the intercourse.

To put his theory into practice, he invites some of his patients into the practice.

He goes up to the first one, asks him a few questions and, seeing the smile, asks:

\- You're together once a w...

New Conspiracy Theory about 9/11

So, if you convert 9/11 into a decimal, you get 0.8181818181818181818181818181.... going on forever. What's the eighth letter of the alphabet? H. What's the first letter of the alphabet? A. That's right, ladies and germs. The Joker did 9/11.

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Kid asks his father the difference between theory and fact,

The father thinks for a bit and tells his son that he can't explain it very well but he can give a very simple example. The father instructs his son to ask his mother and sister if they were willing to sleep with a man for 1 million dollars.

The son does as told and return to his father with ...

Theory vs practice

Theory is when you think you know something but it doesn't work. 
Practice is when something works but you don't know why. 
Usually we combine theory and practice: nothing works and we don't know why.

I have a new theory on inertia

But it is not gaining any momentum.

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A boy asks his dad about the difference between theory and practice.

So the dad tells him to go and ask his sister, mother, and grandmother whether or not they would be willing to sleep with a man for 1 million dollars.

The boy asks his grandmother who says "for much less"

Then his mother who says "beats sleeping with that broke son of a bitch you call ...

Scientists have a new theory on how the first laxative was discovered.

It was an accident.

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The theory of evolution states that all species are related to a common ancestor

So no officer I dont think its "disgusting" that I'm dating a raccoon

What's the difference between Blizzard's dignity and Flat Earth Theory?

Some people still manage to believe in Flat Earth Theory.

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Male sexbots are an interesting concept in theory

Until you try one and you lose him because he nuts and bolts

A base-12 number system is good in theory

but it dozen stand a chance in practice.

“Dad” says son, “what’s the difference between theory and reality”?

“I’ll explain” says Dad. “MOTHER! Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” says mother, giggling.

“DAUGHTER! Would you sleep with Harry Styles for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” she says, blushing.

“There you go son” says Dad. “Theoretically we ...

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