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What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?

She grounded him.

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance...

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?
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Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…

I was shocked

I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore...

these are some dark times.

What do you call London without electricity?


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I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car...

I asked an electrician to fix the electricity in my house...

He Re-fused.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity...

I told him it was an abuse of power.

My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill.

They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.

In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of our lives.

My friend was explaining electricity to me,

but I was like, ‘Watt?’

I was gonna tell a joke about Electricity,

But I forgot Watt it was.

What's the difference between me and electricity?

Electricity goes out once in a while.

What plant give you the most electricity?

The currant bush!

Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"

Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"

What did Britons use to light their homes before candles?


A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

Electrical Hum - True story

Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. ...

Electricity is a great thing...

Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight

What did Texans use for heat before the advent of firewood?


Why can’t you take electricity to social events?

Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

I'm finally getting some relief from sky high electricity bills.

The power has been out for days, and they don't have a restoration estimate

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

"Shomething'sh Amish..."

A little boy asks his mother, "Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?"

The mother says: 'What? Where did you hear that?

The boy replied: "Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, 'Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.'

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

Why are musicians so good with electricity?

They are always near conductors!

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

Gas, water and electricity

Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common...

They all follow the path of least resistance

What do arsonists and electricity have in common?

They both light up buildings

My electricity bill is outrageous for the shoddy service I’m getting...

...I’m just not happy with my current provider.

How are women and electricity similar?

You don't wanna mess around with either without rubber.

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

A man once advised me to not waste electricity. "Using more power results in more electricity bills"

I told myself,

***Watt good advice***

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A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

Before invention of electricity

Judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair.

What happened to the disobedient kid who played with electricity?

He got grounded.

Electricity is like a wife.

It's cheaper to take the neighbour's.

A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long phase?"

I threatened a cop and then he cut my electricity

It was a real abuse of power

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

What did the blonde say after the lesson on electricity?


I just found out about electricity...

It gave me a real shock!

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?

They use gaslighting.

I tried to think of an electricity pun

Now my head hertz

My favourite icecream place can't afford the electricity bill.

I hear they're having a liquidation sale.

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