I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore

these are some dark times.

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

In the past, I was so broke I couldn’t afford the electricity bill...

Those were the darkest days of my life

Why are Reddit posts about electricity never upvoted?

We prefer to give them an upvolt.

I just found out about electricity...

It gave me a real shock!

What happened to the disobedient kid who played with electricity?

He got grounded.

An entire prison was facing electricity outage for a year.

The inmates were getting very frustrated at the lack of power supply in the prison. No matter what the Jailer tried he couldn't solve the issue.

One day, the jailer realised that there was a thief named Joanna who duped people of their money and who had the reputation of being very smart had ...

People asked me how it feels when you stick your finger in an electricity outlet?

To be honest, it Hertz.

Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time...

I was shocked

A jumper I got for my birthday kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one.


Free of charge

Electricity is like a wife.

It's cheaper to take the neighbour's.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity.

I told him it was an abuse of power.

My friend was explaining something about electricity...

...and I was like "watt"?

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I remember the time my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill

But instead I bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained what I did to my dad and he beat the crap out of me.

The next morning when my dad woke up and opened the door, there was a brand new car outside. We all cried, mainly me. Because the car was from the electr...

What is the difference between lightning and electricity

For electricity you need to pay but lightning kills for free

A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long phase?"

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

My favourite icecream place can't afford the electricity bill.

I hear they're having a liquidation sale.

What did Communists use to light their houses before candles?

Electricity

I just bought 10,000 kW of electricity from this one company.

They charged me a lot.

Contrary to popular belief, Benjamin Franklin didn’t discover electricity.

He was just really shocked by it.

I made a generator which created electricity through jokes that were confusing but funny regardless.

It created lots of gigglewhats.

Even the most intelligent people can't survive a day without electricity

Like Stephen Hawking

The proliferation of electricity brought about light pollution in the sky during the industrial revolution

We've since doubled down and moved on to heavy pollution instead.

My electricity went out, so I went to visit my friend in New York.

It was definitely a power trip.

(As heard on a really old episode of the podcast “Lexicon Valley”.)

If hydrolysis is splitting things with water and electrolysis is splitting things with electricity...

... What is analysis?

Getting shocked by electricity doesn’t just hurt

It gigahertz

I was replacing a light fixture outside our front door when suddenly the electricity shorted through my screwdriver and made me drop it. My wife opened the door and said, "I turned on the light so you can see better while you're working."

I was too shocked to reply.

Before I met my girlfriend I was out of control. I was wild and always getting shocked by static electricity. But not anymore...

She really keeps me grounded.

Why don't amish people use electricity?

If they had lights they would never sleep with each other

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

If it wasn't for the sun and electricity

it would be lights out for everyone

My electricity bill was running suspiciously high

Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

When the electricity runs out

Those on the escalators will be the first to fall.

There aren't many puns about electricity

I'd be shocked if I thought of one!

You shouldnt play with electricity guys

You might get grounded.

I tried to think of an electricity pun

Now my head hertz

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity.

Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather.

To help the Sioux, Edison insta...

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

Space heaters are such a waste of electricity

I’m on Earth.

I used to be interested in mains electricity when I was a kid...

... then, the interest would go away again.

Turns out, it was just a phase.

If electricity is always directing itself to the least resistant, where would it go?

The French

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

"Shomething'sh Amish..."

With great power comes..

An expensive electricity bill

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I am satisfied with my life choices. I no longer pay for rent, food, electricity and blow jobs...

not until my jail term ends...

Why is electricity so motivated?

Because they conduit

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Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the ...

What do you call electricity still flowing today?

Current.

Top 20 Dangerous Things That We Do With Electricity

Number 8 will shock you.

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The Fastest Thing in the World

Four men were arguing about what they thought was the fastest thing in the world.

The first man says: I think it's a thought, because when you think of something, it's in your head instantly.

The second man says: I think it's a blink, because when you wink at someone they barely even ...

electricity is from electrons...

morality from morons?

why can't coffee conduct electricity?

because it is grounded

I told you I was broke

A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"

"G...

Women Friends chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner, we walked ...

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The Names Bond

So, James Bond retired and a new 007 took his place. She had trained all her life for this role, and was eager to do her duty for queen and country. Her first day on the job, she was introduced to Q, who debriefed her on all her new gadgets. The one he was most proud of was a dress that could perfor...

What is the most shocking city in the world?

Electricity

My family’s new truck

I remember once when I was a younger kid living with my parents, my dad gave me some money to go down to the grocery store to pay the electricity bill.

Thinking I was a super lucky kid & kind of smart, I decided to buy scratch-off tickets instead. Surprise, surprise - yeah, none of them w...

After finally turning old enough, a life long train lover finally becomes a train conductor

He was so excited on his first day, he was ready to do the best he could. As he was conducting however, he accidentally got distracted and somehow made the train crash into an office and killed 7 people.

He had to go to court of course and the jury declared him as guilty and the judge gave h...

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

Gas, water and electricity.

The PM of Canada issued the building of a dam

The dam was finished and started working, giving the people much needed electricity. Years passed, and the PM eventually got a pet deer which he named Frenklie. When a privatisation wave had recently hit his country, the deer asked him why he wasn't giving the dam for privatisation as well. The deer...

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All his life, Timmy wanted to be a train conductor.

He graduated top of his class in train school, and was hired by the most prestigious train company to conduct their new Super Train. This train could carry 1,000 passengers and was very expensive to manufacture.

Yet little Timmy had one fatal flaw. He has a very short attention span.

...

Noah's Ark 2.0

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah ...

A group of young men were sitting around the coffee shop complaining about how hard it was to get by in this day and age.

Bob, an old timer, was listening to them and finally spoke. “You kids don’t know what hard times are. Why, when I was your age we were so poor we couldn’t afford electricity. Why, we even had to watch television by candle light.”

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

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