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What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?

She grounded him.

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance...

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…

I was shocked

I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore...

these are some dark times.

What do you call London without electricity?


I caught my friend harassing some electricity...

I told him it was an abuse of power.

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I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car...

I asked an electrician to fix the electricity in my house...

He Re-fused.

My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill.

They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.

What's the difference between me and electricity?

Electricity goes out once in a while.

I was gonna tell a joke about Electricity,

But I forgot Watt it was.

there was a man in prison who could shoot electricity from his fingers and stuff.

he was charged with battery.

What did Britons use to light their homes before candles?


In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of our lives.

What plant give you the most electricity?

The currant bush!

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

Gas, water and electricity

Electrical Hum - True story

Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. ...

Electricity is a great thing...

Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

What did Texans use for heat before the advent of firewood?


Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

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A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

Before invention of electricity

Judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair.

How are women and electricity similar?

You don't wanna mess around with either without rubber.

Electricity is like a wife.

It's cheaper to take the neighbour's.

Why can’t you take electricity to social events?

Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

Why are musicians so good with electricity?

They are always near conductors!

A good joke to ask another person

person 1: What is the unit of measurement used to measure electricity

person 2: What?

person 1: Correct!

A little boy asks his mother, "Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?"

The mother says: 'What? Where did you hear that?

The boy replied: "Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, 'Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.'

What do arsonists and electricity have in common?

They both light up buildings

How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


One supervises;
One arranges for the electricity to be shut off;
One checks safety and quality standards;
One monitors compliance with government regulations;
One fills out paperwork;
And one who screws the lightbulb into the water faucet.

I just found out about electricity...

It gave me a real shock!

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

Why are Reddit posts about electricity never upvoted?

We prefer to give them an upvolt.

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long phase?"

Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common...

They all follow the path of least resistance

I tried to think of an electricity pun

Now my head hertz

I threatened a cop and then he cut my electricity

It was a real abuse of power

My electricity bill is outrageous for the shoddy service I’m getting...

...I’m just not happy with my current provider.

What happened to the disobedient kid who played with electricity?

He got grounded.

What is the difference between lightning and electricity

For electricity you need to pay but lightning kills for free

Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"

Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"

When the electricity runs out

Those on the escalators will be the first to fall.

Without electricity. . .

. . . I can't help but feel powerless.

How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?

They use gaslighting.

My favourite icecream place can't afford the electricity bill.

I hear they're having a liquidation sale.

Why don't amish people use electricity?

If they had lights they would never sleep with each other

What genre of music is electricity into?


I was given an essay about electricity

I was ecstatic

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

"Shomething'sh Amish..."

A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

From my Botswanan friend

A man dies and goes to hell.

He finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' ... He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Th...

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