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What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?

She grounded him.

I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore...

these are some dark times.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity...

I told him it was an abuse of power.

A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I retuned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

What plant give you the most electricity?

The currant bush!

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,

Why doesn't lighting always strike in France?

I just opened my water bill and electricity bill at the same time

I was shocked

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I remember once my dad gave me money to pay for the electricity bill

but instead I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I had done and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside our house was a brand new car.

We all cried especially me, because the ca...

In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of our lives.

My friend was explaining electricity

And I was like watt?

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Social experiment

Social researchers from Oxford devised an experiment to place three men from diverse cultures on an otherwise deserted island. They decided on one man from France, one from Germany, and one from Japan.

The German was told he is in charge of shelter, the Frenchman was put in charge of meals, a...

I had a go at my local Chinese the other day, as they keep putting their prices up.

They said it was because their electricity bill was 10 grand a month. I said they should turn off some of their lights then. They said they can't turn them all off, but they do dim sum.

Today I have learned a joke about electricity.

But it is too shocking to be told.

What do you call London without electricity?

Londoff

A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

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This is long and I'm not sure if it's worth reading.

Two guys were sitting in a bar. One said: ‘Did you hear the
news – Mike is dead?’
‘How?’ gasped the other. ‘What happened to him?’
‘Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and
when he pulled up outside, he didn’t brake properly and – bang
– he hit the pavement...

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A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

I went to my boss to ask for a raise. I told him 3 companies were after me.

Asked my boss, “Which 3 companies?”

“Gas, electricity and water”

Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"

Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"

A little boy asks his mother, "Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?"

The mother says: 'What? Where did you hear that?

The boy replied: "Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, 'Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.'

The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike. Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself" The woman goe...

Electricity is a great thing...

Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight

Why can’t you take electricity to social events?

Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

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4th of July bash

A career Wall Street stockbroker was burnt out and decided to go off the grid completely. He had enough of that dog-eat-dog lifestyle, the stress, the non-stop rat race of NYC, the constantly fluctuating stock market, and his many irate clients.

So, he decided to leave New York and buy a cabi...

I'm finally getting some relief from sky high electricity bills.

The power has been out for days, and they don't have a restoration estimate

Expensive Beer

I heard this one about high prices and scarcity from a European friend (I'm American BTW) ...



A fellow goes into a pub and says to the bartender, "One beer please."

The barman replies, "100 euro"

"Wow!" the man says.  "Why is it so expensive?  It was 10 euro before.“
...

Why are musicians so good with electricity?

They are always near conductors!

Jesus and satan bet on who is a better programmer

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for severa...

A salesman decided to venture into a new housing development.

He thought no other salesmen would have gone there because it was a new development. He wanted to be the first one, the early bird. So he knocked on the very first house that he saw there. A lady came and opened the door. Without giving her a chance to speak, he slipped into her house, took out A LO...

Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common...

They all follow the path of least resistance

What do arsonists and electricity have in common?

They both light up buildings

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat do...

My electricity bill is outrageous for the shoddy service I’m getting...

...I’m just not happy with my current provider.

How are women and electricity similar?

You don't wanna mess around with either without rubber.

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and civil engineer are sitting in a bar

when the civil engineer wonders, "If god were an engineer, what type would he be?"

The electrical engineer says, "Oh, that's easy. Think of the human body: impulses in the brain, signals sent through muscles and nerves...god is an electrical engineer."

The mechanical engineer counters,...

A man once advised me to not waste electricity. "Using more power results in more electricity bills"

I told myself,



***Watt good advice***

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job.

They were from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and Stanford. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they ...

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

Before invention of electricity

Judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair.

What did Texans used to light up their homes before they had candles?

Electricity.

Electricity is like a wife.

It's cheaper to take the neighbour's.

How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?

They use gaslighting.

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

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