A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?

She grounded him.

What plant give you the most electricity?

The currant bush!

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,

Why doesn't lighting always strike in France?

A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

What do you call London without electricity?

Londoff

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that t...

Why can’t you take electricity to social events?

Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

What did Texans used to light up their homes before they had candles?

Electricity.

My friend was explaining electricity

And I was like watt?

A little boy asks his mother, "Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?"

The mother says: 'What? Where did you hear that?

The boy replied: "Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, 'Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.'

Two guys in a bar...

One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!" "Wooo, what the hell happened to him?" "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

There was a point in time where I couldn’t afford to pay my electricity bills

Those were darkest days of my life.

Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"

Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"

Deep in the arctic, a fortress sits. This is Legion Prison, where all Supervillains are jailed.

And the Warden is having a very difficult time. In the beginning, it wasn’t so hard. A handful of villains can’t get up to too much trouble without their tools and weapon.

But as the prison filled up, things began to get more difficult.

MechaSlayer kept trying to fight Robo-Con.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning

When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog shit on my carpet

He then said “if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever’s left of the shit

To which I replied “well you better be hungry because m...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat do...

Electricity is a great thing...

Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night!!

Two Women were chatting in the office.


Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?


Woman 2: Yes.


Woman 1: Was it good?


Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in fiv...

Why are musicians so good with electricity?

They are always near conductors!

With great power......

comes great electricity bills

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and civil engineer are sitting in a bar

when the civil engineer wonders, "If god were an engineer, what type would he be?"

The electrical engineer says, "Oh, that's easy. Think of the human body: impulses in the brain, signals sent through muscles and nerves...god is an electrical engineer."

The mechanical engineer counters,...

Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go a...

What do arsonists and electricity have in common?

They both light up buildings

My electricity bill is outrageous for the shoddy service I’m getting...

...I’m just not happy with my current provider.

How is life like an electricity?

You start from null, you have few fazes, and then comes the grounding.

Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common...

They all follow the path of least resistance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car...

How are women and electricity similar?

You don't wanna mess around with either without rubber.

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

Gas, water and electricity

Before invention of electricity

Judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair.

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

I threatened a cop and then he cut my electricity

It was a real abuse of power

I opened both my water and my electricity bills at once.

Needless to say, I was shocked.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

>!But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light! !<

How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?

They use gaslighting.

My friend recently just graduated from college with a degree in Electrical Engineering.

He applied for a job and was immediately contacted by a wealthy man who was looking for someone to help incorporate electricity onto his fence. As my friend finished his job he was about to leave when he tripped and landed right onto the fence. I don't even know if he's even alive or if he still has...

Electricity is like a wife.

It's cheaper to take the neighbour's.

A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long phase?"

I just found out about electricity...

It gave me a real shock!

Here's an old one.

I cant remember where I got this one from but here it is.

This man wants to reconnect with nature and disconnect from society for awhile. So he drives to his uncle's cabin in the woods. The uncle has no electricity, no phone or internet. The man thinks it's the perfect get away.
The firs...

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.