Galaxy Jokes

They're lactose intolerant

Galactose intolerant.

"A guardian of the galaxys"

my 11yo told me this one yesterday, and i thought it needed to be shared with the world 🤣

It was the constellation prize.

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an... read more

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink... read more

Groot beer

Because the Apple keeps falling down to the ground!

A job of guard at the Samsung store has always been my dream.

But when he was finished, he returned to Tatooine

A Groot suit riot

Do some light speed.

I Am Grout

The other is the Sith.

There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, fi... read more

It’s out of this world.

He's just a fancy stick figure

I guess you can unfire a Gunn.

A quasardilla

At least it went out with a bang.

It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

I hear it's the bomb.

For example on Earth you bob for apples, but on Tatooine you Bib Fortuna.

I said "This is Huawei robbery!"

We're called the Asteroid Belt.

It takes millions of dollars' worth of equipment to truly appreciate it.

I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r... read more

On the millennial falcon.

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks.

The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces.

The windows phone freezes mid decent.

You get alot of bang for your buck.

My mix tape comes pre-installed on them.

Talk about explosive diarrhea.

Just head to the nearest Samsung store.

The Milky Hue.

Disappointment.

Almost as big as your mom.

Cause I want to explode in your pants.

This phone is the bomb

It turns out I'm galactose intolerant.

Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.

Unfortunately, I couldn't recall.

...born too ugly to explore a woman.

Reddit already.

They're still going at it.

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

He browsed r/jokes everyday and after a while he realised that the same jokes were posted over and over again.

He decided to start posting one joke a day, after his morning astronomy sessions.

His jokes were always well received and every so often one of his jokes would reach the fro... read more

2 Aliens meeting on their starship after a scan of the solar system:

Are there any lifeforms in that solar system

Well it's difficult to really explain

What do you mean

They're made out of meat.

Meat?

Meat. They're made out of meat.

Meat?

There... read more

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ... read more

The source of the unknown mass in the galaxy was never dark matter, but the result of a calculation mistake.

The scientists admit that they forgot to include your mother in the calculations, and therefor the last (approximately) 80% of the mass in the Milky Way has finally been discovered.

- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

The Alien space craft landed and was met by dignitaries from all nations.

The Ambassador from another galaxy approached the podium and began his speech. He had an odd western accent to his voice as he said. "Humans of earth ; we have been monitoring your transmissions for some time, and some ... read more

Instead, your mother's mass has been keeping our galaxy together, and prevented the stars in it from being sent out into the infinite universe.

It has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo... read more

Footage shows that seconds later, another man named “Samsung Galaxy-9 Jr” (formerly Allen Frank) was seen throwing wild punches at March.

March, an ex-Green Beret, was able to fend off the attack until police arrived on the scene to make an arrest.

Galaxy-9 has been charged with batter... read more