Galaxy Jokes

"A guardian of the galaxys"

my 11yo told me this one yesterday, and i thought it needed to be shared with the world 🤣

Galactose intolerant.

They're lactose intolerant

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink... read more

Groot beer

It was the constellation prize.

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do... read more

The MILFy way

A job of guard at the Samsung store has always been my dream.

Do some light speed.

We're called the Asteroid Belt.

A Groot suit riot

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r... read more

It’s out of this world.

There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, fi... read more

A quasardilla

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an... read more

At least it went out with a bang.

It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

I hear it's the bomb.

For example on Earth you bob for apples, but on Tatooine you Bib Fortuna.

I said "This is Huawei robbery!"

Just head to the nearest Samsung store.

It takes millions of dollars' worth of equipment to truly appreciate it.

I Am Grout

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

You get alot of bang for your buck.

The Milky Hue.

He's just a fancy stick figure

I guess you can unfire a Gunn.

This phone is the bomb

On the millennial falcon.

My mix tape comes pre-installed on them.

Cause I want to explode in your pants.

It turns out I'm galactose intolerant.

I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks.

The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces.

The windows phone freezes mid decent.

Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

A Fett-ish.

Disappointment.

...born too ugly to explore a woman.

Talk about explosive diarrhea.

Unfortunately, I couldn't recall.

Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.

Reddit already.

The source of the unknown mass in the galaxy was never dark matter, but the result of a calculation mistake.

The scientists admit that they forgot to include your mother in the calculations, and therefor the last (approximately) 80% of the mass in the Milky Way has finally been discovered.

He browsed r/jokes everyday and after a while he realised that the same jokes were posted over and over again.

He decided to start posting one joke a day, after his morning astronomy sessions.

His jokes were always well received and every so often one of his jokes would reach the fro... read more

- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

It has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together

It's because he made the galaxy and the apple is forbidden.

The other is the Sith.

Footage shows that seconds later, another man named “Samsung Galaxy-9 Jr” (formerly Allen Frank) was seen throwing wild punches at March.

March, an ex-Green Beret, was able to fend off the attack until police arrived on the scene to make an arrest.

Galaxy-9 has been charged with batter... read more

Instead, your mother's mass has been keeping our galaxy together, and prevented the stars in it from being sent out into the infinite universe.

Buy a galaxy note 7

I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4.

That she's the super massive compact object at the centre of the galaxy and they gave a Nobel prize today for discovering her.

Because he's got the *beskar* in the galaxy.

The known universe is made up of 50,000,000,000 galaxies. There are between 100,000,000,000 and 1,000,000,000,000 stars in a normal galaxy. In the Milky Way alone there might be as many 100 billion Earth-like planets. Still think you’re alone?

Almost as big as your mom.