What do you call a porcupine that wants to be a guardian of the galaxy

Peter QUILL

What did the galaxy order at the Mexican restaurant?

A quasardilla

James Gunn has been brought back as the director of Guardians Of The Galaxy 3

I guess you can unfire a Gunn.

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

What do you call a galaxy that's allergic to milk?

Galactose intolerant.

What's the best way to smuggle avacado toast across the galaxy?

On the millennial falcon.

As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TO THE ADMIN OF THIS GROUP

CAN YOU PLEASE TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN. THERE IS A NEW MEMBER. AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE HAS BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEN. SHE SENDS NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN GROTESQUE POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER LADY GARDEN. SHE IS OFFERING A SAMSUNG GALAXY S8 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEX...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"

I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones.

Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

The director of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" series will not be making the third part

I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

The Milky Way experienced a cosmic fender-bender with a dwarf galaxy 500 million years ago.

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

If you're the guard at a Samsung store ...

Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?

Samsung have done well with the Galaxy Note 7

Sales are blowing up!

The store tried to charge me $500 for a Samsung Galaxy knockoff.

I said "This is Huawei robbery!"

A Galaxy Phone, an iPhone and a windows phone fall out a top story window.

The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks.

The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces.

The windows phone freezes mid decent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is masturbation called in a galaxy far far away?

Hand solo

Samsungs Galaxy Note 7 is really cost effective

You get alot of bang for your buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Samsung names their next phone the Galaxy SX it may send off the wrong impression

But fuck it.

BREAKING NEWS: Just in from a correspondent in the Middle East.

ISIS to buy all Samsung Galaxy Note 7. #note7

If You Have Never Seen A Galaxy Explode

Just head to the nearest Samsung store.

Samsung is permanently stopping production of the Galaxy Note7.

At least it went out with a bang.

Why did Samsung make the Galaxy Note 7 waterproof?

It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

So I bought a Galaxy Note 7 today..

This phone is the bomb

Girl you make me feel like a Galaxy S7

Cause I want to explode in your pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] A man goes to a monastery in the middle of the Himalayas.

The man went to this monastery, because he wanted a break from the busy life of the city. Let's call him Dave.

Since they were in the middle of nowhere, and since he was going to be here a while, he decided to get to know some of the monks there. Apparently he hadn't been the first one to com...

The new Samsung Galaxy S8 was just announced.

I hear it's the bomb.

I know why all those Galaxy Note Sevens keep catching fire!

My mix tape comes pre-installed on them.

If I had a star for every time r/Jokes brightened my day,

I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

When someone asks if anyone has recommended Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to me

Reddit already.

Bad luck today, I have a bout of food poisioning AND I dropped my Galaxy Note 7 in the toilet by mistake :(

Talk about explosive diarrhea.

The Galaxy Note 8 leaks have been released online

It reveals that this time the phone will come with a "Detonate Now" app.

What do you call security at Samsung?

Guardians of the Galaxy

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, fi...

My boss asked me how many Galaxy Note 7s I ended up selling to the public.

Unfortunately, I couldn't recall.

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

The Galaxy is the greatest rapper alive.

It rhymes in universes. :)

What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.

I think we already know what's at the center of No Man's Sky's Galaxy

Disappointment.

What do you call a galaxy full of Brazilians?

The Milky Hue.

Alien overlords are discussing the fate of Earth citizens.

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

Born too late to explore the earth, born too early to explore the Galaxy...

...born too ugly to explore a woman.

C3PO, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo are taken prisoner on an alien planet

The Millennium Falcon had to make an emergency stop on an uncharted planet. The trio is greeted by a hostile alien race and placed in a horrendous prison.

After some time they are taken in the night to some kind of tribunal where they are told that all outsiders are regarded as evil demons an...

Your momma's so fat, last time she wore a glitter dress...

... the Hubble telescope thought it had discovered a new galaxy.

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

iPhone vs Samsung

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r...

There was this astronomer.

He browsed r/jokes everyday and after a while he realised that the same jokes were posted over and over again.

He decided to start posting one joke a day, after his morning astronomy sessions.

His jokes were always well received and every so often one of his jokes would reach the fro...

You’re so ugly...

You are the reason Star Wars takes place in a galaxy far far away!

My son (now 11) came up with this and it cracks me up every time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy named Bud...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his
herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the
window ...

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