UPJOKE
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I really don’t like thinking about gravity.

It always brings me down.

Guess you can call me mr. Anti-gravity

Cause no one ever falls for me.

Did you hear about the activist who fought against gravity?

They started an uprising.

I was going to tell you a gravity joke

....but no one was gonna fall for it.

Everything was great until gravity was invented.

Things went downhill after that.

Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists"

*drops mic*

I was reading a book on anti gravity last night.

I found it quite difficult to put down.

I wanted to tell a gravity joke

But I guess it'll just have to weight

Gravity and I have a horrible relationship.

It’s always trying to keep me down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was pooping when gravity shifted to the left

Shit went sideways

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

What does gravity have that you don't?

Mass appeal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity...

Or even in regular gravity.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's a nice bit of light reading.

Why is gravity so cheap?

It's mass-produced

Gravity is really important as a fundamental force of nature.

But if you get rid of it you get gravy.

There is no such thing as gravity

The world just sucks!!

I told a joke about gravity and plains.

It fell flat.

Einstein spent 10 years studying gravity.

It must have weighed heavily on him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened when gravity was first turned on?

Shit went down

At one time a falling Apple lead to the Theory of Gravity

Now it's just a broken iPhone

Yo mama so fat...

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity

But she so ugly people are still repelled by her

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

Archimedes had his bath (buoyancy). Newton had his apple (gravity). Poincaré had his...

Hairy balls

I read a book about anti-gravity once...

It was impossible to put down

I've been reading a book about anti-gravity.

Man, I just can't put this thing down.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

What happens if we increased earth’s gravity?

Sadly, everyone will be so down

I'm so sick of gravity.

It always brings me down

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Is gravity real?

or does the earth just suck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

I just told my younger brother a bad joke about gravity.

He is still falling for it.

I found Einstein's original research notes about anti-gravity.

I just couldn't put them down.

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

Gravity...

It always seems to let us down.

I've been very depressed about gravity lately.

It's really weighing me down.

Why can you always depend on Anti-Gravity?

Because it will never let you down.

Person 1: For the last time, it's not "reverse gravity", it's called BUOYANCY

Person 2: *shrugs* Whatever floats your boat

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

Death and Gravity are having coffee together.

Death is complaining to Gravity after a long hard week. He tells Gravity " Man, I am so sick of my job. EVERYBODY hates, nobody is ever glad to see me. I just can't take it anymore"

Gravity listens sympathetically to Death venting and replies "Dude, I know just how you feel. I'm always bringi...

Gravity is just a social construct

Invented by a Christian to keep you down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the Earth’s gravity increases a bit on Easter Sunday?

It’s cuz there’s a lot more mass.

Gravity is one of the fundamental forces in our universe but if you remove it you get gravy

also austria is not part of nato

Scientists recently discovered that there's no such thing as gravity...

This planet just sucks.

Sir Isaac Newton was completely WRONG about apples

They don't fall to the ground because of gravity.

It's natural selection.

Trees that produce apples that fall upwards don't have offspring

Why is gravity your enemy?

Because it is keeping you down.

Is your name Gravity ?

Cause you're attractive.

I’m in love with gravity

I’ve fallen for it many times

Gravity is just a plot made up by NASA...

To keep us down!

I went to a tough school.

In English class, the teacher asked 'what comes after a sentence', and someone yelled out 'an appeal'.The science teacher asked the class how to prove the law of gravity. They threw her out the window."I tell you...at the football games, after our team sacked the quarterback, they went after his fam...

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

Gravity makes a terrible friend.

It's always holding you down.

Have you read the book about anti-gravity?

Much like that one book, Old Yeller, it's pretty damn hard to put down.

So everyone is appreciating Newton for inventing gravity...

...well, I don't. We could've all been flying now if it wasn't for that goddamn apple.

Why is gravity so weak?

Because it doesn't lift

Did you hear about those new anti-gravity cars?

They really drive me up a wall!

I simply love my anti gravity machine....

It never lets me down.

Gravity is a harsh mistress...

*... but she has reasonable rates!*

Gravity takes the fun out of everything

Then again it makes most of us more grounded.

Hey girl are you the force of gravity?

Because I'd rate you a -9.8

Why is gravity the weakest of the 4 fundamental forces?

Because it doesn't even lift.

A Joke of Some Gravity...

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?




A flat minor!

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