UPJOKE
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I really don’t like thinking about gravity.

It always brings me down.

Guess you can call me mr. Anti-gravity

Cause no one ever falls for me.

Did you hear about the activist who fought against gravity?

They started an uprising.

I was going to make a joke about gravity,

but I eventually dropped it.

I was going to tell you a gravity joke

....but no one was gonna fall for it.

Gravity is really important as a fundamental force of nature.

But if you get rid of it you get gravy.

What does gravity have that you don't?

Mass appeal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity...

Or even in regular gravity.

Gravity and I have a horrible relationship.

It’s always trying to keep me down.

I wanted to tell a gravity joke

But I guess it'll just have to weight

I'm reading a book about anti gravity

I can't seem to put it down...

Did you hear about the man who read a book about anti-gravity?

It was impossible to put down

Everything was great until gravity was invented.

Things went downhill after that.

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Yo mama so fat...

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity

But she so ugly people are still repelled by her

Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists"

*drops mic*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the Earth’s gravity increases a bit on Easter Sunday?

It’s cuz there’s a lot more mass.

I tuck my knees to my chest and lean forward until gravity takes me.

That's just how I roll.

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

I am very disappointed in gravity

It always lets me down

What happens if we increased earth’s gravity?

Sadly, everyone will be so down

As Steven Weinberg was finishing the presentation of his contributions to the Standard Model, a colleague asks:

"This work is incredible. Do you understand the gravity of what you've done?"

Weinberg: "No, weren't you listening? That's the only force we don't understand."

(I'm sorry for this terrible and obscure joke, feel free to downvote.)

Man: He died of natural causes

Judge: You pushed him off a building

Man: Gravity is natural

I just told my younger brother a bad joke about gravity.

He is still falling for it.

I found Einstein's original research notes about anti-gravity.

I just couldn't put them down.

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

At one time a falling Apple lead to the Theory of Gravity

Now it's just a broken iPhone

Your Momma So Fat…

Your Momma So Fat She didn’t float in zero gravity.

Is gravity real?

or does the earth just suck

I tried to make my students understand why the earth pulls objects towards itself...

I guess they just didn't understand the gravity of the matter.

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was pooping when gravity shifted to the left

Shit went sideways

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

Death and Gravity are having coffee together.

Death is complaining to Gravity after a long hard week. He tells Gravity " Man, I am so sick of my job. EVERYBODY hates, nobody is ever glad to see me. I just can't take it anymore"

Gravity listens sympathetically to Death venting and replies "Dude, I know just how you feel. I'm always bringi...

Gravity is just a social construct

Invented by a Christian to keep you down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did noone see Zelenskyys balls so far?

Because the light cant escape the gravity well...


PS: You can really assume the mass of his balls indirectly through effect it has on surrounding world.

I'm so sick of gravity.

It always brings me down

Gravity...

It always seems to let us down.

I've been very depressed about gravity lately.

It's really weighing me down.

A planet is a celestial body that is in orbit around a star, has sufficient gravity to make itself round and has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.

That’s why Pluto isn't a planet but your mum is.

Why can you always depend on Anti-Gravity?

Because it will never let you down.

Scientists recently discovered that there's no such thing as gravity...

This planet just sucks.

I read a book about gravity...

It really brought me down.

Person 1: For the last time, it's not "reverse gravity", it's called BUOYANCY

Person 2: *shrugs* Whatever floats your boat

If we had a civilization on the moon and someone committed murder, would the punishment still be the same?

I mean, I would think the gravity of the situation would be way less, ya know?

When asked about the greatest of all his amazing accomplishments, Sir Isaac Newton cited the discovery of gravity.

He said it helped him keep his feet on the ground.

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

If gravity were a person...

He'd be pretty down to earth.

Gravity...

Where would we be without it?

All the anti gravity experiments I conducted gave my son terminal cancer

It was incredibly hard to put him down.

I’m in love with gravity

I’ve fallen for it many times

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

I think I just disproved gravity!

This research is going to have Issac Newton floating in his grave.

Gravity is a conspiracy theory.

It's just another way for The Man to keep you down.

Have you read the book about anti-gravity?

Much like that one book, Old Yeller, it's pretty damn hard to put down.

Gravity gets me down sometimes.

But at least it keeps me grounded.

Gravity is just a myth.

We all know it's the white man keeping us down.

Marriage defies gravity...

It's the only instance where a ring can block a hole...

Interviewer: what inspired your theory on gravity?

Newton: well, I fell off the toil—...............
Agent [leans into the mic]: an apple fell on his head...

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

Why is gravity the weakest of the 4 fundamental forces?

Because it doesn't even lift.

I simply love my anti gravity machine....

It never lets me down.

Man, I sure love gravity

It's really down to earth

I really resent gravity

It's held me down my whole life.

Gravity makes a terrible friend.

It's always holding you down.

What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity.

But he told me to drop it.

I got kicked out of astronaut training for joking around too much in the underwater simulation course.

They said I didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation.

I want to thank gravity...

For keeping me down to Earth

Gravity, the greatest jokester

Always trying to pull down your pants

Gravity takes the fun out of everything

Then again it makes most of us more grounded.

Gravity is a harsh mistress...

*... but she has reasonable rates!*

Hey girl are you the force of gravity?

Because I'd rate you a -9.8

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