UPJOKE
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what's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

"Nothing rhymes with Orange', said my wife.

I replied, "No, it doesn't".

Not the nursery rhyme you learned growing up- Old mother Hubbard

..went to the cupboard to fetch old Rover a bone,
when she bent over, Rover took over,
gave her a bone of his own!

Rhyme Time.

Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised.
Old McDonald had a farm, the poor man nearly died.

Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

What rhymes with Orange

No it doesn’t

What do you call an onion that likes to rhyme?

A Rapscallion!

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The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

Cough, Rough, Though, Through.

Why don't these words rhyme, yet pony and bologna do?

English is so easy to learn...

You just need to remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme, but read and lead don’t rhyme and neither do read and lead.

A former kindergarten teacher asked a former kindergarten student a word that rhymes with "duck".

The student's answer explains why they're "former".

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!

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An *explosive* rhyme

There once was a girl named Jill...

Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill...

They found her vagina in South Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

I’m not sure if “Humpty Dumpty” is a good nursery rhyme or not...

... I’m kinda on the fence about it.

My buddy said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I pondered for a while and thought..."No, it doesn't."

I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver...

But to this day, I still don’t think they sound the same.

Dice. My favorite Dice rhyme: "Jack 'n Jill went up the hill, both wit a buck 'n a quarter..."

... Jill came down wit two fifty

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What Rhymes with “Freudian slips”?

“My mother’s tits”, oh shit I meant to say paper clips

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A Navy Rhyme

A Navy man, a war hero, attends a lunch at a Ladies’ Patriotic Society. Cucumber sandwiches on crustless bread – he endures it manfully. Then the ladies, who have been at the sherry, ask to hear a Navy rhyme. Ladies, he says, I will accede to your request. But in place of each atrocious word, I will...

I finally have to admit that my hip-hop is weak and my rhymes are lame...

...so I am forced to hand in my too wack notice.

People say nothing rhymes with orange.

It seems very strange to me.

To rhyme or not to rhyme

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can't rhyme at all,
Banana

What rhymes with Tortilla?

I'm making a rap.

How to come up with a dad joke - Beginner's Advice

1. Read a dictionary.
2. Find Rhymes.
3. Think about the rhyme.
4. Find more Words.
5. Toss the dictionary out of the window.
6. Apologise to the neighbor for hitting him with the dictionary.
7. Catch the dictionary the neighbor threw back.
8. In case you didn't catch it, fix br...

One monkey says to another monkey, “what rhymes with Banana” and the other monkey says

“No it doesn’t.”

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

What is a kid artist’s favourite nursery rhyme?

Pop goes the easel.

What rhymes with donut

Wow, it actually does!

Fun with rhymes.

If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced th...

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My favorite nursery rhyme.

Mary had a little watch,

she swallowed it one day.

Then Mary took a laxative

to pass the time away.

Well, time went on and time went on,

and time still wouldn't pass.

So, if you want to know what time it is,

just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^H...

It's funny that Schumer and humor rhyme

Cause that is the closest she will ever get to being funny.

So three friends met up for the holidays,

The first two are waiting on the third when one says to the other:

"Hey, I made you a song for Christmas!" and then starts beat-boxing this amazing tune. It's got great rhyme & rhythm, and the other guy is blown away.

A little later the third friend shows up, and the second one sa...

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A class 5 teacher asked her students to make rhymes with their names

Sam:
My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to Russia and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can

Candy:
My name is Candy,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can

Dan:
My name is Dan.
When I grow up to ...

How do you make love to a nursery rhyme character?

You hump-ty-dumpty

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