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Chase Jokes

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do?

You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.

As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!

Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising u...

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

An Atheist Walking In The Woods Is Chased By A Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He...

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You're riding a horse full speed..there's a giraffe beside you..and you're being chase by a lion..what do you do?

....get your drunk ass off the carousel.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally

caught him by the organ.

If you’re being chased by a crazy taxidermist

Don’t play dead

I saw a man chased by a dog.

They were running around a big fountain. I told the man to hurry up because the dog is very close.

The man replied confidently: "Don't worry, I'm 2 laps ahead"

I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes

And thought, "Wow, dogs are so dumb!" Then i realised i just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 minutes.

Last night I was chased by a serial killer…

We ran for my life

In the northern hemisphere, small dogs chase their tails clockwise, but in the southern hemisphere, they chase them counter-clockwise.

This is due to the corgiolis effect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Long. A little white rabbit is being chased through the forest by a bear.

As they are running, they both trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out and looks at the two.

“Since you both touched the lamp, you will both get 3 wishes,” says the genie.

The bear starts jumping up and down waving its paws and says “Oh, oh, oh, me first! I wish all the bears in thi...

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What would you do if bear tries to chase you?

one friend asks another.

\- "I would climb a tree."

\- "But bears can climb trees and he goes after you."

\- "Then I would jump into the creek."

\- "But creek is shallow and bear can easily get you in the water."

\- "Then I would run into the cave."

\- "But ...

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot...

It got that bad in the end, I had to take his bike away.

My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend?

I replied I would rather compete against one guy than the whole world

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"

They run until they reach a dead end.

They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:

"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVE...

What do you do when being chased by an angry bat?

Use hand to hand calmbat

I used to be constantly chased by women.

Then I stopped stealing purses.

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An old lion chases a tired rabbit

After being kicked from the pride, the old lion tries to hunt for food. He finds and chases after a rabbit day and night all around the jungle through the old creek and the thick forest finally ending up at the magic temple where a fairy lives. Upon hearing the ruckus she comes out to see both the a...

What’s a cats favorite insect to chase?

Waspspspspsps

Back then, girls used to chase after me like crazy.

But I no longer steal handbags.

Dropped $10 and the wind caught it, I had to chase it down the road..

I never caught it but I had a good run for my money.

dog keeps chasing people...

“I’ve really had it with my dog,” says a guy to his neighbour. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle.”

“Hmmm, that is a problem,” says the neighbour. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”

What did Scar tell Simba when he was getting chased by the stampede?

Move fassa'

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A man is chased by a wolf

Billy comes running towards his father with sweat dripping down from his face. He tells them that he was lucky to outrun the wolf chasing him because the wolf tripped 3 times. His father tells Billy: "You are very brave Billy, if it was me, I would have shit myself. To which Billy responds: How do y...

A man is working out with a blonde nearby

He gets hot while doing his sets so he takes off his shirt. The blonde winks and says "Wow, you've got some nice pecs there."

The man smirks and says "100 pounds of pure dynamite, babe." and returns to his workout. A few minutes go by and he gets hotter so he takes off his pants.

The b...

Every Christmas, my mom sends me out on a wild goose chase whilst she wraps all the presents, but I told her that this was the last time.

I don't care what she says, next year we're having store bought turkey like everyone else.

A preacher is being chased in the woods by a large grizzly bear.

Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks...

Two boys are in the woods...

...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting naked in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see naked chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a naked girl...

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A rabbit is being chased by a bear

and just as the bear was about to catch him, they trip over a fabled genie’s lamp. Having brushed the lamp, a genie appears and promises to grant the rabbit and bear three wishes each.

Before the rabbit has a chance to speak, the bear shoves him aside and tells the genie how hard it is to fin...

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Im tired of chasing people who wont chase me...

from today on the ice cream man can go fuck himself.

What do you call a person who’s being chased by a car?

Tyred!

What do you call a person who’s chasing a car?

Exhausted!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.

“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”

I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.”

Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I...

Why did the cat chase the mouse?

He was in purrrrrrrrrrsuit

My uncle told me a story about how he survived a chase from lion for about 10 kms.

He said once he saw a lion, he started running toward the village at full speed. After around a kilometre, he looked back and lion, who was just a feet away from him, slipped all of sudden. This allowed him to gain some distance from lion. After around another kilometre, he looked back and lion, wh...

The chase is on

A man is driving really fast, and a police car is chasing him. Amazingly, the chase goes on for over twenty miles. The man finally stops his car and faces the wrath of the police officer.

The police officer yells at him and says "I've been chasing you for twenty miles, you'd better have a dam...

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

What steps would you take if a bull chased you?

Big ones.

What does a catfish chase after?

A string ray!

A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods

The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."

A killer chases a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The three finds three potato sacks to hide in. The killer finds the sacks and decided to poke each one.
When the killer poked the brunette, the brunette goes “meow, meow.” Then the killer pokes the red head, and she goes “bark! bark!” Finally, the killer pokes the blonde in the potato sack and sh...

A patient goes to see his doctor

“Do you think I’ll live another 50 years, Doc?” asked a patient.



“How old are you now?”



“Forty.”



“Do you drink, gamble or chase women?”



“No,” the man answered. “I don’t drink, I never gamble, and I detest women. In fact, I don’t have an...

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

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