What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My father caught me jerking off to porn. Shocked, he took off his belt

pulled down his pants, and he joined.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

A married couple touring Israel sat outside at a Bethlehem sidewalk cafe, waiting for their friends. A peddler approached them, his arm loaded with belts.

After an impassioned sales plea yielded nothing, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, “She’s not from the States.” “Yes, I am,” said the wife. He pointed to her husband and asked her, “Is he your husband?” ...

A crusty, old pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notices a giant ship's wheel protruding from his belt buckle.

As the bartender sets down the drink, his curiosity gets the better of him, so he says, "Hey, forgive me for staring, but I couldn't help but notice that giant ship's wheel on your crotch. What's that all about?"

To which the pirate replies, "Aye matey, 'tis no real mystery you see, but it's ...

My overweight uncle spend months making a belt out of used pocket watches.

When he finished it, he realized it was a huge waist of time.

I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt.

Then it clicked.

Bought my wife a matching bag and belt for Valentine’s Day.

She should be able to fix the vacuum cleaner and get it running now.

My father never hit me but when I was bad he would take off his belt...

And then he would take off his pants. Needless to say, I didn't like the way I was reared.

What causes black-belt heart attacks?

Karated arteries

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning and as we were leaving the trailer park, somebody shouted, "You're an irresponsible father!"

I shot back, “Who the fuck said that?! Stop the car, son!"

When I was a kid and got into trouble, my dad would bring me to the garage and whip me with a belt.

Along with the alternator, and water pump too.

Needed to punch another hole in my belt.

I gave it my awl.

I thought about getting myself a watch so long I could wear it as a belt

But I guess it'd be such a waist of time

No matter how hard I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers...

...the cashier keeps on putting them back.

Why did the belt go to jail?

He held up a pair of pants.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman checking out at the register of the grocery store puts bacon, milk, frozen peas, butter, and a can of soup on the conveyor belt. The man behind her in line see all this and says: “You must be single.” “Why, yes, I am, how did you know?” she asks.

“Cause you’re the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he says.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met this sexy woman on a conveyor belt.

You know what it's like, one thing led to another.

I decided against buying a belt made of 100 dollar bills.

It's a waist of money.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, King Arthur had to leave Camelot to go for a diplomatic hunt. Worried about his wife's potential infidelity, he asks Merlin to fashion her a chastity belt...

Merlin assures the king that anything that is put through the hole in the chastity belt will be immediately cut off with magic.

Satisfied, King Arthur goes on his hunt. When he returns several days later, he immediately goes to the Knights of the Round Table and asks all of them to drop thei...

Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches?

He said it was a waist of time.

(as told to me last night by my 10 year old).

What is the difference between the Bible Belt and the Borscht Belt?

These days? Absolutely nothing.

I get so angry when I see someone with their wallet chained to their belt.

I just can’t take it.

I was going to buy a chastity belt until I checked the reviews online.

Customer satisfaction was terrible.

I remember when my Dad used to beat me with his belt

While he was still wearing it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I thought I'd make a really cool belt by stringing together all of my wristwatches...

But it was a waist of time.

New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts'

Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.

My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.

Talk about a waist of time.

They keep telling me to put on my seat belt to keep me safe during an accident

But don’t they know the safest place during an accident is outside the car.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde, Im a 6’ tall, 200lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player, the fella on your right is 6’5” pushing 300 and...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A CEO gathers his staff..

10 Male employees are present in the convention room. The CEO clears his throat and starts the meeting: *"Good afternoon gentlemen. As you know, I am leaving for my business meeting tomorrow and will be absent for 10 days."*

The employees are all nodding in agreement.

The CEO pauses ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an alcoholic with an extensive belt collection?

My fucking father.

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I couldn't quite click my seat belt together the other day...

Then it buckled...wait...shit.

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate?

A self defense attorney!

During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...

The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'

The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'

When batman doesn’t use his utility belt

It’s just a waist of equipment

I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks

But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time

The Heavy Weight World Champion belt will no longer be fashioned to look like a large watch.

They realized it was just a huge waist of time.

This weekend I bought a belt buckle that was also a functional face clock...

I threw it out. It was a waist of time.

Looking back at belts...

They're a real waist of cows.

What do belts and woman have in common?

It gets tight when you get into the wrong hole.

Did you hear about the man who made a belt out of clocks for a giant?

It took him 2 years to make and looked terrible when worn.
It was a huge waist of time.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle

Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts"

A friend asked why my dad's belt hurt so much...

I said "I don't know, beats me"

What do you call a cardboard belt?

A waist of paper.

--

^(Credit: Shadow Warrior fortune cookie)

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,

'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely sil...

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