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A Father takes his son Timmy to a baseball game

While watching the game the father orders a beer and gets his son a soda.

Timmy asks "Dad can I have a beer?"

Dad replies "Can your dick reach your asshole?"

Timmy replies "no it cannot"

Dad says "then you can't have a beer"

After the game they go to dinner. Dad o...

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Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

So a latino man and his friend decide to go to a baseball game together.

He made it a point to be there very early so that they wouldn't miss the singing of the star-spangled banner as it was his favorite part of any sporting event.

As they're waiting for it to be sung his friend asks him out of curiosity, "hey man, why is this your favorite part of the game?" And...

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."

"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!”

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A British woman was touring the United States, and decided to go to a baseball game

She didn't understand the rules, but figured she could learn them by watching everyone else.

In the first inning, a batter hit a grounder and started running to first base. The man seated next to the woman jumped to his feet and shouted, "Run, you sunnuvabitch, run!"

A couple of innin...

3 guys and 3 nuns are at a baseball game.

The 3 guys are sitting behind the nuns and they can't see over the habits the nuns are wearing. Irritated, one of the guys says, "you know, I'm gonna move to Wyoming. I hear there are only 100 nuns there."

The second guy says "I'm gonna move to Nevada. There are only 50 nuns there."

Th...

Why did the witches lose their baseball game

their bats flew away.

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A Scottish man was at a baseball game.

It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached home plate, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "run, run!" This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.

The Scotchman was now exited and ...

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A man and his wife were at a baseball game a couple of States over.

The man after buying her a bag of peanuts realized he had no more money for a hotel room or gas to get home.

He looks at his wife and says, " I have no money, your going to have to sell your body tonight in order for us to get home!"

She said, " Alright, I'll be back in 3 hours."
...

A guy was trying to find a parking space at a baseball game

and he was already missing the first inning, so he prayed to God and said "If you find a parking space for me I promise I'll never miss church again." Just then a car pulled out of a space right in front of him, and the guy said "Never mind, I just found one."

Where is the annual no arms and no legs baseball game held?

Wriggly Field

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A Scottish man goes to his first baseball game...

The Scotsman sits down to enjoy the game and the first pitch is hit and the crowd jumps to their feet and cheers!

The man next to the Scotsman yells "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!"

so the Scotsman echoes "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!"

The next batter again makes contact with the pitch.

T...

I saw Batman's son at a baseball game today.

His name was printed on the back of his shirt: "Bat Boy."

A Scotsman goes to America and attends his very baseball game.

He’s never been to a game in Scotland, nor watched a game on TV, or seen movies such as Bull Durham, The Babe or Eight Men Out.

He figures out players need to beat out the throw to first base before arriving to first base

The visiting teams pitcher throws 4 pitches out of the strike zo...

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

What was the score of the Ethiopian baseball game?

Eight-nothing

A man is watching a baseball game in a crowded stadium

When suddenly he hears someone yell from behind him “HEEYY BOB!” So the man turns around, and scans the crowd behind him but doesn’t see where the call came from, so he continues watching the game.

Shortly after, he once again hears “HEEYYYYY BOB!!” So he turns around again, scanning the crow...

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A Scotsman moves to the United States and watches his first baseball game

When a runner hits a ground ball he watches everyone yelling for the player to run, when next player does the same thing he joins in. The next goes up to bat and he gets three balls and a strike. The last pitch is a ball and the player drops his bat and starts to walk to first base. The Scotsman yel...

Went to the first baseball game of the year with my wife yesterday

We made a deal so that after every pitch, I would kiss her on the strikes and she would kiss me on the balls.

Jose came to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game.

So when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, there game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look. "What happened?" asked his family. "Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the peop...

Before the shooting the worst problem at the congressional baseball game was...

Republicans don't want to play left field.
Democrats don't want to play right.
Nobody wants to play center.

A small boy got lost at a baseball game...

He went up to a police officer and said: "I've lost my dad."
"What's he like?" asked the police officer sympathetically.
The boy replied, "Beer and women."

Irish man's first baseball game.

An Irish man went to his first American baseball game. As the first batter made a hit, fans jumped up yelling, "RUN! RUN!"

The Irish man jumped up as well yelling, "Run, laddie! Run laddie!"

The next batter got up and made his hit. The fans again cheered, "RUN! RUN!"

The Irish m...

Three nuns went to a baseball game

Three nuns went to a baseball game. Over the course of the baseball game, the nuns became increasingly rowdy. So, three men behind them began to have a loud discussion.

"I think i'll move to Idaho, I hear that there are only 20 nuns there," said the first man.

"20 nuns? I'm going to mo...

What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?

√4 the home team

What did Glenn say to Maggie at the baseball game?

I'll keep an eye out for you!

My rock band got a gig at the baseball game.

I played first bass.

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A boy is at school

and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and
their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother.

"Mom", the boy asks, "What's a pussy?"

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest
dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "So...

A man is walking down the street and realizes that a penguin is following him.

A man is walking down the street and realizes that a penguin is following him. He turns right, turns left, crosses a street but the penguin is still following him. Annoyed, he returns home thinking about a way to get rid of the penguin, who probably escaped from the zoo. As he is walking, he sees hi...

Leper Jokes

Why did they stop the leper football game? There was a hand off at the fifty yard-line.



Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.



Why did they stop the leper baseball game? Somebody dropped a ball in left field.



(I us...

I know it's bad...

Last night's baseball game was epic. The two teams had rosters full of the most popular players in the league. It also marked the comeback of popular SS Jed Marksby from a severe ocular injury. The game ended on a check swing that was appealed to the 3rd base ump. He called it a strike and the h...

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A Scotsman decides to make a trip to America for the first time.

A scotsman decides to make a trip to America for the first time. When he got there he wanted to do the most American thing he could think of so he went to a baseball game. He had never seen the sport played before so didn't really know the rules and was just copying what the crowd was doing. A batte...

How do you avoid bats flying into your face?

Don't go to baseball games.

A guy was lying down on a hospital bed, waiting for his doctor to arrive

After 4 hours, the doctor arrived, all sweaty and tired.

"Sorry I'm late." The doctor said, "I had to attend my son's baseball game."

The guy replied, "It's okay doc, I'm patient."

A guy and his panda

A guy is driving his pick-up truck through a small town, and he's got a panda in the front seat with him.  The guy spots a police officer, pulls over, and tells the officer he found a panda just walking along the road.  Now the guy is wondering what to do with the panda.  The police officer says, "W...

There was a man with leprosy

Jim had leprosy which was bad because he had constant sores full of pus. The doctor said he could keep him alive but could do nothing about the sores. Because of this Jim could never wear a shirt as it would be soaked with pus and ruined.
One day Jim's friends decided to take him to a baseball g...

Walk with Pride

A man moves from Scotland to the US and attends his first baseball game. After a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run! Run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman  stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent:  "R-r-r-un, yah bloody bahstard.   R-r-run!...

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.

Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.

Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top an...

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A man goes to prison...

He's pretty nervous, having never been behind bars before.

He turns to his cellmate and says, "I've never been to prison before, I'm not sure I'm going to make it!"

The cellmate, eager to comfort the new inmate, "Aw, prison ain't so bad! I think you'll grow to enjoy it after awhile."...

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I liked baseball as a child.

when i was very young me and my family moved from India to america so we could live a better life. upon arrival i fell in love with the sport of baseball as it was much like cricket i had played back in my home country. at a baseball game i went up to one of the players and told him how big of a fan...

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Two middle eastern brothers move to the US...

they each make a bet over which will be more Americanized in a years time. At the end of the year the first brother says to the other "Today I'm going to see my son play in a baseball game and after we're going to McDonalds for dinner". The second looks at him and says "Fuck off towel head".

The Old Ball Game

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" and th...

A Spanish man comes home from his vacation to the U.S.

His friend asks about his trip. Sounding very exited, the man said "It was amazing, the people there were so polite!" Confused, his friend asks why he thought the people were so polite. The man responds with "Well first of all, I went to a baseball game and right before it started, someone stood up ...

"So José, how was America?"

"Oh it was wonderful, amigo, those Americans are so kind. I went to go watch a real American baseball game but the tickets were all sold out. Feeling bummed out I walked around the side of the stadium when I saw a flag pole right next to the field! I climbed right up it and could see the whole ba...

First Pitch or ...

One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you ...

Baseball Date

A young lady from a very conservative family is finally allowed to go on her first date. The young man picks her up and they go to a baseball game.

The game was a little boring, so to avoid any awkwardness, the guy gets an idea. He says to his date, "I have a little game we can play, if you...

A Scotsman moves to America [long]

This is probably been here before, but I still think it's a good one.

A Scotsman moves to America. His new coworkers invite him to a baseball game. He decides to go to try to learn more about American culture. He has a $12 hot dog and a warm beer. Throughout the game, people keep jumping up ...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

Plank goes to a ball game

A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade.

A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation.

"Hey man, how you liking the game?" He asks. ...

Jose takes a trip to the USA

Jose just returned to Mexico and couldn't wait to me about his trip to the USA.

He said he went to a baseball game and sat in the outfield stands, directly underneath the flagpole. He said the game was great and all the Americans were so polite. Before the game stated, they turned to him and...

A Scotsman...

newly immigrated to the U.S. wants to immerse himself in American life, so he goes to a baseball game. He has no clue how it's played, but every time the batter takes off for first base all the people around him yell, "Run! Run!" So he stands up and yells, "Rrrrun, laddie! Rrrrun!"

In the fou...

A Mexican Man

Who is new to the United States is telling his friends about his recent trip to a baseball game.

He says "after I found my seat I was sang a song to by the whole crowd!"

His friends ask him what he means.

He says "The song they sang to me went something like this: Jose can you...

A joke I heard a while back.

A doctor at a mental hospital promises the patients in his care that if they behave well for the next two weeks, he'd take them to a baseball game.When the day of the game arrived, the doctor and patients, along with the doctor's assistant, headed to the game. At the national anthem, the doctor said...

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It's a convict's first day in prison

he's a young convict and here's there crying. An older convict sits down and goes, 'Look, calm down, prison's not such a bad place. Like, for instance, do you like movies?' And he goes, 'Yeah I like movies.' He goes, 'Every Monday we show a movie on the screen, first run movie.' He goes, 'That's gre...

A little boy and a little girl were walking home from school...

The little boy says to the little girl, "This weekend, my dad's gonna take me to ride a horse!"

The little girl says, "Oh, I have my own pony."

They walk a little further.

The little boy again pipes up, "Next weekend, my dad's taking me to a baseball game!"

The little gir...

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Base ball

An American took a visiting English friend to a baseball game. The first three batters hit the ball and ran to first base. Two were thrown out, the third had a single. The next batter took a high fastball on a three-two pitch and walked to first. The Englishman said, "Those first three blokes ran li...

Favorite joke of my late grandfather

A British man comes to America and decides he needs to do at least one really American thing before he leaves. He decides to go to a baseball game. After a couple of innings he thinks that he's got the gist of it and when the next batter hits he stands up in his seat and says "Run swiftly my man, ru...

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