UPJOKE
eateryrestaurantcafepizzeriachophousesteakpizza parlordinerroadhousetaverngourmetbistronightspotbenihanameat chop

Steakhouse Jokes

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

A man walks into a steakhouse

A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.

"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.

She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."

"And what if I miss?"

"Then you need ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope goes into a steakhouse

A waiter immediately rushes up to him, but before he can say anything the Pope holds up his hand. "Please," says the Pope, "no fuss. I just wanted to slip away for a few hours and enjoy some good food." And the waiter gives him a nod and says, "No problem, let's find you a quiet seat at the back whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

Three guys enter a steakhouse

One guy orderes a sirloin. Another guy the Porterhouse. The third the New York Strip.

Once the plates arrive, the three men lift their meals above their heads.

The waiter asks "What are you all doing?"

The men replied "Raising the steaks."

I could never be a greeter at a steakhouse.

They always want you to pick your cut from the case before you are seated.

I wouldn’t know whether to ask customers to stake their claim or claim their steak.

Why did the rapper never go into the steakhouse?

Because he had beef with the manager.

I ordered a steak prepared à la Robert Kraft at a steakhouse outside Gilette Stadium.

It was well-aged meat, massaged with an Asian rub, publicly grilled and roasted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three young men hit on a hot woman at a club.

After a few drinks and a lot of small talk, she brings them back to her place and says she's going to change into something more comfortable. When she reappears, she's wearing a skintight leather suit.

"You boys want to know what I do for fun?" she asks, a malicious grin creeping across her f...

What did the vegan and the carnivore say to each other when they went to a steakhouse together?

“Don’t have a cow, man.”

It's remarkable that nobody has opened a "grass fed" steakhouse in Colorado yet.....On the other hand....

They might just be afraid that the steaks would be too high.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Test

John was very happy to be meeting his fiance's parent's for the first time. They agreed to meet at his house then drive to the local steakhouse. John arrived at the house on time and knocked on the door. His soon to be father in law answered it with a stern look on his face. John was invited in and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today is my wife and I's anniversary...

I wanted to have sex, but she wanted to go to Outback Steakhouse. Her parents suggested that we go to church and renew our vows. We compromised.

So we did it outback by the church.

If Mark Twain were alive today, what would be his favorite chain restaurant?

Langhorne Steakhouse

Mike Pence and Donald Trump walk into a steakhousehouse...

After a long night of campaigning in Nebraska Donald Trump and Mike Pence end up at Outback Steakhouse, where they are seated alone.

The waiter approaches with pen and pad, and asks "What can I get for you gentlemen tonight?"

"I'll take the New York Strip, well done. Can't stand the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heimlich Maneuver

Two hillbillies, Daryl and John, walk into a steakhouse and sit down at the bar. The two order beers. A woman next to them begins coughing hysterically and puts her hands over her neck to show she was choking.

Springing into action, Daryl rushed over to the lady in distress. Grabbing the bott...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continue...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No chemistry

An enzyme asks a tall, cool glass of milk out on a date. The enzyme takes the milk out to a fancy steakhouse and later to an ice cream shop for dessert. At the end of the night, the enzyme asks, "So, you wanna come up to my place for some coffee?" The milk says, "Sorry, this isn't what I'm looking f...

A pair of Estranged brothers.

There once were two brothers born to a somewhat well off family. The younger one was exemplary. He always excelled in his classes, went to the best university in the country, and became a renowned lawyer. The older one was pretty average. He was the middle of his class, went to a local community col...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.