What, is a librarians favorite thing to grill during the summer?

A shhhhh-kabob

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I like my sex the same way I like my grilled cheese sandwiches [NSFW]

Alone and all over the bed.

For sale: George Foreman grill and Muhammad Ali DVD's

Both boxed.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?

Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?

I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner

She’s the wΓΌrst

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

What is the difference between going down on an old lady and pulling apart grilled cheese?

Not much...

A bear walked into a restaurant and looks at the waiter and says β€œI’d like a grilled ................cheese.”.

The waiter said, β€œwhat’s with the big pause?”.

He said, β€œI’m a bear!”

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

What do you call a line of dolls waiting to get something from a grill?

A Barbie-queue

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

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500$ Grilled Cheese Sandwich

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my...

I hit a deer with my truck on the way home

And I really don't like it when meat goes to waste, so I guess it's a good thing I got it on the grille right away.

I grilled some steak for my father-in-law, and he said, β€œI like it well done.”

I said, β€œThanks,. That means a lot.”

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

Accidently burned dinner on the grill.

Missteaks were made.

I embedded my teeth with diamonds and gold and burned my tongue.

Lesson learned, don't put a grill in your mouth.

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger.

He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!" The waiter says, β€œThat’s nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.

The smartest detective in the world was brought in to help solve a terrible crime...

"We have a lot of suspects, sir," said the officer. "Why don't you tell me about them?" asks the detective.

"Well first, we found this guy hiding in the bushes." - "It wasn't Russell," replies the detective.

"How about the wife of this hippie?" - "Mississippi? Not her."

"We got...

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a steak on the BBQ?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

If Bear Grylls could grill bears, how many bears could Bear Grylls grill?

As many as Bear Grylls' grill could bear.

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TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

What do you call a row of dolls burning on a grill?

Barbie Queue.

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I am sorry about this one

Hitler is not allowed to grill at cookouts because he always burns the franks

My husband told me I was too high to grill cookies

Jokes on him- I don’t even know how to start the grill

What do you call an Australian looking after his grill?

A barbie sitter

NSFW: Why don't old men go down on old women?

Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill.

They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

It’s amazing how many people get peasant and pheasant mixed up.

I was very clear with what I wanted but the chef still grilled a bird for me!

There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell...

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

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A man notices his wife’s butt is getting big...

β€œI bet your butt is as big as my grill.”

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they’re about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. β€œNot tonight,” says his wife.

He asks her why ...

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?

Too close for comfort food.

Someone threw a grill at my face.

The attack made headlines.

I just grilled a chicken for 8 hours.

And it still didn't tell me why it crossed the road.

I had to tell me steaks to back up...

They were all up in my grill

Why are cows scared of cars?

They're afraid they might end up on the grill.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?

They will both ruin your meat.

You are now fish!

Catholics don't eat meat during the 40 days of lent. Now it so happened a Muslim carpenter moved into a catholic area. Now this guy loved his barbeque and he'd be out in his garden almost daily to enjoy his afternoon feast. Now lent started and the smoky smell wafting from his garden had many people...

How does Mike Tyson like his bath?

Grilled.

What's Snoop Doggs favorite part of grilling?

The sizzle.

The only problem with a grill that's low to the ground.

The steaks couldn't be higher?

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell.

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, you k...

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

I ordered a steak prepared Γ  la Robert Kraft at a steakhouse outside Gilette Stadium.

It was well-aged meat, massaged with an Asian rub, publicly grilled and roasted.

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The 19th hole.

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf
and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors he sees
a sign hanging over the bar :

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50...

There's this old couple with dementia that refuse to go to a nursing home, and live together in their own house.

One day, the husband asks the wife, "Honey, would you mind making me a grilled cheese sandwich?"

The wife agrees, and goes in the kitchen

About twenty minutes later, she comes out with an ice cream sundae

"Here you go honey."

The husband is outraged. He smacks the sundae ...

Grilled some hotdogs and offered my friend one

He said, "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

I said, "Don't worry, they're free."

My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks.

They are all very well done

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Hand Jobs $20 (nsfw)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the han...

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A hungry boy arrives home from school in Venezuela.

He says: "Mom, what do we have for lunch"?

She answers "Nothing, my son, nothing".

The boy turns his head and suspiciously stares at their pet parrot, and says: "Mom, what about some cooked parrot with rice?"

She answers: "We don't have rice, my son".

"Can't we eat the pa...

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Did you hear about the burger cook who took a dump on the grill?

He totally flipped his shit.

A boss and his cannibal employees.

Boss: "I think I'm done! But before leaving I want to give all of you a gift of roasting me on my going away party."

Employee 1 (Jokingly): "My mouth is watering already."

Boss: "Yeah. And I can already see it everyone's eyes that they've always wished to grill me."

Employee 2: ...

I wanted to grill something good for watching today's horse race

But my butcher didn't have any Belmont steaks

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How I Lost My Teeth!!!

I was at CHUCK'S BAR AND GRILL last night, at the bar waiting for a beer when, a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number." I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?" She said, "I sure do," as she smiled with an...

Why don’t Italians have BBQs?

The spaghetti falls through the grill

I was grilling, and dropped a hamburger patty

Now it's ground beef

In a very large commercial building there were three stores owned and run by three different businessmen.

The businessman who had his store at one end of the building put up a sign that read "Year End Clearance Sale".

At the far end of the building, not to be outdone, the other businessman put up a sign that read "Closing Out Sale".

The businessman who ran the store in the middle got nervo...

My favorite Lent joke (as told to me by an Episcopal reverend)

A Protestant moves into a Catholic neighborhood. It's a pretty open-minded and welcoming community, and everyone gets along great.

The first time an issue presents itself is when Lent rolls around. During Lent, the Catholics in the neighborhood all swear off red meat. Every day at lunch, h...

Taxidermist

A taxidermist was traveling for a job in a rural area, and stopped off for a meal at a local bar and grill. After entering all eyes were on him, and he felt quite uncomfortable so he hurried to the bar to place an order to go, when he turned around he was surrounded with hillbillies glaring. The lea...

I asked my dad a few summers ago why he planted a tree in our backyard

With the summer heat practically grilling everyone, he seemed to be fine under the shade of our roof

My father responded, β€œYou’ll understand why I planted it eventually”

Years later, as the tree grew much larger, it provided shade for everyone

Now I understand it was foreshadow

Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?

Spaghetti keep falling through the grill

A new high-tech, fully automated supermarket opened recently in town.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.


In the meat departmen...

My 4 year olds unintentional joke

Dad now don’t you make a mistake on the grill or you’ll get fired

Dads Anonymous

Dad: Go on, it's safe here.

Me: Sometimes I don't cut the grass in a pattern.

One dad vomits, another stops grilling entirely

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:


* Nachos $4


* Hamburger $3


* Hotdog $2


* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3


* Grilled Cheese $2


* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50


* Handjob $10


After he looks over the menu for a mome...

Sarcasm

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it gr...

Life Rules For My Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.

3. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially i...

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts.

I told her, "fried or grilled" but apparently that's not an appropriate response to a prostitute.

A man walks into an old-fashioned road-side dinner...

He sits at the bar and watches the cook, wearing a dirty wife beater, make hamburgers. The cook takes a ball of ground beef, places it under his armpit, then squashes it flat. Finally he throws it on the grill and repeats. After watching this a few times, the patron finally speaks out and says "t...

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