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My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill.

Looks like she's preparing some kind of
barbie queue.

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I grilled a chicken tonight.

Bastard still didn’t tell me why it crossed the road.

I was going to grill some burgers later

But I dropped the patties and now we're having ground beef

I bet my friend that I could grill on a plane.

The steaks have never been higher.

How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls grilled bears?

barely enough

What is the difference between grill and house fire?

The size of grilled meat

What kind of grill does a spider bbq on?

A Weber.

how does a masochist do his grilling?

With pro-pain

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’,...

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

How to grill in 20 steps

In other words, what happens when a man would like to grill:

1. The man brings out the kettle grill and charcoal.

2. The woman cleans the grid.

3. The woman goes to the grocery.

4. The woman goes to the butcher shop.

5. The woman prepares the salad and vegetables.<...

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

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A priest is on his way to church

Walking along side a lake when he comes upon a fisherman,
He was reeling in a fish,
The priest says “nice fish”,
The fisherman says “thanks this is the biggest somabitch I caught all day”,
The priest says “hey you shouldn’t talk to me like that, I’m a man of the cloth,
The fisherman s...

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

A seafood lover walks into a bar

A seafood lover walks into a bar and grill and orders a beer. "Do you serve crabs here?" he asks the bartender. "We serve everyone," the bartender says. "Have a seat."

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Always have a sadistic person light your grill

After all, they're literally pro-pain...

My dad just got a tall new grill and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it.

The steaks have never been higher.

I was grilling some lettuce over a fire for dinner.

My dad came over, took one look and said: That's chard, you idiot.

What, is a librarians favorite thing to grill during the summer?

A shhhhh-kabob

You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?

Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?

I was grilling yesterday but then the meat started smoking

Stakes were high

My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill

I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn

A Frenchman came to Texas

A Frenchman came to Texas to visit an old friend. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the bar and the...

Cooking steak...

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for t...

A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled ... cheese.”

The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?”

“What do you mean?” The bear replies. “I am a bear!”

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

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Nate and the chicken

Nate had just gotten out of prison, after serving a 5 year sentence for drug possession. He wanted to get laid, so he went to a brothel. The rates were well out of his price range, as he only had $20, but the madam of the brothel said, "Ok. I'll cut you a deal. We have a chicken you can fuck. Now, I...

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An American politician and a Russian politician are having dinner

They are eating at the American politician's house in suburban Virginia. A 6 bedroom house with a 2 Mercedes Benz at the front. And a 500 square foot garden.

The Russian politician remarked how nice his house was and how he was able to afford it.

The American politician said: "see that...

Rabbit walks into a clothing store ..

Rabbit walks into a clothing store.  Clerk says to the rabbit 'may I help you, sir?'

Rabbit says 'yes, I'd like a tossed salad with croutons, ranch dressing on the side.'

Clerk looks bewildered and responds 'uhhh, we don't have salads here.'

Rabbit says 'oh really?  Then make...

What do you call a "Grilled Cheese" after a few days in the fridge?

Chilled Grease

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One for the ladies

A man is doing yardwork while his wife is wife is gardening when he notices the similarity between her butt and the charcoal grill.
So he yells, " Hey honey you better start eating more of those veggies because your ass is as big as the grill."
Later that night, he is feeling frisky and st...

For sale. Muhammed Ali DVD set. George Foreman Grill.

Both boxed.

A Lutheran moves into a neighborhood of Roman Catholics on the first day of Lent.

That Friday, the man grills out on his patio, filling the neighborhood with the mouthwatering aroma of seared steak. All his neighbors, being practicing Catholics, are obliged to abstain from eating meat on Fridays during Lent. Needless to say, they aren't particularly happy about it. The next Frida...

What do you call an Australian looking after his grill?

A barbie sitter

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America...

The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

One day when I was young, I watched my father grilling burgers.

When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger.

He than left, and never came back.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

I am disgusted by people who poach rare animals.

They are much better grilled.

Why doesn’t Louis C.K. grill by himself?

Because he likes it when people watch him pull his pork.

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A man notices his wife's butt is getting big

I bet your butt is as big as my grill."

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure,
measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases
her that they're about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not
tonight," says his wife.

He asks ...

What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?

To please their steakholders

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, “I like it well done!”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

Accidently burned dinner on the grill.

Missteaks were made.

A new supermarket opened near my house.

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay....

What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich?

Provalone

Someone threw a grill at my face.

The attack made headlines.

I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner

She’s the würst

My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill.

They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.

My friend Nick is known as the grill master amongst us, but his ground burgers are undeniably the best.

He's got a real Nick knack patty whack!

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?

They will both ruin your meat.

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Why isn't Hitler allowed on the grill?

He burnt all the franks.

Robin Hood's Successor

It had been many years since Robin Hood began his quest of "stealing from the rich and giving to the poor". By now he was growing old and tired, and wanted to find someone who could carry on his legacy and lead a new band of Merry Men.

He searched through many villages for someone he could de...

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?

Too close for comfort food.

Grilled some hotdogs and offered my friend one

He said, "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

I said, "Don't worry, they're free."

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I like my sex the same way I like my grilled cheese sandwiches [NSFW]

Alone and all over the bed.

What is the difference between going down on an old lady and pulling apart grilled cheese?

Not much...

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

The only problem with a grill that's low to the ground.

The steaks couldn't be higher?

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

What's Snoop Doggs favorite part of grilling?

The sizzle.

A man is falling out of a plane.

A man is falling out of a plane, intending to go parachuting. He pulls the ripcord, and it breaks.

Okay, he thinks. That's why there's a backup. He pulls the backup ripcord, and... It breaks.

At this point, he's thoroughly worried. But then, he sees a guy flying up right at him, as tho...

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

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Did you hear about the burger cook who took a dump on the grill?

He totally flipped his shit.

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A cannibal attends a restaurant ran by another cannibal

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and browsed the menu:

\*Grilled Tourist $5.00

\*Broiled Missionary $10.00

\*Fried Explorer $15.00

\*Diced Marine $20.00

\*Baked Politician $1000.00

The cannibal called a waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for p...

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks.

They are all very well done

I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.

I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

I wanted to grill something good for watching today's horse race

But my butcher didn't have any Belmont steaks

I was trying to survive in the woods when I realized I ran out of toilet paper.

So I took a leaf out of Bear Grills’ book.

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Help, my wife is missing!!!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 170 centermeters tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never ...

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An exotically dressed prostitute is perusing the meat section of the supermarket, looking perplexed.

The butcher walks over to her and asks, “Can I help you find something?”

The prostitute explains that she while she was selecting some chicken to grill, she realized she wasn’t sure if the meat was from a hen or rooster.

Surprised, the butcher replies, “You know, I’d never considered...

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Two FBI agents who knew sensitive classified info went to a conference in Russia...

Turns out, the conference was really long and *really* boring; almost to the point the agents got mad, so when it was over, they decided to go to a nearby nightclub for some drinks and fun.

They had just ordered their drinks and started drinking up when two incredibly gorgeous Russian women c...

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