I was grilling yesterday but then the meat started smoking

Stakes were high

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grilled cheese sandwiches.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my f...

At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, “I like it well done!”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

My dad just got a tall new grill and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it.

The steaks have never been higher.

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Took me two hours to grill a chicken, yesterday

And the fucken thing still wouldn't tell me why he crossed the road!

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A man notices his wife's butt is getting big

I bet your butt is as big as my grill."

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure,
measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases
her that they're about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not
tonight," says his wife.

He asks ...

One day when I was young, I watched my father grilling burgers.

When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger.

He than left, and never came back.

You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?

Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?

What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?

To please their steakholders

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America...

The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

For sale. Muhammed Ali DVD set. George Foreman Grill.

Both boxed.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

What, is a librarians favorite thing to grill during the summer?

A shhhhh-kabob

A bear walks into a restaurant

He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled …. cheese."

The waiter says, "What's with the pause?"

"Whaddya mean?" the bear replies.

"I'm a *bear*!"

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

New Supermarket

A new supermarket opened in Phoenix. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. <...

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I’m on a date with a cute guy and we start talking about tattoos.

He asks me if I have any tattoos and I say “yeah, some stars on my right hip.” I ask him if he has any and he says “yeah, one on my dick and it says Shorty.” My face falls as I realize what this means just when we are really starting to hit things off. But then he says “when my dick gets hard it say...

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“Grizzly found causing mayhem at a BBQ”

First, he mauled dad in the back garden. Then he cooked up some burgers, urinated in the punch and downed the lot of it.


The newspaper headline read: “Bear grills, drinks his own piss”

My mouth waters when I smell steak being cooked on the grill.

I wonder if the same happens to vegans when they're mowing the lawn?

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I like my sex the same way I like my grilled cheese sandwiches [NSFW]

Alone and all over the bed.

You can imagine my surprise when I saw James Bond making burgers in the park

I guess he had a licence to grill

A guy gets a job driving the Sesame Street bus...

It's his first day on the bus, and he's sitting at the stop and a little girl gets on and says "My name is Pat, and I'm fat."

So, he shrugs his shoulders, says hi, and tells her to take a seat.

The next little girl gets on the bus, and says "My name's Patricia, and I'm obese".

H...

I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner

She’s the würst

What is the difference between going down on an old lady and pulling apart grilled cheese?

Not much...

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

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Guy Fieri walks into a dive bar/restaurant after a long day of filming.

The menu board lists:

$5 Grilled Cheese Sandwich

$10 Growler of Beer

$25 Handjob

$50 Blowjob

The gorgeous bartender sees him at the bar and seductively asks what he'd like to order. Guy asks her if she is the woman performing the handjobs and blowjobs, to which s...

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NSFW. You know why you don't eat pussy in the morning?

You ever open a grilled cheese sandwich

A bear walked into a restaurant and looks at the waiter and says “I’d like a grilled ................cheese.”.

The waiter said, “what’s with the big pause?”.

He said, “I’m a bear!”

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

If Bear Grylls could grill bears, how many bears could Bear Grylls grill?

As many as Bear Grylls' grill could bear.

Translated corny joke

There would be a man who goes for a restaurant and asks if they have grilled frog?

And the owner would reply “no we don’t have grilled frog in our menu”

The man goes to the restaurant after a day and asks if they still don’t have grilled frog? And the owner of the restaurant says no we...

Accidently burned dinner on the grill.

Missteaks were made.

What do you call an Australian looking after his grill?

A barbie sitter

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

Why was the man at the cookout so happy?

He met the grill of his dreams.

What do you call a row of dolls burning on a grill?

Barbie Queue.

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Why shouldn't you trust Hitler with a grill?

He always burns the Franks.

My friend Nick is known as the grill master amongst us, but his ground burgers are undeniably the best.

He's got a real Nick knack patty whack!

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill.

They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.

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Hand Jobs $20 (NSFW)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the han...

There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell...

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a steak on the BBQ?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

I got fired from my job today.

Apparently when you work at a cremation company you aren’t suppose to answer the phones me with “Hello, this is Joes Crematorium. You kill em we grill em!”

Two guys were born on the same day

...so they made a tradition to eat dinner together every year on their birthday. When they turned 21 one of them said, "Why don't we go to the Sunset Grill? It has strong drinks and a beautiful view of the ocean." The other agreed and they had dinner.

When they turned 30, one said, "let's go ...

My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

My husband told me I was too high to grill cookies

Jokes on him- I don’t even know how to start the grill

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The consolation in misery

The caliph of Basra, in the Arabian Thousand and One Nights, had earned a reputation as a cruel and harsh man. His sentences were exceedingly rigorous, his punishments merciless.

The Janissaries presented him inmates every day, and the caliph, after knowing the guilt of each one, decreed the...

Boudreaux the Baptist

Boudreaux was a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana who was born and raised a Baptist . Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, as a point of interest, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic and as such were for...

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

You see son, grilling a good steak is a lot like you mom...

Once it starts bleeding, it's time to flip her over to the brown side.

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?

Too close for comfort food.

Someone threw a grill at my face.

The attack made headlines.

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

Why doesn’t Louis C.K. grill by himself?

Because he likes it when people watch him pull his pork.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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A cannibal is walking around in a forest

He gets hungry so after a while of searching, he finds a restaurant run by a fellow cannibal. He sits down and looks the menu over, “lost hiker 5$” “fried missionary 15$” “fisherman 10$” and “grilled politician 250$” he asks the owner why the democrat was so expensive to which he replied, “Politicia...

I hit a deer with my truck on the way home

And I really don't like it when meat goes to waste, so I guess it's a good thing I got it on the grille right away.

What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?

They will both ruin your meat.

The only problem with a grill that's low to the ground.

The steaks couldn't be higher?

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

What's Snoop Doggs favorite part of grilling?

The sizzle.

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

Grilled some hotdogs and offered my friend one

He said, "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

I said, "Don't worry, they're free."

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TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

The smartest detective in the world was brought in to help solve a terrible crime...

"We have a lot of suspects, sir," said the officer. "Why don't you tell me about them?" asks the detective.

"Well first, we found this guy hiding in the bushes." - "It wasn't Russell," replies the detective.

"How about the wife of this hippie?" - "Mississippi? Not her."

"We got...

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

For everyone that's getting coal for Christmas...

Maybe we can meet up and get the grill going

My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks.

They are all very well done

NSFW: Why don't old men go down on old women?

Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

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Did you hear about the burger cook who took a dump on the grill?

He totally flipped his shit.

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger.

He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!" The waiter says, “That’s nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.

I embedded my teeth with diamonds and gold and burned my tongue.

Lesson learned, don't put a grill in your mouth.

I wanted to grill something good for watching today's horse race

But my butcher didn't have any Belmont steaks

A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a big orange head...

... and says to the bartender “Hey man, do you know what’s with that guy over there?” The bartender replies “Who, the one with the big orange head? Buy him a drink and he’ll tell you.”

The man, lets call him Harry, walks up to the man with the big orange head and says “Hey, do you want me to ...

You are now fish!

Catholics don't eat meat during the 40 days of lent. Now it so happened a Muslim carpenter moved into a catholic area. Now this guy loved his barbeque and he'd be out in his garden almost daily to enjoy his afternoon feast. Now lent started and the smoky smell wafting from his garden had many people...

It’s amazing how many people get peasant and pheasant mixed up.

I was very clear with what I wanted but the chef still grilled a bird for me!

How does Mike Tyson like his bath?

Grilled.

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The 19th hole.

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf
and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors he sees
a sign hanging over the bar :

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50...

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A hungry boy arrives home from school in Venezuela.

He says: "Mom, what do we have for lunch"?

She answers "Nothing, my son, nothing".

The boy turns his head and suspiciously stares at their pet parrot, and says: "Mom, what about some cooked parrot with rice?"

She answers: "We don't have rice, my son".

"Can't we eat the pa...

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

Why are cows scared of cars?

They're afraid they might end up on the grill.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

My favorite Lent joke (as told to me by an Episcopal reverend)

A Protestant moves into a Catholic neighborhood. It's a pretty open-minded and welcoming community, and everyone gets along great.

The first time an issue presents itself is when Lent rolls around. During Lent, the Catholics in the neighborhood all swear off red meat. Every day at lunch, h...

I ordered a steak prepared à la Robert Kraft at a steakhouse outside Gilette Stadium.

It was well-aged meat, massaged with an Asian rub, publicly grilled and roasted.

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