I grilled a chicken for 2 hours.

It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.

I was grilling yesterday but then the meat started smoking

Stakes were high

I was grilling some lettuce over a fire for dinner.

My dad came over, took one look and said: That's chard, you idiot.

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Always have a sadistic person light your grill

After all, they're literally pro-pain...

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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill

and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. Th...

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

What do you call it when a barbie toy is in a line for a grill?

A barbie-que

A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled ... cheese.”

The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?”

“What do you mean?” The bear replies. “I am a bear!”

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny –...

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Two FBI agents who knew sensitive classified info went to a conference in Russia...

Turns out, the conference was really long and *really* boring; almost to the point the agents got mad, so when it was over, they decided to go to a nearby nightclub for some drinks and fun.

They had just ordered their drinks and started drinking up when two incredibly gorgeous Russian women c...

My dad just got a tall new grill and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it.

The steaks have never been higher.

You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?

Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?

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A man notices his wife's butt is getting big

I bet your butt is as big as my grill."

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure,
measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases
her that they're about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not
tonight," says his wife.

He asks ...

What do you call a "Grilled Cheese" after a few days in the fridge?

Chilled Grease

My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill

I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn

For sale. Muhammed Ali DVD set. George Foreman Grill.

Both boxed.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

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An innocent young woman is sitting with her mother before going to spend the night with her boyfriend.

She is nervous about what's going to happen because the man is her first boyfriend and the first time she'll ever spend a night away from home.

Her overly protective mother looks meaningfully into her daughter's eyes and said, "Honey, when you go to bed tonight, your boyfriend is going to wan...

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalg...

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

What, is a librarians favorite thing to grill during the summer?

A shhhhh-kabob

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America...

The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, “I like it well done!”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?

To please their steakholders

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

One day when I was young, I watched my father grilling burgers.

When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger.

He than left, and never came back.

I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner

She’s the würst

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

If Bear Grylls could grill bears, how many bears could Bear Grylls grill?

As many as Bear Grylls' grill could bear.

Liam Neeson is retiring and going into the burger business. He first chooses his cuts of meat, then he says...

I will grind you and I will grill you.

A man walks past a house that has a sign posted up saying "Boat for sale" and decides to check it out

As he's walking up the driveway, all he sees is an old car and a grill.

Confused, he knocks on the door and asks the Jamaican home owner, "hey, I can see that you have a sign out front saying you've got a boat, but all I can see is an old car and a grill.."

"Ya mon!" the Jamaican home...

Accidently burned dinner on the grill.

Missteaks were made.

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger...

The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. ...

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Help, my wife is missing!!!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 170 centermeters tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never ...

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An exotically dressed prostitute is perusing the meat section of the supermarket, looking perplexed.

The butcher walks over to her and asks, “Can I help you find something?”

The prostitute explains that she while she was selecting some chicken to grill, she realized she wasn’t sure if the meat was from a hen or rooster.

Surprised, the butcher replies, “You know, I’d never considered...

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

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I’m on a date with a cute guy and we start talking about tattoos.

He asks me if I have any tattoos and I say “yeah, some stars on my right hip.” I ask him if he has any and he says “yeah, one on my dick and it says Shorty.” My face falls as I realize what this means just when we are really starting to hit things off. But then he says “when my dick gets hard it say...

Why doesn’t Louis C.K. grill by himself?

Because he likes it when people watch him pull his pork.

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I like my sex the same way I like my grilled cheese sandwiches [NSFW]

Alone and all over the bed.

My friend Nick is known as the grill master amongst us, but his ground burgers are undeniably the best.

He's got a real Nick knack patty whack!

What do you call a row of dolls burning on a grill?

Barbie Queue.

What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich?

Provalone

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

Someone threw a grill at my face.

The attack made headlines.

My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?

Too close for comfort food.

My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill.

They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a steak on the BBQ?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?

They will both ruin your meat.

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

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“Grizzly found causing mayhem at a BBQ”

First, he mauled dad in the back garden. Then he cooked up some burgers, urinated in the punch and downed the lot of it.


The newspaper headline read: “Bear grills, drinks his own piss”

The only problem with a grill that's low to the ground.

The steaks couldn't be higher?

Grilled some hotdogs and offered my friend one

He said, "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

I said, "Don't worry, they're free."

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

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Hand Jobs $20 (NSFW)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the han...

What's Snoop Doggs favorite part of grilling?

The sizzle.

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Guy Fieri walks into a dive bar/restaurant after a long day of filming.

The menu board lists:

$5 Grilled Cheese Sandwich

$10 Growler of Beer

$25 Handjob

$50 Blowjob

The gorgeous bartender sees him at the bar and seductively asks what he'd like to order. Guy asks her if she is the woman performing the handjobs and blowjobs, to which s...

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

A guy gets a job driving the Sesame Street bus...

It's his first day on the bus, and he's sitting at the stop and a little girl gets on and says "My name is Pat, and I'm fat."

So, he shrugs his shoulders, says hi, and tells her to take a seat.

The next little girl gets on the bus, and says "My name's Patricia, and I'm obese".

H...

You see son, grilling a good steak is a lot like you mom...

Once it starts bleeding, it's time to flip her over to the brown side.

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

You can imagine my surprise when I saw James Bond making burgers in the park

I guess he had a licence to grill

My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks.

They are all very well done

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Did you hear about the burger cook who took a dump on the grill?

He totally flipped his shit.

Two guys were born on the same day

...so they made a tradition to eat dinner together every year on their birthday. When they turned 21 one of them said, "Why don't we go to the Sunset Grill? It has strong drinks and a beautiful view of the ocean." The other agreed and they had dinner.

When they turned 30, one said, "let's go ...

I wanted to grill something good for watching today's horse race

But my butcher didn't have any Belmont steaks

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

Why was the man at the cookout so happy?

He met the grill of his dreams.

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The consolation in misery

The caliph of Basra, in the Arabian Thousand and One Nights, had earned a reputation as a cruel and harsh man. His sentences were exceedingly rigorous, his punishments merciless.

The Janissaries presented him inmates every day, and the caliph, after knowing the guilt of each one, decreed the...

I hit a deer with my truck on the way home

And I really don't like it when meat goes to waste, so I guess it's a good thing I got it on the grille right away.

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