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Grill Jokes

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A man notices his wife’s butt is getting big...

“I bet your butt is as big as my grill.”

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they’re about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. “Not tonight,” says his wife.

He asks her why ...

What happens when you grill the chicken for 2 hours?

It will tell us why it crossed the road.

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’,...

For sale. George Foreman grill set and Mohammed Ali dvds.

Both boxed.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

I was going to grill some burgers later

But I dropped the patties and now we're having ground beef

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?

Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

I was once served a grilled cheese sandwich in Switzerland and it was too hot to eat and I injured myself.

I had to go to the Bern ward...

I bet my friend that I could grill on a plane.

The steaks have never been higher.

What is the difference between grill and house fire?

The size of grilled meat

What kind of grill does a spider bbq on?

A Weber.

I was grilling yesterday but then the meat started smoking

Stakes were high

If Bear Grylls could grill bears, how many bears could Bear Grylls grill?

As many as Bear Grylls' grill could bear.

How to grill in 20 steps

In other words, what happens when a man would like to grill:

1. The man brings out the kettle grill and charcoal.

2. The woman cleans the grid.

3. The woman goes to the grocery.

4. The woman goes to the butcher shop.

5. The woman prepares the salad and vegetables.<...

how does a masochist do his grilling?

With pro-pain

What do you call an Australian looking after his grill?

A barbie sitter

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Always have a sadistic person light your grill

After all, they're literally pro-pain...

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill

and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. Th...

Accidently burned dinner on the grill.

Missteaks were made.

I was grilling some lettuce over a fire for dinner.

My dad came over, took one look and said: That's chard, you idiot.

pope francis

One day pope Francis dies and comes to the Pearly Gates. God himself is picking him up and guides him to his very own cloud. God leaves.

Francis has his own harp and uses his time to praise the lord. After some hours god shows up again carrying a silver tray with a yogurt on it and a spoon. T...

What, is a librarians favorite thing to grill during the summer?

A shhhhh-kabob

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

What do you call a man & woman with no arms or legs sitting on a barbecue grill?

Frank & Patty.

My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill

I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

Grilled cheese

It's like regular cheese but it's been bullied a lot

A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled ... cheese.”

The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?”

“What do you mean?” The bear replies. “I am a bear!”

I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner

She’s the würst

My dad just got a tall new grill and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it.

The steaks have never been higher.

My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill.

They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

What do you call a "Grilled Cheese" after a few days in the fridge?

Chilled Grease

Someone threw a grill at my face.

The attack made headlines.

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Why isn't Hitler allowed on the grill?

He burnt all the franks.

Why doesn’t Louis C.K. grill by himself?

Because he likes it when people watch him pull his pork.

One day when I was young, I watched my father grilling burgers.

When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger.

He than left, and never came back.

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America...

The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?

To please their steakholders

Fillet - o - friend

In 1874, Alfred Packer and his party were caught in a snowstorm in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. When he was finally rescued, the rest of the party was dead. Packer was found to have dined on "fillet of friend". At the murder trial - before Packer was found guilty - the judge reportedly yelled at hi...

My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

What's Snoop Doggs favorite part of grilling?

The sizzle.

Grilled some hotdogs and offered my friend one

He said, "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

I said, "Don't worry, they're free."

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?

Too close for comfort food.

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

What do you call a row of dolls burning on a grill?

Barbie Queue.

My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks.

They are all very well done

The only problem with a grill that's low to the ground.

The steaks couldn't be higher?

What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common?

They will both ruin your meat.

I grilled some steak for my father-in-law, and he said, “I like it well done.”

I said, “Thanks,. That means a lot.”

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One for the ladies

A man is doing yardwork while his wife is wife is gardening when he notices the similarity between her butt and the charcoal grill.
So he yells, " Hey honey you better start eating more of those veggies because your ass is as big as the grill."
Later that night, he is feeling frisky and st...

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

My husband told me I was too high to grill cookies

Jokes on him- I don’t even know how to start the grill

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I like my sex the same way I like my grilled cheese sandwiches [NSFW]

Alone and all over the bed.

My friend Nick is known as the grill master amongst us, but his ground burgers are undeniably the best.

He's got a real Nick knack patty whack!

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

An Australian joins the UN Peacekeeping Corps

On his second day, his American Drill Instructor is going down the line, grilling the recruits.

He gets to the Australian, and screams "Did you come here to die?!"

To which the Australian replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday."

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

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Did you hear about the burger cook who took a dump on the grill?

He totally flipped his shit.

Two guys were born on the same day

...so they made a tradition to eat dinner together every year on their birthday. When they turned 21 one of them said, "Why don't we go to the Sunset Grill? It has strong drinks and a beautiful view of the ocean." The other agreed and they had dinner.

When they turned 30, one said, "let's go ...

My favorite Lent joke (as told to me by an Episcopal reverend)

A Protestant moves into a Catholic neighborhood. It's a pretty open-minded and welcoming community, and everyone gets along great.

The first time an issue presents itself is when Lent rolls around. During Lent, the Catholics in the neighborhood all swear off red meat. Every day at lunch, h...

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

I knew a detective that was a cannibal

He loved grilling people.

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:


* Nachos $4


* Hamburger $3


* Hotdog $2


* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3


* Grilled Cheese $2


* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50


* Handjob $10


After he looks over the menu for a mome...

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How I lost my teeth

I was in The Western Bar and Grill last night sitting at the bar waiting for a beer when a butt-ugly big old heifer (a woman) came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. she said "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number." I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?" She said "I sure do." I sa...

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

A seafood lover walks into a bar

A seafood lover walks into a bar and grill and orders a beer. "Do you serve crabs here?" he asks the bartender. "We serve everyone," the bartender says. "Have a seat."

A Lutheran moves into a neighborhood of Roman Catholics on the first day of Lent.

That Friday, the man grills out on his patio, filling the neighborhood with the mouthwatering aroma of seared steak. All his neighbors, being practicing Catholics, are obliged to abstain from eating meat on Fridays during Lent. Needless to say, they aren't particularly happy about it. The next Frida...

Sarcasm

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it gr...

A man walks past a house that has a sign posted up saying "Boat for sale" and decides to check it out

As he's walking up the driveway, all he sees is an old car and a grill.

Confused, he knocks on the door and asks the Jamaican home owner, "hey, I can see that you have a sign out front saying you've got a boat, but all I can see is an old car and a grill.."

"Ya mon!" the Jamaican home...

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

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My grandfather, an 83 year old doctor that still practices, sent me this jokes. Enjoy.

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar : COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure h...

I am disgusted by people who poach rare animals.

They are much better grilled.

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Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your ass is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

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