What’s worse than ten babies stapled to one tree

One baby stapled to ten trees

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

What's the difference between a staple and a screw?

I couldn't tell you because I've never been stapled.

A duck goes into a store and waddles up to the manager.

He asks him if he sells duck food. The manager tells him no. The duck then leaves.

The next day the duck returns and asks the same question again. The manager still doesn’t sells duck food. The duck leaves.

The following day the duck returns again and asks the same question. The mana...

Just got home and realised Staples had sold me a packet of cardboard instead of paper.

I’m writing them a stiff letter.

I once spent 5 minutes trying to remove a photocopied image of a staple from a document.

Nothing worked until I xeroxed the staple remover.

A man has just finished installing new carpet in a customer's home

When the last staple has been set he reaches into his pocket to get his pack of cigarettes but doesn't find the pack.

He looks around and sees a small lump in the middle of the room under the carpet. He doesn't want to rip up all the carpet again just for his pack of smokes so he smashes it ...

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Giving praise is important.

The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife.
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I hav...

The workers at Staples must have loved college

They write "college ruled" on all the notebooks.

Got any cancer jokes for a good cause?

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is allowed here or not, but I didn't see any rule against it in the sidebar so here we go (Mods, if this isn't OK, sorry in advance).

My younger sister was diagnosed with cancer a few hours ago. Dark humor is a staple in our family, so we spent my visit in t...

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This one is a long one I'm warning you,

I made this one myself

You have 500 bricks. If the co pilot throws one off a plane, how many will you have left? 499

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? you open the refrigerator door, put the elephant inside, and close the door!

How do you put a giraffe into a re...

A duck walks into a store

“Got any duct tape?”

The owner answers, “no, and get out of here, you dumb duck!”

The duck comes back in a little while later, wearing a fake mustache. “Got any duct tape?”

“NO! And get out, I won’t tell you again,” the owner shouts.

A while later, the duck comes back wit...

How is it that rice originated from China to become a staple food for a large part of the world's human population?

I mean, come on! They couldn't even pronounce it.

Two men walk into a bar and see a sign behind the bar...

the sign reads "FREE Drinks if you complete the 'Task'"

They call the barman over and enquire about the sign

"It's true" say the barman, "free drinks all night if you complete the Task"

Curious, Man 1 asks "so whats the Task?"

"If you look directly up, you'll see two Sirl...

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his
back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper
part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and
wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to
the toughest students i...

Here’s a joke my 3 year old loves to tell

Why did the lizard cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Jealous wife gets call from husband late for supper

He said, "Baby, I know I'm late, but I had a terrible accident at work. My friend Brenda brought me to the hospital. I lost one arm and I have three hundred staples in my head. I probably won't live through the night. If I do, they'll have to amputate both legs and I'll need around-the-clock care fo...

Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

Because he had a chicken stapled to his face.

(Thanks, Mom.)

"Your finest Scotch, please."

"Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?

It was stapled to the first monkey.

Why did the fridge fall out the tree?

It’s a fridge. It can’t hold on.

Why did the little boy fall off his bike?

He got hit by two monkeys and a fridge.

What do you when you lose your favorite tree?

Staple a photo of it to a nearby dog

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There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

Why did the rooster cross the road?

In these troubled times, it can be hard to truly understand anyone’s motivations. True, the grass is always greener on the other side, and one might cross the road in hopes that those pastures truly will be more full of bird seed and such. But in doing so, one risks not only the near certain death...

Why was the boy sad?

Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

KGB Joke, from old country

This was definitely a response to that thread about the passport staples

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Four men are staying in a hotel room. Three have opened a bottle of vodka and are getting pretty rowdy, while the fourth is trying to get some sleep. He leaves the room and asks the concierge for some t...

Did you hear about the man addicted to eating office supplies?

It was a staple of his diet.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia

Staple food to the ceiling





(I’m sorry)

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A kindergarten has a class pet, a mouse named Mister Squeaky

Mister Squeaky is a staple of the class, having been around for almost ten years. Every weekend, a different child takes him home to take care of him. One Sunday morning, a mom sees Mister Squeaky lying dead at the bottom of his cage. She rushes to the petstore and explains that she needs a replacem...

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what do you get when you cross a rabbi and a priest....

two severely mangled corpses. i mean seriously Steve, WTF did you think was going to happen. Your a middle manager at a hardware store. you dont know the first thing about human anatomy. Jesus Christ DUDE. were going to jail for this. Were going to fucking prison man. you got an arm stapled to a ...

Series of Cheesy Jungle Jokes

I always like to tell these in a series. I also like to milk jokes (drag them out a little longer than you would expect) so prepare for the cheese. There's a little flexibility in how you tell these jokes, and if you have any other jokes about jungle animals you can mix them in, but some of the orde...

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A man walks into a restaurant for the first time...

And asks the waiter about their staple dish, "The Bull's Balls".
"Oh yes" Says the waiter. "Every day we send out our finest men to fight a bull to the death, and we cut out the dead bull's testicles, cook it, season it, and put it in our best sauce. It's really quite tasty."
Why not, the man ...

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Don't ask...

So one fine day, a young boy is listening to the radio. He has very bad reception so the radio is sort of static, nevertheless, he catches something about a purple donut. His curiosity sparked, he meanders over to his mother and said, "Momma, what's a purple donut?" She then gets this wild look in h...

How do start a rave in Ethiopia?

Staple a piece of toast to the ceiling.

It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and "smooth it out.".....

Screw that, enjoy the peace, leave them there as long as possible. Just get a staple gun and staple the blanket down.

I eat bits of metal all day...

It's my staple diet.

My math teacher

Staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

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