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A Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods...

The Bear turns to the rabbit and asks “Excuse me, do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?”. The rabbit examines his fur and replies that he doesn’t. So the Bear wipes his ass with the rabbit and leaves.

(This one is from Eddy Murphy’s Raw.)

If kissing a raw fish gives you salmonella, what did Prince Charming get after kissing Cindy?

Cinderella

My theory in why gordon Ramsey's kids aremt his

Because he doesnt like it raw

I was trying to track down a man and a woman, so I set a trap, and baited it with raw chicken.

And that's how I got Sam and Ella.

A Sensitive Guy

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bed...

What do cannibals on a budget eat?

Raw Men noodles

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

I got offered to eat raw beef, but I said no.

I figured the steaks were too high and I probably shouldn’t brisket.

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A Psychologist once had a patient who masturbated with a raw chicken

He had a crippling addiction where he would masturbate with a raw chicken. This was really harming his social life and he became a recluse. His psychologist suggested he went cold turkey.

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Man in hospital

A nurse goes into an older man's hospital room and asks the man, "What would you like for breakfast today?" The older man sits up and begins to describing what meal he would like to have brought out to him...

"I would like a glass of orange juice but instead of using a clean cup, I would like...

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What does raw meat past the expiration date and pussy have in common?

If it passes the smell test, it’s okay to eat

My friend claims that he can make the best red paint you’ve ever seen out of raw beef

It looks great, but it’s only meaty ochre

It's twenty one years since my father choked to death while eating sushi...

And its still pretty raw....

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[NSFW] Gordon Ramsey: "F***ing hell, this tastes like someone shat on a piece of meat and then served it raw. What the f*** are you thinking asking me to eat this?"

"Gordon, if you don't want to give me oral sex, just say so. Don't make a production out of it." - His wife.

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Which Eddie Murphy stand up is Gordan Ramsey's favorite?

IT'S FUCKING RAW!

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

So a costumer asked the chef if anyone ever orders steak raw

The chef said "Yeah but that's rare"

My mother claims that raw fish keeps disappearing from our refrigerator

It's the Ghost of sushi, ma

Did you know that raw chicken gives you salmonella but...

Raw salmon doesn’t give you chickenella?

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Gordon Ramsay teaches a sex-ed class

“The way you make babies is FUCKING RAW!!”

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

Did you hear about the lion who liked noodles?

They say he eats raw-men

I got Food poisoning from eating raw eggs

Salmonella isn’t a yolk, I hope this is over easy..I’m feeling all scrambled.

How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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Have you heard about the new Japanese-Jamaican raw fish dish?

It's just pokemon...

How does Lady Gaga like her steak?

Raw Raw Raw-Raw-Raw

I must've eaten raw chicken when I named my kids

Because I ended up with Sam and Ella

I used to be addicted to raw meat..

Don't worry, I'm cured now.

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

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A religious couple just got married and are about to have sex for the first time...

A religious couple just got married and are about to have sex for the first time. Just before, the wife looks at her vagina for the first time in years and sees that it is very large. Worried, she calls her mother. Her mother says it runs in the family, and that she should layer the inside of it wit...

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After a night at a singles bar, a man in his late 60's chats up two girls in their 20's, and talks them into a three way at his place the following evening (NSFW)

The next day, the pressure of satisfying two, substantially younger women begins to weigh on him. He goes to local pharmacy, and after some discussion, the old playboy heads home with a box of viagra.



The next day, he returns.

"I think I need your help again" he says to the ph...

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A Serbian, a Bosnian and a Montenegrin walked into a bar

They started talking about some random shit when the The bartender interrupted them and said; of each one of you would have to choose to be reincarnated as an animal, what would it be?

The Serbian said- - that's easy, a Bear. They are strong and fierce and respected.

The Bosanac said: ...

Gordon Ramsey just had his 5th kid..

At least he likes one thing raw.

I recently heard that you can get salmonella from eating raw meats

Guess I gotta quit cold turkey

(dad joke) What happened to the fish who ate raw chicken?

He got salmon-illa

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How do you make clean water out of raw sewage?

You boil the shit out of it

Why do they bother saying “raw sewage”?

Do some people actually cook that stuff?

Posted a slightly raw fruit-joke on reddit, and after a while...

ripe inbox

If Gordon Ramsay was a WWE wrestler, he'd go to Smackdown.

He hates RAW.

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Why does Gordon Ramsey have 5 kids?

Because he's always fucking raw!!!

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A Heartwarming Christmas Story in Limerick Form

Santa's reindeer were all in a rut
and desperate to just bust a nut
So horny ol' Blitzen,
he jumped atop Vixen
And once mounted, went straight up the butt

But it turns out that Vixen's a guy
So fast and so strong and so spry
He's a sexy young buck
who...

Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar.

The bartender replies: "We don't serve raw meat after 11pm"

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

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Whats the worst part of eating 11 raw oysters out of your grandmothers vagina?

Realizing you only put 10 in

Raw eggs are good for a fitness diet.

If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.

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Gordon Ramsay is the best person to teach about safe sex.

Because if theres one thing he hates in life,

"It's fucking raw"

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A woman walked into a man’s house with a gun...

She pointed the gun at the man and said “let me suck your dick or I’ll blow your head off.”

The man complied, and she proceeded to forcibly suck his dick for 4 hours, until he was raw, sore, and whimpering.

She then got up and stormed out.

The man waited a few minutes, curled o...

A miner is selling raw ore...

He's approached by a blacksmith who says, "I'll take it."
The miner questions, "Which one?"
Blacksmith replies," Either ore."

BADUMTISSSS

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Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.


Sumo Bank has gone belly up.


Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.


Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.


There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they...

I ate 15 raw oysters last night at the restaurant. I paid for it with exploding diarrhea.

I think they would have preferred cash.

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My wife wanted to try a new technique in bed called "the Gordon Ramsay"

It's fucking raw

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

How does raw chicken taste?

Fowl

A man is waiting in line at a convenience store when the man in front of him puts a raw steak on the counter and leaves with his purchase.

The guy sees this and thinks to himself, "I bet a steak is way cheaper than what I usually buy at this store, I should try that!" So the next day he cooks up a well done steak, takes it to the store, and when the cashier rings him up, puts it on the counter. The cashier looks a bit concerned and say...

What did the australian say to the undercooked turkey?

Are you all raw?

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How does Megatron get away with raw-dogging it?

Decepticondoms.

Did you hear about the blonde woman who has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone?

The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film.

After the Flood, Noah commanded the animals...

"Go forth! Be fruitful! Multiply!"

And so, the animals did go forth from Mt. Ararat, and behold they were fruitful and did multiply as Noah had commanded. But Noah saw that two snakes had remained with the ark.

"Serpents! Why has thou not done as I have commanded, and gone forth to mul...

You may know Murphy’s law, but have you heard of Coles law?

It is a side dish consisting primarily of finely shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

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Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song w...

If you see a deer with out antlers acting crazy dont try to eat it without cooking it first.

Everyone knows you cant eat raw kooky doe.

Why photographers make the best girlfriends?

They like when you shoot raw.

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure sme...

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

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[NSFW] What's the definition of disgusting?

Ramming five raw oysters up your grandma's pussy,
and sucking out six.

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A hunter goes off into the woods

And he finds a bear. He raises his gun, shoots and misses!

The bear gallops over, bends the hunter over and fucks him in the ass.

The hunter leaves the woods with his ass sore as hell.

The hunter returns the next day and after some lookin he finds the bear. He raises his gun, ...

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A hiker gets lost in the woods...

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.

A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.

In court...

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What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite NSFW activity?

IT'S FUCKING RAW!

My pickle order was totally under-cooked.

It was really a raw dill.

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Japanese cannibal

What is a japanese cannibal’s favorite food ? - Raw Men

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I was just wondering how different professions have given us words and phrases that mean sex, sexual positions or related to sex

Carpenter or other handy man - screw, bang, pound, nail, lay, grease, hose, pile, hammer, pipe

Sportsmen - score, hit, home run, game, ball, balls deep, knock it out

zookeeper or animal lover - hump, bone, beast, doggy style, monkey love, ram, raw dog

singers and other musical -...

Crafty ex-wife

Out of the blue, John casually told his wife he wanted a divorce. – I’ve fallen in love with Stacy, that new young lady at the office, he said. – You can stay in the house until next week. We need to find a buyer quickly so Stacy and I can get an apartment in the city. Naturally Johns wife was devas...

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