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Tastes Jokes

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What tastes good on pizza but not on pussy?

Crust

What tastes better than it smells?

Your tongue.

If your coffee tastes like mud...

It's probably fresh ground...

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NSFW Y'all know what 80-year-old pussy tastes like?

Depends

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A guy walks into a bar...

... and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, looking confused, asks, "What's this?" The bartender replies, "Take a bite out of the apple." The man does and surprised, he says, "Wow, this tastes like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says, "Now turn it around....

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

What tea tastes like milk?

Tit-tea

Thinking about starting a cooking website for chefs of all cuisines and ethnic tastes to show their skills.

Going to call it OnlyPans.

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. How...

My 12 year old son tried coffee for the first time today

"It tastes like dirt!"

I told him it was just ground this morning.

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A man walks into a bar...

...he approaches the barman and asks for a whiskey and coke.

"Take this apple."

"I don't want an apple. I want a JD and coke."

"Trust me, try the apple."

The man takes a bite, and exclaims "Christ! This tastes like Jack Daniels!"

"Yup. Turn it around."

"Wow!...

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What’s the difference in a Bud light and a clitoris?

A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Santa walks into the North Pole bar, takes a seat, and asks the bartender for his most popular shot

Bartender pours out something that looks like candy cane. “It’s called ‘Elf Cum’”.

Santa cringes, but downs it and remarks, “Gee, that’s really good, but why do you call it ‘Elf Cum’?”

Bartender replies, “When I tested it out with Mrs. Claus, she said, ‘That tastes just like ...

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister

It tastes the same but it's just not right.

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A man walk's into a bar the barman says "What can i get for you pal?"

The man replies " I'll have a rum and coke" the barman gives the man an apple. The man says "No i asked for a rum and coke the barman tells him to trust him and try the apple. The man bites into and says " Oh my god this is apple is amazing its taste's like Rum" the barman says "Turn it around" the ...

I’m tired of hearing people say British food tastes awful. In fact, British food is the third most delicious food in the world

The first being French food, and the second is food from all other countries.

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I find my tastes in porn have matured with age.

I am now into current lower back problems.

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A husband and wife were trying to think of ways to spice up their sex life...

So one day the man came home with some flavored condoms. That night they were in bed, and the wife went down under the covers.

A few seconds later she popped her head back up and said, "Ugh, that one tastes like cheese!"

And her husband said, "I didn't put it on yet."

Did you hear about the guy with erectile dysfunction who was aroused by tastes and smells?

It took a while, but he finally came to his senses.

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

Mary comes home after tending to the garden….

Joseph has a warm pie on the table. He cuts Mary a peice of pie and she is thrilled by how amazing it tastes. So she asks Joseph, “Where did you get this pie from?”

Joseph tells Mary “I baked it!”

“Baked it?” Says Mary.

“Yes, right here in our home from scratch!” Says Joseph....

What tastes funny and is considered a cannibal's version of sardines?

A full clown car.

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A teenage girl goes to her dad and asks if she can borrow

his Porsche for the night. Her dad says:"no", but she begs and begs and he comes up with a solution. He says: "Tell you what, you give me a blow job and the car is yours for the night". She is taken aback but finally decides that she will look so cool and her friends will be so envious and agrees. S...

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My Wife's vagina tastes like a tropical fruit.

She'll let any mango in there.

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I know what Ancient Meats and Vegetables tastes like.

*spits gasoline out*
Fucking bad.

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I've been told that my dick tastes like bacon...

But for me, the real story there is that my dog can talk.

"Waiter, this bread tastes like Marijuana"

"It was baked this morning"

If it looks like Styrofoam, feels like Styrofoam, and tastes like Styrofoam.

It's a rice cracker.

What element tastes the best?

Tungsten.

Which tastes better, sheep's milk or cow's milk?

My stepmother's.

You know what's green and tastes like blue paint?

Green paint.

Honey, the salad tastes funny... Are you sure you washed the veggies?

Of course I did! Can't you see the soap bubbles?

Anakin Skywalker walks into a Taco Bell, and is shocked to find his master Yoda behind the counter

He asks what the Jedi master is doing there, to which he replies "Pay well, Jedi council does not. Work two jobs, I must." Fair enough, thinks Anakin. He orders his food, and reaches into his pocket to pay, when Yoda asks, "A beverage, would you like with that?" "Ok," says Anakin, "what do you recom...

Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake

It just takes more commitment

Finally realized why the end of my rifle always tastes so salty

Because whenever I put it in my mouth I’m always crying

I wonder what turtle tastes like?

It tastes like plastic.

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Did you know all sheep have similar music tastes?

They all like music types such as Rock and Dubstep. So basically anything that has a lot of baaaaaaass.

What's silver and tastes like blood?

Razor Blades!

Doctors discovered that during the coronavirus quarantine your food tastes different.

It’s either a symptom or it’s because everybody started washing their hands.

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A man walks into a bar...

... and says to the bartender “I’ll take a whiskey coke please.”

The bartender says “no worries I have just the thing.” And sets an apple on the counter.

The man, baffled, asks “what the hell is this, I wanted a whiskey coke.” 

The bartender says “take a bite.”

The man ta...

They say yoghurts have tastes from around the world.

Because they're well cultured

What tastes good but doesn't smell good?

A tongue.



Hehe

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I spiced up our sex-life with some flavoured condoms....

My missus said, "Wow! This one tastes just like cheese and onion".
I said, "I haven't put it on yet"

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Apple that tastes like a banana

An inventor goes to the Patents Office to demonstrate his new invention.

"It's an apple that tastes like a banana," he explains. "Try it!"

The official bites into the apple. "My god!" he exclaims, "that's brilliant. It tastes just like a banana!"

"Turn it round," says the invent...

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

What do you call tea that tastes like freedom?

LiberTEA

(Im not sorry)

How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?

Toucans

I recently ate Donkey meat, I don't recommend it

It tastes like Ass

Shredded cabbage tastes better than unshredded cabbage

Cole's Law

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