Can we mix up the "yo momma" jokes on this sub? They're easy, fun, and don't get done enough.

Just like yo sista.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

We shouldn't mix races, it's immoral and honestly pretty gross.

That's why I hate triathlons.

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I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" mixed up

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix.

Don’t drink and derive.

What happens when you mix Birth Control and Acid?

A trip without the kids

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo :(

What do you get when you snort a mix of cocaine and speed?

Speed bumps

What do you get when you mix a duck and a cow?

Milk and quackers

What happens when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

What do you get when you mix a motorcycle with a joke?

A Yamahaha.

I have this rare condition where I may get consecutive numbers mixed up, and my friend just got diagnosed recently.

I thought I was the only two.

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What did the Japanese chemistry teacher say when he mixed sodium and nitrogen?

NaNi???

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Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?

His woodworking looked like shit.

TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway

Whops, wrong sub.

I think Pfizer got their drugs mixed up...

I got the Covid vaccine, but now when I cough I get an erectipn.

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What do you get if you mix Donald trump and a jew

Orange juice

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly gra...

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, no...

What kind of crazy creature do you get when you mix a yak and a lion?

A maney-yak.

What do you call a fruit mixed with a stone that *isn’t* a stone fruit?

...Pome*granite.*

How do you mix boy and girl chromosomes?

Pull down their genes.

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

They're seems to be a lot of people getting there words mixed up

Their, I said it...

My boyfriend is always annoyed that I always mix up my directions, and he finally told me to leave,

So I packed my bags and I right left away

What do you get when you mix a snowman with a vampire?

frostbite!

What do you get when you mix divorce checks with counterfeit money?

Aliphony!

What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person.

Read it again

Mix Tabasco sauce with your hand sanitiser

It won't make it any more effective, but it will remind you not to touch your face and eyes.

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia.

This is more of a sight gag that works really well in front of easily embarrassed or nonplussed mixed company. Hopefully I've told it well enough for it to be useful for others to use if they so desire.

Two childhood male friends recognized each other at their 40th high school reunion. While they were reminiscing one asked the other..
"Hey, have you seen Alice Fortney yet?

"No, what's up with her?"

Holding his cupped hands chest high, about a foot in front of him he tells his frien...

today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink

it gave me a religious movement

What do you get if you mix a horse with a cat?

A very strange-tasting smoothie, and a traumatizing experience for everyone involved.

They say science and religion don't mix

but without DNA we never would've caught these priests

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What do you get when you mix a donkey and an onion

A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic person?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you mix Jack Daniel’s with Smirnoff?

Jacknoff?

Why did the baker mix in his flour slowly instead of doing it quickly?

He didn't want to whisk it.

My wife wanted to mix things up in the bedroom...

So I moved the bed to the other side of the room.

If 2020 was a math word problem:

**If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?**

An old ladies dies and goes to heaven...

When she gets there, she is confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she sees so...

About to mix gasoline with a lit match, AMA

EDIT: Wow this blew up!

Not sure what to do with the leftover pancake mix...

Should I throw it away or do you have a batter idea?

What do you get when you mix a helicopter, elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know.

One guy goes to India and visits a monastery

He saw some old monks meditating around the garden but was perplexed not to see any young monks around. "Is Buddhism dying?", he thought. Right after that, he sees a young monk entering a building with some bags of flour and sugar and decides to follow him.

What he found was stunning. On one...

This blender I just bought doesn't seem to be working right

I keep getting mixed results

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Did you hear about the new Nazi documents that have been uncovered?

They were conducting experiments involving mixing the DNA of electric eels, dogs, and captured British soldiers.

According to the plans they were quite eel-lab-brit.

Ps: sorry...

AITA for mixing up orders and serving a vegan customer a meat sandwich?

Oops wrong sub

I hate spelling errors

You mix up two letters and your whole one liner is urined.

I think my wife might be a segregationist.

She gets REALLY mad when I mix the whites and colors together.

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Being bisexual is like a mix of being straight and being gay

It's graight

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What do you get when you mix refried beans with peanut butter?

A fart that sticks to the roof of your butt.

What do you get if you mix a very sad cloud and the ocean?

Tropical Depression.

A girl I liked was giving me mixed signals

So I calculated Fourier transform.

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Mixed Emotions

**A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.** **The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”**

**S...

What type of mixed drink is great for alcoholic readers?

Tequila Mockingbird

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

A french canadian owned a primate as pet. While walking his pet in a mixed neighbourhood, the primate snatched his car key and ran off. The guy shouted for help.

Mon Key!!!!

The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she

Drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.

A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. The doctor said Wow I have never seen...

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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that shitty joke

What do you call two guys scissoring?

Mixed nuts.

What happens if you mix a cat and a grenade

Caboom

A grandfather is hanging out with his grandson.

He says to his grandson, "Hey Johnny, please fetch me the cup of medicine and the cup of soda over there." Grandson says, "Sure, gramps, but why the soda?" Grandpa says, "I mix 'em together so that the medicine doesn't taste so nasty." Johnny says, "Oh, good idea", and starts to pour the cup of medi...

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I keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia.

Which is the one about being in a closet?

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The Pope and R. Kelly die on the same day

Due to a minor mix up, the Pope is sent to hell and R. Kelly is sent to heaven.

Unfortunately, St. Peter tells the men he won't be able to get the issue sorted out until the next day, meaning that both men have to spend the night in their respective places.

The next day after the issu...

So western cartoons are being introduced to the Middle East

TV execs decided to go with The Flintstones as an initial trial to see how they'll be received.
So far there has been mixed reviews.
People in Dubai don't get the humour at all but by all reports, the people in Abu Dhabi do.

People who mix up literally with figuratively make me crazy!

Well that’s what the talking rabbit in my bedroom tells me.

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To my future wife and widow :

when I die I want you to mix my ashes with a bowl of chili, then eat it. Just so that I can tear that ass up one more time.

Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got LSD and LDS mixed up?

Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

A man walks into a bar.

Sitting down next to a second man, he orders an eye-watering combination of milk curdled with lemon juice mixed with their cheapest whiskey and run.

The second man is taken aback and says that's what he is drinking too!

"You must be a serial killer to like that kind of drink" the first...

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah’s Witness with a Atheist?

Someone knocking on your door for no reason.

A mixed race man auditioned for the main part in a play, but he ended up only getting a minor role

He was half cast

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Saturday morning I got up early, [long]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch. grabbed the dog. slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled...

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What do you call when you mix brandy, shitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?

The ambulance

What do you get when you mix Corona virus with Lyme desease?

A viral joke

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking h...

Had a big mix up at the store today...

Apparently, when the clerk said "strip down facing me" they were referring to my credit card

That spice mix took too long to make

It was a waste of my thyme

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No child of my will ever participate in the unholy art of race mixing.

If they want to do a triathlon, they will do three separate races like god intended

The last week or two I've been really obsessed with mixing things.

The last week of two I've been really obsessed with mixing things. I've been mixing anything and everything I can find, from pasta and sauce to the garbage in the trash can and the clothes in my drawer.


The weirdest thing is that when I start mixing something I have a hard time stopping! ...

I mixed up the temperature units when doing my Physics test

As a result, I got an absolute zero.

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Hitler could've been better with his paintings.

Too bad he didn't believe in mixing colours.

What do you call someone who is part Czech?

Czech Mix.

A mixed blessing...

Many professionals are getting hurt by this quarantine, but at least hookers aren’t getting screwed!

Overheard a tweaker proudly talking about his dog...

I couldn't hear him too well but it sounded like some kind of new mixed-breed dog he called a Meth Lab. I didn't get many details on the new mixed-breed but I did hear him say it could be dangerous. Oh, and it must be fast because its name was Shake 'n Bake. Everybody knows you don't sully the na...

Dad, what are mixed feelings?

Johnny asked his father. "Dad, what are ‘mixed feelings". Johnny's dad thinks for a while before replying " It is like when I lent your car to my mother-in-law, and she falls down a cliff.

I always have mixed feelings when I see Mad World memes

On one hand, I find it kinda funny...

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why have canadians begun mixing weed & tim hortons coffee?

shits & giggles

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar

They all begin discussing their own churches and synagogue. As the night goes on, they drink more and more, and the discussion starts to turn competitive. Each starts to boast about how eloquent they are, and how great they are at converting non believers. Eventually, the bartender gets sick of it. ...

I accidently mixed up my letters and numbers today.

I felt like a P year old

I mixed up Melatonin and Melanin

either way I'm still going dark

What is the definition of mixed feelings?

When your mother-in-law is driving your new Tesla towards a cliff.

What do you call a mix of ketchup and mustard?

The Spanish Inquisition

What do you get when you mix Jeff Goldblum with The Offspring?

Half-Fly white guy.

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour of ice cream dedicated to the president of the United States

They call it the Im-peached orange.

They say it is good, perhaps the greatest in the history of mixed fruit ice creams.

Guy walks into a bar

Guy to the bartender: I’ll take a Jack and Coke
Bartender: pepsi ok?
Guy: ...sure
Bartender: *starts mixing coke and pepsi*

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