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Mix Jokes

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

You get kicked out of sea world…

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

What do you get when you mix holy water with laxatives?

A religious movement.

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

So I went to a mixed religion seminar...

The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused...

TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway

Whops, wrong sub.

Why do engineers mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25

What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA?

A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo

Mix up

An old man suddenly arrived in Hell in a burst of flames, looking lost and confused
The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man all my life.”
...

What do you get when you mix American Literature and alcohol?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

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I get the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.

Don't drink and derive.

My dog is a Pit bull Collie mix

After it ripped my arm off, it ran for help

It really bugs me when people mix up entomologists and etymologists...

I met an entomologist the other day and he had no idea where the word came from. I mean, really?

AITA for mixing up orders and serving a vegan customer a meat sandwich?

Oops wrong sub

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

Do you know what’s in trail mix?

It’s nuts, man…

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without the kids

My girlfriend is always yelling at me because I get my directions mixed up.

So I packed my bags and right left away!

I got Grindr and Dominoes mixed up when I went to order

Regardless there is an 8 inch meat feast on the way and I’m scared.

What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhino?

Ell if I know

My university mixed up it’s Zoology and Neurology pamphlets

They tried to hire Pavlov’s dog but built a Hippo-campus

I'm a dyslexic Mixed Martial Arts fighter

AMA.

Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got LSD and LDS mixed up?

Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

What do you get when you mix scoobie snacks and weed

A Scoobie Doobie

What do you get when you mix Napolean Dynamite and Napolean Bonaparte?

Napolean Blownapart

Why don't you heart, lungs and intestines get mixed up?

Because they are organised

I hate it when people mix up Your and You're.

Their so stupid.

A lot of people get numerators and denominators mixed up...

But there's a fine line between the two

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

I once mixed Red Bull and coffee

After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home

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My pharmacist mixed up my prescription for Ritalin with Viagra.

I tried to pay attention but it was really hard

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My pharmacist mixed up my prescriptions

She crossed up my Viagra and FloMax bottles. Now I don't know weather I'm coming or going.

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Last night I mixed up my sleeping tablets and viagra.

At least I got 40 wanks

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Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She sa...

We shouldn't mix races, it's immoral and honestly pretty gross.

That's why I hate triathlons.

What do they call a cemetery where it’s a mix of different religions and creeds

A melting plot

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I mixed up my Adderall and Viagra yesterday...

I ended up having a really hard day at work.

Why can’t Sideshow Bob mix drinks?

He’s a failed Bart ender.

An original joke from my 6 year old son

What do you call it when you mix a duck and a calculator?


A quackulator!

What do you call a horse mixed with a sheep?

Your new neigh-baaa

What do you get when you mix Vodka with laxatives?

A Russian tanker in Ukraine.

I got my medications mixed up.

I confused my anti-depressant medication with my erectile dysfunction medication. Life just keeps getting harder.

I accidentally mixed up a bottle of alcohol with a magic lamp

Now I'm sipping on jinn & juice.

You should see the nasty rejection letter I got from Heinz regarding my suggestion of a new condiment mixing relish and mustard…

It might have been the name though…

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It's a relephant.

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Birthday Mix-Up (Long)

A young man wished to purchase  a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note--romantic, but not too personal.

   

   Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger siste...

About to mix gasoline with a lit match, AMA

EDIT: Wow this blew up!

Mix-up in Heaven

A bus full of people, all of whom were incredibly unattractive, crashes over a cliff. Everyone dies. They all ascend to Heaven. While waiting at the gates, God himself comes to greet them. "Hey, sorry about that. I know you weren't expecting to go that way. But you, know... divine plan." He proceeds...

"Science and religion don't mix," said the priests...

...in a desperate attempt to exclude the DNA evidence.

What do you get when you mix a car, a pet and a fly?

A flying carpet.

Mix Tabasco sauce with your hand sanitiser

It won't make it any more effective, but it will remind you not to touch your face and eyes.

What Do You Get When You Mix Breaking Bad With Fast Food?

Walter Whitecastle, aka “Heisenburger”.

A Golden Retriever mixed with a Poodle is called a Golden Doodle.

Aren’t you glad they didn’t call it a Poo Retriever?

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket....

You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

What do you get when you mix a motorcycle with a joke?

A Yamahaha.

What's a mixed feeling?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

What kind of dog do you get when you mix a Terrier with a bulldog?

A Terribull dog (Told by my 7 year old daughter)

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a hooker?

A two ton pickup

Not to brag, but I consider myself as a mix between Rambo and Einstein...

...I have Rambo's intelligence and Einstein's muscles.

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Why should you never mix Non-Orthodox and Orthodox Jews?

Because one is basic, and the other is Hasidic.

What do you get when you mix Dr. Seuss with George Michael?

Green Eggs and Wham!

What do you get when you mix the Lorax and a Twice fan?

The Once-ler!

I annoyed my friend so he mixed up my Tic Tacs.

That's one of his Tac Tics.

How do you mix boy and girl chromosomes?

Pull down their genes.

I get very annoyed when people mix up there, their, and they're.

From now on I'm going two point it out weather they like it or not

I knew a girl who mixed up KY Jelly and superglue

I asked her how it happened but her lips were sealed

What do you get when you mix an early bird and a night owl?

Sleep depravation

An English man, Welsh man and a Indian man walk are in a maternity hospital.

The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn't know who's baby is who's. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says "I'm pretty sure that's not your baby it looks Indian so it's mine". The English man says "I kno...

What do you get when you mix a cheetah and a rhino?

A Cheeto

What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets?

His clothes don't fit anymore!

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What do you get when you mix a potato and a penis?

A dictator.

There was a terrible mix up at the Make a Wish foundation

The band members of the Cure ending up meeting about 100 kids in one week

Last night my wife said she was divorcing me because I am always mixing up colors

This came out of the yellow

What do you get when your French and Spanish friends mix?

Mon amigos

What do you get when you mix a crack head with a Christian?

A Crystal Methodist.

What do you get when you mix Swiss Cheese and avocados?

Holy Guacamole!

What do you get when you mix an amphibian and a caveman?

A froglodyte.

What did Optimus Prime say when he came back from Ikea?

Autobots, assemble!


(edit : a big ♥ to all the kind people who made this silly post live despite the fact I mix up Autobots and Avengers. Long live the Autovengers!)

People said I was crazy for getting mixed vaccines

But I like to think of myself as a Modern-izer

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Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?

His woodworking looked like shit.

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What do you get when you mix a blowjob with a drill?

A Black and Decker pecker wrecker.

Russian, Ukrainian and Ethiopian babies got mixed up at birth.

The doctors invited their fathers so they could try to figure out which baby belongs to whom. Ukrainian father without any hesitation just takes an Ethiopian child and is about to leave the room.

"You idiot! Can't you see, this is obviously not your child!" - shouts Russian father

"Wh...

In the early days of mixed play, an English couple, an Irish couple and a Scottish couple are at the links ready to tee off.

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee first and as she bends over to place ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.


“Allo! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy a...

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia.

A mixed blessing...

Many professionals are getting hurt by this quarantine, but at least hookers aren’t getting screwed!

Not sure what to do with the leftover pancake mix...

Should I throw it away or do you have a batter idea?

Years ago my Ex used to get Facebook & Myspace mixed up

She kept telling her friends to “Come onto MyFace, everyone is doing it”

What happens when you mix acid and bass?

Dubstep

What do you get when you mix a snowman with a vampire?

frostbite!

People that get entomology and etymology mixed up...

Bug me in ways I can’t put in words.

Mixed up two shipments at work but nobody realised

I actually was pretty lucky that both were closed caskets.

I think Pfizer got their drugs mixed up...

I got the Covid vaccine, but now when I cough I get an erectipn.

What do you get when you mix a duck and a cow?

Milk and quackers

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What do you get when you mix Viagra with Rogain?

Don King

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What do you get when you mix a donkey and an onion

A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

My wife wanted to mix things up in the bedroom...

So I moved the bed to the other side of the room.

Dad, what are mixed feelings?

Johnny asked his father. "Dad, what are ‘mixed feelings". Johnny's dad thinks for a while before replying " It is like when I lent your car to my mother-in-law, and she falls down a cliff.

I hate spelling errors. You mix up a couple letters and your whole post is

Urined

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An older gentleman goes with his wife to the doctor.

The doctor asks to see the man alone in the hallway.

Once they're alone the doctor says to the man, "There's been a mix-up in your wife's test results. It might take a few days to a week to clear up. What we do know, though, is that she either has AIDS or Alzheimer's."

The man cries ou...

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What do you get if you mix Donald trump and a jew

Orange juice

What do you call a mix between a pig and an alligator...

A baconator

If you mix australia and russia together

It creates the blyatypus

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What do you get when you mix poop, a parrot, and a newborn puppy?

A shit-talking son of a bitch.

Can we mix up the "yo momma" jokes on this sub? They're easy, fun, and don't get done enough.

Just like yo sista.

What do you get when you snort a mix of cocaine and speed?

Speed bumps

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Why did the redditor mix a bottle of laxatives with nitrous oxide?

The same reason he did everything else: for shits and giggles.

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