UPJOKE
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A band of adventurers accept a quest, to slay the Ork King.

Before heading out to fight the Ork King, they head to town to hire a mercenary.
The first one is a swordsman, who asks for 1000 gold to join them.
The second is an archer, who wants 2000 gold for her services.
The last one is a Spearman, who is willing to do it just for the experienc...

Was the horse head scene in the Godfather…..

A one horse slay?

What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

What's a movie?

Had an amazing time Bobsleighing last weekend.

I slayed 28 Bobs!!

A joke my kid thought they knew the answer to...

Person: Hey kiddo, I got a joke for you... Why doesn't Santa pay for parking?

Kid: oh I know this one... because Santa slayed the man!

He was such a brutal fighter that, after slaying the tigress in the arena, he proceeded to devour her flesh. And he felt no remorse.

He was Gladiator.

We went out on a date

Me: I slay werewolves for a living.

Date: Haha, always joking around. Anyway, I read that tweet you sent to me, it was so funny, I howled!

Me: *Unsheathing silver cutlass* You What??

What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

A long time ago...

For many years, a small indian village had been mistreated by a great fire breathing dragon. All the villages were too scared to even leave their houses at night, that was except for a young man named Urkake.

Urkake was a fearless fighter who swore to the village that he would slay the drago...

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Dad: It's time we had "the talk".

Me: Oh, I already know about dancing the forbidden polka.


Dad: The what?

Me: Ya know, boppin' squiddles?


Dad: Excuse me..


Me: Slaying the vadragon?


Dad: What?!?


Me: Disappointing the wife.


Dad: Oh sex, right.

Once upon a time there were three kingdoms.

They all bordered a large lake, which created trade and travel for all three kingdoms. Eventually, the ruler of the first kingdom decided that it wanted to control the whole lake. With his superior navy, he took control. In the generations to follow, his kingdom prospered. The second kingdom tried i...

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Heard girls like it when guys kill cats

Those guys slay more pussy than I ever will

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by an axe-murderer...

when they stumbled upon an old abandoned warehouse. Deciding that it was the safest place to hide, the three women entered the warehouse.

Along the back wall of the warehouse were three empty potato sacks laying on the ground. Thinking on their feet, each women got into a sack to hide from c...

A Paladin goes into a mechanic's shop...

A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"...

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Little Johnny tells a story.

So little Johnny was in class at school and the teacher asks the class to tell her a story with a moral to it.
Little Suzie stands up and says "miss I know one, what do elephants use as tampons?"
Teacher says "I don't know". Little Suzie replies "sheep".
The teacher then asks but what's ...

A horse wanted to start a band.

It has always been a dream of his, the horse. He always fantasized about the day he’d sell out avenues with his talented bandmates. He thought to himself, “today, I will make my dream come true. No more waiting around.” Only problem is, he doesn’t know how to play any instrument, though he did have ...

One Time Long Ago, Way Back In Medieval Times...

There was a brave knight named Sir Finley who fought everything the king commissioned him to. One day, a dragon terrorized a nearby village, scaring the kingdom. Sir Finley was sent of to slay this terrible dragon. Once he got there, the dragon’s tail knocked him off balance. Sir Finley fell to the ...

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The Medicrin Story - taken from a Boy Scouting website

Long ago, before Gamecubes, before Playstations, even before Atari, there were nasty, vile monsters roaming the land. In those days, a few brave, strong men made their living by protecting common people from these beasts. This is a story about one such man named Erik and the adventure he had. 
...

Friend 1: Ted Bundy was pretty popular with the ladies right?

Friend 2: Yeah dude, he slayed.

Naval History Lesson

Long ago, when ships sailed the oceans, a captain would fill a box with maps and navigation charts, and other tools necessary for warfare on the high seas. In preparation for battle, he would call to his first mate to bring him his "War Chest".

Once, a merchant ship was captured by surprise ...

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My friend says he has a job putting down sick cats.

Can't believe he gets paid to slay mad pussy

Knights and dragons must have been the first rappers.

After all, dragons spit fire, and knights slay.

I don't know why there has been all this hate lately about trophy hunting exotic animals...

As a guy, on a couple of drunken nights I have slayed a few elephants... and a whale.

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