UPJOKE
homicidemurderfelonycriminaljurisdictiondefendantjurykillcrimehomicidalassassinationinsanitymisdemeanormatricideinvoluntary

Bumped into my ex today...

Well, the police say it's vehicular manslaughter. So, yeah whatever.
upvote downvote report

I hit a clown car once. I faced 10 counts of manslaughter.

Damn autocorrect. I meant man's laughter. Everyone was fine.
upvote downvote report

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
upvote downvote report

Technically, killing furries isn't manslaughter

It's poaching.
upvote downvote report

Did you know that when someone gets run over by a Tesla it isn't considered Vehicular Manslaughter?

They call it electric car battery!
upvote downvote report

Did you hear that Herschel Walker tried to run over some kids and was arrested attempted vehicular manslaughter

In fairness, there was a sign "Drive like your kids live here".
upvote downvote report

I went to a costume party where crime was the theme

The host looked at my crow costume with a disappointed frown.

“I thought I told everyone to dress like a crime!” He said, gesturing at his blood soaked butcher’s apron, and severed human hand.

“I get yours, manslaughter! But I did indeed wear an appropriate costume. Now watch this; ‘C...
upvote downvote report

Guy in orchestra was charged with manslaughter

Police state that he had a history of reckless violins.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, An Irishman and a Scotsman are all sentenced for 10 years for manslaughter....

But are all told they can each take something into their cell with them.
The Englishman thinks and says "I'll take a sexy Blonde girl in with me"
The Irishman thinks and says "I'll take a lifetime supply of beer"
The Scotsman thinks and he says "I'll take a million cigarettes"
The High c...

What crime do we commit on r/jokes?

Manslaughter
upvote downvote report

I killed a dentist with an axe but only got charged with manslaughter.

My lawyer said it was an axe-a-dental death.
upvote downvote report

Why wasn't Caitlyn Jenner charged with vehicular manslaughter?

It wasn't her fault. Her tranny slipped.
upvote downvote report

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney?

'Cause you got FINE written all over you.
upvote downvote report

What's the difference between hot blooded manslaughter and cold blooded premeditated murder

A few degrees.
upvote downvote report

I Hit A Pole While Driving In Europe Once

I'm now wanted in Poland for manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are sitting in a prison cell

One says

"I'm in here for 10 years, manslaughter. What about you?"

"I opened the window at my job and now I'm here for 15 years"

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah the submarine captain was PISSED"

Men are afraid of women's laughter...

Women are afraid of manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident, is it considered..."

"...manslaughter?!"
upvote downvote report

LPT: How to get out of murder/manslaughter charges.

Become a police officer.
upvote downvote report

What kind of laughter gets you a prison sentence?

Manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

Me: Hello 911

Operator: hello what's your emergency

Me: these men won't stop laughing at me

Operator: that's annoying but it's not a crime

Me: wtf is manslaughter then
upvote downvote report

What's it called when a man gets his crotch kicked.

Testicular Manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

Writing a funny joke is like playing a game of darts.

Sometimes you hit. Sometimes you miss, and sometimes you get sent to jail for manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

I told a joke to a bunch of guys. They laughed. Now I'm going to prison.

For manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

Crikey, more sad news from the world of technology: Anti-virus developer John McAfee is appearing in court for manslaughter...

They estimate the trial could last for 30 days.
upvote downvote report

Calling 9-1-1

A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won’t ...
upvote downvote report

Did you hear ? Toby died while Chuck was laughing at him.

I probably think it was a manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

So I'm in court...

And the judge says "You are guilty on charge of manslaughter."

And I say "I object. I killed a woman."
upvote downvote report

It's funny how if you don't give a guy enough space...

A man's laughter quickly turns into manslaughter
upvote downvote report

A man is up for murder

A man is up for murder and discovers his friend a member of the jury
He asks him with great glee "will you please try and get me sentenced with manslaughter"
His friend decides to take up the request.
The mans day in court comes up and he is sentenced with manslaughter, delighted he turns t...
upvote downvote report

Did you know?

You can't spell manslaughter without man's laughter....
upvote downvote report

Never tell your friend a good joke while he's driving...

You could be charged with vehicular manslaughter.
upvote downvote report

A woman goes into her office

She sees 2 of her male co-workers chatting, and one of them makes a joke, they both start laughing.

The woman, who is in a bad mood, thought that they were laughing at her, so she says "Hey, stop that!". The men don't hear them over the sound of their own laughter. The woman then says that if...
upvote downvote report

The train driver.

Once upon a time there was a guy that was very passionate about trains ever since he was a little kid.

So no one was surprised that once he grew up he became a train conductor.

However as much as he loved trains he was really terrible at driving them.

Sadly, one day he caused a ...
upvote downvote report

An awful conductor...

So, a polish train conductor is carrying people to go out of the country. However, the tracks were icy because it was the middle of winter.
So the train slipped and rolled over eight times. Miraculously all but three people lived. When the conductor was trialed for manslaughter, he was found guil...
upvote downvote report

Twenty five years... [Long Joke]

Twenty five years. Twenty five years, and I never killed a single person until a few months ago. Now I'm on death row for multiple charges: manslaughter, murder, negligence.

After the first, I thought it was over. I thought nothing of the fact that the Sheriff warned me I would be sentenced t...
upvote downvote report

There was an old Bolivian train driver...

who had been driving trains for nearly 25 years, maintaining a perfect record. One day, he is running a little behind and will be late to his next stop if he doesn't hurry. He calls into the train station and asks to speed up the train so he can make it in time. They tell him that he's hauling too m...
upvote downvote report

...How did you do it?

There was once a train operator who had been driving trains for well over 20 years. Over the course of his career, he had experienced a number of close calls in the accident department. At long last, sadly, he hit a schoolbus full of children on its way out of the elementary school parking lot, kill...
upvote downvote report

I heard a story once about an American train driver.

He was operating a late night train and feel asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognize a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given th...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

James from Bulgaria lived trains.

James from Bulgaria loved trains since he was a boy. He particularly loved how fast they could go. As a child he enjoyed playing with model trains and even owned an old conductors hat that he wore everywhere.

When he grew up he worked very hard and eventually became a train driver. And he lo...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information