I have just been reading into the JFK assassination...

it was Mindblowing...

There was an assassination attempt on the president!

As the President was being interviewed by reporters on the White House lawn, a crazed looking man came outta nowhere shooting an assault rifle. the Secret service charged him without hesitation, except for one agent who screamed ‘Mickey Mouse!’

After things settled down, the agents superior ...

High I.Q joke

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have H2O please”. The second chemist says “I’ll have water too”. The first chemist scowls, his assassination attempt failed.

Jokes About Attempted Assassinations...

Generally go over people's heads.

Not only was John F. Kennedy's assassination an unexpected thing...

It was also mind blowing.

The assassination of Julius Caesar

Caesar was famously killed on the Ides of March, but he wasn't expecting the attack until August 2. His final words embodied his dismay over the scheduling confusion:

"8/2, Brute..."

The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music

Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono

The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts

Now they just say "Donald, duck"

Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016

How Much Will Trump's Assassination Insurance Cost

One Pence

In honor of both Halloween and the release of documents on JFK's assassination

I decided to carve a pumpkin that looks like JFK's widow. It's my first Jackie O'Lantern.

Trump is going to reveal the classified JFK assassination details

Turns out it was Hillary Clinton.

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before ...

What do you call a failed vampire assassination?

A missed stake

Fidel Castro survived assassination attempts, coups, plagues....

....but was like, "Nah, I can't do a Trump world. Good luck y'all, I'm out."

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination?

Well he's dead, isn't he?




(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian teaching his son the spelling of assassination

One ass behind another ass, behind that I, and behind me the whole nation.

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

English Teacher

A young woman applies for a job at a school. The principal looks at her pretty and innocent face and tells her “I’m sorry Our only opening is for an English teacher for a special class. The students in this class are rejects from all over the city and can’t spell even the simplest of words. No other...

Two men are in a pub...

“I want to kill my wife”, says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there”, says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hitman?” asks the man. “Sure am”, replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler calls for a meeting

Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs." Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?" Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about...

Two scientists walk into a bar...

The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."

The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had ...

Two chemists walk into a bar

They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:

"I'll have a glass of H2O."

The other then says to his companion:

"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"

The first chemist, f...

2 scientists walk into a bar

the first one says: I´ll have a glass of H2O...

the second one says: i´ll have a glass of water too.... Wh... why did you say H2O ? Is there any reason to use the chemical formular outside the lab ?Doesn`t this just over-complicate things for no reason ? I really don´t think that was very sma...

Vote Trump 2016

We havent had a presidential assassination in a long time.






Note: Its a joke guys, on /r/jokes. Dont take it seriously :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend is a car collector. [original]

My friend is a car collector. He has a huge garage full of beautiful cars from all around the world.
He invited me round to see the collection so it was a weekend afternoon I went over.
Some were preserved in their original condition but some have been modified by their owners.

The firs...

Two chemists walk into a bar

The bartender asks "What shall I get you two tonight"

The first chemist says "I'll take it easy tonight, just give me H2O"

The second chemist says "I'll have some H2O as well"

The first chemist is then filled with anger as the joke he heard gave him false hope in his assassinati...

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first scientist says "I'll have some H20."

 

The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water, too. But really? Why did you say H20? Like I get that it is the chemical formula for water and all, but it is the end of a really stressful day at work and there's real...

On the bright side of the election

There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while.

Chemists in a pub

After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fumin...

Conspirators are relentless...

A man lives his whole life believing that JFK's assassination was an inside job done by the CIA. He goes his whole life believing this. One day he passes on and goes up to meet God. God says "Welcome to heaven, do you have any questions?" The man replies, "Yes, who shot JFK?" God then replies "Well ...

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