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Outrun Jokes

Why can boys outrun girls?

They have 2 ball bearings and a stickshift and a girl has an cracked axel.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.

The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.

The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”

“I don’t need to outrun the bear...

A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings"....

Did you hear about the guy who tried to outrun a car?

He got *tired*!

What about the guy who chased after a car?

He got *exhausted*!

How to do you outrun a lion?

Simba! You Mufasa.

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How do you outrun a horse, tiger, lion, and elephant that are chasing you.

Get your drunk ass off of the merry-go-round.

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How is called a woman from Alabama that can outrun all of her siblings?

A virgin.

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Loaded for Bear.

I was hiking with my boyfriend, when suddenly a really pissed off brown bear started charging at us from across a field. Maybe her cubs were nearby, I don't know, but I've never seen such a crazed bear in my life!
Luckily I had my derringer hand gun with me, and pulled it out.
My boyfrie...

Inuit and American tourist walks near far-north village.

Suddenly the polar bear starts chasing them. American starts crying, Inuit starts to warm up and takes running position.
American - What are you doing? Don't you know, that polar bear runs faster than any human? We can not outrun polar bear!
Inuit - I don't need to outrun the polar bear, I ne...

Why could the tomato outrun the broccoli?

Because he wasn't a vegetable!

yes, sharks can outswim you.

but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.

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What do you call a Targaryen girl who can outrun her brothers?

A virgin.

Joke my mom just told me when I asked her why she never tells any jokes

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then ...

Two Men on a Camping Trip See a Bear Heading In Their Direction.

The first guy starts to panic, while the second guy calmly begins to lace up his sneakers.

First guy: "Are you crazy? You can't outrun that bear."

Second guy: "No, but I can outrun you."

Man takes along a .22 pistol to camping

His friend asks if that’s for bears.

Man: “No. This will not stop a bear.”

Friend: "What will you do if a bear crosses our path?"

Man: “I’ll run.”

“RUN?” asks the friend. “You can’t outrun a bear.”

Man: “I don’t have to. I just have to outrun you.”

Friend...

I went down to the deli the other day.

I went down to the deli the other day and got myself a sub sandwich. I walked out of the store and towards the park, and I was just about to take my first bite, when out of nowhere, Dave Grohl ran up behind me and snatched it from my grasp. I knew I couldn't outrun him, so I just shook my fist and t...

Guy buys a BMW

This guy had just bought a BMW M5 and decided to take it out and open it up. He was cruising along Dutch roads just admiring the beautiful scenery.


He decided to see how it ran at speed, so he took it up to 110kph. It felt great. Then up to 145kph. Then he saw the flashing lights in his...

Three little boys are arguing about whose dad is the fastest

Boy 1: My dad can outrun an arrow shot from a bow!

Boy 2: My dad can outrun a bullet shot from a gun!

Boy 3: My dad works for the government. He can leave work at 5:00 and gets home by 3:00!

Two guys encountered a bear in the woods

The first guy knelt down and started praying, the second guy bent down and started lacing his shoes. The first guy then say to the second guy: What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear in this woods; and the second guy replied, oh, I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you.

Gas

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as th...

Two friends are out hiking, and they see a black bear on the trail in front of them

One guy takes off his pack, takes off his hiking boots, and puts on running shoes

His friend says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun that bear!”

The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I have to outrun you!”

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion.

The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It's no good trying to outrun it. It's catching up!”


The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I'm not trying to outrun the lion, I'm trying to outrun you!”

Two men were walking through the woods...

when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them.

The second man looked at the first, confused, and ...

I can’t wait to get a girlfriend this year like that motivational quote on Facebook said

I just hope that this year my van will be able to outrun them this time!

Three little boys were bragging about their dads

The first boy says "My dad's a fireman! He's so fast, he can throw his axe and run and catch it before it lands."

Second boy says "Oh, yeah? Well, my daddy is a police man. He's so fast, he can fire his gun and outrun the bullet!"

Third boy says "That's nothing. MY daddy works for th...

Two Men are walking in the woods...

When they come upon a Grizzly Bear. The first man bends down quickly and begins to tighten shoelaces.

The second man says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"

As the first man begins to stretch he replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

An atheist was hiking in the woods...

An atheist was hiking in the woods...

When suddenly a bear appeared. The atheist was scared out of his mind and started running, but he couldn't outrun the bear

Finally the atheist fell to his knees and did the one thing he thought he would never do: Pray

He fervently prayed "O...

Two physicists go hiking

A theoretical physicist and an applied physicist go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Suddenly they spot a black bear running towards them. The applied physicist starts taking off his boots.

The theoretical physicist says, "It's not possible to outrun a bear."

The applied physicist say...

How to best a hippo

A Hippopotamus can outrun you on land, and swim faster than you in the water - so the bicycle is your only chance to beat him in a triathlon.

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An airplane crashed into a jungle

An airplane crashed into a jungle and only two friends sorvived, as they ware walking in the forest, they find the camp of the jungle tribe, their leader sees them and shouts loudly: "FUCK THEM! " and the whole tribe started runing towards them, and they started runing away from them, after a while ...

America is really tackling its obesity problem

They are teaching kids in school to outrun bullets

Two men in the woods come across some bear tracks...

The first man takes off his boots and starts puttin on runnin sneakers.

The second man asks "do you really think you gonna outrun a bear?"

First man replies "I just gotta outrun you"

Smokers are great people to go camping with

You can easily outrun them if a Bear attacks

A TV reporter and his cameraman are filming some lions in the Sahara desert,

when suddenly the wind changes and the male picks up their scent. With a mighty roar the ferocious beast starts bounding towards them! Shocked and crying for help the reporter turns towards the cameraman, who had dropped the camera and was lacing up his shoes. Dumbfounded the reporter asks him: "Wha...

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A man is chased by a wolf

Billy comes running towards his father with sweat dripping down from his face. He tells them that he was lucky to outrun the wolf chasing him because the wolf tripped 3 times. His father tells Billy: "You are very brave Billy, if it was me, I would have shit myself. To which Billy responds: How do y...

A man was joyriding with his new Mercedes

A man was Joyriding with his new Mercedes.
He was driving well above the speed limit when he saw the lightshow of a cop behind him.

He started driving faster, sure that he could outrun the cop but the cop kept up.

Eventually he gave up and pulled over.
The cop came up to his wind...

Two hikers were surprised by a bear...

...and started running as fast as they could. The bear was behind them but they could hear it coming. Suddenly one of the hikers stops running, sits down, and starts going through his pack. The other hiker doubles back and yells, "What the hell are you doing?". The first pulls a pair of sneakers fro...

A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.

No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.

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Do you know from where the virgin wool comes from?

From the sheeps that can outrun the sheppard.

Lost in africa

Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.

His friend sai...

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What’s the definition of a virgin in West Virginia

A 16 year old girl who can still outrun her brothers

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How do you tell if a girl in Nebraska is a virgin?

She can outrun her brothers...

*mic drop* "I'm out..."

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A rich guy buys a new car

A rich guy buys a new car , the newest Ferrari model with the maximum speed of 400 km per hour, very proud of this new car he decides to take it
for a spin.He drives around for a while until he runs out of gas, he pulls over to the nearest gas station and fills up the car and then goes back in to...

I have been trying to find a new hobby

So lately i have been drag racing. I win most of the time, it's hard for them to outrun me in heels

A man buys a new BMW...

He decides to take it on the highway to see how fast it can go. Once he hits 100, he sees the red and blue lights of the cop car light up. He thinks to himself, maybe I can outrun the cop. So he continues to floor it. He makes it to 140, and the cop is still right behind him. So reluctantly he pulls...

A very reasonable excuse

A fellow who was exceeding the speed limit when he caught the sight of red & blue flashing lights in the rear view.

Pulling his car over, the officer stopped behind him & approached the driver's window. Rolling his window down the driver had a terrified look on his face. The office a...

Teacher asks derp

Teacher: Derp, you are in a forest and a bear is getting close to you, what do you do?

Derp: I run.

Teacher: The bear is also running.

Derp: I run faster.

Teacher: The bear is also running faster, you can't outrun it.

Derp: I... climb in a tree!

Teacher: The...

A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway...

A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway speeding slightly above the limit when he sees cop lights flashing in his rear mirror. In a instant of madness, the man thinks "what the hell, I'll just outrun him". After a few moments of extreme speeding the man comes the his senses, realizes he is actin...

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Some Gorillas are getting drunk in the Belgian Congo... (NSFW)

So some gorillas are having some beers and goofing off at the edge of the forest in the Belgian Congo, clowning on each other, doing impressions, etc. one of them looks toward the bordering savanna and notices a lion intently stalking a distant antelope.

“Check out Mr. King of the Jungle ove...

Some Strange jokes. 0_0

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A scientist trying to find out what makes jokes funny.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the oth...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

A rich man buys a new Lamborghini.

It's the most expensive car in the world, and he wants to show it off, so he takes it out for a spin.

At the first stoplight, an ancient Moped pulls up next to him. The elderly cyclist stares at the sleek, shiny surface of the automobile and asks, "What kinda wheels ya got there, sonny?"
<...

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A man was pulled over for speeding.

A man was late for an important function and was speeding a good 25 mph over the speed limit when a state trooper pulled him over.

Officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

Man: I guess so officer, I knew I couldn’t outrun the law forever. The gun is in my glove compartment, a k...

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A black man and a Czechoslovakian man are walking in the woods...

A black man and a Czechoslovakian man are walking in the woods when they are attacked by a bear. They take off running, and naturally the black man outruns the Czechoslovakian man. The bear tears the Czechoslovakian man apart and devours him.

The black man frantically sprints all the way to t...

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When 2 dogs meet each other

(This is a joke my dad told me when I was a kid)

Once a long time ago, there was a king who loved hunting. His favorite method was hunting with dogs. So over the course of his life he gathered as many dogs as he could find and used them to hunt his game.

One day he came up to his dogs...

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The Gorilla

A gorilla is sitting in a tree...and he is a pretty horny. There are no other apes around but he sees the lion eating a boar and he thinks about it and decides that a hole is a hole so he jumps down and fucks the lion in the ass. the lion lets out a terrifying roar and whips around but the gorilla h...

Englishman, Scottishman and Irishman Prison Escape...

An Englishman, Scottishman and Irishman are all prison inmates but have hatched an escape plan. The escape plan goes well and the three of them are outside the prison walls and running away to freedom.

About 15 minutes after their escape they realise that the prison guards are catching up to...

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The White Ape

A man was driving down the road in the middle of the night when, naturally, his car broke down. There was no one around, but he saw a light up ahead. He walked towards it and soon figured out that it was a farmhouse.
The man knocked on the door, and a farmer answered. "Sir," he said to the farmer...

The old man, the prince, and the fish.

Once upon a time, there was a prince of a certain land, who wanted to be a lowly fisherman when he grew up. But try as he could, he couldn't ever catch a single fish. He had tried many methods, including nets, spears, and traps, but all to no avail.

Furthermore, he was looked down upon by the...

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Three men were out fishing in the ocean

Then this huge storm come and sweeps them way offshore. After a few days stranded, they spot an island and start paddling towards it with their hands. They get on the island thinking it's uninhabited but quickly find that it is inhabited by cannabils. They couldn't outrun the cannibals (who were ful...

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New Car

A man in Arizona gets a new sports car and decides to test it out. He gets out on a long stretch of highway and begins to speed up. No cars are around, so he hits 65, the speed limit. A few moments later still no cars, so he gets it up to 85. Suddenly blue lights go off behind him.

Fuck i...

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