A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting next to each other on a flight, and the topic naturally turns to religion

The priest says, "I understand pork is forbidden in Judaism".

"That's correct", the Rabbi says.

Priest asks, "have you ever tried?"

"Well, I have to admit that yes, yes I have. I was traveling, and there were no Jewish communities nearby, so no Kosher food. I walked into a del...

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#NSFW #Religion - A porn actor walks into a hair salon

He is seated behind a nun. And struck with her beauty, he tells her:

"I wanna have sex with you."

She turns her head and looks at him with disgust.

"I'm a nun. I can't do those things."

Irritated, she stands and leaves the hair salon.
The barber comes to him and says:<...

At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism

Eventually I checked "none of the above."

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Two Jewish men, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant discussing religion

"I wonder if there are any Jewish people in Mexico?" asked the first one.

"There must be" said the second one, "let's ask the waiter."

When the waiter came by, they asked him, "Do you have any Mexican Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."

He retu...

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A priest and a rabbi are talking about their religions with one another. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and asks him if he’s ever eaten pork before....

The Rabbi says, “I’ve had it once.”

The priest says, “oh it’s fantastic, BBQ pulled pork is my favorite. You are really missing out.

The rabbi smirks and leans in and says to the priest, “well have you ever had sex before?”

Priest says,”yes I did once.”

Rabbi smiles an...

A priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Jewish Rabbi were at the bar debating over which of their religions was best

The priest suggested a competition. He said that the best way to figure out whose religion was best was to see who could convert an atheist to his own religion.

“No that’s too easy,” said the Rabbi.

Suddenly, a bear walked by and the Baptist preacher said, “the true religious man wou...

What religion are bears?

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First ...

The Religion Exam

A class of 30 students 10 year old students were set a Religion exam. One boy had not revised and decided the best course of action was to ask the girl next to him.

The boy poke the girl with his pencil to get her attention and whispers “What was the name of Christian Lord?”

The girl ...

Did you hear about the Italian who joined a religion in Africa?

He's a past'safarian now.

Apparently, Marx was right about religion being the opiate of the masses.

I just heard someone on the radio talking about mainlining Protestant churches.

Judaism is said to be successful because our religion has a lot of wisdom. Yes, the Jewish people always ask very wise questions...

Such as "Wise this jacket so damn expensive?! Dontcha have a discount for me??"

Guitar is my religion.

I’m lucky if I practice it for an hour each week.

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[Religion] If you're religious this is not for you. The setup is completely fictional. Please don't get offended.

The catholic church would have you believe that Jesus Christ was one single person while, actually they were a set of twins - Jesus and Christ. It was through this that Jesus came back to life, Christ was crucified and Jesus made a religion by apparently coming back to life.
Christ was a...

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Religion is like a...

Religion is like a penis. It's nice to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, and it's OK to think that yours is bigger and better than everyone else's.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and more importantly, please don't try to shove it down my child's throa...

Hey, What religion is your dog?

He's Chewish.

[Religion] Why doesn't God like apple pie?

Because he's not real

What religion is a coffee machine?

He-brew.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

religion has the big gay

AHHHH ..... MEN

Politics and religion is like a d-ck

you shouldn't force it down anyone's throat especially your children.

I don't like to make jokes about religion anymore...

Last time I did I was crucified for it...


and I thought I nailed it.

Islam is the one true religion

Because the universe started with a big bang.

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Which religion celebrates Ass Wednesday?

Bootyism.

I recently attended a really wild Pagan Religions Festival

People got really into it! They were worshiping anyone that wasn't nailed down

Religion at its finest

One day Johnny and Sarah are sitting in religion class.
Johnny was really tired so he kept falling asleep.

The teacher asked the class “who is the son of god?”
She called on Johnny and Sarah pokes him really hard with the sharp end of her pencil and it woke him up in a fright and he yel...

Two stoners are talking about religion, "Dude. Did you know that like, uh, God, he has a name?" The other replies, "Really dude? No way!"

The first answers, "Yahweh!"

What do you call a Cuban man who doesn’t believe in religion?

Infidel Castro

A group of women made a religion about Robin Hood

They were called Menintights

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

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Beer versus Religion

Top Ten Reasons
Beer is better than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have Bee...

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
(Joke Originally from The Joke Cafe - https://thejokecafe.com )

What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

With religion, the dude that started it is dead.

So I figured out why so many religions don't allow women to have multiple partners.

It's because they're holey

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A Dublin thug corners an Irishman in a dark alley... [Religion] [Irish]

The thug raises a club and says "Got ya! I'm gonna split yer skull, ya Protty bastard!"

"No, wait!" says the man "You've got it wrong. I'm not a Protestant."

"Ah-ha!" Shouts the thug, "I tricked ya! I knew ya were a damn Croppy all along! Now die, ya papist!"

"No, you don't unde...

What's the difference between a Religion and a Cult?

Religion will tell you of a person who died for the good of you to make you contribute to their cause.

.

.

.

.

.

A cult will actually kill a person in front of you for that.

How to use religion to your advantage

1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet

What are the Differences between a bad religion and a Cult?

There are Nun

Christianity is a simple religion, God only asks 2 things from you...

Go to his house once a week and eat his son

What is the hardest religion to join?

The diffi-cult.

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There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, sex and mystery.

The winning story was: "Oh god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it!".

What’s the difference between a religion and a cult?

I don’t know, just have faith there is one.

TIL that candlemakers are almost all the same religion.

Wickan.

What do you call a person who can doesn't feel one way or another about religion?

A Meh-thodist

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Lyft passenger told his friend why he needs to stop pushing religion on people.

His conversation went something like this:

"You just cant push Christianity on people, it doesnt work. Because at the end of the day, no matter how successful you are, they want to go on living their lives!"

"I dont know about that..."

"I mean for fuck sake, they say that Jesus ...

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven

"Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Muslim."
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" h...

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Two out of eleven jokes about religion are discriminatory towards Jews...

...the other 9/11, towards Muslims.

Why is r/Jokes like a religion?

‘Cause you end up reading the same text over and over again!

[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens

The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

People often ask me what’s the difference between being a Jew and being Jewish. If you’re a Jew, you’re born into the ethnicity, and you probably practice the religion. If you’re just religious, you’re only kind of a Jew

You’re Jew*ish*.

One time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?”

because i had a blond streak through it and I said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside.

When I came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and I said it
meant a religion that worshipped one god because mono means one as in
monobrow and he sent me ou...

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How is religion like a penis?

Its perfectly acceptable to have one, you can even be proud of it, but its not the best idea to go waving it around in other peoples faces

...and you especially shouldn't shove it down the throats of children

What is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s religion?

I-SLAM!

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

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Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.

“My faith moved mountains,” exclaimed Jesus.

“Yes,” agreed Muhammad, “but mine moved skyscrapers.”

Why is Scientology often brought up when talking about quack religions?

It's a cult classic

Not sure if this has been told before

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Microsoft hires regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation.

It's a very PC work environment.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

[religion] Pat Robertson is on his way to buy some Depends.

As he's walking down the street, he sees a small boy sitting on the curb with a box of newborn kittens. He looks in the box of squirming, mewing kittens, and tells the boy "Those are about the cutest kittens I've ever seen!"

The boy smiles and says "Thanks! They're Christian kittens."

...

I understand that some people don't like when I poke fun at God or religion

but, it's always been a blasphemy!

There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.


2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.


3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope.

Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.

My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather...

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There is a rabbi that studied all the religions of the world. He had worked his whole life to experience them all....

He finally had studied and participated in all the world's religions, except for one. There was the small tropical island far away from civilization. This island, the Island of Trid, was populated by the local islanders, the trids. They an idyllic culture. Easy and peaceful living in harmony with th...

A priest and a rabbi are friends . . .

And the priest is always talking to the rabbi about how great ham sandwiches are, and how he's totally missing out by not being able to eat them. Every time they have lunch together, he orders a ham sandwich, and spends the entire meal raving about how salty and savory and delicious it is. Any time...

What do you call someone who doesnt drink coffee for caffeine or believe in religion?

A Teaist

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two strangers discussing religion

So, a woman sits beside a sharply dressed man in a flight to Tokyo.

Having a lot of time to kill, the man initiates a conversation with the woman, asking her about her religion and how God created the universe, etc.

"Well, first I’ve got a question for you", said the woman.

"Cow...

So I went to a mixed religion seminar...

The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A person who discriminates race is racist; Sex- sexist, age- ageist, disability- ableist, religion-

Realist

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

I got a job talking about religion

So far it's been very prophetable.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

Hell explained

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure...

Some religions allow men to have more than one wife.

But they fail to mention that it comes with more than one mother-in-law.

A child with an imaginary friend is normal

An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,

And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.

What is a ghost's favorite religion?

Booddism.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I walked into a sex shop the other day...

Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll

Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?

Me: I'd like a female.

Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?

Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?

Manager...

[Religion] Why do Jewish men have circumcision?

Because the women will take anything that's 20% off.

The 2 Golden Rules of Religion

1) Be kind to other people.

2) KILL THE FILTHY INFIDELS!!!!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Religion is like farts

You don't mind your own. However others piss you off!

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