What happens if you don't pay the priest, who comes to exorcise your haunted house?

Your house gets repossessed.

How does a priest exorcise a vegan?

“Not today, Seitan!”

You've got to be careful when getting your house exorcised

If you can't afford the payments the priest will repossess your house

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

Is that a fat joke?

Why are all priests overweight?
Because they hate to exorcise.

Did you hear about the guy who had to be exorcised?

He couldn't pay the priest afterwards and got repossessed.

What's a chubby demon's greatest fear?

Cross-Fit Exorcise

Why was the Catholic priest in such good shape?

He exorcised.

My house was haunted, so I got it exorcised by an expert.

Unfortunately, I couldn't afford the payment and it got repossessed.

What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

A boo-meringue

What did the doctor say to the ghost?

You’re not getting enough exorcise

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

what does a devil do to stay fit?

>!exorcise!<

How does a bishop get a six pack?

He exorcises

Why do demons hate fitness?

They don't like being exorcised.

Why are priests always super fit?

They exorcise a lot.

A man goes to heaven and is greeted by an angel who shows him around the place

"Over there is a local restaurant, it's guaranteed to have your favorite meal there" said the angel

"And over there is a theater, and to the left, there's a swimming pool"

The angel soon finishes the tour and finds that the man is overjoyed.

The angel had one more thing to say t...

How does a demon workout?

He exorcises

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

Edit: I'm so sorry. I had to exorcise this shitty joke out of my head before it drove me insane.

Ghosts and fatties are afraid of the same thing.

Getting exorcised

What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?

You exorcise him.

I stretch daily to squeeze the demons out of my blood.

It's the only way I know how to exorcise.

What did the bishop say to the lazy priest?

You need to exorcise more.

How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

St. Peters needed a bathroom break...

Saint Peter is at the gates of Heaven. He's had too much coffee and now needs to use the bathroom.

He sees Jesus walking by and stops him.

"Jesus, thank goodness you're here. I have a favor to ask. Can you watch the gate while I use the bathroom?"

Jesus, ecstatic at the chance t...

Why are fat people always possessed by the devil?

They never exorcise.

A priest wants to know how he can become a better priest..

.. so he asks the bishop. The bishop had only two points to make.


"Eat healthy and exorcise daily"


(Just thought of this on the can, is there any ways I can improve on it? Or do you know of any similar jokes to lighten up my day?)

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