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Reincarnation Jokes

My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I had a pre existing condition.

I love reincarnation as much as the next man

Who is also me

Reincarnation

Apparently reincarnation is making a comeback.

If reincarnation does exist, I want to be reincarnated as a fly.

Just to see if it really is that difficult to escape from my bedroom.

Choosing what happens in reincarnation

Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep.
All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?......and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom,"...

Ya know, if you believe in reincarnation, suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem

anyways, the hotline asked me not to come back

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'Reincarnation' - My favourite joke of all time

Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to. St. Peter appears in all his glory, standing over the two of t...

I don't believe in Reincarnation....

And I didn't believe in it last time, either.'

I don’t believe in reincarnation anymore

But I used to in a past life

I went to a fortune teller and she said to me "Do you believe in reincarnation?"....

I said "No and i didn't belive in it when i was a frog"...

There are two ways to free oneself of the cycle of reincarnation.

One is to achieve enlightenment and become one with the universal energies. The other is to be reincarnated as a cheetah, which only ever reincarnate as other cheetahs, effectively removing oneself from the the cycle. >!Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.!<

I believe the tornado chasers are the reincarnation of ancient sailors

They both hear the siren and know it’s dangerous, but they just keep going.

———

There was a tornado in my city and then I think of this.

I just forked over $5,000 for a reincarnation seminar

I figured what the hell you only live once.

Psychiatrist: So how long have you believed in reincarnation?

Ever since I was a puppy.

I was telling my wife about reincarnation...

I explained to her "when you die you come back as a different creature".


She said "I want to come back as a cow".


I replied "...well you obviously weren't listening then".

Reincarnation

I stole this from a comment thread in a local newspaper.
Here we go:

I was talking to my ex wife once about reincarnation.

She asked, "What actually is reincarnation?"

I said to her, "Well, it's when you die and come back as something completely different."

"So, I cou...

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

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Reincarnation

Dave, who was completely wasted, returns home late at night and slips into bed next to his wife Susan, who was already tight asleep.
When he woke up, he saw a weird looking man standing next to his bed in a long white dress.

-"Who are you?", asked Dave.

-"I'm Saint Peter!"

-"...

Ken Dodd's view on reincarnation ...

"I don't see the point of coming back as a tin of milk"

Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?

A reboot.

Reincarnation is really a thing.

I used to be a wild dog but now I'm a massive boar.

A Protestant missionary is in India trying to convert Hindus to Christianity

He teaches a Hindu man about Christianity and gives him a Bible.

He comes back a week later and sees a picture of the pope among all the other gods at the man's house.

"Why do you have a picture of the pope there?"

"Isn't he the reincarnation of Jesus?"

The missionary tol...

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Reincarnation.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion......

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Drunken reincarnation

James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn’t wake u...

I just learned about reincarnation

It was totally life changing

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Did you hear about the Indian who's gotten hit by a train 5 times?

Reincarnation is a bitch.

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A Chinese man dies and goes to hell

He arrives in time for Hell orientation. As he walks into the orientation room, he looks around and finds an empty seat and sits down. The orientation staff woman starts off the meeting with a roll-call:

"Do we have Mr. Johnson present?"

"Here," says a man.

"Mr. Smith?"
...

I'm starting to think that reincarnation is a real thing.

I mean just take a look at the number of reposts on this sub.

If reincarnation was real, I'd come back as a table cloth

I'd get laid three times a day and pulled off at night.

The Afterlife

Our local cemetery reported problems with kids going into the cemetery at night to take flowers off graves so they can sell them on street corners the next morning. I have a hard time believing this, but I did see a kid selling flowers this morning with a sign that said "reincarnations, $10.00"

A boy and a man sit on a couch together.

The boy says to the man, "Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age either."

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A week ago my Jeep broke down and I had to scrap it

Today I found out my friend got the exact same model Jeep.

I'm pretty sure its a reincarnation

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Doug comes home very drunk one night...

He sneaks upstairs to his bedroom and passes out next to his wife, Shirley. All of a sudden, his room fills with a bright light and hovering over the foot of the bed is an angel. Doug is very frightened and has no idea what is going on. The angel says, "Doug, don't be afraid. I am come to tell y...

What is reincarnation? A cowboy asks his friend.

It starts, his old pal told him, when your life comes to an end.

They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your fingernails,

And put you in a padded box away from life's travails.

The box and you goes in a hole that's been dug in the ground.

Reincarnation starts in...

My grandfather once told me 'When i was your age, I thought I was going to be 10 all my life too.

So I said 'And when I was your age, I didn't believe in reincarnation either'.

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Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

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3 Men's Afterlives

Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.

The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows ...

Cindy and Lucy were to high-powered DC lawyers.

They had been childhood friends, gone to the same law school, and gone into partnership together. Through their hard work, they became well known in the DC area and bumped elbows with politicians.

One summer, they decided to hold a fourth of july party and invite all the members of congress....

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