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Smite Jokes

Joke for LoL, Dota2, and smite players. Why are Jewish junglers the worst?

They always die at the first camp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest and a Cowboy are walking in the desert

They come across a flock of geese so the cowboy pulls out his two guns and empties them in the direction of the geese.

"Fuck, I missed!"

"Do not use that word, child, for God will smite you"

They walk on and come across yet another flock of geese. Same thing.

"Fuck, I mis...

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

So the Pope goes down into a deep vault below the Vatican, where they keep the most ancient sacred texts.

Scholarly Priests spend decades examining these handwritten scrolls for translation errors. The Pope finds one of them hard at work and asks if he has found anything.


"Why yes, your Excellency. Look here, where we have always thought it said 'smite', but there's an 'R' there, it clea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and a preacher play golf.

Tiger Woods and a local preacher get paired off at a charity golf tournament. On the fourth hole, Tiger misses an easy, 6 foot putt, and shouts "God dammit!" The preacher turns to him and says, "Tiger, you've already angered God. If you blaspheme any more, God will smite you where you stand." 3 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Monk And A Nun Are Playing Darts In A Monastery.

The monk throws his dart, and misses the board. "Oh shit, I missed" he says. The nun says, "Don't say that here, this is a holy place."

The monk assures her he will not, and throws his next dart. It misses the board. "Oh SHIT, I missed!"

The nun exclaims, "DO NOT SAY THAT HERE, THE LOR...

A priest and a nun are playing miniature golf.

The priest lines up a ten-footer, hits the ball, and it swerves right of the hole. He yells, “Dammit, I missed!

”The nun recoils in shock. “Father, language!”

“I’m sorry, Sister Margaret, please forgive my cursing.”

They get to the second hole. The priest is only 3 feet away fro...

"Hey Thor, you gonna go murder those villagers for not worshipping you?"

Not sure, I smite

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was playing outside of a church

He was poking a small anthill with a sharp stick and every time he missed an ant he would curse:

-Shit, I missed!
-Fuck, I missed!
-Damn, I missed!

The priest overheard him and gave him a lecture about not cursing in the house of the lord, yet the boy continued:

-Shit, I m...

An old priest goes golfing

An old priest goes golfing one sunny afternoon with a young priest fresh out of seminar. The old priest carefully places his ball on the tee, concentrates, and strikes beautifully. However, the wind blows the ball off course and it falls into the rough.

"That goddamn wind!" says the old pries...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a man went golfing

A man is playing golf with his priest, and not doing very well. After yet another fluffed shot, he swears "fuck, I missed!". The priest is offended, and remonstrates, but after his next bungle, the parishioner swears again "fuck, I missed!". "If you continue swearing like that," the priest warns, "G...

A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing

A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing. On the first hole, the priest hits a perfect drive right down the middle, and chips it onto the green with his very next stroke. His putt is a surefire Birdie, but he misses it. The priest throws down his putter and screams, "GODDAMMIT I MISSED!!!"

The Rabbi, ...

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