The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father!

The Paladin: You have my sword!

The Elf: And my bow!

The Dwarf: And my axe!

The Necromancer: And your father!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Someone said I look like Thor from The Avengers

They have only seen The End Game

Why were the Avengers sent to Prison?

They forgot to ask the Age of Ultron.

Why do the avengers never lie?

If they did, someone would call Cap.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

Uncle Ben would never discourage Peter from joining the Avengers.

But his aunt May.

Who was the Avenger from Scotland?

H-och aye!

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?

Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds

Head producer: You’re over-thinking this, let’s just keep it low-key

Why do the avengers make Black Widow share her location on her phone?

To stop her from Romanoff

The hospital that my son is staying at got the Avengers to visit him.

He’s also going to see Stan Lee next week!

What do you call the Avenger that's not really part of the main group and usually only plays a small role in their missions?

Peripheral Vision

#

My wife bought us an avengers puzzle to do together...

I said great. We can put some music on, have a few drinks and assemble the avengers.

The “Avengers: Endgame” trailer had 289 million views in 24 hours.

It would have been 578 million views, but...

So I finally watched Avengers Endgame last night...

It's about time

I don’t know why everyone thinks Avengers: Endgame is long...

Isn’t it Marvell Studios’ twenty second movie?

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying and asked: "What's wrong?"



She stopped her sobbing and asked the well, "You can talk?"



"Yes," said t...

Avengers Endgame Spoiler [Joke, no real spoilers]

Buddy: Yo so I just watched Avengers Endgame, and you know what happened?

Me: Might as well tell me, so many spoilers on social media anyway

Buddy: Well, I was at the theater, and I saw your girl with another dude...

What did the wind turbine say to his favorite avenger

Wow, I am I huge fan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

The avengers “infinity war” movie was almost 3 hours...

But I felt like it ended in a snap!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers went to go and visit a child in the hospital on Friday.

The lucky kid gets to meet Stan Lee on Saturday.

The ending of Avengers endgame:

A bunch of names scrolling across the screen.

How do the fallen avengers talk to each other?

Snapchat.

My friend told me that avengers endgame is twenty second film in the series.

It sure felt longer than that.

I saw avengers endgame today, I want my money back.

The last 20 minutes were blurry as hell.

If you buy something from IKEA you need avengers

Avengers assemble

What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers?

I'm Thor.

I wish I can be Iron Man in Avengers:Endgame

Dead.

Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year?

Spiderman, because his entire income was net income

I HAVE FOUND A MASSIVE LOOPHOLE IN AVENGERS: ENDGAME

How are HE and BW able to receive the soulstone when a soul must traded for it?

Since you know.... BW is a ginger and all :)

Bro, I just watched avengers endgame, wanna hear a spoiler?

"Okay, tell me I'm not scared."

"I saw your girlfriend with someone else in the theater."

What'd Thanos do when the avengers made him mad?

He Snapped

Did you see the new Avengers movie?

It was over in a snap

As it was past Thanos fighting very hard with present Avengers, he was literally fighting for his future.

The battle was actually pretty..... In tense.







A polo G if repost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

What STD did Thanos give the Avengers?

Goneorrhea.

Today, someone told me that, in the next Avengers movie, the Thor Hammer was replaced with a Thor Axe.

My first thought was “What kind of lame weapon is an insect abdomen?”

(non-spoiler) Why could't Team Avengers sign Steve Rogers?

They didn't have enough cap space.

I really do wish Marvel would re-release The Avengers with Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson swapping roles...

Black Coulson, wontcha come...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an Avenger use for a sex toy?

Vibranium

A knight’s brother was slain in battle by monster

Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!

Hunter: You have my bow!

Warrior: And my axe!

Mage: And my staff!

Necromancer: And your dead brother!

Why does the cast of the Avengers not know the full script of the movie yet?

The writers are trying to keep things Loki.

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

Man people have really short attention span for Avengers: Endgame

It's a twenty second movie after all.

Avengers cast

Interviewer: are you a human

Avengers endgame cast: I am not sure if I am aloud to tell you that

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill.

"$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places a $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.

This happened for 3-4 days an...

[Spoilers] I finally watched Avengers: Infinity War

It was alright. Probably give a 5/10. The first half was great, but the other half just kind of fell apart in the end.

Which one of the Avengers would hurt the most if he shrank down in size like Ant-Man?

Thor. Because he would be a little Thor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't the Avengers fight Thanos in the dark?

Their Vision's fucking useless.

Avengers

The journey isnt watching the movie.
Its getting their before somebody spoils it for you.

Why did the Avengers have the best float at the parade?

They had a gigantic Banner!

I dreamed about who dies in the upcoming Avengers movie...

...it was a side kick, Vision.

The avengers walk into a bar

Except vision. He phased.

I'm going to cash in on the success of Avengers: Infinity War by opening a comics themed sandwich shop.

It'll be called *Soup or Hero*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The good news is that the X-Men Can now crossover with the avengers

The bad news is we’re gonna need to meet up in person to discuss it because the internet’s fucked

Tony Stark catching Nick Fury up on the events of Civil War

Tony: So anyway the Avengers broke up and Steve is a fugitive now.

Fury: Wait, are you serious?

Tony: No cap

[Marvel Avengers Age of Ultron Spoilers] If Captain Americas shield is made of Vibranium what is Hawkeye's shield made of?

Quicksilver

Did you hear about Avengers: Infinity Wars?

It's said to be Marvel-ous!

Why is Daredevil not a part of the Avengers?

Because he doesn't work with Vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between Marvel Avengers and Politicians.

Both fight among themselves to stay in business.
Every fucking movie.

Why do the Avengers keep calling Spiderman over to fix their computer?

Because they heard he's a web developer

Jeff was a prolific name dropper and his mate Jack had had enough.

“Surely you don’t know every person you mention,” he said.

“Sure do,” replied Jeff. “I know them all.”

Wanting proof, Jack wagered Jeff that he could find someone he didn’t know, a bet that Jeff accepted. They jumped on a plane and flew to Marvel Studios.

“OK,” said Jack, ...

The Avengers must love Daft Punk

They were up all night to get Loki

What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

What did Joss say on the last day of shooting the Avengers?

Whedon?

Why America failed to save the world from Coronavirus



Thor is in Asgard

Ironman died

Captain is now old

Hulk doesn't have much power. Rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona and China ate Spiderman and Batman.

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

What does Thanos and a child with cancer have in common?

All of the avengers show up for their endgame.

Yo mama so fat

The avengers hired her for her ability to be everywhere at once!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The White Knight and the Black Knight.

Note, this story was from Gigi Proietti, an Italian comedian who's from Rome, and I must say it loses a lot without the Roman accent and slang, but I'll try my best :D

The White Knight and the Black Knight.

So once there was this teacher, really passionate about his job, who always wan...

Bill Nye cloned himself with the help of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Unfortunately, something went wrong in the cloning process and resulted in the clone being pure evil. As soon as he was released from the cloning vat, the evil clone killed the good Bill Nye and escaped. Much later, after hunting him for years, Neil deGrasse Tyson finally caught up with the evil clo...

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

When Thanos snaps...

Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.

Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

Son:Mommy tell me something that would make me both happy and sad at the same time

Mom:The whole Avengers cast is coming to visit you next week

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 Whales [long]

2 Whales, a boy whale and a girl whale, are swimming in the ocean when they see a big whaling vessel. The boy whale freaks out.

"That's the ship that speared my father," the boy whale says to the girl whale. "We must avenge his death. Let's go underneath it and use our blowholes to capsize t...

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.

She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"

So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"

"He slapped my left cheek."

So the father slapper his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenge...

My son thinks it's unfair that he has to wait 24 more days until Christmas...

I told him "yeah? Try waiting for the Avengers 4 trailer then..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Frank and Sally the Whales [long]

So two whales, Frank and Sally are swimming through the ocean eating various fish and plankton when they see a boat coming up on them.

Frank looks at the boat and says to Sally, "That is the whaling boat that killed uncle Sal."

Sally, skeptical, said "How do you know for sure?"

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger.

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?

One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.

What does Captain America say when he wants an orchestra?

Avengers, ensemble!

Marvel just announced the title of the Infinity War sequel. [spoiler]

Avengers: Days of Future Past

Who makes the music for the Marvel movies?

The Avengers Ensemble.

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