Why did Zeus shut off the gas when a goddess was out for a jog?

Because Demeter was running

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two married buddies are out drinking one night…

when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vending Machines

An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "But down the hall from your roo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four married guys going diving. The following conversation took place...

First guy, "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out diving this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy, "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy, "...

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I'm in an airplane right now and the pilot just made an announcement...

About safety and all that and when it was finished I guess he forgot to turn off the PA announcer. So not knowing that everyone on the plane can hear whatever he say on the PA system, he tells the co-pilot, "I can't wait to drink a cup of coffee and fuck one of these flight attendants."

One o...

Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the priest looks at the three with distain and says, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible." The Englishman pipes up and says, "The three Kings?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

One from their ISP stating their internet has been shut off for illegal downloading.

A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell

A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell. As punishment for his many sins, the Devil shoved him into a room and proceeded to crank up the heat and humidity.

But the man just smiled and said, “Oh, this is just like Chicago in the Spring.”

So, the Devil cranked up the heat...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.


At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."


At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, j...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drunk guy walks into a bar

Sits down at the bar sloppily and ask for a drink. Bartender serves him a beer reluctantly, but the guy spills it on himself, is slurring his words, and bothering the person next to him. Finally, the bartender tells the guy he’s had enough, he’s shut off, and needs to leave.

Guy leaves the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] She gives head and sings at the same time

A guy, let's call him John. John moves to his new place in Manhattan for work. John doesn't know anybody there; he's gotta start fresh.

After a few days of getting acquainted with his co-workers at the office, he's invited out to the bar for a few drinks. When they walk in, they all start to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Germany, Russia and Poland are competing in a vault breaking competition...

The rules of the competition are simple. There is a vault in the middle of a room. The light in the room is shut off for 3 seconds. In those 3 seconds the team can do whatever they want to the vault to try and get in. If the team manages to break into the vault before the light comes back on they ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex for the first time.

I had been with this girl for a while, and things were getting hot. One time she asked me if I brought protection, which I did. I explained that I didnt know how to use it. She showed me how to put it on using her index finger. After we shut off the lights, I fumbled around, but managed to get it on...

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine shut off and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funny Joke

I was in an airplane last year when the pilots had forgot to turn off the internal radio NOW I COULD USE A CUP OF COFFEE AND A BLOWJOB one of them said. The stewardess went towards them to make them shut off the radio. I said DONT FORGET THE COFFEE HONEY

A Ex-con gets a job on a Farm.

So the Farmer tells the Ex-con to take the pickup truck out on the farm road and check the fence line.About a half an hour later the Ex con calls in to the farmer on a walk talkie and says,"hey,I just hit a pig on the road while checking the fence line and he is stuck in the Bull Bars on the front o...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.