UPJOKE
microsoft officexbox onemsnbill gatesxboxbingxbox 360tablet computerpaul allenweb browserms-dosmicrosoft wordoperating systemwindows phonegoogle

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

Future Employer: How good are your Microsoft Office Skills?

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...

She's in charge of spell-check.

A thief took my Microsoft Office license key

I'll come and get you thief! You have my Word

I was feeling anxious about the future today, but then I updated Microsoft Office

It improved my outlook.

Did you hear about a house built by Microsoft?

It excels in the outlook from its windows.

Why are Microsoft employees never relaxed?

Because they’re always on Edge.

Microsoft is always looking for problems

And will let you know as soon as one is available

Bill Gates recently split up with Melinda Gates, who will take half of his belongings, including Microsoft office.

But she will only get Microsoft Excel and Powerpoint, because he always keeps his Word.



shoutout u/Duttywood

Vanilla Ice has started a new business teaching Microsoft Office to people’s parents.

Word to your mother.

Little known fact, in the 70s, Jim Morrison was originally the head of Microsoft. But after a few years, he was fired and replaced by Bill Gates.

Apparently, he made better Doors than Windows.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

Microsoft is releasing a a reverse Outlook soon

So we should all be on Lookout

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office…

I will find you. You have my Word!

I used to write all my jokes in Microsoft Word.

But then Clippy said, "It looks like you're trying to be funny."

Why does Mace Windu hate Microsoft?

He had a bad experience with Windows.

Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9.

They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft UNO.

I took a Microsoft Office class in high school.

I Excelled in it

Microsoft humor

Boss: How good are you at Power Point?

Me: I Excel at it

Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.





At a computer expo (...

I get anxious whenever I have to use the default Microsoft web browser

Using Firefox helps take the *Edge* off.

The opposite of Microsoft Office is...

Macrohard Onfire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

Not sure why Microsoft wants to buy Discord for $10 billion

When they could just download it for free

Our company is implementing a version of Microsoft Teams Telephony where users keep their microphones muted

They're calling it Teams Telepathy.

What do men and Microsoft Excel have in common?

They turn everything into dates, no matter what.

Job interview for the role of a Microsoft specialist

Welcome! how would you describe yourself?
\-I am a very access-ible person who excels at powerpoint, you have my word.


Excellent, would it be convenient for you to commute here?

\-yes, I'll just Onedrive to the Office.

Girls call me Mr. Microsoft

because I have a 3.5 inch floppy

Using Microsoft Edge (Chromium edition) - go to edge://surf

Now your productivity is a joke

A truck carrying Microsoft software has just overturned on the main road.

That's the Word on the street.

After the acquisition of Activision, Microsoft has decided to rename Teams to...

Calls of duty

I'm creating a company that will rival Microsoft

Its called Macrohard

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

I heard Putin was installing Windows

And Microsoft had to accept his terms and conditions.

Microsoft Works has been dethroned as the best oxymoron by...

russian intelligence

Why is Putin's government like Microsoft Edge?

You can't uninstall either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft

Did you know that Bill Gates named Microsoft after his own dick?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

How is Microsoft Edge like stainless steel?

Both are at least 11% Chrome

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It’s their Word against mine.

What do microsoft excel and climate change have in common?

They've both been commonplace since the 80's, but boomers still don't understand them

What does Microsoft and Hollywood have in common?

For each release they make it gets worse.

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

Using Microsoft Word

**moves image 1mm to the right**

4 new pages appear.

Global warming.

Alien invasion.

Armageddon.

So, If the Microsoft search engine were to be acquired by Amazon…

That’d be Amazing!

What you call when you delete Microsoft Edge browser from your computer?

Cutting Edge technology!

I had a bad experience with Microsoft Excel

I guess you could say, it was a sheet experience.

What do you receive after you get a tattoo of the founder of Microsoft?

A Bill.

Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.

I wonder why Microsoft has opened an office inside my computer.

These predatory businesses are getting out of hand.

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

Useless

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an ...

My friend just had a convo with "Microsoft support"

I was just about to hang up when they called me, but my friend had a brilliant way of handling them.

Totally legit Microsoft support: “Hi. This is John Alex from Microsoft Support. We have detected a virus on your computer. Don't mind the fact that I can't pronounce 'Microsoft' properly," in ...

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music?

Because they can only use OneNote!

After all the rioting and destruction Microsoft stock ($MSFT) will take off on Monday

Everyone will be looking for windows.

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you are but I will find you, you have my word.

Somebody just stole my Microsoft Office 365 account

I've already contacted Microsoft support. I will track them down and get my account back, they've got my *Word*.

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

I just found out Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion dollars.

Idiots...they should have just downloaded it.

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have recently changed my "porn browser" to Microsoft Edge...

...and oh man, it takes too long to cum.

Magic 8-Ball, what do you think of Microsoft's email client?

Outlook not so good

Once I farted in a Microsoft store

Luckily, they had Windows

How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

Where do Microsoft employees go to work?

a Microsoft office.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The founders of Tesla and Microsoft have joined forces to create their new brand of Viagra...

Elon Gates.

To the person who stole my bag with my antidepressants, my glasses and my Microsoft office CD in.

I hope your happy, I will find you, I have contacts, you have my word.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.

MS Joke

A helicopter with a pilot and a passenger was flying around above a large city when a malfunction disabled all of it's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get to their destination.

...

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

I took a class on Microsoft Office

I guess you can say that I Excel at it. I mean hey, if you don't believe me, you have my Word that I can give you Access to my certificate.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

..I will find you. You have my Word.

---

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...

It's pushing me to the Edge

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