To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office

I will find you, you have my word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having a conversation with a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

I am gifting you a Microsoft office license for your birthday

I give you my word.

What's the opposite of Microsoft Office?

Macrohard Onfire.

Why did the construction worker buy the Microsoft CD?

To install the windows.

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

So I heard Microsoft is making smart fences now...

The main problem is they Bill Gates.

I heard Microsoft made taking a screenshot much harder

I guess you could call it a windowpane.

Why are Microsoft employees never relaxed?

Because they’re always on Edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three engineers in a car.

One was ***an electrical engineer***, one was ***a chemical engineer*** and one was a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stopped by the side of the road, and the three engineers looked at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggested ***stripping down*** the elec...

I wondered for a long time why Apple and Microsoft went straight from iPhone/Windows 8 straight to X/10...

Then it finally occurred to me that 7 ate 9.

Where do Microsoft employees go to work?

a Microsoft office.

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft office just fixed tables so they don't mess your entire document up if you move it 1mm

jokes, it's still fucked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

Using Microsoft Word

**moves image 1mm to the right**

4 new pages appear.

Global warming.

Alien invasion.

Armageddon.

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you are but I will find you, you have my word.

There must be flat-earthers at Microsoft.

Or why would one call a browser for the worldwide web Edge?

Today I had an interview for a job at Microsoft, and the recruiter asked me "Why do you think you are a good fit for our company?"

I replied: "because I too am micro and soft right now"

I'm going to make 2 companies. Competing with Microsoft will be Megahard. Competing with The North Face will be The South End.

Now to make the logos...

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

Someone stole my microsoft office kit for school

I can't excel without it

So apparently Microsoft is working on a new Chromium-based web browser to replace the old ones..

Hooray! We'll finally have a decent web browser for downloading other web browsers.

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today

Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.


RIP Paul Allen.

Microsoft did a commerical for a disability controller, I wonder how they did the casting.

Wanted disabled kid for a commercial must know a Fortnite dance.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb ?

None.

They redefine broken as the new standard.

What causes Paul Walker and Microsoft Windows to crash?

Bad drivers

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...

It's pushing me to the Edge

I'm not very good at Microsoft office or powerpoint,

but when it comes to spreadsheets I Excel.

Timmy: "My mom said you bought her Microsoft Office for her birthday. Is that true?"

Jimmy: "Word to your mother."

My friend promised to give me one of his old Microsoft Office licenses.

He gave me his Word.

I was walking outside of the Microsoft Store at the mall tonight when my wife asked if I wanted to go in and look at anything.

I told her “No, I’m just Windows shopping.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft hires regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation.

It's a very PC work environment.

Microsoft

Boss : How good are you at making spreadsheet?

Me : I excel at it

Boss : Was that a Microsoft office pun?

Me : word

Chrome and Microsoft edge were having an argument when suddenly...

Microsoft edge stopped responding

I just found out Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion dollars.

Idiots...they should have just downloaded it.

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

I'm taking a Microsoft incel class.

So I can spread sheets by myself

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music?

Because they can only use OneNote!

How can you tell something is terribly wrong at Microsoft?

Windows hasn't updated in two weeks.

Why do Microsoft products cost money?

You gotta pay the Bill

How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

I got kicked out of Microsoft store ...

I was merely scratching the Surface ...

Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are traveling by train to a conference...

At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.

They all board the train. T...

I'm like Microsoft Edge

Nobody likes me, but I'm edgy

Why was Clippy let go from Microsoft?

He got bent out of shape when they threatened to replace him, and just couldn't hold anything together.

What do Microsoft and Burger King have in common?

They both hate big Macs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft

Great name for a computer company; bad name for a penis.

Why did Microsoft not make Windows 9?

Because seven eight nine.

In an interview: "How good are you with Microsoft PowerPoint?"

"I Excel at it."

"Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun, sir?"

"Word."

What an answer

A pilot is flying a small single engine plane with a lot of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10m, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. ...

I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program.

Today it wrote it's autobiography.

How did Bill Gates come up with the name Microsoft?

Ask his wife.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

..I will find you. You have my Word.

---

A way to get tons of people in a Microsoft Word party

is to Calibri (Body)

The XBox One X is Microsoft's new console

The short of that is XBOX, they've now come full circle, or 360.

Someone had the audacity to delete every version of Microsoft Office from my computer.

I have no Words.

If you were to write a direct, very short introduction for Microsoft Office's word processor, it might be a...

...forward four-word foreword for Word.

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

GM and Microsoft

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we w...

A Microsoft Dev walks into a room....

Bethesda is working on Skyrim remastered 4k edition for the new xbox.

Microsoft Dev "Woah that screenshot looks cool"

Bethesda Worker: "That's not a screenshot, it's...it's the game"

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