The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

A thief took my Microsoft Office license key

I'll come and get you thief! You have my Word

Future Employer: How good are your Microsoft Office Skills?

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

I was feeling anxious about the future today, but then I updated Microsoft Office

It improved my outlook.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

Did you hear about a house built by Microsoft?

It excels in the outlook from its windows.

What is the opposite of Microsoft Office?

Megahard Onfire

How is Microsoft Edge like stainless steel?

Both are at least 11% Chrome

I get anxious whenever I have to use the default Microsoft web browser

Using Firefox helps take the *Edge* off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...

She's in charge of spell-check.

Little known fact, in the 70s, Jim Morrison was originally the head of Microsoft. But after a few years, he was fired and replaced by Bill Gates.

Apparently, he made better Doors than Windows.

Bill Gates recently split up with Melinda Gates, who will take half of his belongings, including Microsoft office.

But she will only get Microsoft Excel and Powerpoint, because he always keeps his Word.



shoutout u/Duttywood

What do you receive after you get a tattoo of the founder of Microsoft?

A Bill.

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

Vanilla Ice has started a new business teaching Microsoft Office to people’s parents.

Word to your mother.

Not sure why Microsoft wants to buy Discord for $10 billion

When they could just download it for free

What does Microsoft and Hollywood have in common?

For each release they make it gets worse.

Microsoft is always looking for problems

And will let you know as soon as one is available

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Why are Microsoft employees never relaxed?

Because they’re always on Edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word

I wonder why Microsoft has opened an office inside my computer.

These predatory businesses are getting out of hand.

I'm creating a company that will rival Microsoft

Its called Macrohard

Bill created Microsoft and Steve created Apple

I must say by doing so, they opened a lot of Gates for Jobs.

Microsoft is releasing a a reverse Outlook soon

So we should all be on Lookout

Using Microsoft Word

**moves image 1mm to the right**

4 new pages appear.

Global warming.

Alien invasion.

Armageddon.

Microsoft.....

.....cares about your privacy

What do microsoft excel and climate change have in common?

They've both been commonplace since the 80's, but boomers still don't understand them

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

When Chuck Norris updates Windows

...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions

Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

Young Bill Gates asks wife for advice

Bill: Hey honey, what do you think I should call my new company? I need something that really reflects who I am.

His wife: I don't know sweety, what about Microsoft?

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It’s their Word against mine.

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.

Magic 8-Ball, what do you think of Microsoft's email client?

Outlook not so good

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

After all the rioting and destruction Microsoft stock ($MSFT) will take off on Monday

Everyone will be looking for windows.

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

My friend just had a convo with "Microsoft support"

I was just about to hang up when they called me, but my friend had a brilliant way of handling them.

Totally legit Microsoft support: “Hi. This is John Alex from Microsoft Support. We have detected a virus on your computer. Don't mind the fact that I can't pronounce 'Microsoft' properly," in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have recently changed my "porn browser" to Microsoft Edge...

...and oh man, it takes too long to cum.

Microsoft has released Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 10. What happened to Windows 9 ?

Seven ate nine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

I have absolute proof the Covid vaccine isn’t Bill Gates’ way to control us.

My husband had the vaccination yesterday and he still hates Microsoft Teams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

I took a class on Microsoft Office

I guess you can say that I Excel at it. I mean hey, if you don't believe me, you have my Word that I can give you Access to my certificate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The founders of Tesla and Microsoft have joined forces to create their new brand of Viagra...

Elon Gates.

I just had my Covid vaccine.

The chip feels a bit lumpy and I have this permanent urge to buy Microsoft licenses.

On the upside, my 5G is full bars now.

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you are but I will find you, you have my word.

Bill Gates created the Coronavirus so people would start using Microsoft Teams

dont know if this belongs here but I posted this in r/conspiracy and r/showerthoughts but everyone thought it was serious

We learned about oxymorons.

It was very fun, there were many examples.


freezer burn, original copy, exact estimate, truthful politician, caring insurance, Microsoft Works, and more!

I just found out Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion dollars.

Idiots...they should have just downloaded it.

Where do Microsoft employees go to work?

a Microsoft office.

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music?

Because they can only use OneNote!

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

To the person who stole my bag with my antidepressants, my glasses and my Microsoft office CD in.

I hope your happy, I will find you, I have contacts, you have my word.

Once I farted in a Microsoft store

Luckily, they had Windows

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

What do you get if you download Microsoft word multiple times

Microsoft Sentence

You have my word

Liam Neeson steps out of the office he works at for a little coffee break and when he finally returns after 5 minutes, he finds that his Microsoft Office licence password has been changed



He gets so frustrated he says "Whoever you are that stole my licence, I will find you, you have m...

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

Microsoft

Boss : How good are you at making spreadsheet?

Me : I excel at it

Boss : Was that a Microsoft office pun?

Me : word

I asked my Magic 8 Ball if linking my Gmail messages to my Microsoft email client would be a good idea.

"Outlook not so good"

I heard you have to make a payment when you enter a Microsoft workplace

They are called bill gates

Why did the CEO of Microsoft forget his car keys?

Because his head was in the Cloud.

How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

You want know why there is a shortage of last generation GPUs?

Sony and Microsoft are buying them up to make the next generation of consoles coming in 2030

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.

I wondered for a long time why Apple and Microsoft went straight from iPhone/Windows 8 straight to X/10...

Then it finally occurred to me that 7 ate 9.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

..I will find you. You have my Word.

---

I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...

It's pushing me to the Edge

What did Bill Gates do at his foundation that he couldn’t at Microsoft?

Prevent viruses.

Microsoft has put a hidden feature into Windows 10 which removes bad Reddit posts from the screen.

You can press the Alt and the F4 key at the same time to try it out.

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