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Microsoft Jokes

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Future Employer: How good are your Microsoft Office Skills?

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

Microsoft is always looking for problems

And will let you know as soon as one is available

A thief took my Microsoft Office license key

I'll come and get you thief! You have my Word

Why are Microsoft employees never relaxed?

Because they’re always on Edge.

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...

She's in charge of spell-check.

The opposite of Microsoft Office is...

Macrohard Onfire.

Did you hear about a house built by Microsoft?

It excels in the outlook from its windows.

Vanilla Ice has started a new business teaching Microsoft Office to people’s parents.

Word to your mother.

Microsoft is releasing a a reverse Outlook soon

So we should all be on Lookout

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..

You have my Word.

Girls call me Mr. Microsoft

because I have a 3.5 inch floppy

Microsoft humor

Boss: How good are you at Power Point?

Me: I Excel at it

Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9.

They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft UNO.

How did computers run before Microsoft?

Well.

I get anxious whenever I have to use the default Microsoft web browser

Using Firefox helps take the *Edge* off.

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music?

Because they can only use OneNote!

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

I just found out Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion dollars.

Idiots...they should have just downloaded it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft

Did you know that Bill Gates named Microsoft after his own dick?

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.

Not sure why Microsoft wants to buy Discord for $10 billion

When they could just download it for free

I took a Microsoft Office class and got an A

I Excelled at it.

So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust...

I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.





At a computer expo (...

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.

Why is Putin's government like Microsoft Edge?

You can't uninstall either.

A truck carrying Microsoft software has just overturned on the main road.

That's the Word on the street.

What do microsoft excel and climate change have in common?

They've both been commonplace since the 80's, but boomers still don't understand them

I'm creating a company that will rival Microsoft

Its called Macrohard

What does Microsoft and Hollywood have in common?

For each release they make it gets worse.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

..I will find you. You have my Word.

---

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you are but I will find you, you have my word.

What do you call a very brief introduction to a Microsoft program?

A 4 word forward for Word.

Why does Mace Windu hate Microsoft?

He had a bad experience with Windows.

I used to write all my jokes in Microsoft Word.

But then Clippy said, "It looks like you're trying to be funny."

What do men and Microsoft Excel have in common?

They turn everything into dates, no matter what.

Using Microsoft Edge (Chromium edition) - go to edge://surf

Now your productivity is a joke

I'm holding a presentation infront of Microsoft tomorrow. Give me your worst / best joke about Microsoft!

Dear Reddit! Tomorrow I will be presenting my product / pitch in front of hundreds of Microsoft employees. Help me start with a bang, give me the worst / best joke about Microsoft that you have. Let's get dirty!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

How is Microsoft Edge like stainless steel?

Both are at least 11% Chrome

After the acquisition of Activision, Microsoft has decided to rename Teams to...

Calls of duty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

I had a bad experience with Microsoft Excel

I guess you could say, it was a sheet experience.

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

So, If the Microsoft search engine were to be acquired by Amazon…

That’d be Amazing!

Our company is implementing a version of Microsoft Teams Telephony where users keep their microphones muted

They're calling it Teams Telepathy.

What you call when you delete Microsoft Edge browser from your computer?

Cutting Edge technology!

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

I wonder why Microsoft has opened an office inside my computer.

These predatory businesses are getting out of hand.

I took a class on Microsoft Office

I guess you can say that I Excel at it. I mean hey, if you don't believe me, you have my Word that I can give you Access to my certificate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft

Great name for a computer company; bad name for a penis.

Once I farted in a Microsoft store

Luckily, they had Windows

Where do Microsoft employees go to work?

a Microsoft office.

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have recently changed my "porn browser" to Microsoft Edge...

...and oh man, it takes too long to cum.

I'm like Microsoft Edge

Nobody likes me, but I'm edgy

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