The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

A thief took my Microsoft Office license key

I'll come and get you thief! You have my Word

I was feeling anxious about the future today, but then I updated Microsoft Office

It improved my outlook.

Future Employer: How good are your Microsoft Office Skills?

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

I never understood why people hate Internet Explorer and Microsoft Edge so much

I am always able to flawlessly download the Firefox Installer using them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

What do you receive after you get a tattoo of the founder of Microsoft?

A Bill.

What is the opposite of Microsoft Office?

Megahard Onfire

Vanilla Ice has started a new business teaching Microsoft Office to people’s parents.

Word to your mother.

What does Microsoft and Hollywood have in common?

For each release they make it gets worse.

Microsoft is always looking for problems

And will let you know as soon as one is available

Why are Microsoft employees never relaxed?

Because they’re always on Edge.

Did you hear the news about Microsoft retiring Internet Explorer in 2022?

I don’t know about you, but I’m on edge over it.

Bill Gates recently split up with Melinda Gates, who will take half of his belongings, including Microsoft office.

But she will only get Microsoft Excel and Powerpoint, because he always keeps his Word.



shoutout u/Duttywood

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word

Microsoft.....

.....cares about your privacy

Not sure why Microsoft wants to buy Discord for $10 billion

When they could just download it for free

I wonder why Microsoft has opened an office inside my computer.

These predatory businesses are getting out of hand.

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

I really excel at Microsoft puns.

You've to take my word for it.

What do microsoft excel and climate change have in common?

They've both been commonplace since the 80's, but boomers still don't understand them

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Microsoft is releasing a a reverse Outlook soon

So we should all be on Lookout

Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

Did you hear about a house built by Microsoft?

What it Excels in is the Outlook from its Windows.

I'm creating a company that will rival Microsoft

Its called Macrohard

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

What’s it called when you buy your maternal figure microsoft office?

Word to ya mother

Magic 8-Ball, what do you think of Microsoft's email client?

Outlook not so good

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.

I have absolute proof the Covid vaccine isn’t Bill Gates’ way to control us.

My husband had the vaccination yesterday and he still hates Microsoft Teams.

Bill created Microsoft and Steve created Apple

I must say by doing so, they opened a lot of Gates for Jobs.

After all the rioting and destruction Microsoft stock ($MSFT) will take off on Monday

Everyone will be looking for windows.

Using Microsoft Word

**moves image 1mm to the right**

4 new pages appear.

Global warming.

Alien invasion.

Armageddon.

I just had my Covid vaccine.

The chip feels a bit lumpy and I have this permanent urge to buy Microsoft licenses.

On the upside, my 5G is full bars now.

Gates to Divorce

**Word** is she wasn't happy with his workaholic habit of being in the **Office365**, and was starting to develop a poor **Outlook** on their relationship. Despite how much he happened to **Excel**, she just felt like she didn't have acceptable**Access** to him anymore. Now he is on the **Edge,** be...

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It’s their Word against mine.

We learned about oxymorons.

It was very fun, there were many examples.


freezer burn, original copy, exact estimate, truthful politician, caring insurance, Microsoft Works, and more!

A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

My friend just had a convo with "Microsoft support"

I was just about to hang up when they called me, but my friend had a brilliant way of handling them.

Totally legit Microsoft support: “Hi. This is John Alex from Microsoft Support. We have detected a virus on your computer. Don't mind the fact that I can't pronounce 'Microsoft' properly," in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have recently changed my "porn browser" to Microsoft Edge...

...and oh man, it takes too long to cum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The founders of Tesla and Microsoft have joined forces to create their new brand of Viagra...

Elon Gates.

Microsoft has released Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 10. What happened to Windows 9 ?

Seven ate nine.

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

I took a class on Microsoft Office

I guess you can say that I Excel at it. I mean hey, if you don't believe me, you have my Word that I can give you Access to my certificate.

Bill Gates created the Coronavirus so people would start using Microsoft Teams

dont know if this belongs here but I posted this in r/conspiracy and r/showerthoughts but everyone thought it was serious

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you are but I will find you, you have my word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life Without E-Mail

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address...

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

Where do Microsoft employees go to work?

a Microsoft office.

To the person who stole my bag with my antidepressants, my glasses and my Microsoft office CD in.

I hope your happy, I will find you, I have contacts, you have my word.

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

What do you call a guy that only has 1 copy of Microsoft office?

A man of few words

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music?

Because they can only use OneNote!

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, ci...

Once I farted in a Microsoft store

Luckily, they had Windows

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

I asked my Magic 8 Ball if linking my Gmail messages to my Microsoft email client would be a good idea.

"Outlook not so good"

I heard you have to make a payment when you enter a Microsoft workplace

They are called bill gates

I just found out Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion dollars.

Idiots...they should have just downloaded it.

Why did the CEO of Microsoft forget his car keys?

Because his head was in the Cloud.

A pilot's flying a small, single-engined charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board.

He's coming into Seattle airport, only there is thick fog, less than 10ft of visibility, and his instruments are out. So he circles around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he's pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. At last, in a small opening in the fog, he ...

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

Microsoft

Boss : How good are you at making spreadsheet?

Me : I excel at it

Boss : Was that a Microsoft office pun?

Me : word

I wondered for a long time why Apple and Microsoft went straight from iPhone/Windows 8 straight to X/10...

Then it finally occurred to me that 7 ate 9.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb ?

None.

They redefine broken as the new standard.

I was going to make a joke about Microsoft

But I don't excel at it

I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...

It's pushing me to the Edge

How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

What did Bill Gates do at his foundation that he couldn’t at Microsoft?

Prevent viruses.

Microsoft has put a hidden feature into Windows 10 which removes bad Reddit posts from the screen.

You can press the Alt and the F4 key at the same time to try it out.

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today

Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.


RIP Paul Allen.

I use Microsoft's search engine on my laptop & it explodes. So I take it to the Italian repair guy

He says "What's the problem with your computer? Please keep it brief"
I say "Bad-a-Bing Bad-a-boom!"

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

..I will find you. You have my Word.

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