UPJOKE
flauntostentateexhibitdisplayflashexposeshowpageantryostentationexhibitorburlesquepreshowforthshowsupershowshowie

Show Off Jokes

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he’s calling an importa...

I can't stand homeless people

Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.

I’ve decided I’m dressing in a costume for Christmas. I’m going to wear a fleece jacket, show off pictures of kids and carry a GPS navigation unit. I’m going as......

FLEECE NAVI-DAD

Why did the woodwind player show off their instrument?

Because if you've got it, flaut it.

Donald Trump goes to an elementary school to show off his intelligence and success.

The schoolchildren were learning vocabulary, specifically the word ‘tragedy’, when the famous businessman stormed into the classroom.

Trump decided to help the children learn the word ‘tragedy’, and asked the following question to them:

“What would be a tragedy, kids?”

A bespect...

A man saw a gorgeous flight attendant sitting alone reading the paper in an international airport.

He couldn’t quite pin down the exact airline, but he wanted to show off as a man of the world. He tried by saying Air France’s old motto. ‘Making the sky the best place on earth!’ The stewardess gave him the side eye but otherwise ignored him. Undeterred, he tried Singapore Airlines’. ‘A great way t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes down to a ranch to look at a horse

The rancher brings out a beautiful mare.

"Can I see her teeth?" The man asks nicely.

"Sure thing!" Says the rancher and opens her lips to show off her perfect teeth.

"Bautiful! Can I see her tail and hooves?" The man asks.

"By all means, partner!" Replied the rancher an...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a restaurant.

They are having a fun time and give their waitress a huge tip. Super excited about the tip, the waitress decides to tell them a secret: In the women's bathroom, there is a magical mirror. If you tell it something truthful, you will be greatly rewarded. However, if you lie to the mirror, you will dis...

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

15 year old sis of mine tried to show off her photoshop skills

I said it's just a minor editing

Heisenberg is driving to a convention to show off his new Uncertainty Principle

On the way he observes the speedometer, and finds himself lost.

Three men line up to show off their skills at archery

They are to shoot off the apple off of a young boy's head. The first one draws his arrow back, shoots, hits the apple clean off of the boy's head, and says, "I am Robin Hood!". The second one draws his arrow back, shoots, hits the apple of the boy's head, and says, "I am William Tell!". The third on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Japanese and an Indian were trying to show off how advanced their country's technology is.

The American goes first, looks at his hand and pokes it at a few places, proceeds to place it on his ear like a mobile and starts talking. After the call gets over here explains that he has a simcard embedded in his hand that let's him use it as a mobile. Everyone is impressed.
Then suddenly some...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Turk, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are traveling on a train.

The compartment gets warm, so the Frenchman opens the window and a fly buzzes in. Wanting to show off, the Frenchman swiftly draws his sword and with one strike, the fly is split in half. As the others look on in amazement, the Frenchman hands out his business card, which reads: "France's Best Sword...

I decided to show off my six pack on Tinder.

Budweiser is not getting me any dates.

A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.

Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, “I’m going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.”

Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.

Without a moment’s hesitation the mother pointed t...

To show off how wealthy he was, I saw a guy inhale a line of 24K gold dust

It was really Au inspiring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching this animal instructor show off this monkey. The monkey began acting up, and that's when shit hit the fan.

Even the janitor refused to clean up the mess...

Time for a Christmas joke...

Some time in the early 80s, during perestroika, a couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square in late December.
There was a fine mist in the air, and the couple are arguing.

I think it’s snowing," says the man.

"No. That's definitely rain ," replies his wife.

"Too cold for r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day there were three vampires bragging about their strength and power to each other.

The first vampire said, "look at my skill" and *poof* he's gone in a blink of an eye. He comes back with his mouth covered in blood and says, "see that village over there? I have sucked dry all of the villagers' blood".

The second vampire was impressed but didn't want to seem inferior. *Poof*...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese, American, German, and Syrian are on a train

They're all looking out of the window.


The Chinese trying to show off throws a bag of rice out of the window, "We have a lot of rice".


The American grabs a bunch of dollar bills and throws them out, "WE have a lot of money".


The Syrian tells the German glaring at ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three mice

Three mice are sitting in a bar having drinks. They all order a shot of whiskey together and are thinking of something to drink to.

The first mouse says, "I'm so fucking hardcore the first thing I do when I go home every night is find a pill of rat poison, grind it up, and use it to season a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.