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Tuna Jokes

Whats the difference between a guitar a tuna and glue

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish and your probably wondering what about the glue... I knew you would get stuck on that

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

AITA? I bought my coworker chicken avocado instead of tuna avocado from Subway, and now they’re mad.

Whoops, wrong sub.

You cannot fit inside a tuna can

But a tuna can

What do you call a tuna with a monocle?

SOFISHTICATED

A cat walks into a bar….

A cat walks into a bar and says:

„I‘d like a tuna sandwich and a … beer“.

The bartender asks: „Why the small pause?“

I used to work for Chicken of the Sea, until a new supervisor became convinced that I was actually a tuna disguised as a human

It was because of this that I was later wrongfully canned

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.

Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.

Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.

Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.

Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...

Why do fishermen catch and sell so much tuna?

Because they can!

What's better than a tuna sandwich?

A three-na sandwich

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “

A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “
The interviewer doubts this and sets up a test of the m...

Tuna must age about five times faster than humans.

This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.

What is the sub-genre of metal preferred by most tuna fish?

Alba-core.

The oldest joke I know. Three men are working on a building site.

Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

“By god” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years and every day, despite me telling her how ...

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

A man goes to an ice cream shop and asks if they have tuna ice cream

A man goes to an ice cream shop and asks the worker "Do you have tuna ice cream?"

The worker looks at him confused and says "no".


The next day the man goes to the same ice cream shop and asks "Do you have tuna ice cream?"

The worker says no again.


The man go...

Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which does not fit?

Ans: “tuna”. The other 3 are crushed asians.

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

How do you tuna fish?

You raise or lower the scales

What do you call the diabolical leader of a school of tuna?

A fiendish dean fish.

Why do the French never eat tuna sandwiches?

Because bread is pain and fish is poisson

i learned a language whose only word is "TUNA"

it sounded fishy at first, but the dolphins told me it was safe

Did you hear the one about the evil tuna?

He was rotten to the albacore.

Two tuna fish passing by a submarine. Big Tuna Mommy says:

Don’t be scared little Tuna, these are canned humans.

-I read this joke when I was five. I still think it’s funny. -

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three girls, a blonde, a readhead and a brunette, are having lunch break together...

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?"

The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too... Again!"

The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same t...

Went to a fancy restaurant and ordered tuna, but they brought something else instead

Obvious catfish situation

Which fish is made out of 2 atoms of sodium?

Tuna

A duck walks into a pub

And waddles up to the bar with a newspaper under his wing and says

"I'll take a tuna sandwich and a coffee."

Now at first the bartender was a little taken aback because afterall how often do you see a talking duck? But being a good host he obliges his patron and serves up a tuna san...

Why are do many audiophiles work in the canning industry?

Because they can tuna fish.

How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?

They both come in little cans.

A man messaged his ex : Just now ate a tuna taco and suddenly you came in my mind “

She messaged him back : “ just now ordered a mini hot dog , it came in just 2 minutes. Suddenlu you came in my mind “

Is that a tuna roll in your pocket, or are you just happy sashimi

yuk yuk yuk

Why did the tuna cross the road?

Sushi could get to the other side.

The Tuna thought he was doing a great job at work.

Instead, he was canned.

If you have three tuna and take away one half, what do you have?

Two 'n' a half -OR- tuna half.

I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said: "Best Before Date"

I thought, "No, it isn't."

Tuna walks into a sushi restaurant...

...says to the chef, "Hey, you killed my father!" Chef says to the tuna, "That's my business, fish."

Tuna thinks about it, says "Then i challenge you to a game of chess. If i win, you stop being a chef forever." "And if i win?" asks the chef. "Then you can feed me to your customers." tuna re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Help Wanted;

A lumber mill posts a assist wanted ad for a lumber inspector and receives only one application. When they call the prospective employee in for an interview they realize he is an elderly man who is very clearly blind. The manager is skeptical that a blind man could be a lumber inspector, but after s...

Why did the squirrel bury the tuna?

Because if you spell it backwards, it’s a nut.

A husband comes home and says to his wife "I just bought condoms with taste. Let's turn off the light, and then you can guess what flavor it is." So they turned off the lights and...

The wife asks: "Is it cheese and tuna flavor?"

The Husband says: "Take it easy, let me put it on first"

What do Timon and Pumbaa order at Italian Restaurants?

>!The Tuna Piccata!<

Did you hear about the Charlie Sheen sitcom where he's a merman?

It's called *Tuna Halfmen*

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