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Tuna Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three girls, a blonde, a readhead and a brunette, are having lunch break together...

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?"

The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too... Again!"

The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same t...

Whats the difference between a guitar a tuna and glue

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish and your probably wondering what about the glue... I knew you would get stuck on that

A Tuna Sandwich Walks Into A Bar

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here"

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

What does a piano, a tuna, and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!

AITA? I bought my coworker chicken avocado instead of tuna avocado from Subway, and now they’re mad.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

You cannot fit inside a tuna can

But a tuna can

TIL: Scientists have discovered that tuna ages about five times quicker than humans.

That’s because..tuna half hours equal 150 minutes.

Do you know where Charlie the tuna is now?

In a home for battered fish.

What do you call a tuna with a monocle?

SOFISHTICATED

What’s a tunas favourite music genre?

Heavy metal

Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building.

Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building.

The first one opens his lunch box and goes "Another tuna sandwich? I eat tuna sandwich every day. If I have to eat another tuna sandwich I'm going to jump!". The second one opens his lunch box and also goes "Man, anoth...

Two tuna fish passing by a submarine. Big Tuna Mommy says:

Don’t be scared little Tuna, these are canned humans.

-I read this joke when I was five. I still think it’s funny. -

Tuna must age about five times faster than humans.

This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.

What's better than a tuna sandwich?

A three-na sandwich

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

What do you call 5 fish cut in half?

Tuna half.

Did you hear the one about the evil tuna?

He was rotten to the albacore.

How do you tuna fish?

You raise or lower the scales

Why do the French never eat tuna sandwiches?

Because bread is pain and fish is poisson

i learned a language whose only word is "TUNA"

it sounded fishy at first, but the dolphins told me it was safe

Why do fishermen catch and sell so much tuna?

Because they can!

Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which does not fit?

Ans: “tuna”. The other 3 are crushed asians.

What is the sub-genre of metal preferred by most tuna fish?

Alba-core.

What do you call the diabolical leader of a school of tuna?

A fiendish dean fish.

I used to work for Chicken of the Sea, until a new supervisor became convinced that I was actually a tuna disguised as a human

It was because of this that I was later wrongfully canned

A Dr. Of marine biology was inspired to create a new beverage.

Dr. Marcus Opor, renowned marine biologist and ocean sustainability expert, experimented with a brewed beverage with skipjack tuna as its primary ingredient. He spent years alternating its composition, striving for a balance of savory and rich ocean flavors. At last, he perfected his "tea", and was ...

Went to a fancy restaurant and ordered tuna, but they brought something else instead

Obvious catfish situation

The oldest joke I know. Three men are working on a building site.

Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

“By god” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years and every day, despite me telling her how ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a dive bar...

And takes a seat at a table. Looking over their menu, he sees it has only three options: Tuna Salad Sandwich $1.50, Chicken Salad Sandwich $4.50 and lastly Hand Job $5.00.

"Wow, what a bargain," he thought to himself, somewhat stunned as a gorgeous blonde approached to take his order. "Are...

What's a cat's favourite piece of classical music

MeOw ForTuna

The Tuna thought he was doing a great job at work.

Instead, he was canned.

Why did the men in the barbershop quartet refuse to go fishing with their tone deaf friend?

He couldn't hold a tuna.

How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?

They both come in little cans.

Why did the squirrel bury the tuna?

Because if you spell it backwards, it’s a nut.

Is that a tuna roll in your pocket, or are you just happy sashimi

yuk yuk yuk

A husband comes home and says to his wife "I just bought condoms with taste. Let's turn off the light, and then you can guess what flavor it is." So they turned off the lights and...

The wife asks: "Is it cheese and tuna flavor?"

The Husband says: "Take it easy, let me put it on first"

Three men work on top of a building.

They are taking their lunch break when the brown haired man says, “Chicken salad again! If I get chicken salad again I’m going to jump.”

Next the red haired man says, “Tuna fish again! If I get tuna fish again I’m going to jump.”

The third blonde haired man says, “PBJ again! If I get P...

If you have three tuna and take away one half, what do you have?

Two 'n' a half -OR- tuna half.

I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said: "Best Before Date"

I thought, "No, it isn't."

I got fired from my job at a tuna cannery because I came into work dressed as Ironman.

I told them this was who I was now, and they were being Starkist.

A cat walks into a bar….

A cat walks into a bar and says:

„I‘d like a tuna sandwich and a … beer“.

The bartender asks: „Why the small pause?“

I found it strange that my cat liked Carmina Burana

Then I heard that the most popular tune from it is O fortuna

(In case I am “not funny”, it’s a pun on Oh for Tuna). Geddit?

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this b...

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog

A man messaged his ex : Just now ate a tuna taco and suddenly you came in my mind “

She messaged him back : “ just now ordered a mini hot dog , it came in just 2 minutes. Suddenlu you came in my mind “

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.

Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.

Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.

Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.

Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...

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