UPJOKE
pineapplefruitwatermelonpearpeachsaladdessertstrawberrymangotomatobananaplumpumpkinavocadolemon

Fruit Salad Jokes

Why didn’t the fruit salad get sunburnt?

Because it had plenty of melon in.

What do you get when you cross a sad dog and a fruit salad?

A Mellon Collie

My fruit salad is now all currants.

I updated the recipe when I realized I was out of dates.

Why did the fruit salad turn brown so fast?

It had too much melonin it

Heard about the Trump fruit salad?

It's mostly orange 'm' peach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fruit Salad

Three friends get lost while in a road trip through the back roads, when they come upon a farm. it was getting late and they hadn't seen another building for hours, so they decide to see if they could spend the night.
An old farmer answers the door, and they explain their situation and plead to s...

Knowledge is knowing than a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing you shouldn’t put it a fruit salad.....

humor is doing it anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing that tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

Charisma is convincing people to eat the fruit salad anyway.

Constitution is not barfing when your fruit salad tastes of tomato.

Dexterity is hiding your fruit salad in the potted plant.

Strength is smacking t...

Tom: Hey, do you like fruits?

James: Not really.

Tom: And salad?

James: Not much.

Tom: Then you’re not gonna like what I did.

James: What? You made fruit salad?

Tom: Nah, I made out with your wife.

Orange and apple walk into a bar

Okay, so there's this orange and an apple and they walk into a fruit bar.

Well, they don't exactly *walk*, they more or less *roll*. Anyway, the apple says to the bartender, who is actually a banana, "What does one have to do to get a …."

Ah....wait. I think I messed it up.

... ...

"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."

The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her somethi...

I brought a date to the 4th of July party...

...really sweetened up the fruit salad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his girlfriend over for dinner to meet his parents.

He tells her he will pick her up at 6 and his parents are seeing a show afterwards, so they will have the house all to themselves. She’s nervous, but also excited, so goes shopping to pick out some lingerie for their big night.

She and the chatty assistant just click and get to talking about...

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fruit salad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paraprosdokians

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diary of a young wife

Monday:


Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.

It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately."
Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned ou...

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.