Why didn’t the fruit salad get sunburnt?

Because it had plenty of melon in.

Why did the fruit salad turn brown so fast?

It had too much melonin it

Knowledge is knowing than a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing you shouldn’t put it a fruit salad.....

humor is doing it anyway.

Heard about the Trump fruit salad?

It's mostly orange 'm' peach.

Why do fruit salads always get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

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Fruit Salad

Three friends get lost while in a road trip through the back roads, when they come upon a farm. it was getting late and they hadn't seen another building for hours, so they decide to see if they could spend the night.
An old farmer answers the door, and they explain their situation and plead to s...

Orange and apple walk into a bar

Okay, so there's this orange and an apple and they walk into a fruit bar.

Well, they don't exactly *walk*, they more or less *roll*. Anyway, the apple says to the bartender, who is actually a banana, "What does one have to do to get a …."

Ah....wait. I think I messed it up.

... ...

I brought a date to the 4th of July party...

...really sweetened up the fruit salad.

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Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing that tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

Charisma is convincing people to eat the fruit salad anyway.

Constitution is not barfing when your fruit salad tastes of tomato.

Dexterity is hiding your fruit salad in the potted plant.

Strength is smacking t...

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A boy asks his girlfriend over for dinner to meet his parents.

He tells her he will pick her up at 6 and his parents are seeing a show afterwards, so they will have the house all to themselves. She’s nervous, but also excited, so goes shopping to pick out some lingerie for their big night.

She and the chatty assistant just click and get to talking about...

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."

The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her somethi...

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Paraprosdokians

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really g...

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fruit salad.

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So this girl wants to try out modelling for her 18th birthday.

She convinces her conservative mother to shell out some cash for a famous photographer. The mother agrees - since it's her birthday and all.

When the photographer arrives, he is all agog over the girl. He insists that the photoshoot be just him and the subject. The mother, being a woman of th...

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Diary of a young wife

Monday:


Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.

It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately."
Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned ou...

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