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Rubber Band Jokes

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?

Oh snap.

I lost my rubber band ball earlier...

I still haven't bounced back :(

I have a pun about rubber bands...

But it's a bit of a stretch.

I called my home insurance company today. I asked them to insure my antique rubber band collection.

They said “that’ll be a stretch”

Yesterday I saw the most famous rubber band in the world

It was the center of a-tension

A band should name themselves "rubber"

So they'll be known as the rubber band.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a rubber band sandwich ...

He says “And make it snappy”

Did someone lose a roll of 20 dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band?

Cause' I found the rubber band

Two lobsters were in a tank.



The one said to the other, "It sure would be easier driving this thing without rubber bands on our claws."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rubber band pistol was confiscated during algebra class.

It was a weapon of math disruption.

How do you escape from a windowless bunker with a sealed vault door using only a rubber band and a puddle of water?

1).Look into the puddle and see what you saw.

2). Pick up the saw and cut the rubber band in half

3).Pick up the 2 halves of the rubber band.

4). 1 half plus 1 half equals 1 whole.

5). Use the whole on the door and escape.

What do you call a group of condoms who make music.

A Rubber Band.

What band is most appropriate in an office setting?

A rubber band.

A boy was snapping rubber bands on his friends arm

He kept doing it in the same spot every second, over and over again until the friend eventually said, "Ouch, that one Hertz."

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This woman in her late 20s decides to finally settle down and get married

Before consumating the marriage she decides to put a rubber band on her thigh.

When her man puts it in she slaps the rubber band.

The man says "what was that?"
She says "my cherry popped"

He says "can you pop it again, my balls are stuck"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A young bride-to-be confides in her mother on her wedding night that she isn’t a virgin and is worried her husband will not love her once he finds out.

“Oh honey, just do what I did with your father. Put a rubber band around your thigh and when he enters you the first time just snap the rubber band. He won’t know any different.”

Come the wedding night and heeding her moms advice the bride snaps the band as the deed is done. Her husband yel...

An old school practical joke that may work today...

My dad always tells me about a practical joke played on an assistant in a big office setting when he was younger.

The assistant was the guy with the least experience and was in charge of answering the phone. He was not known as someone who was particularly bright.

My dad called posing...

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A woman was getting married to a virgin

A woman was getting married to a virgin, but she wasn’t one herself. She went to her friend and explained the situation, saying that her soon-to-be husband thinks that she is a virgin. Her friend offered up some advice. “Slip a small rubber band as far up your thigh as possible, right as you start,...

What do you call musical groups that are exclusively made of masseuses?

Rubber bands

A homeless man...

A homeless man was walking down the street. His shoes were so worn out that the soles would flop around when he walked. One day, he was walking down the street when a man in a brand new Maserati and an expensive Italian suit pulled over by him. The man asked for the homeless man to come to him. He p...

A elastic band is thrown into a torture chamber,

A man comes up to him grabs him and stretches the elastic band out until he is just about to break,

The man stares the rubber band in the eyes,
“You have so much potential”

(Made this one myself, thank you.)

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A small white guy is using the urinal when a large black man walks in to the bathroom..

The black guy starts using the urinal and the white guy takes a peak over and with astonishment asks the black guy "How did you get a pecker that big?!". The black guy rolls his eyes and half jokingly says "Well what you have to do is wrap a bunch of rubber bands around it and attach weights on the ...

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Before they can be ordained, three young men have to undergo an ordeal which will test the chastity of their thoughts.

Ordered by a priest to strip, the trio have rubber bands fastened to their private parts and are ushered into a bedroom where a beautiful girl lies naked on the bed.

After a few moments there is aloud *Boing!* The first seminarian is told to go to the showers to cool his ardour.

A mome...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

prize winning pig [long]

The Johnson brothers have had longstanding rivalry with fellow farmers the Taft brothers for a decade. The Taft brothers constantly show them up, and Billy (the oldest) decides he's finally had enough, and this year they are going to win the prize for biggest pig at the county fair. He comes up with...

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