Me and a couple of friends once played 'Message in a bottle' on the street on self made instruments and old metal bins for drums.

But then The Police came.

Why don't rabbits like to play the drums?

They're afraid of getting caught in a snare.

My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!

Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm part of a drum kit.

Doctor: Settle down now Tom.

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off of a cliff.

Ba Dum Tss

My neighbors love my drum playing so much

that they threw a brick through my window so they could hear it better

2 drums and a cymbal were thrown off the cliff.

*Bud dum ting*

Humans are like drums

If you hit them with a stick they will make noise

And the first prize is [drum roll]: One night with Donald Trump.

Second prize is two nights.

Why did the drum player commit suicide after being charged with homicide?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mum asks her kid with a speech impediment to go the shop to get her a bucket, cockroach and a drum.

He goes to the music shop and says can I have a bum please, the shopkeeper replies what? The kid say a bum and points to the drum. The shopkeep say ohhh a drum and the kid says yeah that's what I said a bum.

He goes to the hardware store and asks for a fuckit, the shopkeeper looks at him conf...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Given the terms: drum, meat, egg, blowjob which one doesn't fit?

Blowjob. You can beat a drum, beat an egg, beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.

A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas

You just can't beat it.

On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

I bought a pair of drums without any drumsticks, so I decided to bolt them together.

I figured if you can't beat them, join them.

I told my music teacher I wanted to play the drums.

He said "Beat it!"

In the old days, when you illegally downloaded music it would transfer everything but the drum tracks, so you’d have to duplicate those on your own.

That’s why they say you can’t steal music without repercussion.

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door?

The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in.

My music teacher at school told me never to hit a drum again or I could get in serious trouble.

I did, and he was right. There was serious re-percussions

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?

A drummer.

I repaired my drums after my son broke it...

Now he has to deal with the repercussions.

I like to do the same thing to my girlfriend that I do with my drum set

Pretend that I have one

What did one drum say to the other?

'Hi Tom!'

What happens when you play the drums incorrectly?

You get repercussions

I bought a 5 gallon drum of correction fluid the other day.

Big mistake.

Musicians are perverts.

The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.

Soviet Russian Roulette

Soviet comrade, US guy and French fella sit around, drinking and telling stories, bragging around how much of daredevils they are.

French guy starts telling how brave he and his fellas are - "You know what? In Paris we play Russian Roulette with my buddies. We gather in a group of 6 pals and ...

I broke the drums at the bar where I work, so my boss had to order a new set

He told me there would be repercussions

What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish?

A bass drum.

I see children like I see bongo drums

They're slightly irritating but it's fashionable for the rich to bring them back from Africa

What allowed the B boys to make it in hip hop and drum n bass?

The A men break

The Drums Must Not Stop

A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.

The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink ...

"Drums good, drums okay." x-post from /r/Bass

An explorer is deep in the jungle, in a corner of the earth never before seen by civilized man. Suddenly, he hears drums in the distance. He turns to his faithful native guide and asks what the drums mean.

"No worry, no worry," says the guide, "drums good, drums okay."

The explorer, tr...

What do you call the drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

Don't you dare go playing that drum again.

There will be repercussions!

Why are hippy drum circles like high frequency radiation?

They both cause the formation of free radicals.

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c...

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.

Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

I fell and hit my head on my drum set today...

Me: Dad, I think I have a concussion
Dad: No son, you have a PER-cussion

A drum set falls out of a tree.

Ba-dum-tis

One day a farmer discovers he has a talking horse

So, after talking to it for awhile, the horse decides that it wants to learn how to play guitar. So the farmer does the only logical thing, and buys the horse a guitar. Somehow, the horse learns how to play the guitar, and tours the country on talk shows, concerts, and even meeting the president. Th...

One day a horse is watching a music video [Long]

One day a horse is watching a music video and decides that he himself, wants to make a music video.

​

In preparation, he goes to the phone book and looks up a local music teacher. He calls him up and says


"Hey, I saw that you teach musical instruments, and I rea...

I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums.

He was a professional tuna.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Another Russian joke I love :)

*To understand the joke you need to be familiar a bit with the "pioneer movement" that was is Soviet Russia, essentially it's a organization for children formed by a communist party where they wear read scarfs, walk around with a drum, and are raised to epitomize civility.*

An elderly woman i...

What does a blonde playing the drums sound like?

Dumb chick dumb chick dumb chick...

The Horse, the Cow and the Pig.

There once was a barn with 3 best friends who happened to be a Horse, a Pig, and a Cow.

They are together listening to the radio through the window of the barn and the Horse hears am the guitar and he says “ hey I really love the guitar, you know what I’m gonna learn it”, so he goes off and l...

This is a long joke but the build up is worth it

Somewhere far away from here, there was a horse, a cow and a chicken. The horse had always wanted to start a band, so he learnt to play the guitar, while he was learning, he started looking for others who would be interested in joining his band, and found a chicken who was really good at singing and...

Why can't the drums never stop?

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks, "Wow, this is cool."

He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, and he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums.

This g...