UPJOKE
soundsnare drumdrum kitcylindertambourinecymbalbeatcrambanddjembedrummerpercussionbass drumsnaremusic

A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff…

Baa-Dumm-Tssssss….

Don't you dare hit that drum again!

If you do, there will be repercussions!

New drum set

I'm thinking of picking up a new drum set. Any advice?

Don't worry about it. They aren't as heavy as they look.

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

A joke from my drum teacher...

Where did Sally go after she she stepped on a land mine?

>!everywhere!<

Knock knock,

Who's there?

>!not Sally!<

I like to do the same thing to my girlfriend that I do with my drum set

Pretend that I have one

Longest Drum Solo

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 25 minutes and it was performed by a child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

I want to open a store for used drums.

It will be called Repercussions.

The Drums Must Not Stop

A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.

The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink ...

What chairs do drummers use to drum in?

A rocking chair.

"When drums stop...very bad."

An English explorer was trekking through a remote jungle with a local wise man he had hired as a guide. Two days into their journey, far from civilization, they began to hear the faint, slow beating of drums in the distance.

*Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.*

The Englishman said to the wise man, “I...

People are like drums.

They make noise when you hit them with sticks.

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

A famous serial killer made a music video of all of his killings but the drum track was lost and unable to be duplicated.

I can’t believe he killed all of those people without any re-percussion.

Why did the drum player commit suicide after being charged with homicide?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What does a rapping goat call their verbal drum skills?

Bleat boxing

My neighboor rang my doorbell at 5 am..

Luckily I was already up, playing drums.

Jungle Drums

An anthropologist went to study a far-flung tropical island. He found a guide with a canoe to take him upriver to the remote site where he would make his observations. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. The anthropologist asked his guide, "What are those dr...

I bought my son a drum set today

My wife was furious but I was ready to face the re-percussions

My neighbors are ALWAYS listening to very loud Drum and Bass

Whether they like it or not.

What happens if you throw a sheep, a drum and a snake down a cliff?

Ba dum tss.

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

What size drum sticks does William Shakespeare use?

2B, or not 2B.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Ba dum tiss....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Given the terms: drum, meat, egg, blowjob which one doesn't fit?

Blowjob. You can beat a drum, beat an egg, beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.

A lamb, a drum, and a snake are thrown off a cliff one day!

Baaah dummm tssssssss

Why is a broken drum the best gift?

It can’t be beat

What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

You only need to punch instructions into a drum machine once.

The world record for a drum solo is 10 hours and 17 minutes.

It’s held by the kid who sat behind me on American Airlines flight 86 from DFW to Paris.

I repaired my drums after my son broke it...

Now he has to deal with the repercussions.

A drum set and a snake falls off a cliff.

The drummer and pet shop owner are very sad now.

A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas

You just can't beat it.

On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...

I dont mean to brag about my drum jokes but um...

tsss

Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.

One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"

I used to play drums when I was little,

and I stopped after a couple years. But during my teenage years I forced myself to relearn the instrument just so I can show the world that I’m not afraid of repercussion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A teenager goes to confession.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned," he says. "I have been masturbating."

"Ah, my son, this is not uncommon. But you must save that for marriage. Your penance is to say a decade of the rosary," says the priest.

Many years later, the teenager, now a grown man, goes back to confession w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a drum solo and premature ejaculation have in common?

You know what's coming but there's fuck all you can do about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

The Drums

The paleontologist Ben and his translator arrive on the remote island.



So the guide arrives. Ben says "Ask him about those drums?"



The translator says something; the guide says something.

"He says 'Drums are good. If the drums stop, then it's bad.'"

...

What's does Drum and Bass have in common with my crying son?

160 beats per minute

My music teacher at school told me never to hit a drum again or I could get in serious trouble.

I did, and he was right. There was serious re-percussions

A drummer got a tattoo of their drum kit... [OC]

...it was very cymbalic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between drumming and sex?

You can drum your fingers

but you cant finger your drums

Drums good. Drums stop, bad.

A rich businessman is reading the newspaper one day, and stumbles across an article about North Sentinel Island and the indigenous people there who are virtually untouched by modern civilization. He decides on the spot, that he must see them for himself, however it is illegal to travel there. No mat...

A horse is bored, so he's sitting at home watching MTV

This was back when MTV played music videos. So, he's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play gu...

I retired from rock drumming, but now I'm back!

Repercussions

A man with a drum came to my door

I told him to beat it

I tripped and hit my head on a snare drum.

I think I have a percussion.

Playing the drums might hurt your arms...

...but playing the accordion could really harm a knee.

My neighbors love my drum playing so much

that they threw a brick through my window so they could hear it better

I'm good at playing loud on the trumpet, guitar, and drums.

But piano was never really my forte.

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm part of a drum kit.

Doctor: Settle down now Tom.

What do you call a drum shared by two nuns?

A conundrum.

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

Was playing air drums to AC/DC the other day when I dropped my stick...

...had to switch to Def Leopard

How do you describe how Al Gore plays drums?

Al-Gore-rhythms!

One day a kid asks his dad to buy a drum set for him

His father replies " Sorry mate, can't do that. You'll play it all the time and the sound will drive me crazy"

The kid say "Don't worry dad, I won't disturb you. I'll only play it once you are asleep"

What happens when you play the drums incorrectly?

You get repercussions

Why should you never get a drum lesson from a Catholic priest?

because, he'll diddle your bum.... Tishhhhh.

When I was young, my father required me to play one specific song on the drum kit perfectly before I could be called a man

It was a cymbalic right-of-passage

I played the drums once, but I swore never to do it again.

I didn't want to deal with repercussions.

Did you hear about the new drum beat formula that’s trying to fight climate change?

It’s called an AlGoreRhythm.

A genie appears and offers a golfer three wishes.

A genie appears and offers a golfer three wishes.

“The only catch,” says the genie, “is that whatever you wish for, your wife will receive 10 times over.”

“OK,” the guy says. “I want to be the best golfer in the world.”

The genie blinks and suddenly the guy can feel a new golf s...

There's a man named Johnson who owns a nail company, Johnson Nails.

Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figures he might want to try putting out a youtube video to drum up some business.

He goes to an advertising agency and meets a man named Jim who assures him he can make the perfect ad for Johnson's company. He tells Johnson to come back the nex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Not the Same one] A sheep and a snake roll down a hill inside a drum

Ba dum tss ba dum tss ba tss tss dum



P.S. i know this is a shitty take on the sound, but you hear it at the start of the video.

A couple of friars needed to drum up some cash...

...so they decided to start a flower shop in the name of the Lord. Now, these guys were the men of God, so all the people in the village wanted to buy from them, rather than the existing flower shop, which was not affiliated with the church. The owner of the existing flower shop felt this was entire...

I told my drums, cymbals, xylophones, gongs, bells, and rattles players to play their part twice...

...but they didn't, so there are going to be re-percussions.

I see children like I see bongo drums

They're slightly irritating but it's fashionable for the rich to bring them back from Africa

Why can't the drums never stop?

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks, "Wow, this is cool."

He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, and he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums.

This g...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.