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A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff

Baa-dumm-tssss.

Two Drums and a Cymbal fall off a cliff.

Ba-dum-tss

I tried playing the drums with my brother. It didn’t work out.

He flinched too much.

What chairs do drummers use to drum in?

A rocking chair.

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

A horse, a sheep, and a chicken lived together on a farm.

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.


So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?


The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

Longest Drum Solo

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 25 minutes and it was performed by a child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

New drum set

I'm thinking of picking up a new drum set. Any advice?

Don't worry about it. They aren't as heavy as they look.

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Whats the difference between a drum and a wank?

You can beat a drum but you can't beat a wank.

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

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A horse...

... sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ...

An old Chinese story

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villager...

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An Octopus in the Highlands

One lovely evening in the Scottish Highlands, a lad walked into a local pub with his octopus in tow. There was a general start in the otherwise subdued and cozy establishment. The lad takes a seat at the bar, props his octopus in the seat next to him, and proclaims for all to hear:

“I hereby ...

Three drums and a symbol fall off a cliff.

Ba
Dum bum....

Pish

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

A lamb, a drum, and a snake are thrown off a cliff one day!

Baaah dummm tssssssss

Don't you dare hit that drum again!

If you do, there will be repercussions!

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

My neighbors are ALWAYS listening to very loud Drum and Bass

Whether they like it or not.

The world record for a drum solo is 10 hours and 17 minutes.

It’s held by the kid who sat behind me on American Airlines flight 86 from DFW to Paris.

When I was young, my father required me to play one specific song on the drum kit perfectly before I could be called a man

It was a cymbalic right-of-passage

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.

One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"

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What does a drum solo and premature ejaculation have in common?

You know what's coming but there's fuck all you can do about it.

What’s the best present you can gift?

A broken drum.

Nobody can beat that.

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Barnyard Blues

There’s this horse in a barn and he’s watching TV and he sees a rock band playing music so he calls up a music teacher “Hey, I wanna learn to play guitar, there’s only 1 problem I’m a horse” music teacher says “no problem I can teach anyone anything” 2 months go by and horse is shredding it on the g...

"When drums stop...very bad."

An English explorer was trekking through a remote jungle with a local wise man he had hired as a guide. Two days into their journey, far from civilization, they began to hear the faint, slow beating of drums in the distance.

*Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.*

The Englishman said to the wise man, “I...

What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

You only need to punch instructions into a drum machine once.

A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

I bought my son a drum set today

My wife was furious but I was ready to face the re-percussions

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Given the terms: drum, meat, egg, blowjob which one doesn't fit?

Blowjob. You can beat a drum, beat an egg, beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.

A drum set and a snake falls off a cliff.

The drummer and pet shop owner are very sad now.

I dont mean to brag about my drum jokes but um...

tsss

A drummer got a tattoo of their drum kit... [OC]

...it was very cymbalic

What's does Drum and Bass have in common with my crying son?

160 beats per minute

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A Geordie private in the Napoleonic Wars was walking alongside his General when he heard a rythmic rumble in the distance.

"Whats that noise, General?" the Private asked.

"Those are war drums, lad"

"Thieving bastards!"

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Hope you all enjoy this niche bit of Northern English humour!

Was playing air drums to AC/DC the other day when I dropped my stick...

...had to switch to Def Leopard

My music teacher at school told me never to hit a drum again or I could get in serious trouble.

I did, and he was right. There was serious re-percussions

Jungle Drums

An anthropologist went to study a far-flung tropical island. He found a guide with a canoe to take him upriver to the remote site where he would make his observations. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. The anthropologist asked his guide, "What are those dr...

I used to play drums when I was little,

and I stopped after a couple years. But during my teenage years I forced myself to relearn the instrument just so I can show the world that I’m not afraid of repercussion

I used to play air drums for Rush in my car until I lost a stick out the window.

Now I can only play for Def Leopard.

One day a kid asks his dad to buy a drum set for him

His father replies " Sorry mate, can't do that. You'll play it all the time and the sound will drive me crazy"

The kid say "Don't worry dad, I won't disturb you. I'll only play it once you are asleep"

I'm good at playing loud on the trumpet, guitar, and drums.

But piano was never really my forte.

I tripped and hit my head on a snare drum.

I think I have a percussion.

What size drum sticks does William Shakespeare use?

2B, or not 2B.

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[Not the Same one] A sheep and a snake roll down a hill inside a drum

Ba dum tss ba dum tss ba tss tss dum



P.S. i know this is a shitty take on the sound, but you hear it at the start of the video.

People are like drums.

They make noise when you hit them with sticks.

A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas

You just can't beat it.

On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...

I told my drums, cymbals, xylophones, gongs, bells, and rattles players to play their part twice...

...but they didn't, so there are going to be re-percussions.

I retired from rock drumming, but now I'm back!

Repercussions

A couple are on holiday on a pacific island...

When they arrive they hear a constant drum beat; the ask the taxi driver and he says "Drums must never stop!"

They get to the hotel and the drumming is still going, so they ask the cleaner and she says "Drums must never stop!"

The drums continue all night and the couple can't sleep. Ex...

I like to do the same thing to my girlfriend that I do with my drum set

Pretend that I have one

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Whats the difference between drumming and sex?

You can drum your fingers

but you cant finger your drums

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What does a stripper do with her a**hole before she goes to work?

She drops him and his drum kit off at band practice.

A man with a drum came to my door

I told him to beat it

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm part of a drum kit.

Doctor: Settle down now Tom.

The Drums Must Not Stop

A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.

The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink ...

How do you know when a drummer is behind the door?

He doesn't know when to come in.

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People keep talking shit about Ringo Starr's drumming.

But let's be honest: at his time in The Beatles, he certainly was in the drumming Top 4 of The Beatles!

What do you call a drum shared by two nuns?

A conundrum.

A famous serial killer made a music video of all of his killings but the drum track was lost and unable to be duplicated.

I can’t believe he killed all of those people without any re-percussion.

My neighbors love my drum playing so much

that they threw a brick through my window so they could hear it better

I repaired my drums after my son broke it...

Now he has to deal with the repercussions.

Me and a couple of friends once played 'Message in a bottle' on the street on self made instruments and old metal bins for drums.

But then The Police came.

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

I played the drums once, but I swore never to do it again.

I didn't want to deal with repercussions.

Playing the drums might hurt your arms...

...but playing the accordion could really harm a knee.

How do you describe how Al Gore plays drums?

Al-Gore-rhythms!

It was reported some of the bands performing tonight like to hide drugs in there drums.

But don't worry, we've taken the proper percussions

What happens when you play the drums incorrectly?

You get repercussions

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